I do not own The O.C.

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I kinda dragged my feet writing this chapter. But I can't sleep so voila! There are going to be around 18 chapters.

----

Ryan POV

I sat in my car, waiting for Anna. There were no free parking spaces for miles so after sounding my horn, I called to let her know I was waiting downstairs. There was no answer but I still left a message even though I was sure that she was already on her way. I hit the horn a little more, then waited. Still no Anna. I called her cellular phone and land line with no success. That was when I got worried. I'd called before I left, telling her I was on my way to pick her up so I'd almost expected to see her on the sidewalk. Although she'd been a little withdrawn and quiet in the past month, she'd retained her enthusiasm for my party.

She'd taken Friday off so we got tickets for Thursday's 9:35pm flight. Traffic had been a bitch so we didn't really have much time to waste. I wondered if a particularly huge bag was keeping her, but even that wouldn't explain a fifteen minute delay. I parked next to a no-parking sign, shut my car door and headed for her elevators.

Her door was slightly ajar so I pushed it in. She was fully dressed, sitting on her couch's arm and playing with her small suitcase. The first red flag went up when she looked up at me regretfully. I told myself I'd misread it because there was no way she was going to do that to me.

I forced myself to smile and said, "All packed?" I waved, gesturing for her to follow me. "We need to leave now if we're going to catch that flight."

She made no attempt to move. Instead, she kept giving me that look.

"Anna, come on, lets go," I pleaded, grabbing hold of her luggage, hoping that she'd just follow me. Instead of getting on her feet, she put her hand over mine and pulled my fingers off her bag.

Looking down on the arm that lay across her lap, in a very small voice, she said, "Ryan, I'm not coming with you."

"What?" Now her words matched her look but I still clung to the hope that I was hearing wrong.

She glanced at me and shook her head. "I can't come with you."

"Why not? Did something happen?"

She smiled lopsidedly. "It isn't that something happened but that something didn't happen."

"What does that mean?"

I must have shouted because she walked up to her door and shut it. Instead of sitting, she faced me and leaned on the wall. "It means that it feels wrong."

The only thing that felt wrong was the conversation we were having. I shook my head in disbelief. "Anna, this is not happening. This is not happening," I murmured.

"I'm sorry, I just can't change the way I feel."

"I am fucking sick of people telling me about their feelings. How much thinking is involved in coming to Newport –somewhere your brother lives, mind you – and attending a party you know means so much to so many people? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Ryan, please don't be mad, but I just can't go. I tried, I really did, but I just can't."

"Why, Anna? Why the hell can't you?"

She wanted to say something then apparently changed her mind. She walked to her couch, sat down, put her elbows on her knees and cupped her face in her palms. I waited, expecting to hear a fantastic explanation but nothing came.

"Anna, you have to give me something."

"I don't want to say anything because I know you won't like it."

She had to be kidding me. "Really? I won't like it? How come that didn't stop you from changing your mind about the party?" At the last minute, the last fucking minute. I wanted to just walk out of the apartment and forget about her, but I just couldn't – I really wanted her to come with me.

"Ryan, do you think I didn't try? Do you think I didn't try my best?" Her voice started to crack so I walked over and sat next to her.

"Anna," I said gently, "what's going on? What's brought this on? You don't honestly think I'm going to leave without knowing what's wrong. Forget that you think I won't like it, just tell me."

Arms now folded, she sat up and looked away from me. "It's Seth."

Oh God, not again. "What about him?"

"I can't face him."

"Why? I told you he called me the other day, didn't I? And he replies my emails now. It's not perfect, but it's a start."

"That's great for you, but that's not about me."

"What are you talking about? He called me and pretty much said he's fine with it. How doesn't that affect you?"

"It just doesn't. You're his friend but I'm the girl who rejected and embarrassed him in public. He's forgiven you and that's great. But where does that leave me? I already chased him out of New York, there's no way I'm going to that party knowing that I'll be making things uncomfortable for him in his own house."

"His house?" That stung. It had been a while since she'd used 'his' and not 'your' to qualify the house in Newport. Suddenly it didn't matter that the party was being thrown in my honor because it wasn't 'my' house. Whatever - I really didn't need that shit.

I slowly stood up and headed for the door. She quickly ran in front of me to block my way.

"What now? You said you're not coming, so don't." I'd had my fill of excuses and just wanted to get on that plane and leave her alone.

"But I don't think you really understand why I'm doing this. Please, let me explain it to you."

I could feel the bile rise in my throat. "There's nothing to explain. You haven't spoken to Seth for 6 months but you're so sure – because you're psychic –that he's fine with me but hates you so much that he doesn't want to see you. And you're so considerate of his feelings -because only his feelings matter- that you don't want to make things uncomfortable in his own house, even if it means hurting me. Did I get that all right?"

She parted her lips but no words tumbled out.

When I was sure that she had nothing else to contribute, I reached for the door handle. She promptly put her back to it, somehow believing that her skinny frame was heavy enough to keep me from opening the door if I wanted to. I wasn't in the mood for any melodramatic scenes so I simply lifted my arms and backed away.

"Anna, you're dragging this. I honestly don't know what to think. You knew you weren't leaving but you still made me drive all the way here. You could have saved me the trouble of coming here in the first place."

She pointed at her bags. "Can't you see that I planned to come? I really tried."

"Well, you didn't try hard enough. Secondly, you said you're not coming and I've accepted it. What more do you want?"

"I don't want you to feel bad."

We were back to those stupid 'feelings'. "I wish Seth wasn't the only person you cared about but we can't all have what we want, can we?" I said sarcastically.

"That's not true." She blinked rapidly but the tears still formed in her eyes and I felt especially stupid for letting them affect me. How was it that I cared so much for someone who didn't care enough to do the simplest things for me?

"Anna, I've got to go now – I don't want Kirsten to think I changed my mind. Besides, I can see that this relationship means different things to us."

"I'm not sure I can argue with that," she said defensively.

Her expression darkened and I couldn't even fathom what that was about. "Sorry?"

She shrugged. She looked away and said, "You and Carly..."

"What?" Baffled, I watched as she moved from the door, walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter.

"I didn't want to say anything but..."

"But?"

"I don't know. I'm just not sure what's happening there."

"Well, I'm not sure what the hell is happening here! Me and Carly? I've never heard anything so--"

"You're yelling, Ryan," she interrupted.

I ignored her. "Anna, you honestly think that I am cheating on you?"

"I didn't say that." She was blushing furiously.

"What did you say, please tell me what you said?"

She couldn't come up with anything. Instead, she played with her fingers.

I just couldn't understand that I'd sacrificed my friendship with Seth, put up with all her bullshit and mood-swings and even let her frickin' obsession with Seth make me second-guess myself and all for what? To be accused of being unfaithful? There was only so much I could tolerate and if she believed I could cheat on her, it was obvious that she didn't know me at all.

"Anna, I'm glad this happened," I said in a low, but firm voice.

She must have understood my tone because with fear in her eyes, she looked at me. "Why do you say that?"

I glanced at my watch. If I didn't leave in about fifteen minutes, I was certain that I was going to miss my flight. "I have to go now." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my keys.

"Ryan, I'm really sorry I can't come. I —"

"You can't really be that sorry, not if you think I'm cheating on you. And you know what? Let's just say I am, or whatever makes sense to you, okay?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that this is pointless. Let's just forget the whole thing, hmm? That makes the most sense, doesn't it? You don't have to feel so guilty that you have to pretend to be busy anytime I want to take you anywhere!" She tried to protest but I stopped her. "Anna, don't lie – if it's not one of your things, we can't go. You didn't even show up for the album's international launch, knowing how much it meant to me. What the hell type of relationship is this? I think it's best we just forget it, alright? Come to think of it, that the best idea I've had in over a year."

She spoke but I didn't hear a sound. In fact, I didn't even see her. I simply tuned her out, turned around and walked out of her apartment. What the hell was keeping me there anyway? Especially when people who reciprocated my love were waiting for me.