Blinded By The Past, Ignored In The Future
Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN: St. Mungo's
WARNING! Suicide attempt!!
Response To Reviews:
Emma Ackroyd: You have a brother? Prongs wants to know if he's hot (she's on the phone). Oh and I got that e-mail but I still feel hated. I called Padfoot, Sharon, and she told me to cal her back later. So I did and she told me to call back at eight, she was going to take the dog for a walk. Well again I called her but her mum said she wasn't home yet and to call back. So a half an hour later I did again! And want to know what happened? It turns out she never took the dumb dog for a walk. She went to her friends and forgot about me…and to add to that: the dog I've had since a month after I was born has an enlarged heart…and she won't last for much longer. :(
Hpfan: Yeah I'm aware of the Lucius factor but still. It ain't my prob if I like the idea. Yeah Ruby has ruby read eyes and umm…just incase you don't read this I'm going to send you an e-mail.
deathsoul-shinigami: I was hoping that it was a good idea to have Hermione get to see what he went through. And I believe I have found a way that she can see a bit more. You maybe can give me some ideas of the things she will see. Oh and thanks for the compliments on his personality. I wish I knew someone like Tom, don't you? I find him to be rather charming. But I actually think he's the perfect example of a Slytherin.
Miss Mina Murray: I believe that I am both really. I can act cold and just like my favorite Slytherins if I have to (most people complain about my sarcasm) but I have a motto: Gryffindor at mind, Slytherin at heart. Damn straight, right? But I prefer Slytherin and do you know it hard to find a good Slytherin on this site yet so many support Voldemort.
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Previous Chapter: "Miss Granger?" a voice she recognized as the Headmaster called from behind her. She turned and saw Professor Dumbledore, Professor Snape, and Professor McGonagall rushing toward her. For the first time in what seemed like forever she pushed every thought that filled her head and was truly happy. She was finally going to get to go back to Hogwarts.
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Tom woke up to find only darkness. He felt that he was laying in one of the comfortable beds in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts and groaned. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. He was only supposed to drop Hermione off here. Hermione! His heart leaped as he looked around for the familiar busy hair but he found he was alone in the middle of the night.
A sudden pain shot through his head and he gasped in surprise, falling off of the bed. He forced one of his eyes to stay half open despite the pain he felt course through his entire body. Shaking his head, he groaned and put one hand on the bed to steady himself. To his relief he realized that no one was coming to scold him for being out of bed.
"I'll give you one more chance," Lucius hissed in his ear. "Answer me or this will continue because I assure you my arm needs the exercise."
"Go to hell!" Riddle growled, biting his lip to hide his pain.
"I will," Lucius said, raising the whip again. "And so will you." Riddle couldn't help but cry out as the whip made contact with his bleeding skin. He yelled out as loud as he could and because of it he was hit again and again. Soon he lost track of the number of times that he had been hit. He felt Rookwood unchained him from the wall and they allowed Riddle to fall upon the floor in a heap, choking as he tried to keep himself from crying.
Tom again shook his head, but this time he was trying to forget the memories. He needed to forget everything! Just at that moment his hand that was supporting his body gave way and he fell to the ground.
"There is no such thing as friendship you naïve little piece of dirt. No. I'm wrong. You're worse than the filthy mudbloods! You're a mixed breed. A half-blood!" snarled Lucius.
Tom forced his hands over his ears, still trying to block Lucius's words out of his mind. He just wanted to forget…but he couldn't.
Lucius actually had enough ice over his heart to place him under Crucio. Hell he was cold enough to equal his father and grandfather judging by the way he pretended not to know his own son.
The black hair boy forced himself to his feet and looked around the dark room in a crazed way. He needed relief; relief from all the memories, all the pain, and everything else. Stumbling, he made his way over to the nurse's headquarters and opened the door. No one was there.
After almost falling he searched through the desk for anything. He had no idea what he was looking for but he continued to look. After getting jabbed by something sharp, he pulled back and inspected his hurt finger. A drop of blood fell to the ground. His mouth formed into a mad smile and he moved everything in the desk aside to find whatever had cause the small cut.
Then he saw it. A serpent pocketknife lay on the bottom of the pile of confiscated items; his silver serpent pocketknife that Lucius had gotten him for his fifteenth birthday. Tom reached for it, wrapping his fingers around it gracefully. He studied its perfect carving of the small snake that was wrapped around the handle of the knife.
Tom sat upon the floor, starring at the knife and lost in thought. Then without reconsidering, without remembering how much he feared death, he pushed his sleeve up and brought the knife to his wrist. A noise in the background caused him to freeze. Then he heard it again. The Hospital Wing door opened. Feeling rushed he pressed down as hard as he could and dragged the knife across his wrist.
He gasped as he felt the pain and watched the blood flow from one of his main veins. Before his mind could even consider falling into darkness he slit his other wrist in one swift movement. That's when the realization hit him. He dropped the knife when he understood that he had attempted to commit suicide. He forced himself to his knees and tried to remain quiet as he tried to stop his wrists from bleeding. Tom couldn't even remember what ran through his mind when he had held the serpent blade.
A single tear fell from one of his eyes but he made no move to wipe it away. What would Ruby think if she saw me now? What would the real Lucius say? Then he remembered that he didn't bother to ask Lucius if he had married Narcissa. As he reached the point of blackness he murmured, "I'll have to ask him during classes tomorrow…" The last thing he heard was Madam Pomfrey's door open and someone screaming…
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His uneven breathing became even unsteadier when he felt a warm hand touch his freezing forehead. With a sharp intake of breath the helpless sixteen year old opened his eyes slowly and saw that two people stood in the room. Both were healers but the female nurse was leaning over him.
"Hello there," she said nicely, but Tom wouldn't be fooled by sweet appearances and kind words. He tried to shake her hand off of his forehead but he found that he couldn't move his head or any part of his body for that matter.
He struggled against his bonds and the nurse said, "Calm down, Mr. Riddle. You're safe at St. Mungo's." Tom stopped and looked at her, still breathing unevenly, afraid of why he was here. "My name is Madam Yean and this," she motioned to the man behind her that was reading through some papers, "is Mr. Dunderhead."
The male healer snorted and looked up from his work, "Actually my name is Mr. Croft."
"No one asked you," Madam Yean called to him, looking over her shoulder. She turned back to Tom and asked, "I have to change your bandages. Are you going to give me a hard time?"
His brow furrowed but he shook his head and let the nurse un-strap him then help her up. What in the world was she talking about? Why did he have bandages? The memories flooded back into his mind as she unwrapped his wrists and he saw the healing cuts from his very own dagger. They still looked fresh and Tom knew why: his knife was made so anything it cut couldn't heal easily, in this case flesh.
Madam Yean wrapped him up tightly and helped him lay down. She looked like she desperately needed to say something…and after a few moments she did, "When we first took a look at you, after you arrived here, we noticed that you had several injuries that Albus Dumbledore couldn't explain. But I believe I have a guess of what it's from. Ever since You-Know-Who has returned we keep getting more and more victims from Death Eater attacks coming in. Are you-Did they?"
Knowing what she was going to say he nodded, mentally wondering if she was referring to Voldemort when she said You-Know-Who. "Do you want to know of your current condition, Mr. Riddle?" For a moment he considered shaking his head but instead he nodded. "Very well."
Mr. Croft came over and handed her the files before explaining, "I have other patients to attend to. Put him to sleep whenever he is done with his little lesson of the day." He said nothing else as he left the room.
Madam Yeah glared after him before noticing Tom's gaze was on her. "Sorry about him. He still refuses to believe that You-Know-Who is back even after the Minister acknowledged his reappearance." Tom nodded again, feeling quite stupid. He had no idea what she meant about the Dark Lord's reappearance. The nurse took a look at the files and said as she went over them. "After taking the Cruciatus Curse several times it's a wonder you're still alive. Your back was in pretty bad shape but it looks like someone attended to it a bit." The woman looked directly at him. "I can't believe Albus Dumbledore wouldn't send you here right away. You could have killed yourself, you know? You weren't in your right state of mind."
Something in her words struck a nerve and he felt something inside him snap. As she looked back at the papers he knocked into the nurse and she fell onto the floor, dropping the files. Before he could make another move she pulled her wand out on him.
"Get back!" she yelled at him. He stood there, glaring at her, and he made a move toward her. The room's door burst open and a few more healers rushed into the room to restrain him. "Don't be rough with him! He's hurt enough!" Madam Yean snapped at them. She was most likely a respected nurse because the other healers tried to restrain him with a bit less power, cautious not to hurt him.
One of them was holding a Dreamless Sleep Potion in his hand, waiting for the others to hold him down properly. It took three men to force Tom onto the bed and two others to strap him to the bed. In the moments of silence that followed Tom finally managed to speak, his voice weak and even pleading, "Please…please don't make me take the Dreamless Sleep Potion…"
Madam Yeah watched as her coworkers turned to look at her and she looked at Tom sadly. His eyes were practically begging her not to make him drink the potion. She finally gave in with a sigh. "Put the potion away then get a hold of Albus Dumbledore and tell him we need his assistance." Tom could have cried out again to plead for anyone but Dumbledore but he found that his voice was, once again, not working…
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Tom watched the ceiling as he did the only thing that he was capable of doing: think. With the knowledge that someone was watching him, he hadn't bothered to look and fid out who, he feared trying to escape (not that he could) He knew it was only making things worse but he found memories were a lot better to visit than reality.
Weakling…he accused himself. Depression is for those who are to weak to deal with the loneliness of reality.
Shut up! He told himself viciously. Oh great! Now I'm practically talking to myself!
"If I knew you were going to ignore me, Tom, rest assured that I might not have come…" Tom heard part of what the visitor had said. He turned his head (the only part of his body he was able to move) and saw Dumbledore sitting on a chair by his bed. "Hello."
Tom looked down, not wanting to meet the Headmaster's light blue eyes. Afraid to let himself talk ever again, he waited for Dumbledore to speak. "I've been here for almost thirty minutes and you haven't said a single thing let alone barley acknowledge me." Tom was a bit surprised by the news. He really had no idea that it had been that long and felt a bit guilty that he had ignored the old man for that long.
"Tom." There was a pause. "Tom, look at me." Feeling he had no choice, he looked up and looked at Dumbledore. "I would recommend you to a good muggle therapist but I'm haunted by the fact that you might attach that unlucky person too." Tom shook his head. "And what, may I ask, does that mean? No to what?" There was a hint of annoyance and worry in the Headmaster's tone.
When Tom gave no sign of giving a response any time soon Dumbledore tried to make a guess, hoping it would convince the boy to talk. "No you want to go to therapy? No you don't consider the nurse unlucky?"
"Just shut-up!" Tom yelled, trying to get free of his bonds. It was clear that he wanted to hear nothing more from Dumbledore. He closed his eyes and looked away, repeatedly telling Dumbledore to leave him be.
Finally Dumbledore gave up and got to his feet. "Rest, Mr. Riddle. You need it more than you think." He didn't mean to sound rash, but Tom's attempted suicide had scarred not only him but also quite a few of the Order members. Not to mention Madam Pomfrey had gone ballistic trying to get his wrists from bleeding. Any fool could see that Madam Pomfrey thought highly of the young wizard as a friend. She was angry when Dumbledore had suggested that Tom go to St. Mungo's but she knew that it was his only chance.
Dumbledore left the room and shut the door as quiet as possible. Tom needed all the help he could get. As soon as he could return to number 12 Grimmauld Place he would be sure to call another meeting to get this entire thing organized. Heaven forbid the teen ever go near a wand again.
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A/N: Oh Merlin that was a bad chapter. Dark and, I believe, it was poorly written! Please don't hate me for Tom's attempted suicide! It was so sad! I can't believe I did that to him…PLEASE DON"T HATE ME!!! Oh and here is the chapter's song (recommended by my good friend Sev (and just incase you care his middle name actually is Severus) who is helping to build a better world (can you believe he's 14?) but first a little fact I learned from the video of the chosen song: "Every eighteen minutes, someone in the U.S dies by suicide." Don't worry I know that this story takes place in England/Scotland/ places in Europe.
GOOD
CHARLOTTE LYRICS
"Hold
On"
This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on
What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
