I do not own The O.C. or most of the characters in this story.
A/N: I had this story in mind when I wrote Undeniably Fated but I wasn't quite sure about it. I'll like to thank Nysha63, kutu and Aleah for their encouragement and helping me bounce ideas around. I'm quite happy with this version.
Just like in Undeniably Fated, it's written in First Person POV with different characters taking the reins as chapters change. I don't think you absolutely need to read UF to understand this but it might help you understand the characters better.
It picks up from where its predecessor left off - the New Year's Eve party.
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Anna POV
I could literally hear my heart beat as I drove back to the party. I didn't even have to look for him. He was sitting at the edge of the steps, his back bent over so that his head was resting on his folded arms. I looked at the people gathered close by and witnessed their failed attempts at looking away from him. I'd embarrassed him publicly and I didn't think there was anything I could say to set things straight.
I heard my car doors lock as I walked to him. I knew he was expecting me as I'd called him a few minutes earlier but I still didn't have any tangible explanations planned - they all sounded like excuses - and I'd decided that my bad behavior warranted whatever it was he chose to throw at me. I knew he could hear me approach because my heels were moving on gravel but when he didn't even stir, I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. But as I reached out to touch him, he dodged it and looked up at me through pained eyes. I didn't expect to see his eyes puffy from tears but I wasn't prepared for what I did see- rock solid brown ice, flecked with gold. The Seth I knew, the jovial, happy, ready to please man we all loved to be around was gone and all because he'd made the mistake of loving me. I noticed that my coat was lying next to him and couldn't believe that he still had the presence of mind to pick it up for me. I was about to offer some form of apology when he simply asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"
I was at a loss for words. What kind of response could I give to that?
"Answer me, Anna, tell me what I did." He didn't raise his voice. He didn't even say it with much emotion and that made it that much harder to take.
"Nothing, Seth. You didn't do anything," I croaked. I wondered if he'd heard me because I'd barely heard myself.
"Then could you explain it to me?" He looked away from me and just stared ahead. I took that as my cue to sit next to him.
"Seth, I'm really sorry," I said as earnestly as humanly possible.
"Sorry for what?" he whispered. The temperature was dropping by the minute and I could see his breath every time he spoke. That just made the words linger because they seemed to float around me.
I gently put my hand on his shoulder. "For what I did to you. You deserve so much more. I am really sorry."
"Was I right?" he asked, looking at me from the corner of his eye. He glanced at my arm but didn't do anything.
"About?"
He grunted. "Don't play dumb with me. This is neither the time nor place. Are you fucking Ryan?" His tone was getting stronger.
"No. How can you say that?"
He sniffed sarcastically. "Okay, let me explain it to you. I've known Ryan for almost ten years," he started, counting off the points on his fingers. "The last I heard, I was his best friend. He sees you embarrass me like that in public and what does he do? He runs after you. He doesn't ask about how I am feeling, after all, I was the one who was made to look like an idiot in front of everyone, hell, the press were even there. I bet there's going to be something about it in tomorrow's papers. But does he stay with me? No. He chases after you. How the hell am I not supposed to believe that there's something going on? I'm not blind, you know."
He couldn't have been more right and my throat couldn't have been any drier.
He let out a laugh. "Oh… don't bother, your silence speaks volumes."
"No. You've got it all wrong. I've never slept with Ryan," I replied. I knew there wasn't much I could do or say to him at that point but I wanted him to understand that I'd never cheated on him and that it wasn't as bad as he thought. "I couldn't have done that to you."
"Yeah, all of sudden, you care about me? It's apparent you never did. And stop lying to me! If nothing was going on, why hasn't he answered any of my calls? Why hasn't he called to find out how I feel? Why?"
"I don't know."
"Oh, I bet you do, Anna. I bet my right hand, the hand I used to write all those little romantic notes to you, the one I used to massage your shoulders when you were tired, the one --"
"Seth don't do this," I begged.
"Why not? Did you think of me when you were fucking Ryan? My friend? My fucking brother?"
"Seth, no matter how many times you say it, it's not going to change the fact I never slept with Ryan." I knew I didn't have a right to be annoyed but I hated that he refused to hear me.
"Okay, did you kiss him?" he asked, his brow lifted.
"Seth, stop it." The stupid apology was going in no way I'd hoped. I wondered if I should have taken Ryan up on his offer and brought him along with me.
"Why? So that I can let you give me some lame-ass apology to make yourself feel better? No such luck, Anna. None. Do yourself favor and take that thought out of your mind. Just answer the question, it's simple enough; did you kiss him?"
"Seth, I'm not going to answer that question because it's got nothing to do with us."
"Are you kidding me?" he asked incredulously. His voice was completely raised and he didn't even bother to take it back down. He was angry and didn't care that I saw him that way. And that saddened me. The Seth I'd known in the past year had always tried to be patient to me, but apparently, he no longer cared enough to make the effort. "You can't possibly be trying to say that whatever you were doing with Ryan has nothing to do with the fact that you just rejected my proposal … that it has nothing to do with you not loving me."
"Seth."
"No, forget that. Just answer my question - you owe me that much."
There were no words to share, instead I just looked away from him.
"I thought so. So there you have it. My girlfriend was sneaking behind my back and having an affair with my roommate who also happens to be my best friend. Wow, ain't that special? Heck, the only option I'm left with is moving to Nashville and becoming the next Garth Brooks."
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That conversation with Seth never left me. Any pleasure that I'd derived from being with Ryan was marred by the stain of the pain I'd inflicted on Seth. I constantly felt guilty and hated myself for what I'd done to him. Ryan and I had only been together for one week and I'd already begun to regret my decision to not marry his brother. I loved them in different ways but I was so disgusted by the irreparable damage I'd caused to someone who just wanted to love me, that I wished I hadn't been so selfish and just done the right thing. And it was becoming unbearable. Plus, seeing Ryan didn't help because he represented everything I'd hurt someone to get. And it was reaching the point that I thought of Seth everytime I saw him.
After a long day of teaching college students who seemed hell bent on not understanding me, I walked into my barely heated apartment and plopped on my couch, but not before I pressed the button on my answering machine.
Other than a message from my mother and one from Verizon, I had 5 messages from Ryan ranging from "Call me," to "Where are you? Call me as soon as you get back!" It would have been scary if I didn't know that he was probably worried because I hadn't answered any of the calls he'd made to my cell phone.
"Where have you been?" he snapped before I could say anything in the phone receiver. My legs were bent over the head of my chair and my plans for nursing my emerging headache didn't involve getting into any arguments with my boyfriend.
"Relax, I've been busy, what's going on?" I said, hoping my tone would calm him.
"Seth's moving, that's what."
I sat up in a shot. "What?"
"You heard me. That's why I've been trying to reach you. Maybe there's something you can say to him to change his mind. This is crazy. I tried--"
Seth was leaving because of me? It couldn't be. There had to be an explanation. "Ryan, what's going on?"
"He says he feels betrayed, that he can't live with a traitor and that he doesn't feel comfortable living with me anymore," he explained.
"But, but…" There had to be some mistake.
"I know. And he refuses to listen to me." I could tell that he was pained because in the short time I'd known him, I could tell that his relationship with Seth was something he treasured. "Remember how I told you he was only giving me one word answers?" he continued.
"Yes."
"Well, now he doesn't even bother - he just pretends I am not around. I'll say something to him and he'd pretend I'm invisible."
"Shit."
"If I were him, I'd want to be left alone, but I just can't do it. I need to find a way to make him stay." Even though he was speaking into the phone, it almost seemed like he was talking to himself.
"He's already found an apartment?" I was a little surprised as New York City real estate wasn't created for last minute decisions.
"He doesn't need to."
"What does that mean?"
"Anna, he's moving back to Newport."
"What?" It was worse than I'd thought. I'd caused him that much pain?
"Exactly. He's leaving his job, his life here and everything and he doesn't have to. Maybe you can come…"
"No, Ryan, I can't do that."
"Why not? Maybe if we speak to him together we can convince him to stay. He doesn't have to live with me but he should not be leaving his job." It was nice to hear him be so hopeful but I could bet that if he allowed himself to admit it, he knew the decision had already been made. But Ryan was a fighter and it looked like he intended to fight till the end.
"I don't get this. He wants to leave New York?"
"During this morning's rant, he said that he hates this city and that he can't walk down our block or get on the subway without thinking of you. And when he does, he also thinks of me and remembers that he was stupid for ever trusting us in the first place."
"Ryan…"
"He's really upset. He feels we had some kind of affair behind his back. Maybe if you came down and we tried to talk to him, tred to explain things, he'd see that we weren't being malicious."
"No, that's going to make it worse. Trust me, I am the last person he wants to see."
"Then what are we going to do? We can't just let him leave."
"Shit. I wonder what his parents think." The last time I'd met them, his mother had said she was glad he had me in his life, only for him to return home, heartbroken and betrayed by me. I doubted I could ever face them again.
"They aren't taking sides, at least I don't think they are. Sandy says there's a job for him working with Caleb."
"When does he leave?"
"Tonight."
"What? So soon?"
"He's leaving on the Red Eye. He's been packing like a maniac. I thought he'd just leave everything and go, but instead he's taken everything with him, including all the stuff I've given him over the years. I half expected him to empty a box on my bed, but there's been none of that. I guess that's a good sign."
"Ryan, this is messed up. I'm being to wonder if any of this was wor--"
"Don't even say that, Anna," he interrupted. The worried Ryan had disappeared. In his place was authoritative Ryan, the one who only saw things in black and white.
"I'm just--"
"Don't," he warned again. "We've got to remember that something great came out of this mess. We cannot think like that. Okay?" he finished in a much softer tone.
"Sure." But he had to know that it was easier said than done. If it were that easy to tell my heart what to feel, no one would have had to leave New York City in the first place.
