Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter
Chapter XII- Pickled Prospects
"Neville…" Ginny started, but was cut off by one of the man himself.
"Tut tut, Ginny, get started. There's no time to waste!"
Hermione yanked her own Writing Wizard out from under her robes, and waved it in his face. "We know you have one, and we know what they are," she spat. "Just stop it with this 'I'm evil, wash my socks' thing!"
"Wash my….what?" Neville frowned. He shook his head, and his evil minions, fluffy cat, and jar of pickle juice disappeared. "You guys are no fun."
"You think its FUN to smell like pickles?" Ginny screamed. He shrugged.
"I don't know, I've never tried it."
Hermione groaned. "I think common sense would tell you that it's a BAD idea. Honestly, pickles aren't exactly perfume."
Neville rolled his eyes. "Thanks for telling me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd best be off. Ta ta!"
He gave a little wave, and pulled off the Writing Wizard. Nothing, of course, happened.
Hermione and Ginny chuckled happily, while Neville fumbled around with the finicky little pen. Seeing the so called 'evil master' bested by a writing instrument was very amusing to the two trapped women. Indeed, being trapped in a pseudo-alternate universe for a while can do that to people.
His face looked up in realization. "We're trapped, aren't we?"
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Bingo."
"But Fred promised me it would work!" he whined, suddenly de-aging into a three year old. "He said I would have fun! I would forget my job!"
Neville worked as a sanitation director for a Nestle chocolate factory. His job was to clean everything pristinely, top to bottom, in preparation for the candy.
"Oh, come off it!" Hermione scolded. "It did what he told you it would! It worked perfectly, and you had your fun!"
"It was your fault you blew your royalties anyway," Ginny mumbled. Hermione elbowed her in the stomach, and she choked.
"Shut it," she hissed. He looked at the two of them, his lip trembling. It was about to start.
It was starting.
It happened.
Huge, wet, sloppy tears fell from his eyes, and began to soak into his robes. Big throaty sobs made their way up from his chest. Hermione and Ginny cringed.
"Um."
What to do now?
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"Bwah wa sha du haha la!"
Little Katrine Malfoy was all alone in the middle of a castle. Her babysitter, the amorous and horny house-elf Dobby, had run off with his fangirls, leaving her. She didn't like that, but then again, she didn't really like him anyway.
A teenage girl ran down the hall, then turned, and stared at the petite toddler. Katrine was very afraid. This girl had glaring red hair, and little crayon-drawn freckles all over her face. Much to her babyish dismay, the scary girl picked her up in a vice like grip.
"OOOOO, you widdle cute-poo! You widdle cutie wootie poo!"
Just then, even more girls came rumbling down the hall, all of them redheaded. Katrine's eyes flew open, and she gave out a little wail of fear.
"Oooooo, aren't you just the sweetest thing? Aren't you? Aren't you?"
So many fingers scared the poor baby, and she crapped herself.
Literally.
"OUGH, baby!"
"You take her!"
The girls began to play a little game of 'Baby Hot Potato', passing the smirking girl around as fast as they could. One of the girls gasped, and the game stopped.
At that moment, Draco himself walked around the corner, just in time to hear the gasping fangirl say;
"Did you see that smirk? She looks just like a little Draco/Ginny lovechild."
"Ooooo!"
He felt his lunch rise up from his stomach. "A what?"
The gaggle of girls shrieked loudly, and finally saw him. He took Katrine from them, and she cooed happily, batting at his hair.
He motioned to her rosy cheeks. "Do you see any freckles?" he practically screamed. They shook their heads no. "She's not a Draco/Ginny lovechild! That's just…..wrong!"
The scared little Ginny fangirls stared at him, blanched white, as he stormed off.
"He looks like Draco Malfoy."
Draco rolled his eyes, and yelled, "No WAY!"
He turned the corner, fuming.
"Stupid little dip! Idiot of an elf! When I get my hands on him, I'll…..AUGH!"
He had forgotten one little thing in his hurry to find his daughter.
His son!
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"It is almost finished, my master."
"Excellent. When I finally reach them, I will have all the leverage necessary to trap Harry Potter right where he stands! It is perfect! The world will be mine!"
Evil snicker.
"Don't forget the money she'll pay us."
"Oh, right. That silly little Author will have her story, and you will have your money. The world will be free of Harry Potter, and all his little friends!"
"Could it get any more perfect than that?"
"Finally, Weasley, you see my point. We are unstoppable!"
Lord Dimitrius threw back his head, and laughed, as only evil geniuses do.
The alley shook.
"MUAH! MUAHAHAH! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
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an: there you have it! ask any questions! You will get any answer! Review, and have some ice cream! There will be 2-3 chapters left, depending on how much of the Draco/Academy/Dobby scenes I do. I could fill an entire chapter with them!
Have some ice cream!
Dobbylicious Doters (hands out timbits™) A Dobby plushie to anyone who knows what store timbits™ are from (and what they are)!
FriesWithThat: Oh, but you were there! You were my brownie-giving fangirl without a name, since you did not specify what you wished to be called.
Allie-Dee: my sister says sweet all the time
Miranda G. Potter: Neville is a silly willy
wingless87: no problem
Siria: Neville is de-lish-us-ly evil (I write it that way because I don't actually know how to spell it)
CountingCodfish: yes, the end is near…I'm sorry, but school will be starting soon, and I'm graduating this year, so I actually need to WORK..i might drabble in some other fics
Invisible Voice: to tell you the truth, I don't want to know what Neville does in his spare time
Lildaisygirl24: ok, that was very long…but that's cool. I have a friend named Jessica, but she didn't want to be a Dobby fangirl…she thinks hes retarded
The Nauti Dolphin: I've read some HP ff with drunken orgies. Me no likey.
MysticalSpirits: your poor keyboard. One should never be without evil capital letters
SinfulColours: Are you Canadian, British, or Other (or do you just spell colours with a 'u'?) I think Dobby's fanclub borders between a cult and just a pack of insane fangirls. It depends on what they eat for breakfast
Elfaghetti: I thought you hated him! You said he was retarded!
