Quatre was tired. His eyes ached and his mind was scattered, but his
fear for Trowa's safety could not be quelled long enough to allow him to
sleep. Even if Duo and Fei's resting forms were laid out so temptingly
before him. All day he waited on the edge of his seat, waiting for any sort
of word, any sort of sign, waiting to find out where his friend had been
taken away to. The night was so long, each moment without a word felt like
an eternity weighted upon his shoulders. And now it was near morning, and
with nothing to go on he felt his world slowly crumble before him. Trowa
was gone, and there was no way to find him, unless.....
The sound of a key unlatching the front door filled the silent house. Quatre fixed his gaze on the door and soon found himself eye to eye with a haggard looking Heero. For a moment, neither spoke, not knowing what to say and fearing the other's reaction. But in the end Quatre simply couldn't wait any longer, and being too tired to argue simply walked up to Heero, looked him straight in the eye and made his plea.
"Please," Quatre whispered, "just tell me where he is. Don't do this to him, to me. Just let me go get him and bring him back where he belongs. Please." Heero looked down at the feeble boy before him. He observed his black eye, the one he had so graciously given him. Only days ago had Quatre been so vivacious, so forceful and bold with his words. And now, he was like a kitten mewling for a bowl of milk.
"Go get some sleep," was Heero's careless retort as he pushed himself past Quatre. Quatre only stood there in shock, mouth open and agape.
"No," he whispered to himself, "it's not ending like this..." but Heero couldn't hear him, he was quickly making his way upstairs before any of the others woke up.
"Hey Quatre," came Duo's groggy voice, "what are you doing up, it's like four in the morning and.." he caught a glimpse of Heero out of the corner of his eye.
"So the snake has decided to slither back into our presence," he said coldly. Heero stopped in the middle of the staircase and turned to face him. This was going to happen sooner or later, why not just deal with it now.
"And by the way," Duo added, "if you're going upstairs to sleep in the bed that I kicked you out of, please be sure to burn the sheets in the morning, okay?"
"I can't believe you," Heero grumbled, "I'm only doing what's right for this group, why can't any of you understand that. You know what we do, you know who we are."
"I know who you are," Duo got to his feet, "A leader who beats his friends when they don't listen to him, a leader who abandons his soldiers when they're too weak to fight, a leader who goes behind the backs of his crew while they sleep. Yeah, I know who you are, fucking citizen of the year!"
"What is going on?" Wufei came out of his slumber.
"Guess who came back," Duo replied with venom in his voice, never taking his eyes off of Heero. Wufei followed the evil glare to the staircase.
"Welcome back," he said quietly, getting up from his spot.
"Welcome back?" Duo screamed, "What the fuck are you welcoming him back for? This snake just kidnapped Trowa and dropped him the middle of God- knows-where and you're welcoming him back?"
"Duo, yelling and swearing isn't going to help."
"Oh fuck you Fei," Duo shoved the Chinese boy in the shoulder, "I bet you're in on this too."
"What?"
"Yeah, you two are so much alike, I bet you're glad to have Trowa gone. I bet you knew where Sally was the entire time you just didn't want to tell us."
"You're acting like a crazy man," Wufei yelled back, unable to take Duo's nonsense anymore, "what is wrong with you. I want Trowa back as much as you do, okay. Don't you try and compare me to him," Wufei pointed to Heero at the top of the stairs. The room fell silent, Wufei looking at his stray finger in awe.
"Heero," he began, "you know I-"
"So I'm really that awful to all of you!" Heero fumed. "I'm just some jerk off to you guys, the ass hole leader who does stuff like this just to piss you all off."
"On the nose, jerk off." Duo said with a smirk.
"You really think that? You think I'd go these sort of lengths just to get you guys upset at me, cause you know that's what I want."
"Apparently, why else would you do it?" Duo was now standing at the foot of the stairs, Heero just a few steps above him. Both were eyeing daggers at each other.
"I did it to help this crew, I did it to help Trowa!"
"You did it to one up us, to show us who's boss, that's all you really want in life. To be number one, top dog and you don't care who you trash to get there!"
"And all you want to do is pick a fight! You know I was right, why can't we all just get over it and get back to normal?"
"Back to normal?" Duo snorted, "Are you fucking mad? How can things get back to normal if we have to worry about you dragging one of us out of here in the middle of the night on a whim like you did Trowa? For all we know you just dug a hole on the ground and piled some dirt on top of him!"
"Now you're just being ridiculous!"
Wufei rolled his eyes, unable to listen to the argument any longer. Emotions were running high, and he really couldn't blame Duo for how he felt, but his reaction went way beyond the bounds of appropriateness.
Suddenly, Wufei felt a draft and glancing towards the front door saw a very fatigued Quatre looking grimly at the sun peaking over the horizon.
"Trowa," his lips parted in a whisper, "where are you?"
"Quatre, you okay?" Wufei asked, gaining the attention of the other two pilots who quickly stopped bickering.
"Trowa, where are you?" He asked again taking a step out into the morning.
"Hey," Duo bounded towards the door, "where are you going?"
"Let him go," Heero said.
"I am not taking orders from you," Duo growled.
"See, now you're doing the opposite of what I see fit just because you want to be a rebel. I could tell you to do something completely rational and logical and you'd do the opposite just to be a pain, which by the way you're very good at being."
"This is so like you. You're always right, and the only reason anyone would go against your will would be either because they're stupid or they just want to rebel. Nobody other than you can actually be right about anything!"
"You know what Duo?"
"No, what Heero?"
"Hey, you know what you two?" Wufei butted in. Both Duo and Heero stopped and gave the Chinese boy their full attention. "You need to cut this crap out. Quatre just walked out the door and neither one of you really care."
"Let him be alone," Heero sighed, "he needs to sort out his emotions and stuff."
"Emotions and stuff. Very nice Heero, very sentimental." Duo crossed his arms over his chest.
"Fine, just go to bed," Wufei waved his hand as if he were dismissing a servant, "Duo and I will look for him."
"Oh no," Duo whined, "he is not sleeping in that bed. That's my bed now, he has to sleep on the couch."
"Duo, what's more important: Quatre or a bed?" Wufei asked slipping on an overcoat. Duo's hateful expression waned, his eyebrows relaxed and his taunting smirk became a caring and knowledgeable smile.
"You're right," he said, "let's go find that little blondie."
Quatre's lungs ached as they filled with the cold morning air. Every step he took he staggered on, trying to keep his balance as he fought through his fatigue. His body just wanted to collapse, the weight of all the world was finally becoming too much. Everything he had done was in vain, the time he spent caring for Trowa, all the work, all the long nights without sleep, all the long days without food. What was the point of it all? To have his friend stolen from right under his nose and locked away? He had to find Trowa, but how? Where was he? Why was this all happening?
"Trowa!" He screamed as loud as he could, wanting someone, anyone to answer him. He just needed to this all to end. He needed Trowa back, he needed his life back to normal.
"Where are you? Trowa!" If he just screamed loud enough he could wake Trowa from his trance, and he'd come home.
"Trowa, please!" Or maybe, this was all a dream, and all he had to do was wake himself up and he'd be home, in bed. He could roll over and shading his eyes from the morning and see Trowa in the bed beside him.
"Where are you? Answer me!" What in the hell was wrong with him? This was reality, this was his life now. There was no waking up from this nightmare. Things could never go back to the way they were, never.
The feeling of the dewy morning grass touched Quatre's face and hands, and he soon realized that his body had finally given out. Lying now on someone's grassy lawn, alone in the newborn sunlight, he knew there was no way to escape his drowsiness. Feeling his eyelids close he made no attempt to lift them. It was over now, all he could do was sleep. Sleep was the only answer now, reality was just way too fucked up to deal with.
In the final moments before he drifted away, his ear picked up the distant whisper of two familiar voices calling his name.
A grand white blur of midday light was all Quatre could see when he woke up next. Sitting up in his bed, he realized he was tightly tucked into his bed and in a clean pair of pajamas.
"You may want to take it easy there," came Wufei's voice. Quatre felt his bed move under the weight of someone sitting down beside him.
"What happened?" Quatre asked, trying his best to recollect the events of last night. Heero had come home, and, he was upset because Heero didn't have Trowa with him, and...and...
"You're body finally gave out," came Wufei's grim voice, "you're going to need to rest for a few days, and you need to eat better. Well, actually, you need to just eat."
"I feel so weird," Quatre put his hand to his face, then quickly pulled it back, wincing. His bruised eye was still quite tender.
"Like I said, you just need some rest and some food. After all that running you were doing I'm not surprised you collapsed like you did." That's right, he had been running. He had been looking for Trowa, he fell on someone's lawn.
"I couldn't find him," Quatre looked up at Wufei with despair.
"These may help," Wufei handed over a pair of spectacles.
"Thanks," Quatre slipped them on, "these things are really more of a hindrance than an aid."
"It would help if you actually kept them on your face, they're more useful there." Wufei chuckled, amused by himself.
Quatre blinked a few times, getting his eyes and mind adjusted to everything around him, including the empty bed beside the sliding glass door. It was like a great void swallowing up everything and spiting back up only hollow loneliness. A heavy, dark, inescapable loneliness. Quatre felt his head spin, and now resting it in his hands he realized he was crying.
"When is it all going to end?" he said quietly, wiping away a few stray tears.
"When is what going to end?" Wufei asked.
"This, all this suffering. This pain, I can't do it anymore. Why won't it end?"
"Because it can't." Silence pervaded, Wufei stood up and opened the sliding doors. "It can never end, Quatre. It's something that is part of our existence, something that keeps the perfect balance. You being a Gundam pilot should know that. People were in pain, so we sacrificed ourselves to the clockwork of life, gave up out happiness and freedom so that others may go about their lives carefree and happy. That's what Trowa did, he gave himself up, believing that he would die for us. He took the bullet so that we could continue to live. And that's how life will always be: people will suffer or someone will give their life to defend them."
Quatre nodded in approval. "It's hard to admit though, that no matter what our efforts there will be pain in this world."
"But we also live with the knowledge that though there are people who mean to spread malice, no matter what their efforts there will be times that they fail."
"Well," Quatre sighed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "they won this time. I'm the one who failed."
"I disagree," Wufei said, "right now it's more of a tug-o-war, either one can come out champion. I will admit the odds are stacked against you, but then again, they're stacked against you, Quatre Raberba Winner. And believe me, that counts for something. Against your big heart, blind passion and unbridled recklessness, misery doesn't stand a chance." Quatre smiled, trying to find the right words to answer Wufei's semi-backhanded compliment, but only quiet tears of gratitude seemed appropriate.
"You'll get him back," Wufei added, "but before then, get some rest, relax. Wherever he is I'm sure he's safe and being cared for."
"I'm sure he's wishing he was dead, too." Quatre said darkly.
"What are you going to do when you find him?"
"Call his sister, get in contact with her. I can't bring him back here, Heero would go ballistic. We'd need to be somewhere safe and quiet, far away from this place." Quatre looked up at Wufei, his blue eyes pleading. "You are still going to help me find Sally, right? I can't do it without you."
"Glad to hear that," Wufei smiled, "I rarely get any credit around here for what I do. But that's beside the point, of course I'll help you. I hate the idea of going against our leader-"
"Self proclaimed." Quatre rolled his eyes.
"Self proclaimed, whatever. He's still the one who gives the orders around here. Over breakfast this morning he warned both me and Duo not to try and help find Trowa, just help you move on with your life. You should have seen Duo, the speech he made. He actually got up on the table and started barking, "The only way Quatre can move on with his life is if he has Trowa!" The two pilots laughed to themselves, Wufei at the memory and Quatre at the idea.
"He's sweet," Quatre said, trying to stifle his laughter, "at least his heart is in the right place."
"Heero's heart is in the right place too," Wufei said a little more seriously.
"I know," Quatre replied sheepishly, "I don't want to be mad at him, but, he can be so thick headed. The way he has to always be right about everything. I don't know why I put up with it for so long, I should have done something."
"Duo has been doing something ever since he met Heero. It's hard for us to understand him, and harder for us to crack his shell. But bit by bit, each day a layer comes down. It may be hard to detect sometimes, but it's happening. The final breakthrough though will have to come from within him, that's why you have to push this Quatre. I know that he knows this is wrong, and when he's finally able to admit it to us, well, he can be the person he's meant to be, not the soldier he was molded into."
"That was quite eloquent," Quatre said.
"You're not the only one around here who is allowed to be nice," Wufei headed toward the door. "I'll leave you alone now. Maybe later come back with some dinner, how does a bowl of fruit, some rice and milk sound?"
"Sounds boring."
"But healthy," Wufei chirped.
~*+~*~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~
After serving Quatre his very healthy, and very unwanted dinner, Wufei joined Heero in the living room hoping to be able to spend some time looking for Sally while pretending to work out the details of the newest mission.
Heero of course was sitting alone, Duo made an effort to stay away from his former lover at all times. His pale eyes were quietly perusing his laptop, the blue glow of it's screen made him look eerie in the evening darkness.
"So, have you heard anything lately?" Wufei asked, making himself comfortable on the floor beside his partner.
"'Bout what?" Heero didn't even look up from his laptop.
"About our latest mission, it's been a few days, I was wonder if you got any more information."
"No," Heero spat out.
"Well, when are we leaving? Quatre is going to need time to recover you know."
"I know, don't worry about it."
"But-" Wufei began.
"But nothing! We have other things to do okay? Leave me alone about the damn mission!"
And that confirmed it. All along Wufei had been hiding a secret fear, something that he couldn't share with any of the other pilots, something he didn't really want to contemplate himself.
"It was all a lie," Wufei held his breath waiting for Heero's response.
"What?" He finally looked up from his computer.
"There was no mission. I can't believe it...." Wufei choked a bit, "you deceived us. You just wanted a reason to get him out of here"
"You're beginning to sound like Duo," Heero tried to laugh it off, but it was clear he was worried.
"Then when is it? Where are we going? What's the point if it? Who even sent it to us?"
"Wufei," Heero sighed, "what was I supposed to do?"
"Not lie," Wufei said quietly.
"It's over with," Heero returned to his laptop.
"What did you tell Trowa, did you tell him anything?"
"I told him about the fake mission, he'll never know."
"Why?" Wufei asked angrily.
"It's better than telling him he was a burden. Better than me telling him that he was destroying Quatre.."
"Better than telling him that you just didn't care about him." Wufei scowled.
"Don't tell me you're turning on me too?" Heero sighed. "What in the hell is wrong with all of you? So, let's here your little lecture on what I did."
"I'm not going to, don't worry about that. And I'm not going to tell Quatre and Duo your little secret. I'm just going to hope that somewhere inside of you you're beginning to realize what you have done and the toll it is taking on all of us. I'm also hoping that you're asking yourself what it was all for, and I hope you come to the same conclusion as I have."
Heero turned away, Wufei wondered for a moment if his words had touched him.
"Just don't go looking for him, this is over with," it was obvious Heero was choking back tears, so Wufei didn't push it. He quietly excused himself, wondering how long it was going to take him to find Sally. Thankfully, he had all night.
The sound of a key unlatching the front door filled the silent house. Quatre fixed his gaze on the door and soon found himself eye to eye with a haggard looking Heero. For a moment, neither spoke, not knowing what to say and fearing the other's reaction. But in the end Quatre simply couldn't wait any longer, and being too tired to argue simply walked up to Heero, looked him straight in the eye and made his plea.
"Please," Quatre whispered, "just tell me where he is. Don't do this to him, to me. Just let me go get him and bring him back where he belongs. Please." Heero looked down at the feeble boy before him. He observed his black eye, the one he had so graciously given him. Only days ago had Quatre been so vivacious, so forceful and bold with his words. And now, he was like a kitten mewling for a bowl of milk.
"Go get some sleep," was Heero's careless retort as he pushed himself past Quatre. Quatre only stood there in shock, mouth open and agape.
"No," he whispered to himself, "it's not ending like this..." but Heero couldn't hear him, he was quickly making his way upstairs before any of the others woke up.
"Hey Quatre," came Duo's groggy voice, "what are you doing up, it's like four in the morning and.." he caught a glimpse of Heero out of the corner of his eye.
"So the snake has decided to slither back into our presence," he said coldly. Heero stopped in the middle of the staircase and turned to face him. This was going to happen sooner or later, why not just deal with it now.
"And by the way," Duo added, "if you're going upstairs to sleep in the bed that I kicked you out of, please be sure to burn the sheets in the morning, okay?"
"I can't believe you," Heero grumbled, "I'm only doing what's right for this group, why can't any of you understand that. You know what we do, you know who we are."
"I know who you are," Duo got to his feet, "A leader who beats his friends when they don't listen to him, a leader who abandons his soldiers when they're too weak to fight, a leader who goes behind the backs of his crew while they sleep. Yeah, I know who you are, fucking citizen of the year!"
"What is going on?" Wufei came out of his slumber.
"Guess who came back," Duo replied with venom in his voice, never taking his eyes off of Heero. Wufei followed the evil glare to the staircase.
"Welcome back," he said quietly, getting up from his spot.
"Welcome back?" Duo screamed, "What the fuck are you welcoming him back for? This snake just kidnapped Trowa and dropped him the middle of God- knows-where and you're welcoming him back?"
"Duo, yelling and swearing isn't going to help."
"Oh fuck you Fei," Duo shoved the Chinese boy in the shoulder, "I bet you're in on this too."
"What?"
"Yeah, you two are so much alike, I bet you're glad to have Trowa gone. I bet you knew where Sally was the entire time you just didn't want to tell us."
"You're acting like a crazy man," Wufei yelled back, unable to take Duo's nonsense anymore, "what is wrong with you. I want Trowa back as much as you do, okay. Don't you try and compare me to him," Wufei pointed to Heero at the top of the stairs. The room fell silent, Wufei looking at his stray finger in awe.
"Heero," he began, "you know I-"
"So I'm really that awful to all of you!" Heero fumed. "I'm just some jerk off to you guys, the ass hole leader who does stuff like this just to piss you all off."
"On the nose, jerk off." Duo said with a smirk.
"You really think that? You think I'd go these sort of lengths just to get you guys upset at me, cause you know that's what I want."
"Apparently, why else would you do it?" Duo was now standing at the foot of the stairs, Heero just a few steps above him. Both were eyeing daggers at each other.
"I did it to help this crew, I did it to help Trowa!"
"You did it to one up us, to show us who's boss, that's all you really want in life. To be number one, top dog and you don't care who you trash to get there!"
"And all you want to do is pick a fight! You know I was right, why can't we all just get over it and get back to normal?"
"Back to normal?" Duo snorted, "Are you fucking mad? How can things get back to normal if we have to worry about you dragging one of us out of here in the middle of the night on a whim like you did Trowa? For all we know you just dug a hole on the ground and piled some dirt on top of him!"
"Now you're just being ridiculous!"
Wufei rolled his eyes, unable to listen to the argument any longer. Emotions were running high, and he really couldn't blame Duo for how he felt, but his reaction went way beyond the bounds of appropriateness.
Suddenly, Wufei felt a draft and glancing towards the front door saw a very fatigued Quatre looking grimly at the sun peaking over the horizon.
"Trowa," his lips parted in a whisper, "where are you?"
"Quatre, you okay?" Wufei asked, gaining the attention of the other two pilots who quickly stopped bickering.
"Trowa, where are you?" He asked again taking a step out into the morning.
"Hey," Duo bounded towards the door, "where are you going?"
"Let him go," Heero said.
"I am not taking orders from you," Duo growled.
"See, now you're doing the opposite of what I see fit just because you want to be a rebel. I could tell you to do something completely rational and logical and you'd do the opposite just to be a pain, which by the way you're very good at being."
"This is so like you. You're always right, and the only reason anyone would go against your will would be either because they're stupid or they just want to rebel. Nobody other than you can actually be right about anything!"
"You know what Duo?"
"No, what Heero?"
"Hey, you know what you two?" Wufei butted in. Both Duo and Heero stopped and gave the Chinese boy their full attention. "You need to cut this crap out. Quatre just walked out the door and neither one of you really care."
"Let him be alone," Heero sighed, "he needs to sort out his emotions and stuff."
"Emotions and stuff. Very nice Heero, very sentimental." Duo crossed his arms over his chest.
"Fine, just go to bed," Wufei waved his hand as if he were dismissing a servant, "Duo and I will look for him."
"Oh no," Duo whined, "he is not sleeping in that bed. That's my bed now, he has to sleep on the couch."
"Duo, what's more important: Quatre or a bed?" Wufei asked slipping on an overcoat. Duo's hateful expression waned, his eyebrows relaxed and his taunting smirk became a caring and knowledgeable smile.
"You're right," he said, "let's go find that little blondie."
Quatre's lungs ached as they filled with the cold morning air. Every step he took he staggered on, trying to keep his balance as he fought through his fatigue. His body just wanted to collapse, the weight of all the world was finally becoming too much. Everything he had done was in vain, the time he spent caring for Trowa, all the work, all the long nights without sleep, all the long days without food. What was the point of it all? To have his friend stolen from right under his nose and locked away? He had to find Trowa, but how? Where was he? Why was this all happening?
"Trowa!" He screamed as loud as he could, wanting someone, anyone to answer him. He just needed to this all to end. He needed Trowa back, he needed his life back to normal.
"Where are you? Trowa!" If he just screamed loud enough he could wake Trowa from his trance, and he'd come home.
"Trowa, please!" Or maybe, this was all a dream, and all he had to do was wake himself up and he'd be home, in bed. He could roll over and shading his eyes from the morning and see Trowa in the bed beside him.
"Where are you? Answer me!" What in the hell was wrong with him? This was reality, this was his life now. There was no waking up from this nightmare. Things could never go back to the way they were, never.
The feeling of the dewy morning grass touched Quatre's face and hands, and he soon realized that his body had finally given out. Lying now on someone's grassy lawn, alone in the newborn sunlight, he knew there was no way to escape his drowsiness. Feeling his eyelids close he made no attempt to lift them. It was over now, all he could do was sleep. Sleep was the only answer now, reality was just way too fucked up to deal with.
In the final moments before he drifted away, his ear picked up the distant whisper of two familiar voices calling his name.
A grand white blur of midday light was all Quatre could see when he woke up next. Sitting up in his bed, he realized he was tightly tucked into his bed and in a clean pair of pajamas.
"You may want to take it easy there," came Wufei's voice. Quatre felt his bed move under the weight of someone sitting down beside him.
"What happened?" Quatre asked, trying his best to recollect the events of last night. Heero had come home, and, he was upset because Heero didn't have Trowa with him, and...and...
"You're body finally gave out," came Wufei's grim voice, "you're going to need to rest for a few days, and you need to eat better. Well, actually, you need to just eat."
"I feel so weird," Quatre put his hand to his face, then quickly pulled it back, wincing. His bruised eye was still quite tender.
"Like I said, you just need some rest and some food. After all that running you were doing I'm not surprised you collapsed like you did." That's right, he had been running. He had been looking for Trowa, he fell on someone's lawn.
"I couldn't find him," Quatre looked up at Wufei with despair.
"These may help," Wufei handed over a pair of spectacles.
"Thanks," Quatre slipped them on, "these things are really more of a hindrance than an aid."
"It would help if you actually kept them on your face, they're more useful there." Wufei chuckled, amused by himself.
Quatre blinked a few times, getting his eyes and mind adjusted to everything around him, including the empty bed beside the sliding glass door. It was like a great void swallowing up everything and spiting back up only hollow loneliness. A heavy, dark, inescapable loneliness. Quatre felt his head spin, and now resting it in his hands he realized he was crying.
"When is it all going to end?" he said quietly, wiping away a few stray tears.
"When is what going to end?" Wufei asked.
"This, all this suffering. This pain, I can't do it anymore. Why won't it end?"
"Because it can't." Silence pervaded, Wufei stood up and opened the sliding doors. "It can never end, Quatre. It's something that is part of our existence, something that keeps the perfect balance. You being a Gundam pilot should know that. People were in pain, so we sacrificed ourselves to the clockwork of life, gave up out happiness and freedom so that others may go about their lives carefree and happy. That's what Trowa did, he gave himself up, believing that he would die for us. He took the bullet so that we could continue to live. And that's how life will always be: people will suffer or someone will give their life to defend them."
Quatre nodded in approval. "It's hard to admit though, that no matter what our efforts there will be pain in this world."
"But we also live with the knowledge that though there are people who mean to spread malice, no matter what their efforts there will be times that they fail."
"Well," Quatre sighed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "they won this time. I'm the one who failed."
"I disagree," Wufei said, "right now it's more of a tug-o-war, either one can come out champion. I will admit the odds are stacked against you, but then again, they're stacked against you, Quatre Raberba Winner. And believe me, that counts for something. Against your big heart, blind passion and unbridled recklessness, misery doesn't stand a chance." Quatre smiled, trying to find the right words to answer Wufei's semi-backhanded compliment, but only quiet tears of gratitude seemed appropriate.
"You'll get him back," Wufei added, "but before then, get some rest, relax. Wherever he is I'm sure he's safe and being cared for."
"I'm sure he's wishing he was dead, too." Quatre said darkly.
"What are you going to do when you find him?"
"Call his sister, get in contact with her. I can't bring him back here, Heero would go ballistic. We'd need to be somewhere safe and quiet, far away from this place." Quatre looked up at Wufei, his blue eyes pleading. "You are still going to help me find Sally, right? I can't do it without you."
"Glad to hear that," Wufei smiled, "I rarely get any credit around here for what I do. But that's beside the point, of course I'll help you. I hate the idea of going against our leader-"
"Self proclaimed." Quatre rolled his eyes.
"Self proclaimed, whatever. He's still the one who gives the orders around here. Over breakfast this morning he warned both me and Duo not to try and help find Trowa, just help you move on with your life. You should have seen Duo, the speech he made. He actually got up on the table and started barking, "The only way Quatre can move on with his life is if he has Trowa!" The two pilots laughed to themselves, Wufei at the memory and Quatre at the idea.
"He's sweet," Quatre said, trying to stifle his laughter, "at least his heart is in the right place."
"Heero's heart is in the right place too," Wufei said a little more seriously.
"I know," Quatre replied sheepishly, "I don't want to be mad at him, but, he can be so thick headed. The way he has to always be right about everything. I don't know why I put up with it for so long, I should have done something."
"Duo has been doing something ever since he met Heero. It's hard for us to understand him, and harder for us to crack his shell. But bit by bit, each day a layer comes down. It may be hard to detect sometimes, but it's happening. The final breakthrough though will have to come from within him, that's why you have to push this Quatre. I know that he knows this is wrong, and when he's finally able to admit it to us, well, he can be the person he's meant to be, not the soldier he was molded into."
"That was quite eloquent," Quatre said.
"You're not the only one around here who is allowed to be nice," Wufei headed toward the door. "I'll leave you alone now. Maybe later come back with some dinner, how does a bowl of fruit, some rice and milk sound?"
"Sounds boring."
"But healthy," Wufei chirped.
~*+~*~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+~
After serving Quatre his very healthy, and very unwanted dinner, Wufei joined Heero in the living room hoping to be able to spend some time looking for Sally while pretending to work out the details of the newest mission.
Heero of course was sitting alone, Duo made an effort to stay away from his former lover at all times. His pale eyes were quietly perusing his laptop, the blue glow of it's screen made him look eerie in the evening darkness.
"So, have you heard anything lately?" Wufei asked, making himself comfortable on the floor beside his partner.
"'Bout what?" Heero didn't even look up from his laptop.
"About our latest mission, it's been a few days, I was wonder if you got any more information."
"No," Heero spat out.
"Well, when are we leaving? Quatre is going to need time to recover you know."
"I know, don't worry about it."
"But-" Wufei began.
"But nothing! We have other things to do okay? Leave me alone about the damn mission!"
And that confirmed it. All along Wufei had been hiding a secret fear, something that he couldn't share with any of the other pilots, something he didn't really want to contemplate himself.
"It was all a lie," Wufei held his breath waiting for Heero's response.
"What?" He finally looked up from his computer.
"There was no mission. I can't believe it...." Wufei choked a bit, "you deceived us. You just wanted a reason to get him out of here"
"You're beginning to sound like Duo," Heero tried to laugh it off, but it was clear he was worried.
"Then when is it? Where are we going? What's the point if it? Who even sent it to us?"
"Wufei," Heero sighed, "what was I supposed to do?"
"Not lie," Wufei said quietly.
"It's over with," Heero returned to his laptop.
"What did you tell Trowa, did you tell him anything?"
"I told him about the fake mission, he'll never know."
"Why?" Wufei asked angrily.
"It's better than telling him he was a burden. Better than me telling him that he was destroying Quatre.."
"Better than telling him that you just didn't care about him." Wufei scowled.
"Don't tell me you're turning on me too?" Heero sighed. "What in the hell is wrong with all of you? So, let's here your little lecture on what I did."
"I'm not going to, don't worry about that. And I'm not going to tell Quatre and Duo your little secret. I'm just going to hope that somewhere inside of you you're beginning to realize what you have done and the toll it is taking on all of us. I'm also hoping that you're asking yourself what it was all for, and I hope you come to the same conclusion as I have."
Heero turned away, Wufei wondered for a moment if his words had touched him.
"Just don't go looking for him, this is over with," it was obvious Heero was choking back tears, so Wufei didn't push it. He quietly excused himself, wondering how long it was going to take him to find Sally. Thankfully, he had all night.
