Another chapter by yours truly… Reviews as you know will be much appreciated.
Also, a special thanks to RedLady, Eight, Lady Lilrin, and Paper Wound for your feedback, I really gratefully to all of you.
… Episode 3: Confrontations…
Location: Inside a manhole in front of the vampires base. Tank is peaking through the manhole with binoculars.
Tank: They've got a helicopter?! What the hell?!
Chip: A helicopter?! Sweet! I wanna see!
Tank: Quiet! I'm still spying here! … Damn. It also looks like they've got another guy there too.
Chip: So? It's not like they've ever gone looking for us. I mean, all they ever do is lounge about in that mansion and drink wine and stuff. I bet you there armory could use a dust-buster!
Tank: Well… You got a point there. But this guy… I got a bad feeling about him.
Chip: What do you mean?
Tank: I don't know… He looks like one of those suck up types… You know… The kind who actually do their job.
Chip: There're people like that?!
Tank: I know. I wouldn't have believed it myself if I hadn't seen it.
Chip: So should we head down and tell Hawk and Rex about this?
Tank: Probably. Is Rex back yet?
Chip: Yeah, he just finished collecting his last paycheck. (Sigh) Who knew it was possible to get fired from Rusty Burger of all places for unsanitary habits….
Tank: Huh? Oh, you must be thinking of Taco Bell.
Chip: Oh yeah… Glah… Taco Bell… Say, what exactly was it that got Rex fired?
Tank: Other than the fact that he lives in the sewers? And that he's the only one of us that doesn't routinely bathe?
Chip: Oh yeah… Actually, I noticed that while he was at work, the base actually smelled better…
Tank: Yeah, I noticed that too.
Chip:… Is this the reason why we don't have any women at our base?
Tank:…
…
Vampire Base:
Maxwell: Okay people. I know it's been a while since anyone here has actually gone hunting for Lycan, but as death dealers, it is our duty to hunt them down and destroy them. Any questions.
Sophia: (Raises her hand) Do these leather pants make my butt look big?
Maxwell: …
Sophia: …
Maxwell: (Sigh) No.
Sophia: (Smiles) Okay!
Samuel: (Raises his hand) I was wondering where all that apple juice came from?
Maxwell: Apple juice?
Samuel: Yes, there are at least seven bottles of Apple juice that mysteriously appeared in the refrigerator last night.
Claire: Why would we even need apple juice?
Sophia: Oh! That's mine!
Claire: You drink apple juice?
Sophia: Well, no… but I was wandering around one day, and I was in this really dark stinky place, and I found all this apple juice, so I brought it home with me.
Maxwell: … I don't even know where to begin with that one…
Samuel: Where was this dark stinky place anyways?
Sophia: (Shrugs) I don't know.
Maxwell: (Sigh) Moving along…
Charles: Sir, will we be taking the helicopter?
Maxwell: Well, seeing as no one knows how to fly it, I would have to say no.
Sophia: I can fly it.
Claire: Sophia darling, this isn't imagination time.
Sophia: Huh? Oh no! I can really fly it. (Pulls a card out of her pocket)
Maxwell: (Reads the card) It's a flying license. It's says you're certified in helicopters, single engine planes and commercial jets.
Claire: WHAT?!
Samuel: Is that thing real?
Charles: (Examines the card) It's authentic. It also says she's had over a hundred hours of clocked time in the sky before she tested for her license.
Claire: I don't believe this…
Maxwell: Oh come now. Is it that hard to believe?
Everyone (except Sophia): (looks at Maxwell in disbelief).
Sophia: (In the corner smelling a vase of flowers) Flowers are nice…
Claire: Those are fake darling.
Sophia: Okay. (Continues to smell them)
Maxwell: …
…
Werewolf Base:
Rex: So they've got a copter now?
Tank: Looks like it. They may also be planning something so we should keep ourselves on the ready. Hawk, how is our weapon supply looking?
Hawk: Um, we actually have some?
Tank: Better than I expected. Rex, what is the status of the base defenses?
Rex: Defenses?
Tank: Same as usual I take it then. And chip?
Chip: Yeah?
Tank: … Sorry, I ran out of questions to ask.
Chip: …
Hawk: So what should we do now?
Tank: Keep an eye out on the base I guess. I heard we got running water again, so were going to clean up now.
Rex: Clean? At a time like this? Why?
Tank: … Grab him!
(Hawk, Tank, and Chip grab Rex and drag him into the bathroom)
Rex: No! It burns! It burns! I'm meeellllttttiiinnggg!!! Meeeellllttttiinnnggg!!!
Chip: God, what a baby…
Tank: Man, this is only going to get worse when we pull out the shampoo.
Hawk: Oh my god! Get a load of this! Rex is white!
Chip: Holy crap! I thought he was black!
Tank: … Rex.
Rex: (growls) what?
Tank: This has been a long time coming. (Pulls out a bottle of shampoo)
Chip: I bet you his hair is blonde!
Hawk: Only one way to find out…
Rex: God help me…
…
Vampire Base: (NIGHT TIME)
Maxwell: Okay, is everything set? Charles and Samuel with take the ground search, while Claire, Sophia and I look around from the helicopter.
Charles: Understood.
Samuel: D-do we have to? I mean, what if we actually run into the Lycan?
Maxwell: You. Shoot. Them.
Samuel: Oh…
Claire: (Mutters) At least I don't actually have to do anything.
Maxwell: And Claire: You'll be look out while were in the copter. (Hands her a pair of binoculars)
Claire: (Mumbles) Son of a bitch…
Maxwell: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
Claire: (Fake smile) Nothing!
Sophia: Okay! I'm ready to go! (Wearing an old fashioned aviator uniform, including, brown leather jacket(with cleavage) and goggles)
Maxwell: Somebody up in command must really hate me…
…
Werewolf Base:
Rex: (All clean now) I hate you guys.
Chip: Is it me or do the sewers suddenly smell a lot cleaner?
Tank: Why chip, I do believe you're correct!
Rex: You guys are assholes.
Hawk: (Looking through a manhole in the roof.) Uh oh…
Tank: What is it?
Hawk: It looks like they're preparing a search party. They've got two guys on the ground and three in that new copter.
Chip: Why would they put more people in the helicopter than on the ground?
…
Charles: Sir?
Maxwell: Yes?
Charles: I was curious sir, why are there more people in the helicopter than on the ground?
Maxwell: It's very simple really. We need a pilot to fly the copter, and we need someone to watch the ground.
Charles: And the third?
Maxwell: Um, to keep an eye on the pilot.
Sophia: (in the cockpit) Vroom! Vroom! Rrrrrrgggggg!!!!
Charles: Oh.
…
Outside Werewolf Base:Tank: Okay guys, here's the plan. Were going to scatter out. Rex and I will both go alone while Hawk and Chip stick together with the rocket launcher.
Rex: Where'd we get the rocket launcher anyways?
Chip: I thought it came from one of Hawk's Middle Eastern relatives.
Hawk: What? I'm not Middle Eastern!
Chip: You're not?
Hawk: I'm a Native American you idiot! My family was part of the Apache tribe!
Rex: Wow, learn something new everyday…
Tank: No kidding, here I thought he was Mexican.
Hawk: … You guys suck …
…(Maxwell, Sophia, and Claire are up in the helicopter while Samuel and Charles are on the ground)Maxwell: (On the radio) Purple Bat to ground forces, Purple bat to ground forces, please respond ground forces. Over.
Charles: This is Charles, I read you sir.
Maxwell: Good, and make sure you end every transmission with Over…. Over.
Charles: Understood, Over.
Samuel: So when is this going to be over? Er, over.
Maxwell: It'll be over when we have hunted down the Lycan of this area. So don't ask when it'll be over, until I say it will over…. (Sigh) Over.
Charles: Any signs of Lycan activity? Over.
Maxwell: Nothing to rep-
Claire: Wait! I think I see something! Over.
Maxwell: Where?
Claire: I see two of them. By that house, over there!… over.
Sophia: (Smiling happily) Going in!
Maxwell: Wait! Don't take us in too low! The trees! The Trees!
…
Chip: Uh, oh… Here they come.
Hawk: Okay, Rocket launcher is ready. Remember, we only have one shot at this, so make it count.
Chip: (Aims the rocket launcher) Kiss you're vampiric butts goodbye!
Hawk: Hey! That was a good line!
Chip: Really? I guess I'll have to remember that one for later.
…
(In the copter)
Claire: Maxwell darling?
Maxwell: Yes?
Claire: Is it me, or is that a rocket launcher that Lycan is aiming at us?
Maxwell: (Looks through the binoculars) … Oh shit.
Claire: Well put.
…
Chip: Ready… Aim…
Hawk: Fire!
Chip: (Fires Rocket Launcher)
…
Maxwell: Evasive maneuvers!!
Sophia: Righty-O!
Claire: WHERE GOING TO DIE!!
(The helicopter moves to the side, avoiding the rocket)
…
Hawk: … You missed.
Chip: …
…
Claire: (Looking at Sophia) I can't believe it… You actually did something right!
Sophia: (Smiling) Thank you!
Maxwell: Yes, very good!
Sophia: (Smiling and not really paying attention to what she's doing) Oh thank you sir!
Claire: Ah! LOOK OUT!! TREE! TREE!!
Sophia: Huh?
…
(Hawk and Chip watch as the helicopter crashes into a nearby tree and then plummets a whole thirty feet to the ground.)
Hawk: Well… It wasn't a total loss… I guess…
…
(A quarter of a mile away, on Galager rd and Main ave)
There is a black and white vehicle with a star logo and the words "Fremont sheriff's department." Written on it.
Officer 1: So anyways, I say to the guy, 'Look pal, there is no such thing as sea monsters. We're not even anywhere near the sea.'
Officer 2: And then what?
Officer 1: Well then he goes 'What about werewolves and vampires?'
Officer 2: And?
Officer 1: Then I tell him, 'Well then you're on your own. I ain't getting anywhere near that crazy shit.'
Officer 2: Oh yeah, I was meaning to ask you. Did you ever get that bullet wound checked out?
Officer 1: Yeah… It was silver all right.
Officer 2: That's some tough luck there- Say… What's that thing up there in the sky?
Officer 1: Huh? Oh, looks like a rocket….
Officer 2: Coming right at us?
Officer 1: Y'up.
Officer 2: …
Officer 1: …
Officer 1: Wait a second….
Officer 2: RUN FOR IT!!!!
(Both officers jump out of the car and run for they're lives.)
BOOOOM!!!!(The patrol car lands back on the ground in flaming ruins.)
Officer 1: (cough, cough) So… Do you want to report this one? Or should I?
Officer 2: (cough, cough) Actually… I'd rather just go get some donuts…
Officer 1: … Okay.
…
(Claire, Maxwell, and Sophia climb out of the Helicopter)
Claire: I should have seen that coming…
Maxwell: Well… It's not TOO bad… Easily enough to repair.
Sophia: That was fun! Can we do that again!
Claire: (Pulls out her guns) I swear to god I'll put a bullet through her head right now. I'll-
Maxwell: (Restrains Claire) Now, now… um… we're all entitled… to a few… mistakes…
Claire: … (Notices Chip and Hawk standing in front of them dumbfounded) Lycan!
Chip and Hawk: EEP! (They run away)
Maxwell: Quickly, spread out and follow them!
…
(Inside the Neighbor's houses, in their bed)
Neighbor's Wife: Honey?
Neighbor's Husband: Hm?
Neighbor's Wife: Did a purple helicopter just crash in our backyard?
Neighbor's Husband: Probably.
Neighbor's Wife: Well aren't you going to do something about it?
Neighbor's Husband: It's two in the morning I'll take care of it later.
…
Samuel: (Holding an assault rifle and shaking nervously)
Claire: (Runs up to Samuel) Samuel!
Samuel: BAH!! (Turns to face Claire and pulls the trigger)
Claire: Okay… Three things.
1) The safety is still on.
2) You didn't put a clip in the gun.
3) DID YOU JUST TRY AND SHOOT ME?!!!!
Samuel: S-sorry, I-I got surprised.
Claire: (Eye twitching) ANYWAYS…. Have you seen any of the Lycan?
Samuel: N-no… Are they around here?!
Claire: There were two of them, but they split up. (Points at the backyard of another house) I think I saw one of them go that way.
Samuel: O-okay.
Claire: … Let's go Samuel.
Samuel: I don't want to.
Claire: (Pulls a clip out of Samuels belt and puts it in his gun) Okay now?
Samuel: No.
Claire: (Sigh) (Pulls her gun out and aims it at his head) Ready NOW?Samuel: Quite.
(Samuel leads the way into the backyard.)
Samuel: It's so dark in here I can barely see.
Claire: Just keep your gun pointed forward.
Samuel: I'm surprised nobody has gotten out of bed to see what's going on.
Claire: This is a suburb. Nobody in their right mind gets out of bed before 6:00.
(A sound comes from behind some bushes in the corner of the yard)Claire: Come on, go check it out.
Samuel: B-but…
Claire: (Glares at him)
Samuel: Fine…
(Samuels walks over to the dark bush and inspects it)
Samuel: (Turns around quickly) Wellnolycanherelet'sgo!
The Bush: Gggggrrrrrrrr
Samuel: GAH!! LYCAN!!! (Runs away)
Claire: Idiot!
The Bush: Grr…
Claire: (Pulls out her gun nervously) come out now!
The Bush: Gggggrr…
Claire: (Shaking) Come out NOW!
The bush: (A golden retriever pops out of the bush)
Claire: (Lowers her gun with a relieved sigh) Aw! Well aren't you just the cutest thing! (Puts her gun away)
Dog: (Walks over to Claire to be petted)
Claire: (Petting the dog) You're a good doggy aren't you. You're not a ferocious lycan that's going to tear me limb from limb, are you.
Werewolf Tank: (Comes up behind Claire) Grrrrr….
Claire: (Blink, blink)….
Werewolf Tank: Gggggrrrrr…
Claire: (Turns around slowly.)
Werewolf Tank: (Looks down at Claire)
Claire: (Looks up at Werewolf Tank) Eep…
…
(Behind one of the houses)
Chip: (Huff, huff) Okay… I lost them…
Hawk: (huff… huff) Same here.
Rex: I sort of lost 'em.
Chip: Huh?
Rex: Well, I was hiding, and I saw this skinny blonde guy running around screaming, so I jumped out of the bushes and scared the hell out of him!
Hawk: And he didn't shoot you?
Rex: Nope. In fact, I'm pretty sure he pissed his pants.
Chip: Score! But… Where's Tank?
Rex: …
Hawk: …
Chip: ……
Claire: (smirks) Not bad.
Tank: Huh? (Looks down) GAH! (Starts looking for his pants)
…
Chip: I'm pretty sure Tank can handle himself.
Rex: Right. They're just five vampires, with advanced weapons. I'm pretty sure he can handle it.
Chip: …
Rex: …
Hawk: … So you guys want to head back to base? This is getting kinda boring now. I mean… They're helicopters broken and all now… What's the point?
Chip and Rex: Okay.
…
Vampire Base:
Maxwell: (Sigh) Okay… So we had some minor set back with our first operation. But we've got a crew that's picking up the helicopter and bringing it back. So it's no real big loss… So… did anybody find any Lycan?
Samuel: (With a towel wrapped around his waist) …
Charles: While helping Samuel, I lost site of the second Lycan.
Maxwell: Well… That's not TOO bad…
Sophia: I found some pretty flowers! (Holds up a bouquet of flowers)Samuel: Aren't those from OUR flowerbed?
Sophia: … Oh! So they are!
Maxwell: …
Claire: I didn't spot any Lycan after Samuel ran away and peed himself.
Maxwell: You didn't find anything?
Claire: Not a thing.
Sophia: Say Claire, why is your lipstick smudged?
Claire: Uh… Er…
…
Werewolf Base:
Tank: Okay. I'm back.
Chip: Oh, hey cool you're not dead!
Tank: Uh, no. I'm not.
Rex: Damn! (Hands five bucks to Hawk)
Tank: … Anyways… The Copters down, so…
Chip: Y'up.
Tank: And none of us are dead or anything…
Rex: We're pretty sure of that.
Tank: So… I guess you could say…
Chip, Hawk, and Rex: (looking excited/anxious)
Tank: … Mission accomplished.
Everyone: (Begin to party) Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Who let the dogs out! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Who Let the Dogs Out! Woof-(and you know how the rest goes)
Chip: (While partying) Hey Tank… What's that red stuff on your lips?
Tank: Huh? Er… Nothing…
Rex: Let's break open the apple juice!!!!
Everyone: …
…
So how will the vampires recover from this humiliating defeat? How will the werewolves fair after this humiliating victory? Who likes dancing in the moonlight? Is it really such a fun and natural sight?
The ever illusive,
Hyper Guyver
