Dinner passed uneventfully. Neela guided Lulu through the room, over to where the day's cooks handed out bowls of soup and small pieces of dry bread. They found a spot at the long table, and sat down on the cold, stone bench. Lulu reached for her bread but Neela quickly grabbed her wrist.
"Wait until they say the prayer," she whispered. "And don't talk during dinner. And be sure to sit up straight! The priests'll have kittens if you don't sit properly." She rolled her eyes, but she quickly looked down as Head Priest Oneron stood up. The rest of the priests and all the girls followed suit, staring blankly in front of them as Oneron gave thanks to Yevon. After what seemed like an hour, they were finally allowed to sit down. Lulu did her best to copy Neela's every action, and she managed to avoid causing trouble, although Neela did have to nudge her in the ribs every few minutes as a reminder to sit straight. When they were finally finished, Neela motioned for Lulu to climb off the bench and kneel in front of it, with her hands clasped together in front of her. It only took a few minutes for Lulu's knees to start aching. She shot a glance at her friend and she smiled soothingly and mouthed the words 'just a little longer.' Finally, they were allowed to stand up, and the girls slowly filed out of the room and down the hall. As soon as they were out of sight, they all broke into a run, sprinting to their rooms and grabbing armfuls of dirty robes, gloves, undergarments, and other assorted clothing, then tearing back down the hall to the laundry room. Neela was dragging Lulu along by her wrist again, practically dragging to poor girl to their room.
"Hurry! Get all your stuff and go!" Neela grabbed her own pile of clothes and stopped to grab two silk ribbons, then led the way back down the hall at breakneck speed. Neela sighed in relief as she squeezed her way into the crowded room inside.
"Whew, there's one left…" She walked over to the cauldron and tossed her robes into the scalding water, then turned back to Lulu.
"I'll help you with yours for now. What you do is you toss it in, like this." Neela heaved the second pile of clothes into the boiling water and smiled.
"Now here's the annoying part. You have to stir it to make sure all the dirt gets out. You get to scrub the floors for a week if your robes aren't clean enough. Just don't get too close to the cauldron, because your skirt will catch fire." She took one of the ribbons she was holding and tied Lulu's hair back, then did the same to her own hair. 
"And you don't want your hair to start on fire either." Lulu's eyes widened.
"Start on fire?!" Neela snickered.
"Yup. One of the really snotty third level mages was being careless last year and her skirt caught fire. She tried to beat it out and ended up tripping, and then her hair landed in the fire. After that, she wore her hooded coat whenever she could, but you're only supposed to wear those if you go outside, so the priests would make her take it off during class. It was interesting to see her getting humiliated for once." Lulu tried to keep from laughing as she imagined what singed hair would look like.
"That musta been awful!" Neela shrugged, but she had a wicked smile on her face.
"Yeah, it probably was. Oh well. No use crying over a broken Chocobo egg, I always say." She grabbed a pair of the metal tongs from the stack on the floor and stirred the water. After another minute, she pulled one of the robes out of the cauldron and squinted at it. 
"It's getting there. Another five minutes and we should be done." Lulu wiped her forehead and smiled in relief.
"Good. It's really hot in here." Neela nodded. 
"I know. You'll get used to it in a little while." Lulu nodded absentmindedly as she looked around the room.
"Hey, Neela…"
"Mm?" Neela glanced up and Lulu turned back to meet her gaze.
"Why is everybody here a girl? And why am I the only one wearing a black bracelet?" Neela half-smiled.
"The priests say that you have to be pure of heart to be a strong mage, and to keep us from being corrupted, the priests are the only men that are allowed near us. Travelers aren't even allowed to leave the main chamber or the guest rooms, with the exception of summoners and their guardians. They can go into the Cloister of Trials, but that's it. I think it's a bunch of crap, to tell you the truth, because I can guarantee you, there are some very, VERY impure girls here." 
She glanced around for a moment before leaning over and whispering, "Whatever you do, NEVER eavesdrop on any of the older girls… They talk about things that we shouldn't be hearing for another ten years…" She shuddered slightly before straightening up.
"As for why you're the only black mage here right now…" She paused for a moment before biting her lip. "The answer to that question is a painful one… All mages can use Black magic, but it's usually very weak. The most powerful Black mages tend to have a lot of pain and anger hidden inside them. Those feelings make Black magic more powerful, because those emotions hurt people, just like Black magic does…" She paused and looked at Lulu with a mix of curiosity and empathy in her eyes.
"Anger is strong, but sometimes pain is much, much stronger… In order to become a powerful Black mage, you have to suffer… To be strong, your heart will have to be broken over and over, until there are only a few pieces left…" She laid the tongs on the ground and knelt so that she was at Lulu's eye-level.
"You already are strong Lulu… Everybody knows what you can do, we've all heard about it… Whatever happened to you so early in your life to do that… I'll bet it still hurts a lot… I know how that feels…" Neela put her hand Lulu's shoulder and smiled, but it was different. This was a sad smile.
"If you ever need to talk to anyone, talk to me." She opened her mouth again, as if she was going to say something else, but she shut it again and stood up.
"The laundry's done, let's go hang it up in the room. We can take it down and put it away in the morning."
 
Lulu was lying on her mattress, staring at the ceiling through the darkness. She knew she needed to sleep, but she just didn't feel tired. Curiosity and fear were running rampant through her head. What had Neela meant when she said 'I know how it feels,' and why had she said that a Black mage would have to suffer? How did she know all that?
"Neela?" Neela sat up and glanced at Lulu, smiling.
"Can't sleep?" Lulu sat up as well and nodded.
"Yeah… I was just… well, I was wondering…"
"What I meant when I told you that I know how it feels," Neela finished.
"I was wondering when you were going to ask about that." Lulu blushed.
"If you don't wanna tell me, that's-"
"No, it's alright," Neela replied.
"I'll tell you… I just don't know if you'll be able to understand what happened to me… I didn't understand it myself, really… I was your age when it all started happening…" She stared out the window at the silvery moon, casting its soft light onto the glittering snow.
"I think I'll wait before I tell you everything… You probably don't like it when everyone treats you like a baby, because you've already experienced more than most grown-ups, but I can't tell you this until you're older…" She sighed and stretched out on her mattress, still staring out the window.
"All I can say right now is that I came here early because I had no choice… Just like what happened to you…" Lulu felt her heart skip a beat. Did Neela's mother die too?
"What happened to your mom?" 
Neela looked as if she would cry for a moment, before finally replying, "Nothing happened to her. My parents were just bad people. Very, very bad people…" She rolled over, as if to signal that the discussion had ended. Lulu rolled over as well, still as confused as ever, but too tired to stay awake.
 
She was back in Besaid, standing on top of the cliffs and gazing out to sea. There was a storm brewing, with the occasional flash of lightning and the ferocious wind that was whipping her hair around.
"Lulu…" Lulu turned around and gasped. All her friends were standing there- High Priest Oneron, Wakka, Neela, Chappu… even her mother… Happiness flooded her heart as Lulu ran over and embraced each one in turn.
"You're all here!" Lulu's mother knelt down and smiled.
"Yes, we're here, Lulu… We're here to help you…" Lulu looked up, her brow wrinkling in confusion.
"Help me with what, Mommy?" Oneron stepped forward, smiling down at her, but the grin on his face wasn't a kind one…
"We're going to make you strong, Lulu." Wakka stepped forward, tossing his blitzball from one hand to the other.
"You gonna need a lotta help if you wanna be a mage, ya?" Neela smirked and folded her arms, looking down at Lulu.
"It's going to take a lot of work, that's for sure. Yeah, you're strong already, but you need to be stronger. You need to be angry. You need to be hurt." 
Chappu walked over to Lulu and grabbed her arm, jeering, "You want to be strong, right Lu? Then you gotta get hurt!" Lulu pulled her arm back and backed away from them.
"What?! I don't want to be hurt!" 
She blinked back tears and whispered, "I'm already hurt…" Anama shook her head as lightning split the sky behind her.
"It's not enough, Lu."
"You need to be hurt more," Oneron added. Wakka tossed his blitzball at Lulu, laughing as she raised her arms to protect herself.
"You need t'be hurt a lot more! No mage is afraid of a blitzball, ya?" Neela shook her head.
"If she's afraid of a blitzball, she's practically a lost cause!" Chappu grabbed Lulu by the collar of her dress and lifted her off the ground, leering at her.
"I guess we'll all have to hurt you Lu. We'll have to hurt you bad…" 
He shoved Lulu into her mother's arms. Anama smirked in Lulu's face and whispered, "I left you because I love your sister more than I've ever loved you… And I'm not coming back…" Lulu was thrown to Oneron, who grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.
"You're going to belong to me someday. I'll make you mine, and you can't escape!" Wakka grabbed Lulu's hair and yanked her to him, grinning.
"I'm gonna take away the best friend you ever had… My brother's too good for a baby like you…" Neela grabbed Lulu by the wrist and slapped her across the face.
"I'm going to leave you alone when you need me the most!" Then Lulu was staring at Chappu again. His aqua blue eyes looked different, angry. 
He leaned close her ear and whispered, "I will be the last, and I will be the worst… I'll make you wish you'd never lived… I promise…" Chappu walked towards her, making Lulu back up to the edge of the cliff. Chappu's hand seemed to move in slow motion as he placed it on her chest and pushed. Lulu felt herself falling, saw her hand reaching for something to catch, heard her own sigh of relief as her hand caught the edge of the cliff. Then she saw their faces, glaring down at her from on top of the cliff. Chappu snickered and stepped on Lulu's hand, watching as her face contorted in agony.
"Come on Lulu. Quit fighting it. You can't fight the anger. You can't fight the pain. You can't fight Yevon." Lulu felt her fingers slipping as Chappu ground his heel into her hand.
"Just surrender to the pain. Embrace it." He leaned over so that his face was closer to Lulu's and whispered, "Be strong, Lulu. Be strong." Her hand slipped. She was falling.
 
"Lulu…" Lulu pulled the heavy blanket over her head, whimpering.
"Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!" Neela jerked the blanket off the bed and glared at her, but her face softened as she noticed the tears leaving streaks down Lulu's cheeks.
"Oh, I'm sorry! You were having a bad dream, weren't you?" Lulu opened her eyes relaxed slightly as she noticed that Neela wasn't angry. She wasn't being mean. There weren't any cliffs here. It'd all been a dream… But, if it was a dream, then why did her hand hurt so badly?