Yu-Yu Hakusho Awards Show

-Chapter Four-

Gay Accusations

Noooooo!! Agent Dark Moose just informed me that asterisks will no longer work on , as well as some other symbols. ::cries::. Due to this unfortunate event actions will be separated with the ::double colon:: Thank you for understanding.

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Aubrey: The disclaimer says, "Yu Yu Hakusho does not belong to me!" If it did, I would might be beaten to death with federal papers because I don't update fast enough. And because it I don't update I will be beaten to death with large heavy objects instead. ::Hides behind a spork wimpering.::

Audience: ::Sits there waiting patiently, twiddling their thumbs.::

Aubrey: ::Looks up slowly:: Wha--?? You're not going to beat me to death for not updating in months?? Wow!! My reviewers are so understanding!! ::bubbly shoujo eyes:: Just for that, I will post TWO chapters this time, and I'll repost chapter three so that it's easier to read!

Hiei: Stop acting. We all know you'll never get around to doing something like that.

Aubrey: ::Grins wildly for a while until she realizes he's right.:: Oh yeah.

Kurama: You might want to finish the disclaimer, Aubrey-chan.

Aubrey: I did finish the disclaimer! See??? ::Points up:: I quote: "Yu Yu Hakusho does not belong to me!" See, I kept it nice and short this time.

Yusuke: But you stole some lines from other sites, remember?

Aubrey: Oh yeah... " does not belong to me either, for any of you guys who noticed the quote...

Yuki Shinomouri: ::Stands up waving banner.:: YEAH!!! Strongbad rocks!! Wahooo!!

Aubrey: Amen!! ::Attempts to highfive, but instead falls into the audience::

FireNeko: Ack! Ack! Your stepping on me!!

Aubrey: Gaaahhhh!!! I'm drowning in a sea of people!! I can't swim, help!!

Keiko: Shouldn't we help her Yusuke?

Yusuke: Nah, leave her be. She deserves it after making us wait three frickin' months.

Hiei: Moron.

Aubrey: Welcome to the Yu Yu Hakusho Awards show! Here we hav-- ACKKKKK!!! ::is crushed under an avalanche of papers.::

Koenma: Aubrey! Those aren't my official Rekkai documents are they?

Aubrey: No, no! They're all reviews! I should have never asked for help with the categories...

Botan: Categories? Oh do tell, do tell!

Aubrey: ::Crawls away from the letters.:: Well, I'm not going to tell you what we're going to do, but instead I'll tell you what we most definitely will not do. Such as:

"Cutest Yuri Couple."

::Girls all run screaming from each other.::

Aubrey: I can deal will yaoi, but, sorry Colhan3000, I could never do yuri.

Yukina: ::Whimper:: Please, I like humans, and Keiko and Botan are nice people but I don't like them --that-- way...

Keiko: I like Yusuke! I'm straight! I swear I'm straight!

Botan: ::Draws a circle around her.:: This is now officially a girl free zone!!

Hiei: Now they know what I feel like. I hate you people.

Kurama: It's so sad how fangirls can break a simple platonic friendship apart...

Aubrey: Ahem. Yes. Anyway. Another one I'm not planning on using is:

"The Best Voice Actor"

This is simply because I have not seen the Japanese version and it would be unfair to my poor readers. Sorry Agent Dark Moose! I love you anyway!

Agent Dark Moose: I'm not exactly sure how to respond to that last comment...

Alexia Black1: Then just don't say anything, I don't think she's taken her meds yet.

Yusuke: Well in Japanese I have kickass voice, and Kuwabara sounds about the same, Hiei's voice is low and cold, and Kurama's played by GURRRRL!!!

Kurama: Nooooo!!! That was classified information!

Yusuke: Mwahahahaha!!!

Yukina: Oh my, how embarrassing...

Kuwabara: I knew there was something queer about that guy! I knew it!

Kurama: I swear I'm not gay, I swear!

Hiei: Oh yeah, tell them that. ::Tilts his head back towards the audience of screaming girls.::

Ryuugitsune: Kyaaaa! That's so kawaii! You go Kurama-chan!

Kurama: ::Puts a bag over his head.:: I can never go out in public again... ::Slinks off.::

Aubrey: No way, Kurama!! You have to stay!! Security!!

::The same men from chapter 1 in black suits with M-16's run up and tackle Kurama.::

Kurama: Gaaaahhhh!!!

Kevin3485: Excuse me, but if they have M-16's, why did they need to tackle Kurama?

Aubrey: ::Opens her mouth to say something, but pauses.:: Errr... because M-16's are really spiffy? Um... Anyhoo, the other couple of ones that won't be used are:

"Most Spiritual"

"Best Singer"

"Best Instrument Player" and

"Best Kisser"

Aubrey: Sorry Youko/Kurama's Rose, but, I mean, have we really seen much kissing, singing, instrument playing, or spiritual activities really? I mean, seriously...

Keiko: ::Waves her hand in the air:: I kissed Yusuke once!

Aubrey: "Once." That's exactly my point. And he was comatose to boot.

Yusuke: I can fix that. ::Grabs Keiko, tipping her back and kissing her::

Keiko: Mnnn! ::Shoves him away::

Yusuke: Hey Keiko, cut it out! ::Drops Keiko::

Keiko: ::Lands on the floor with a thud::

Botan: Well, I must say that went well. ::sweatdrop::

Koenma: ::Applauds:: What bravery! What talent! What--

Keiko: --Stupidity! I hate you Yusuke!! ::Turns her back to him sharply::

Yusuke: Aw, snap.

Aubrey: Now moving on to other subjects...

Kuwabara: Hey, didn't they say "instrument playing?" I play a mad shiny kazoo!

Hiei: Kazoo. You play a kazoo.

Kuwabara: Yesh, a --shiny-- kazoo. Didn't you hear me?

Hiei: That wasn't a question, you idiot.

Keiko: I play the maracas! An old Mexican guru taught me!

Aubrey: ::Knuckles her head:: Oh for Yamma's sake...

Yusuke: Well I can play the zailuhfone!

Kurama: ::Lifts the bag slowly up over his eyes:: You spelled it wrong.

Yusuke: Ziilafone. Zylofone. Zeelefone. Zahlufohn...

Kurama: It has an "P" in it. And an "X."

Krys: X, X, X!!! X/1999! Teh Kamui!!

Aubrey: Aw, crap. Now I'm going to have to add in another disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999 or Kamui.

Yusuke: An X?? Where the heck does the X go???

Krys: X/1999!!!

Hiei: Damn, will someone shut her up??

Krys: Kamui! Fuuma! Kamui! Fuuuuu-maaaaah!! ::Bounce bounce::

Disclaimer: ...Or Fuuma.

Hiei: I said shut up! ::Draws sword::

Kurama: No Hiei, don't do it! ::Lunges after Hiei, wraps arms around Hiei's shoulders::

Hiei: Dammit, Kurama let go of me!

Hiei's Fiancee: Kurama's hugging Hiei! That's so adorable! ::Sighs::

Koenma: Woah. This is coming from someone named "Hiei's Fiancee?"

Botan: I saw this on a soap opera once! Hiei's having an affair!!

Hiei: Get off me you filthy fox! ::Struggles.::

Kurama: Can't.

Hiei: Why not?

Kurama: My hands are handcuffed. ::Sweat sweat sweat::

Hiei: How the HELL did they get handcuffed?!?!

Kurama: I don't know! ::Cries::

Aubrey: Heh heh... this is making a great chapter... ::Puts the handcuff's key in her pocket::

Keiko: Eww, he's so gay...

Kurama: I am not! ::Freaks out::

Hiei: ::Begins chewing on the handcuffs::

Yusuke: So it has an "X" and a "P" in itm eh? Xzailophone? Zxiilaphone?

Kurama: ARGH! Hiei that was my hand!

Hiei: Shuh' uh, Choo-wa-mah... ::Growl gnaw bite:: (Shut up, Kurama...)

Kurama: Errm, what was that?

Hiei: I sheh': "Shuh uh, Choo-wa-mah!!!" ::Chew nibble scratch::

Kurama: Argh! My hands!!!

Aubrey: Must... resist... inside joke...

Yusuke: ::Is flipping through dictionary:: "Xerophyte," "Xerosere," "Xerosis," "Xerox," "Xiphisternum," "Xiphoid," "Xiphosuran..." ((Yes, those are real words. Go ahead and look them up.))

Kuwabara: ::Eyes widen:: Oh no, this isn't one of those "yaoi" things... is it???

Keiko: And he's finally realizing it.

Botan: I dunno, it seems sorta cute to me...

Kurama: Hiei you're eating my fingers!!

Hiei: Ahm noh!! (Am not!!)

Kurama: I still can't underst-- Yaaagh!! You have fangs!

Hiei: No shih, Sherloh...

Yusuke: "Xylography," "Xyloid," "Xylol," "Xylophagous..." AHA!! Here it is! "Xylophone!!!" What a weird spelling... it has a "Y" in it too...

Hiei: ::Finally manages to munch through the handcuffs:: There! Now get off of me!! ::Shoves Kurama over::

Kurama: AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!! Hiei you ate my fingers!!!

Hiei: No I didn't. They're just bloodier than usual.

Koenma: That sure was slow Hiei, I mean, for a B class demon and all...

Hiei: I am not a B class!!

Kurama: Does any one have any bandages, or antiseptic?

Koenma: Oh yesh you are, because I said so.

Hiei: Damn.

Yusuke: I'm A class!

Kuwabara: I'm C class!

Aubrey: And I'm Sophomore class!

Everyone: ::Blink blink::

Aubrey: Oh... Well I thought it was funny... I'm losing my writer's touch! I don't deserve to live! I shall commit seppuku right now! ::Grabs knife and prepares to stab herself with it.::

Yukina: Um, I'm F class, I think...

Botan: Oh I'm sure you're really an E class. I think --I'm-- in the F class.

Kurama: ::Bandaging fingers:: I think I'm a B class like Hiei...

Kuwabara: I'm C class!

Hiei: You've already said that. And I'm sure I'm at least A class.

Aubrey: No one cares whether I die or not?

Koenma: I do.

Aubrey: You do? REALLY???

Koenma: Why of course. A ghost like yours running amuck in the Rekkai? That would cause even more paperwork in my office. Not to mention all of your reviewer's flames would be forwarded straight to me.

Aubrey: Arghh... ::Snaps fingers:: Oh I've got it. ::Cups hands around her mouth:: And now to announce the next category!!

Botan: Omigosh the next category? Oh I do hope I'm in it!

Various Audience Members: I really hope she picked mine!

Hiei: Oh great, another category. Just when I thought I could bust out of this joint...

Aubrey: The category is... "The Biggest Softie at Heart!"

Kuwabara: What? That's not a category! What the heck are you planning on doing with something like that?

Aubrey: Why isn't it obvious? Everyone's got a soft side, and we're voting on who's really got the biggest heart of us all...

Yusuke: Wow, Aubrey. That sounded so incredibly hippie it's not even funny. At all.

Aubrey: ::Decides to ignore him:: Okay then! The nominees are:

"Kuwabara!" He may put on a tough ugly front, but he just loves little kitties!

"Yusuke!" Is known for being the baddest little punk in highschool, yet he's willing to sacrifice himself for a little boy!

"Kurama!" He's really a notorious foxy thief, but he loves his mommy more than any of you people ever will!

And finally, "Hiei!" Even though he's always mouthing off and brooding coldly in the corner, he'll do anything for his little sist--

Hiei: ::Clutches sword and glares daggers at Aubrey::

Aubrey: ::Sweatdrop:: Sih-sih-sihhhh...

Kuwabara: Yeah? What is it?

Aubrey: S-s-sinister desire for bloodshed! Ah, yes... ha ha ha... ::sweat sweat sweat::

Kuwabara: How'd --that-- get him on the "biggest softie" list??

Aubrey: Um, because there was the word "desire" in it?

Yukina: But bloodshed is a bad thing... right?

Kurama/Yusuke/Botan/Koenma: ::Sweatdrop::

Hiei: Yes, yes it is. ::Angst::

Yukina: Why then did you--

Aubrey: Oh wow! Look at the time, looks like we'll have to go to another commercial break! Okay all you readers! Make sure you review, and vote! Curtain call!

Okay, sorry sorry sorry that I didn't put you readers back into the story, but I thought that it was beginning to take away from the Rekkai Tantei. Now I'll only put in readers if it's convienient, and they have a goofy (but not over the top) personality.