Two weeks passed since the mission, and the world still lacked a
sense of normalcy. Sally came and went, removed the stitches and gave a
quick check up to Quatre, Trowa and Duo who had thankfully recovered from
his broken nose. Quatre's vision remained steady with his new glasses, but
sadly, Trowa's health was not improving.
"He's lost a lot of weight," Sally observed, "what have you been feeding him."
"All he can eat is yogurt and applesauce, I've tried feeding him other things, but they never stay down." Sally scratched her nose as her eyes turned to face Quatre. "You've lost a lot of weight too you know, have you been eating?" The blonde shook his head. "I just don't feel hungry, and besides, where would I find the time? I'm always caring for Trowa."Quatre rested his head in his hands.
"Tired too? You need to be taking care of yourself as well, how can you be any help to Trowa in such a state?"
"I sleep," Quatre defended himself, "I sleep when Trowa does, sometimes."
"Sometimes?" Sally asked.
"Sometimes I'm busy doing laundry, but mostly, I stay awake just in case he needs me."
"Quatre, you need to be realistic. Trowa isn't going to need you every 5 seconds, I'm glad that you have taken the responsibility of caring for your friend, but look at yourself, you're a wreck!"
"I know," the blonde said sheepishly, "Wufei and Duo keep telling me the same thing."
"What about Heero?"
"Oh, he doesn't seem to care much about either one of us,"
There was a silence in the room, and the two listened to Trowa's soft, barely audible breathing. At times it would become uneven and every now and again it seemed as if he was making small coughing noises.
Quatre looked up into Sally's eyes, then, softly, almost tearful, "Sally, he's not getting better." The doctor found herself at a loss of words for a moment. Though she really didn't have that much experience in that area, she did feel somewhat certain that Trowa would eventually just snap out of it and be all right. But now it was becoming apparent to both of them that something like that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Trowa lay peacefully in his bed. His eyes were half open and his lips were slightly parted. His was skinny and haggard looking. He almost looked as bad as he did when Quatre had first seen him on the ship, minus the cuts and bruises which the blonde had been carefully tending to each day. His health was clearly slipping and there was nothing anyone could do..
"Look, Quatre.." Sally felt herself choking back on her own words as she looked down into his sapphire eyes, "maybe you should consider finding another doctor, someone who may be able to help?"
"We can't," Quatre replied angrily, "Heero won't allow it, he's worried doing something like that may endanger us all. Don't get me wrong, I understand where he's coming from but...but,"
"But what?"
"Look at him!" Quatre screamed, "can't you see there's something wrong?" There were tears in his eyes, but even those couldn't slow down his rage. "It's almost as if he's slowly trying to kill himself right before my eyes and I can't stop it! Sally, I'm trying my hardest here! I feed him, I bathe him I take care of him, I want him to live.and.there's nothing..nothing is helping." Quatre fell down into his chair and cried. It felt good, it felt good to scream and cry and hurt. He took off his glasses and wiped his tears away in vain, for as soon as he did his eyes would brim over once more. "I don't want him to die.." he sobbed quietly.
Sally stood in awe, not sure how to feel. She placed a hand on Quatre's shoulder, hoping to alleviate the heavy tension in the room.
"Maybe I can take him with me?" She suggested.
"What are you talking about?" Quatre asked, still wiping his tears away.
"I can take him with me when I leave, find a psychiatric hospital where he can be taken care of and treated. It might be able to help."
"No," Quatre leapt to his feet, startling Sally, "I'm sorry but, no. I couldn't do that to him."
"It may actually do him some good, and you said yourself something was wrong that you can't seem to fix. I might be able to find someone who could help you, isn't that what you want?" Quatre was silent for a moment, thinking.
"It may be selfish, but I rather he be with me. I don't want to lock him away, somewhere far away in a lonely cell. I want him to be close."
"It's quite a paradox," Sally said, "I agree that it may be hard for him to be away from all of you, especially you Quatre, I'm sure it means a lot to Trowa that you've stood by him and cared for him."
"If he knows I'm here," Quatre said under his breath.
"But, at the same time it may also be better for him to get some real psychiatric help." Sally put her things away in her black medical bag. "You know where to reach me if you change your mind Quatre, please consider it." Quietly, she strode out of the room leaving the fragile boy with a number of thoughts.
Heero looked down at his feet, deep in thought. He had been sitting outside Trowa and Quatre's room during Sally's visit, listening to every word. When the doctor emerged she was more than surprised to see him there.
"You shouldn't listen in like that, they have a right to privacy."
"And I have a right to know what's going on," Heero replied, fixing his eyes intently on Sally's. "I need to know, is there really a place that you can take Trowa to?"
"It's possible."
"Let me walk you to the door."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"You two were outside for an awful long time," Duo yawned, stretching out on the bed, "what were you talking about?" His violet eyes glanced over to the bathroom where Heero was washing his face in the sink.
"Duo, you know I can't hear you when the waters running, wait till I get to bed."
"I just want to know what you and Sally were talking about, was it about my nose?"
"No," Heero flicked off the bathroom light, leaving the bedroom completely dark, "your nose is fine, why the hell would we talk about your nose?"
"Aren't you amazed at how well it recovered?" Duo laughed, pointing proudly at it. "You know, if you're going to be an idiot about the whole thing-"
"All right, all right, so tell me already. What were you and Sally talking about?" Heero was silent as he climbed into bed. He took his time making sure he was comfortable before turning to his partner.
"We talked about Trowa of course."
"What about him?" Duo asked worriedly.
"He's still not talking, not moving, not doing anything on his own. He barely eats and what he does eat hardly counts as food. He looks awful. Quatre has no idea how to take care of him.."
"But Quatre is doing the best he can. He's stopped doing everything to help Trowa get better."
"That's another problem," Heero said quietly, "Wufei and I just received out latest mission."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"This mission requires all of us to go along, and Quatre's in no shape for that, and for that matter his Gundam isn't ready for that. It's only been a little more than two weeks since he last used it, but it still needs maintenance. On top of all that, he's not going to leave Trowa's side, not for anything." The both were silent for a long time. The darkness melted away as their eyes adjusted, and soon, each was able to see the other more clearly in the evening darkness.
"So, I still don't know what you and Sally talked about." Duo said, his words cut into the silence and darkness of the room so harshly it almost startled Heero.
"I had been listening in on the conversation she was having with Quatre and- "
"Heero!"
"Duo, please, let me finish. You can nag me about it later. Anyway, I was listening to what she was saying and she had a really good idea about what we can do about Trowa. She mentioned finding a descript psychiatric hospital where he can be treated and-"
"Oh, Heero no!" Duo shouted, "You can't be serious?"
"Listen," Heero placed his hand on Duo's, "We need to do what's best for the group. Quatre is slowing down, he's eventually going to collapse, and Trowa is just a burden these days."
"Just a burden?" Duo's voice got louder, "Heero, he's our friend. Don't you remember when he took care of you for a month? Back when we all first met? He could have just left you for dead or dumped you in some hospital, God knows what, but he didn't! You owe him better!"
"You think I haven't thought of that?" Heero said angrily, "I know I do, but I think he'd understand, we need to do what's best for all of us. In the end, I have a feeling this is going to bite us in the ass."
"How, explain to me how helping Trowa would be bad?"
"What if we needed to evacuate for an emergency? What if there was a battle? What if we all died on a mission?"
"Well," Duo interrupted, "Quatre is probably not going to going on any other missions."
"There," Heero said, "another good reason. We're losing two soldiers now."
"But if you send Trowa away, it'd kill Quatre, he wouldn't be able to handle it, he'd be so depressed. He loves Trowa, you know." Duo was paused for a moment, and then "What if it was me?"
"What?"
"What if it was me who had been raped and was suffering so much? Would you send me away? Just send me off to some mystery location and never see me again?"
"Duo, don't do this.."
"You would, wouldn't you!"
"If it was in the best interest of-" Heero began.
"Oh my God, you fucker!" Duo pushed Heero out of the bed, "You would just lock me away because I was a burden?" Heero got up quietly from the ground and collected his blanket and pillow from the bed.
"I don't want to have this conversation anymore," he said coldly, "there was no point in even trying to talk to you. I've made up my mind and that's that. I'm going downstairs to sleep."
"Good, I wouldn't fucking share this bed with you if you paid me! For all I care, you can sleep down there from now on!" Heero didn't reply, he quietly walked out the door, and then slammed the door behind him.
Duo fell onto his pillow in anger. It was coursing through his veins, consuming him, his anger with Heero. But soon he began to soften, and the anger turned to sadness. Duo cried softly, inaudibly to himself, tiny little tear drops dappled his white linen pillow.
Heero made himself somewhat comfortable on the couch. It had been a while since he had slept alone, and he soon found that he longed for Duo's closeness, but of course he would have never admitted that to anyone, not even himself.
At the same time, Quatre was gently preparing Trowa for a bath. It had been two days since he'd changed Trowa's pajamas, so once they were removed he threw them in the hamper and set out a new clean pair.
Quatre noted how much better Trowa's wounds were looking. Most of the cuts had healed without scaring, and there were almost no signs of bruising. But that was the only progress he was making. The stitches were now gone, but they had most definitely left their mark behind. It still looked as though he had been badly cut up, but at least he wasn't bleeding. Quatre felt as though he could never handle the sight of blood again.
Outside of the night they had returned home, Quatre never had the strength to lift Trowa into the bathroom and then the tub. On top of that, he wasn't supposed to get the stitches wet so he usually cleaned Trowa by giving him a thorough sponge bath. But now that they were gone that wasn't a problem.
The hot, steaming water quickly filled into the tub. Heero perked his head up at the noise, but didn't give it too much thought. He didn't want to imagine poor Quatre tirelessly fretting over and caring for Trowa. He knew if he gave the matter any thought it would be harder and harder to break the news of his decision to Quatre, and he knew he couldn't be soft about the whole thing. It was his job to be the strong leader of the group, to make decisions and to have faith that they were the best for everyone. He couldn't let emotion come into play.
It took the feeble Quatre a few minutes but he was finally able to bring Trowa to the tub. Trowa clenched his teeth as his body lowered into the hot water, the skin where his stitches had been was still tender.
"Just relax," Quatre cooed, "this will feel nice. I'm going to give you a proper bath, all right?" Naturally, Trowa made no response, but Quatre was getting used to that. He picked up a wash cloth and soap and gently began to bathe Trowa.
"Feels good, huh?" Quatre asked, noticing that Trowa was indeed enjoying the bath. His eyes were closed and it almost appeared that there was a slight smile on his face. Quatre smiled too. For some reason then, he felt at peace, his problems seemed to evaporate and his worries became non existent. Everything felt for a moment like it was going to be okay.
"Don't worry Trowa," Quatre said softly, "I'm not going to send you away. I love you too much. I promise, I'll always be here, no matter what, to care for you." Trowa made a soft noise that Quatre considered a yes. Then, every so gently, he leaned down and gave Trowa a kiss on his forehead. "I promise," he repeated, "I'll always be here."
Quatre put Trowa in his clean pajamas and tucked him back into his bed, which had been made up with clean sheets. It was a lot of work but worth it in the end. Trowa immediately fell asleep, leaving the blonde with a large amount of laundry to do. Quatre also considered maybe having a bite to eat as well, he had lost an awful lot of weight.
Heero heard the bedroom door open. Looking up from the couch, he saw Quatre walking across the hall to the laundry room with a basket in his arms, a carefree look on his face.
"It's now or never," Heero whispered to himself. He had to eventually tell Quatre what was going to happen, and the sooner the better. Heero got up from his make shift bed on the couch and made his way down the hall.
"What are you doing up?" Quatre asked, looking up from his load of laundry.
"I came to talk to you," Heero responded, "it's important."
Oh snap, ya'll. What's going to happen next? Is Heero going to go through with it, how will Quatre respond, will the relationship between Heero and duo ever be the same, will Trowa ever recover, where the hell is Wufei? I don't know, just wait till me next update.
Most of the nights were restless, and the days were filled with the repetitious task of caring for Trowa. Quatre never found time to sleep, shower, or even eat. He lost ten pounds. Duo and Wufei expressed their concern to both Quatre and Heero, but neither one seemed to listen. Quatre seemed convinced that Trowa would eventually get better, and Heero didn't care unless it conflicted with any of their duties.
"He's lost a lot of weight," Sally observed, "what have you been feeding him."
"All he can eat is yogurt and applesauce, I've tried feeding him other things, but they never stay down." Sally scratched her nose as her eyes turned to face Quatre. "You've lost a lot of weight too you know, have you been eating?" The blonde shook his head. "I just don't feel hungry, and besides, where would I find the time? I'm always caring for Trowa."Quatre rested his head in his hands.
"Tired too? You need to be taking care of yourself as well, how can you be any help to Trowa in such a state?"
"I sleep," Quatre defended himself, "I sleep when Trowa does, sometimes."
"Sometimes?" Sally asked.
"Sometimes I'm busy doing laundry, but mostly, I stay awake just in case he needs me."
"Quatre, you need to be realistic. Trowa isn't going to need you every 5 seconds, I'm glad that you have taken the responsibility of caring for your friend, but look at yourself, you're a wreck!"
"I know," the blonde said sheepishly, "Wufei and Duo keep telling me the same thing."
"What about Heero?"
"Oh, he doesn't seem to care much about either one of us,"
There was a silence in the room, and the two listened to Trowa's soft, barely audible breathing. At times it would become uneven and every now and again it seemed as if he was making small coughing noises.
Quatre looked up into Sally's eyes, then, softly, almost tearful, "Sally, he's not getting better." The doctor found herself at a loss of words for a moment. Though she really didn't have that much experience in that area, she did feel somewhat certain that Trowa would eventually just snap out of it and be all right. But now it was becoming apparent to both of them that something like that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Trowa lay peacefully in his bed. His eyes were half open and his lips were slightly parted. His was skinny and haggard looking. He almost looked as bad as he did when Quatre had first seen him on the ship, minus the cuts and bruises which the blonde had been carefully tending to each day. His health was clearly slipping and there was nothing anyone could do..
"Look, Quatre.." Sally felt herself choking back on her own words as she looked down into his sapphire eyes, "maybe you should consider finding another doctor, someone who may be able to help?"
"We can't," Quatre replied angrily, "Heero won't allow it, he's worried doing something like that may endanger us all. Don't get me wrong, I understand where he's coming from but...but,"
"But what?"
"Look at him!" Quatre screamed, "can't you see there's something wrong?" There were tears in his eyes, but even those couldn't slow down his rage. "It's almost as if he's slowly trying to kill himself right before my eyes and I can't stop it! Sally, I'm trying my hardest here! I feed him, I bathe him I take care of him, I want him to live.and.there's nothing..nothing is helping." Quatre fell down into his chair and cried. It felt good, it felt good to scream and cry and hurt. He took off his glasses and wiped his tears away in vain, for as soon as he did his eyes would brim over once more. "I don't want him to die.." he sobbed quietly.
Sally stood in awe, not sure how to feel. She placed a hand on Quatre's shoulder, hoping to alleviate the heavy tension in the room.
"Maybe I can take him with me?" She suggested.
"What are you talking about?" Quatre asked, still wiping his tears away.
"I can take him with me when I leave, find a psychiatric hospital where he can be taken care of and treated. It might be able to help."
"No," Quatre leapt to his feet, startling Sally, "I'm sorry but, no. I couldn't do that to him."
"It may actually do him some good, and you said yourself something was wrong that you can't seem to fix. I might be able to find someone who could help you, isn't that what you want?" Quatre was silent for a moment, thinking.
"It may be selfish, but I rather he be with me. I don't want to lock him away, somewhere far away in a lonely cell. I want him to be close."
"It's quite a paradox," Sally said, "I agree that it may be hard for him to be away from all of you, especially you Quatre, I'm sure it means a lot to Trowa that you've stood by him and cared for him."
"If he knows I'm here," Quatre said under his breath.
"But, at the same time it may also be better for him to get some real psychiatric help." Sally put her things away in her black medical bag. "You know where to reach me if you change your mind Quatre, please consider it." Quietly, she strode out of the room leaving the fragile boy with a number of thoughts.
Heero looked down at his feet, deep in thought. He had been sitting outside Trowa and Quatre's room during Sally's visit, listening to every word. When the doctor emerged she was more than surprised to see him there.
"You shouldn't listen in like that, they have a right to privacy."
"And I have a right to know what's going on," Heero replied, fixing his eyes intently on Sally's. "I need to know, is there really a place that you can take Trowa to?"
"It's possible."
"Let me walk you to the door."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"You two were outside for an awful long time," Duo yawned, stretching out on the bed, "what were you talking about?" His violet eyes glanced over to the bathroom where Heero was washing his face in the sink.
"Duo, you know I can't hear you when the waters running, wait till I get to bed."
"I just want to know what you and Sally were talking about, was it about my nose?"
"No," Heero flicked off the bathroom light, leaving the bedroom completely dark, "your nose is fine, why the hell would we talk about your nose?"
"Aren't you amazed at how well it recovered?" Duo laughed, pointing proudly at it. "You know, if you're going to be an idiot about the whole thing-"
"All right, all right, so tell me already. What were you and Sally talking about?" Heero was silent as he climbed into bed. He took his time making sure he was comfortable before turning to his partner.
"We talked about Trowa of course."
"What about him?" Duo asked worriedly.
"He's still not talking, not moving, not doing anything on his own. He barely eats and what he does eat hardly counts as food. He looks awful. Quatre has no idea how to take care of him.."
"But Quatre is doing the best he can. He's stopped doing everything to help Trowa get better."
"That's another problem," Heero said quietly, "Wufei and I just received out latest mission."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"This mission requires all of us to go along, and Quatre's in no shape for that, and for that matter his Gundam isn't ready for that. It's only been a little more than two weeks since he last used it, but it still needs maintenance. On top of all that, he's not going to leave Trowa's side, not for anything." The both were silent for a long time. The darkness melted away as their eyes adjusted, and soon, each was able to see the other more clearly in the evening darkness.
"So, I still don't know what you and Sally talked about." Duo said, his words cut into the silence and darkness of the room so harshly it almost startled Heero.
"I had been listening in on the conversation she was having with Quatre and- "
"Heero!"
"Duo, please, let me finish. You can nag me about it later. Anyway, I was listening to what she was saying and she had a really good idea about what we can do about Trowa. She mentioned finding a descript psychiatric hospital where he can be treated and-"
"Oh, Heero no!" Duo shouted, "You can't be serious?"
"Listen," Heero placed his hand on Duo's, "We need to do what's best for the group. Quatre is slowing down, he's eventually going to collapse, and Trowa is just a burden these days."
"Just a burden?" Duo's voice got louder, "Heero, he's our friend. Don't you remember when he took care of you for a month? Back when we all first met? He could have just left you for dead or dumped you in some hospital, God knows what, but he didn't! You owe him better!"
"You think I haven't thought of that?" Heero said angrily, "I know I do, but I think he'd understand, we need to do what's best for all of us. In the end, I have a feeling this is going to bite us in the ass."
"How, explain to me how helping Trowa would be bad?"
"What if we needed to evacuate for an emergency? What if there was a battle? What if we all died on a mission?"
"Well," Duo interrupted, "Quatre is probably not going to going on any other missions."
"There," Heero said, "another good reason. We're losing two soldiers now."
"But if you send Trowa away, it'd kill Quatre, he wouldn't be able to handle it, he'd be so depressed. He loves Trowa, you know." Duo was paused for a moment, and then "What if it was me?"
"What?"
"What if it was me who had been raped and was suffering so much? Would you send me away? Just send me off to some mystery location and never see me again?"
"Duo, don't do this.."
"You would, wouldn't you!"
"If it was in the best interest of-" Heero began.
"Oh my God, you fucker!" Duo pushed Heero out of the bed, "You would just lock me away because I was a burden?" Heero got up quietly from the ground and collected his blanket and pillow from the bed.
"I don't want to have this conversation anymore," he said coldly, "there was no point in even trying to talk to you. I've made up my mind and that's that. I'm going downstairs to sleep."
"Good, I wouldn't fucking share this bed with you if you paid me! For all I care, you can sleep down there from now on!" Heero didn't reply, he quietly walked out the door, and then slammed the door behind him.
Duo fell onto his pillow in anger. It was coursing through his veins, consuming him, his anger with Heero. But soon he began to soften, and the anger turned to sadness. Duo cried softly, inaudibly to himself, tiny little tear drops dappled his white linen pillow.
Heero made himself somewhat comfortable on the couch. It had been a while since he had slept alone, and he soon found that he longed for Duo's closeness, but of course he would have never admitted that to anyone, not even himself.
At the same time, Quatre was gently preparing Trowa for a bath. It had been two days since he'd changed Trowa's pajamas, so once they were removed he threw them in the hamper and set out a new clean pair.
Quatre noted how much better Trowa's wounds were looking. Most of the cuts had healed without scaring, and there were almost no signs of bruising. But that was the only progress he was making. The stitches were now gone, but they had most definitely left their mark behind. It still looked as though he had been badly cut up, but at least he wasn't bleeding. Quatre felt as though he could never handle the sight of blood again.
Outside of the night they had returned home, Quatre never had the strength to lift Trowa into the bathroom and then the tub. On top of that, he wasn't supposed to get the stitches wet so he usually cleaned Trowa by giving him a thorough sponge bath. But now that they were gone that wasn't a problem.
The hot, steaming water quickly filled into the tub. Heero perked his head up at the noise, but didn't give it too much thought. He didn't want to imagine poor Quatre tirelessly fretting over and caring for Trowa. He knew if he gave the matter any thought it would be harder and harder to break the news of his decision to Quatre, and he knew he couldn't be soft about the whole thing. It was his job to be the strong leader of the group, to make decisions and to have faith that they were the best for everyone. He couldn't let emotion come into play.
It took the feeble Quatre a few minutes but he was finally able to bring Trowa to the tub. Trowa clenched his teeth as his body lowered into the hot water, the skin where his stitches had been was still tender.
"Just relax," Quatre cooed, "this will feel nice. I'm going to give you a proper bath, all right?" Naturally, Trowa made no response, but Quatre was getting used to that. He picked up a wash cloth and soap and gently began to bathe Trowa.
"Feels good, huh?" Quatre asked, noticing that Trowa was indeed enjoying the bath. His eyes were closed and it almost appeared that there was a slight smile on his face. Quatre smiled too. For some reason then, he felt at peace, his problems seemed to evaporate and his worries became non existent. Everything felt for a moment like it was going to be okay.
"Don't worry Trowa," Quatre said softly, "I'm not going to send you away. I love you too much. I promise, I'll always be here, no matter what, to care for you." Trowa made a soft noise that Quatre considered a yes. Then, every so gently, he leaned down and gave Trowa a kiss on his forehead. "I promise," he repeated, "I'll always be here."
Quatre put Trowa in his clean pajamas and tucked him back into his bed, which had been made up with clean sheets. It was a lot of work but worth it in the end. Trowa immediately fell asleep, leaving the blonde with a large amount of laundry to do. Quatre also considered maybe having a bite to eat as well, he had lost an awful lot of weight.
Heero heard the bedroom door open. Looking up from the couch, he saw Quatre walking across the hall to the laundry room with a basket in his arms, a carefree look on his face.
"It's now or never," Heero whispered to himself. He had to eventually tell Quatre what was going to happen, and the sooner the better. Heero got up from his make shift bed on the couch and made his way down the hall.
"What are you doing up?" Quatre asked, looking up from his load of laundry.
"I came to talk to you," Heero responded, "it's important."
Oh snap, ya'll. What's going to happen next? Is Heero going to go through with it, how will Quatre respond, will the relationship between Heero and duo ever be the same, will Trowa ever recover, where the hell is Wufei? I don't know, just wait till me next update.
Most of the nights were restless, and the days were filled with the repetitious task of caring for Trowa. Quatre never found time to sleep, shower, or even eat. He lost ten pounds. Duo and Wufei expressed their concern to both Quatre and Heero, but neither one seemed to listen. Quatre seemed convinced that Trowa would eventually get better, and Heero didn't care unless it conflicted with any of their duties.
