Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.
(an: this is it!)
Chapter XV- The All-Knowing Author
Thunder cracked. Lighting flashed. The outline of Hogwarts castle was silhouetted against the warring sky, a perfect backdrop for the announcements of the Lord of Darkness. He stood, a maniacal Noah, the flashes and booms merely animals in his cosmic menagerie.
Then the thunder and lightening magically stopped.
Ginny rolled her eyes at him. "Honestly. Evil overlords these days." She motioned to her Writing Wizard. "Give them one ounce of power, and they go all dramatic on us."
Neville nodded in agreement, his head in his hands.
"Please Dimitrius," Hermione pleaded. "I have two children who need me. Can't you find any love in your heart to just tell us how to shut this thing off?"
Both Neville and Ginny nodded their heads. The Dark Lord laughed maniacally, and screamed, "You fools! This was what I was hoping for! You three in my power, helpless! Now I have all the force to bring Harry Potter and his companions to their knees! The Stupid Idiots!" He flounced like a nancy boy, and his face lit up with joy. "I must go off and gloat!"
With a taunting wave, Dimitrius turned away, and removed the chain from around his neck. Nothing happened. Confused, he put it back on, then took it off. Nothing happened again. "Stupid mershlachummmfz," he muttered to himself.
"What's that, Lord?" Neville piped up. "Forgotten how to get back?"
The Dark Lord scowled up at Neville, his usually handsome features skewed up in a constipated fashion. "Of course not, idiot. It's not working properly."
"You can't leave by just taking it off," Hermione said. "We already tried that. How stupid do you think we are?"
"Don't answer that," Ginny added quickly.
After a minute of tinkering with the pen, Dimitrius gave a wild yell, and threw it across the field, completely frustrated. Thinking quickly, Ginny began to write.
Suddenly, the earth opened up, and swallowed The Evil Lord Dimitrius in one gulp
"Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Stupid guy," Hermione commented. "Throwing away his only weapon."
She walked over, and picked up the Weasley Writing Wizard, and began to fiddle with it.
"I'm glad that Fred didn't totally betray us," Ginny sighed, sitting down. "It couldn't have been a mistake that he didn't tell Dimitrius how to return."
Neville plopped down next to her, equally glum. "But it's a pity he never told us."
Hermione felt a tear trickle down her cheek, and quickly wiped it away, the Writing Wizard gently grazing her cheek. Ginny motioned to it. "You got pen on your face."
"Oh, I didn't know these things could actually write," Hermione laughed, then clicked the end with her thumb, retracting the ink.
The pen vanished.
Neville jumped up, his eyes as big as Galleons. "Did you see that, or am I just going insane?"
"We saw it," Ginny replied, her voice barely a whisper. Without another word, Neville clicked the end of his own pen, and vanished as well.
Hermione faced Ginny. "Do you think it hurts?" the redhead said. Hermione shook her head no.
"It didn't hurt getting here. Besides, what's the big deal? A little prick, and we're back home!"
Ginny smiled. "Alright. See you on the other side!" Then with a click, she was gone.
Hermione felt her own pen in her hand, and closed her eyes.
Goodbye Hogwarts.
Click.
AVAVAVAVA
Two days had passed since the Harry Potter Convention-slash-Academy Alumni Reunion-slash- Harry Potter Actors Public Appearance. Dobby hummed quietly to himself, thinking back fondly to his experience at the Academy, full of food, fun, and his own fangirls. He plopped down in his beanbag, and began to doze.
Mmmmmm…
"DOBBY!"
The house elf's eyes flew open at the sight of Master Draco running down the hall with shaving cream all over his face, razor in his hand. "Dobby, have you seen my aftershave anywhere?"
Dobby shook his head glumly. Master is lost without Mistress Hermione. Draco frowned. "Maybe I stuck it in one of the closets."
He turned, and headed down the hall towards the storage closet. He opened it, and then…
What could only be described as a 'squee' was heard, and then there was a loud scream, and a thump. Dobby, being a loyal house elf, scrambled to his feet, and ran down the hall, to see if his Master was in trouble. He then gave a sigh of relief, as he saw it was only Mistress Hermione, dressed in too-small robes, sitting on top of her husband, who was nearly jumping with joy.
"Have you been in there the whole time?" he asked stupidly. She grinned at his puzzled face, and gave him a huge kiss, shaving cream and all. When she pulled away, she looked like Father Christmas.
"I'll explain it all later," she said. "Now, where are my children?"
"Don't worry, I dropped them off at Crabbe and Goyle's" Draco explained, wiping off the fluffy cream. She looked at him, horrified. "I also know where you were. Hogwarts, right? Bumblebee kept us informed."
"That mad hatter, he always knows everything!" Hermione brushed herself off, and looked over at her house-elf. "What have you been up to?"
Dobby smiled.
"Mistress will be delighted that Dobby has kept the house clean."
"I am, thank you very much," she replied.
"Mistress will also be happy to know that Dobby has kept the computer running. The story that you have been writing is on there now."
Hermione blanched.
"I think I've had enough of fanfiction for now," she said with a laugh. Draco hugged her to him tightly. "I've become morbidly scared of pens…"
())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())TBC)(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())
"…and I'm never touching a computer again!"
The End
Draco typed the last 'd' with a gallant flourish, then swirled the chair around to face his wife. She 'humphed' to herself, and protested, "That means nothing."
"Nothing?" he squeaked.
She shook her head. "Nothing."
"You still cannot accept that I, Draco Malfoy, am a better writer than you?"
"You are not a better writer than me! We are simply different!"
He laughed at her frustration, and motioned to the screen. "Can you write that? That story, filled with complex characters, plot twists, and garnished with 166 loving reviews?"
"It is based on real life, Dray-CO, you don't need any imagination to write that!"
He stood up, and wrapped his arms around her, smothering any other complaints. "It's okay, Hermione, I understand your frustration. It will take some time before you can come to the conclusion that I am a better writer than you."
She wriggled quickly out of his grasp, and stared at him hotly. "Neville wouldn't have a cat."
He quirked an eyebrow. "What?"
"In your story Neville was petting a fluffy white cat. In real life Neville is allergic to cats."
He waved off her statement. "It's a story! Neville can have a fluffy white cat if he wants to."
"Whatever. That Writing Wizard thing didn't make sense either. It slowly morphed from a writing aid into a full blown inter-dimensional transportation device!" She grabbed one of Draco's company pens, and waved it in his face. "A-WHOOSH!"
He snorted. "You crack me up, Hermione."
"No I don't!" She huffed at his smirking face. "You're just a paltry fanfiction writer! And your title doesn't make sense any more either!"
"Sure it does!"
"Nooooo! If she was married at the time, wouldn't it be 'Penname: Hermione Malfoy?"
He rolled his eyes. "No. It would be Granger, so that she wouldn't be known as a stereotypical D/Hr-shipper!"
"You can't just lose all grasp on reality when writing!"
"Ah, but my dear, that is reality!"
"I GIVE UP!"
Hermione stormed out the door of their lavish office, and down the hall to the den. Draco grinned, and stuck his head out after her, and yelled, "IT'S OKAY! I KNOW YOU'RE JEALOUS!"
She huffed at him, then sat down lazily on a squishy leather couch. Her look turned instantly from an angered expression into one that was satisfied, and slightly crafty. "I think that's all for today," she muttered to herself, then with a final look around the room, she pulled back her robes to reveal a long-chained necklace, with a pendant shaped like an ornate ballpoint pen. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, she reached down, and clicked the pen closed.
And then she was gone.
The End
AVAVAVAVA
(an: OMIGOD, its over!!!!! I can't believe it! Did you like the ending? If you didn't, then I'm sorry, but I've been planning it since Chapter Eleven! Anyone who has read Barry Trotter probably knew it was coming, but anywho…Read and Review….but I guess if you've come this far it means that you've already read it, so just review! Please!)
ps: I have an epilogue, but I don't like it, and I probably wont post it, but I also have an appendix (Hermione's Thoughts on Shippage) that I like, and I might post that instead
(reviewers get anatomically correct Draco clones)
The Nauti Dolphin: hopefully your eyeballs haven't dried out
Xhana: oh God, don't mention math class…. I hope it was confusing in a good way
Miranda G. Potter: you were my first reviewer way back in the day! Eee! I wuv you! The Author is a bit of a moron…
FriesWithThat: I sort of live near somewhat mountainous areas…northern Alberta, Canada, but I hang out at my Grandpa's winter home, which is mountain-y. How does one disco, exactly?
Horny-Cotter: I don't want to know what Dobby was doing
CountingCodfish: yes, I kind of felt sorry for him as well
Wingless87: poor Draco….him and his little perverted servant
lildasygirl24: he wants to take over the world, as usual
Hermione Double: I like the un-realistic-ness of it too. If I want to dwell on R/H, I'll just watch the 3rd HP movie, but if I want to dwell on D/H, I'll read or write a fanfic, which is so much nicer
T'Lorie: NO! NOT THE GREMLINS!
mrs w00d nd malf0y: do you need a cough drop?
Invisible Voice: your wish is my command!
Elfaghetti: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I want to adopt your Malfoy Family fic, because I have SOOOO many ideas!!!! EEEEEE!!!
Toodles :)
