Doushite


Chapter 6: Finding Hearts

"Sou ka. Things are clearer now."

More tea. He tried to sit comfortably around that young boy. But, a few moments ago, he was a little boy. Though a strange one, he was just a boy. And now, he had a god in front of.

"I'm... I am truly lost, Daidouji-san."

Kakusei Loki became quiet, finishing his story. The sun wouldn't stay much longer in the sky, bringing a few shadows to the temple stairway.

"If you are a god, why did you stay if you wouldn't tell her the truth? Something like that was inevitable."

"Inevitable?"

"Mayura was always attracted by you—in some way. First because of your mysteries, and later, I'm sure, because of your friendship. Well, I always imagined you would hurt her someday... maybe, when she'd discover the truth about you. But I never imagined that THAT was the truth."

"She would never believe. And she'd never accept."

"She already accepts you, Loki-sama."

"Nani?"

"She already accepted you when she looked for you. She wanted to find the one she liked, even knowing she could never know the truth about you. She doesn't even care about who you are... if you were an E.T., or a monster, or just a freaky... She would just like the person she sees inside you," he breathed, smiling more certainly. "That was yesterday, right?! Did one of you two show your feelings?"

Loki hesitated, blushing. "Something like that..."

"HOW 'SOMETHING LIKE THAT'?! What did you do with her, you perverted g..!"

"Papa?"

A pair of pink eyes crossed the conversation, surprising Loki. In his Kakusei or adult form, she didn't recognize him.

"You have a visitor, Mayura." Daidouji-san stood up, touching with his lips the daughter's forehead. "But don't take too long. You still have a slight fever."

"Ah... hai, papa."

He left, with a kind of smile, leaving the two alone.

Not that he trust Loki, or even liked him.

But, that didn't matter; those choices didn't belong to his heart.

"You're Loki-kun's friend, hai? I remember you, in the park. Giving me help that day."

"Hai, Mayura-san. I remember too."

The girl kept her eyes on the floor, they were so red with the fever and the night-over crying...

Now, remembering that wouldn't help her at all.

"Did you... you see Loki-kun? Is he... mad at me, ne?"

"Mad?"

"I think I was a bad girl with him."

"I don't think he could be mad with what happened."

Mayura lifted her eyes, hesitatingly. Did Loki have to tell... Loki told that to someone! And... Especially that stranger...?

"He loves you, Mayura."

"Doushite... why..Why have you come to me to say those dirty things?!"

She kept one foot behind, her eyes full of tears falling on her lips.

"Gome ne, Mayura."

"IIEEE!!! DON'T TELL ME LIES!"

"You're right. I won't, Mayura. The god lowered his eyes, looking at her feet under the nightdress. Shiny. Fear. Love. Only she... only she could make him that way. "The truth is I love you, Mayura."

Kakusei Loki lifted his eyes, just to see the trembling girl in front of him. He closes his eyes, holding his mind and body, turning into his chibi-form. Turning back into the Loki-kun she loved.

"And I'm really a god, Mayura."

"Can a god do this?"

"What do you mean, Verdandi?"

"He changed her fate, Urd."

"No" said Skuld, her voice low and calm, "He just found his own fate."

"A god..."

Loki... the boy who always saved her from dangerous mysteries. That handsome guy from the corner accident, the candy box... "-I don't believe in Gods!" That red look in the forest... "Mayura! What do you think you are doing?!" Secrets... As if they didn't mind to those eyes... green or red ones. "Doushite... Doushite... GOMENASAI!" And that kiss... "I am a god." She trusted him! She searched for him so hard, and he was there, all time--behind her, listening to her tears. She had felt so much pain from his absence. Hidden in that smile she knew so well. "I just want Loki-kun again!" Why were gods always so cruel with her? -DOUSHITE!?!-

"Mayura?! Please, listen to me!"

"Why Loki-kun?!" Mayura took another step to back, with each moment creating a larger space from the chibi-god. He stopped. He preferred Heimdall's hate, Freya's jealousy, Odin's betrayal... over Mayura's scared face. Just as he could hurt her!... without destroying his own heart.

"Mayura... onegai..."

She took another step. She couldn't say a word. Yes, this is Loki-kun! Loki-kun who she knew! But... no, she doesn't know him! She NEVER knew him, never knew anything really sure about Loki-kun...

"I'm... I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you the truth."

Just a stranger? No! He couldn't be just that...!

"I'm a god, Mayura. I was expelled by Odin, the King of the Gods, from Asgard, our homeland. He exiled me and stuck me in a child's body. At the moment when I was strong enough to have my powers back... just a little while ago..."

She fell down on her knees, still listening, or so Loki thought.

"There was a war, Mayura. And, unknowingly, you were there. I can't say the only way I could have protected you was not tell you the truth, because that would be a big lie. And I really feel bad about it, every day, for the moments you have to be in danger because of the ones who tried hurting me because they could see how important to me you are."

Her strange dreams? Her night walks, while she was sleeping. Everything...? And the feeling of never knowing what was happening! She always lost the better mysteries! And with that... lost some part of him.

"Gomenasai, Mayu..."

"Why Loki-kun?" Her voice was like a whisper. With her face turned to the floor, the red eyes of fever and tears, she tried to gain enough courage. "Why you were leaving?" Loki kept quiet for a few seconds. Mayura stood up, now looking straight ahead to him. She smiled, so sadly, illness, closing nicely her eyes. "Whatever it was, I can't know, ne?"

"Mayura, that's not...!"

"Daijoubu..." her voice trembled. "A weird girl like me shouldn't know..."

"Mayura listen!"

"Sayonara, Loki-kun!" She lowered her head, a custom of reverence. The last word filled of tears. She ran into her home, running away from her fears and her greatest mystery. She preferred not to believe. That way Loki-kun would just disappear. She was a bad girl, and that was her punishment from the Gods.

"I was destined to fight Odin, win and conquer Asgard, and become the new King of the Gods." But Loki crossed her way, in Kakusei form. "But I didn't go, Mayura."

"I didn't know! I didn't want to cause trouble with you, asking you to stay! You're a god, Loki! And now you have to go away...!"

He came closer to her, closing her mouth with his finger. "Even a realm like Asgard would be boring without you, Mayura. She stared into green eyes. She could recognize all Loki-kun's looks, but one. Insecurity. Almost childish, indeed. She went around the trickster god, going back inside house.