Disclaimer: I got nothing. Not even a Ferrari.

Personal Disclaimer: All the results of this tournament are predetermined, except the last match, which you guys will vote for. I'd also like to say that Jinx is indeed one of the goons. She simply had no lines last chapter. In response to Miranda Otto's comment I'd like to say that Frodo and Sam are a bit more versed in Elvish than Merry and Pip, who really just speak common tongue. Technically, Tolkien intended the Common Speech to be Old English, but then why would the English lyrics rhyme?

Also, is your name really Miranda Otto? If so, I envy you. Bad.

If you're still following me after that extra long disclaimer, on with the story.

Chapter 3: Weasly Out

The chapter starts off in the stands. Neo and Cyborg are sitting on opposite sides of the same row glaring at each other from time to time. Terra and Starfire and restocking on Cherry Coke and mustard packets. Merry is collecting his money from a disgruntled Pippin. Jinx is flirting with Eliwood, who looks confused. Navi is annoying the pants off Link.

Navi: Hey! Hey! Can I have a Skittle? Can I have a Skittle? Can I have a Skittle? Can I have a Skittle? Can I have a Skittle? Can I have a Skittle? Can I have a Skittle? Can I...

Link: No!!

Navi: Can I have some popcorn? Can I have some popcorn? Can I have some popcorn? Can I have some popcorn? Can I...

Link: ERRRGH!! You can't have any sort of snacks!!

Navi: Then, can I have a pony?

Link: NOOOOOO!

Navi: Can I have a...

In fear of his sanity, Link scoops up Navi in an empty bottle and shoves her under a pillow. Everyone claps. Jinx makes her move.

Jinx: So...go to Jump City much?

Eliwood: Is that near Bern?

Jinx: What? I don't think so and...what Mammoth?

The steroid-munching super human had walked up to her. This perked Neo's attention because he was now carrying the sizzling Captain Planet. Eliwood took the opportunity to make a run for it.

Mammoth: Slade told me to take the Captain to the infirmary, but I can't find it.

Jinx: You fool! What did Slade tell you when we toke this job?

Mammoth: Gizmo's not a punching bag?

Jinx: No besides that! When he says put them in the infirmary, he means we should zap 'em into his pendent!

Neo chokes on his Mountain Dew. Harry starts slapping Neo hard on the back. They shoot them dirty looks and continue their conversation.

Neo: Did you hear what they just said!

Harry: No. Why? What's the matter?

Neo: I think there's something wrong with this tournament.

Slade: Mammoth! Get over here!

Mammoth: Yes boss?

Slade: After you bring Captain Planet to the "infirmary", get Ron from the contestants room, he and Jack Sparrow are up next.

Mammoth: I will boss.

Meanwhile, back at the contestant's room, Ron is sitting down and talking to himself and Master Splinter is still meditating.

Ron: Man, there's no way I can win! He's a pirate. With a gun! And what am I? Nothing. Harry should be there, not me! He's the one who can defend himself. He's the guy with the courage. What courageous act have I done?

Splinter: You've done much, my friend.

Ron: Huh? What? I thought you were meditating.

Splinter: I was! But you can only meditate for so long.

Splinter pulls a Walkman from behind his ears.

Splinter: I've been listening to your adventures on audiocassette. It was you who sacrificed yourself in the giant chess game, not Harry. You followed Harry to Aragog's lair even you fear spiders more than Harry.

Ron: Yeah! And I was the one who became a prefect! Not Harry! I won the Quidditch game when Harry was kicked off!

Splinter: He did? Ah man! I'm only on the third book! Don't give stuff up!

Ron: Sorry. Well thanks for giving me back my confidence.

Splinter: So you won't drop out?

Ron: Heck no! He's got a gun! Weren't you listening?

Splinter: Don't worry! I've also listened to the Pirates of the Caribbean audiotape. He's saving his only shot for Barbossa.

Mammoth walks in.

Mammoth: Mister Slade says you and the pirate go next.

Splinter: I'll come too.

Meanwhile back in the stands, Terra and the Harry Potter fans have reached an agreement that they would rather dip their heads in motor oil than cheer on Ron.

Potter Fan1: I say we pelt him with mustard packets!

Potter Fan 2: How about ketchup packets?

Terra: Why not BOTH!

Potter Fans: Yeah!

Harry: How about roses and gold?

Terra: But Harry, that makes it look like he's wanted.

Harry: Ever think you guys are being too harsh?

Gizmo: Were live in 2 minutes. Where's Ron.

Slade: I sent Mammoth to get him.

M O G: Are you mad! Mammoth has no sense of direction! They'll be lost for sure!

Slade: That's kind of the point, sir. When he's disqualified...

Harry: Are you saying Ron will be disqualified?

MOG: Yes.

Harry: Terra, you have to help me find him!

Terra: No! Of course...

Mammoth, Splinter and Ron burst through the door.

Ron: I'm here!

Harry: Perfect! In your face, Terra!

MOG: No more delays! Gizmo, activate the RTM.

Neo: Grumble mumble I still don't trust that thing.

Gizmo: And it chooses... pirate ship!

Ron and Harry: D'oh!!

Sparrow: All right!!!

Gizmo: We're live......now!

MOG: Hello viewers. Welcome back. As you may recall, earlier this episode Pikachu and Yoshi arose victorious! The next round is Ronald Weasley and the infamous pirate Jack Sparrow!

Sparrow: Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain.

MOG: When I say go, the fight begins. Are you ready? Begin.

Captain Jack Sparrow immediately pulls out his pistol and aims it at Ron's forehead.

Sparrow: Surrender and I won't shoot.

Ron: Hah! I know you've only got one shot and your saving it for someone else!

Sparrow: Well, I guess you're right. I'll just have to use my sword.

Sparrow puts away gun and pulls out sword.

Ron: Master Splinter! You didn't tell me he had a sword!

Splinter: If I did, you would have never agreed.

Ron: I guess you're right, but what am I going to do? Maybe, if I'm really lucky, there will be a sword around here. Accio Sword!!!

Sparrow's sword starts tugging towards Ron but he hangs on tight. The sword of Godrick Gryfindor floats from behind Harry and into Ron's hands.

Ron: Harry. I don't know why you were carrying this around, but if it will help my win, then thanks! En garde!

Ron and Sparrow go into a swordfight that lasts nearly 10 minutes. But of course, Sparrow is trained with the sword and Ron is a newbie, so Sparrow ends up knocking Ron's sword away.

Ron: My sword!

Harry: My sword!

Sparrow: My, my. Looks like I win! Surrender!

Terra: Wow, Ron fought really bravely.

Potter fan 1: Yeh, kind of makes you feel bad about being mean to him.

Terra: I guess it was dumb to throw my Cherry Coke at him.

Potter fan 2: Because it was very mean?

Terra: No. Because I wasted a perfectly good Cherry Coke. Well, I guess it was also mean.

Potter fan 1: yeh Harry was right; we've been too harsh! GO RON!!!!!

Ron: Wow, someone is cheering for mean! Nobody ever cheered for me! Well, except for that time the Slytherins cheered for my at that Quiditch game. But they only did that because I was making my team lose. It doesn't even matter, I'm about to lose...wait a minute! I'm an idiot! I've still got my wand! Stupefy!!

Sparrow drops his sword, and falls to the ground stunned.

MOG: Ron Weasley has won the game! Who expected that!

Splinter: I did.

Slade: Excellent. That leaves a minute and a half for credits! Good job people. Mammoth take this pirate to the infirmary. He has to be the worst pirate I've ever seen!

Sparrow: No I'm awake.

Raven: Impossible! You're stunned!

Sparrow: Must have been the rum. It's good for you you know!

Robin: No it's not.

Pippin: No I agree. Beer is fun! (Thank you Jerry the Frog)

Potter Fan 2: We're sorry Ron!

Potter Fan 1: We should have never doubted you!

Terra: We're sorry!

Ron holds out his hand to shake, but Terra hugs him instead. Ron's ears turn red. Beast Boy gets angry and starts babbling incoherently.

BB: OK, break it up, break it up!!

Terra: I know! Cherry Coke on me!

BB: You never give me free Cherry Coke!

Terra: Everyone's invited!

Navi: Hey Link! Can I have Cherry Coke? Can I have Cherry Coke? Can I have Cherry Coke? Can I have Cherry Coke? Can I have Cherry Coke? Can I have Cherry Coke? Can I have Cherry Coke?

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That's all folks. Review, it's good for you. Well...I guess it isn't but it's good for me.

Note: Beer does not, in any way, help you heal. It is also not as fun as you would think; especially to those too young to drink it. Parents; do not hunt me down with sharp pointy objects or any sort of torture device. Thank You. ïチŠ