I do not own the O.C.
Thanks for the reviews.
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Anna POV
I took a deep breath, shut the door behind me and walked into my apartment to see Summer sprawled over the couch, flicking through channels.
"Is this, like, bootleg cable?" She asked, throwing the remote control on the carpet. "In addition to living in a tin can, you guys can't even get quality television." She rolled her eyes.
I placed my purse on the dinning table and sighed. "What channel are you looking for?"
"One without crap."
I shook my head, walked into the kitchen, then pulled the refrigerator door. "How was your interview?" I poured some water into a glass.
"It was alright, although I'm not sure I want the frickin' job."
"That's what you keep saying." I shut the fridge and joined her in the living room. I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and sat on the other couch. "You didn't want anything, did you?"
She rolled her eyes. "How nice of you to ask after leaving the kitchen."
"Whatever." I bit into the fruit. "So if you don't want the job, why did you come all the way up here?"
"I didn't say I didn't want it, I said that I'm just not sure I do. It'll be great to work for such a world renowned fashion house but do I really want to be an assistant?" She reached for her ponytail and played with it.
"It's not like you're going to be an assistant. You'll be one of the assistant designers and you said there's opportunity for advancement, right?"
"Yeah. From assistant to designer and a very, very, very, very, very slim chance of becoming the head designer. But that's pretty much a pipe dream."
"No, it isn't," I reassured her. "Remember, I've seen your work. You're talented, Summer." I still couldn't get over the bridesmaid dresses she had made for Marissa's wedding.
She smiled. "I know that, but do I really want to go from being my own boss to working for somebody else? I know that many people might think of it as a step up, seeing I'm small potatoes and all, but I'm really not sure."
Well, it was hard to imagine her working for someone else but I thought it was a good opportunity. "But other than that, you liked them?"
"Yep. Other than the pollution, the tiny apartments, the -25 degree weather, the expensive everything and having to become an assistant, working there would be a dream come true."
"Well, that dream does include Seth so it can't be that bad," I added casually.
She sent me a warning look and said, "Whatever. You know that has nothing to do with this."
"Please. Who are you lying to? The minute he told you he might leave California, you started applying for jobs here."
"Whatever, Anna." She picked up the remote control and pushed the buttons fiercely.
"You break it, you buy it," I said.
She responded by pushing them even harder.
I looked at my watch and realized that I had managed to avoid thinking about what lay in my inbox for about ten minutes. I exhaled, then asked, "Have you checked your email?"
With furrowed brows, she looked at me and replied, "No. Why?"
"I sent you something, that's all." I turned to look at the television screen.
"What is it?"
I shrugged. "I don't know, I didn't read it."
"Hmm... okay? I hope it's not a virus."
I frowned at her then got off the couch. "Why would I do that?" I looked at her from the corner of my eye. "Uhm... when do you think you'll be checking it?"
Still looking lost, she said, "Tomorrow or whenever. It's obviously not that important if you didn't read it yourself." She scratched her head and with her other hand, changed the channel once again.
Still attempting to play it cool, I shrugged and walked back to the kitchen.
After ten minutes of gnawing off my fingernails, I called, "Hey, Summer, since I have the computer on, you might as well check your email now."
"Anna, is everything alright up there?" she asked, pointing to my head. "Why are you so desperate for me to read something you haven't even read yourself?"
"Relax, I'm not desperate. I just figured that since it's not like you're doing anything important, you might as well check your email. Maybe Seth sent you something," I said, hoping my widened eyes conveyed some level of innocence.
"If Seth sent me anything, I'll read it tomorrow, okay? So, leave me alone!"
"Chill, you don't have to get all pissy with me. It was only a suggestion."
"Whatever. You're bugging me and I'm tired."
I went back to the computer, opened up my inbox and stared at my email list. I sat and looked at that "Hey" for what must have been hours, trying to find the courage to click on it, but I just couldn't. Even when I'd clicked on it earlier in the day to forward it to Summer, I hadn't been able to bring myself to read past the subject line.
---&&&&&--
"Please, Summer," I said twenty minutes later. I tapped her hip. She was already falling asleep on the couch, still under the effects of jetlag and wasn't the least pleased that I was interrupting her rest.
"What now?"
"Summer, the email," I replied in the tiniest of voices.
"Not that email..." she stopped short then slowly sat up, her face squeezed in worry. "Anna, is it from Ryan?"
I nodded like a little child. Or maybe like an idiot. Hell, I just felt like a fool.
Wordlessly, she got up and walked to the computer. "Do I need to check my email or can I click on the copy I'm staring at now?"
I told her to just click on it, then waited. My chest tightened up, my mouth dried and a million different possible sentences flooded my mind. What had Ryan written and was I really prepared to find out? And if it was what I thought it was, what was I going to do? I was still in deep thought when Summer hissed.
"Is that all? What's the big deal? He just said---"
"Wait! Don't say anything yet!" I took a deep breath.
With her forehead wrinkled, she said, "What, you haven't read it?" I shook my head. "I just thought you just wanted my opinion. Why haven't you read it?"
"Why do you think?"
"Listen, it's nothing bad. Why don't I just read it out to you?"
I hesitated but gave her permission anyway.
"Hello, Anna. I saw this article and thought you might find it interesting. Take care. Then there's some link to the Wall Street Journal website. That's it."
For the first time in over ten hours, I breathed normally. "That's it?"
She smirked and went back to the couch. I ran over to the computer to confirm what she'd said and when I was satisfied, turned to her.
"Anna, why are you torturing yourself?" She was sitting with her legs tucked under her.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I am talking about the shit you're putting yourself through. You obviously want to be back with him. And by 'him,' I mean 'he-who-shall-not-be-named,' otherwise known as RYAN ATWOOD. Okay? This is childish and stupid. Take today, for example, there's no reason to give yourself a heart attack over a two line bullshit email. Call him up and sort this out – it's beyond retarded."
"Whatever, Summer."
"No, Anna. You know I'm right. You need to fucking grow up!"
"That's rich coming from you," I retorted. "Aren't you the one who refuses to be with the guy you supposedly love because you think he'll dump you? You can't pretend that you're not interviewing for jobs here just because you want to be with him. You're doing all this shit without even letting him know how you really feel, pretending to be friends and crap, going on bullshit dates with other guys when you know it's Seth you really want!"
"Listen here, Missy. The difference is; Seth has been an ass to me! In college, when I loved him and I thought he loved me, he dumped me without any warning! It is obvious that we can't make long distance work so if he's moving back to New York, it's pointless, isn't it? But you... you and Ryan... You're just an idiot!
I leaned back on the table and just watched her.
"I don't even hang around him that much and I can see how he feels," she continued. "And I know how you feel, so what the fuck is your problem? You're all scared because you think he might hurt you. Mind you, he hasn't actually hurt you before, it's not like he has a history of doing this to you. But no...instead of caring about what is, you are all worked up about what could be. And you're supposedly smart. Give me a break, Anna!
"What the hell are you talking about?" I screamed. "He fucking dumped me! So it's not like I am worrying about what could be; I am going from past experience."
"Please. He broke up with you because you left him no choice. Hell, you haven't told me the full story and I can already see that much. So please, stop acting like some martyr or whatever and go back to the girl I used to know."
"Funny," I said, raising my brow, "you never really liked me that much."
She smiled. "I like you when you're not with you-know-who. Other times, not so much. Come on," she said, walking over and pulling me till I sat next to her. "Things don't really have to be this bad, that's what I'm saying. You're obviously still hung up on Ryan so why don't you find a way of making it work?"
"I just don't want to be hurt again. I'm not sure I can handle that," I whispered. It was probably the first time I'd spoken those words.
"Hey, Anna, it's me you're talking to. Of course I understand exactly how you feel."
"So why haven't you told Seth how you feel?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm a little scared that he'll say no."
"Really?" Inasmuch as they were doing their fake platonic thing, she was fully aware of his feelings. That was classic Seth – angry, happy or in love, he made no effort to hide anything. And I couldn't help but admire someone who was so unabashedly honest.
She shot me a lopsided smile. "Yep. But I'm really scared he'll say yes."
I let out a dry laugh -she didn't even have to explain it to me. Saying yes would mean that she'd be putting everything on the line and risking it all again. Plus, she'd always feel like she kept him from doing something he really wanted to do.
"And you," she said, pressing her finger to my chest, "you have someone who lives minutes away and you're pushing him away."
I smiled and hugged her. "I know, Summer. I know."
---&&&&&---
Summer was barely at the other side of the airport security check point when I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number.
"Hello?"
"Seth, it's me. Anna."
"Oh... hi."
He didn't sound particularly pleased to hear from me but I wasn't going to let it deter me from doing as I'd planned. "Okay, I know you probably hate me and everything..."
"I don't hate you," he interjected. "What's up?"
"Okay, I totally know I have a knack for screwing things--"
"You don't say..."
I ignored that. "Are you going to let me finish?"
"Go ahead."
"Listen, I know we never really had a chance because you've always loved Summer and I don't want you to mes--"
"Wait, wait, what did you just say?" He sounded surprised.
"I said that I don't want you to mes--"
"No. Before that."
I thought back to my initial statement, then said, "Seth, what's your point?"
"I thought I heard you say that we would never have worked because I've always loved Summer." He was chuckling.
I couldn't find the joke. "So? Isn't that true?"
"Did you call me this bright morning to blame everything on me just so you could feel better about yourself? Are you doing the Anna thing by trying to pretend you did me a favor, what, 10 or so months ago? Not that I'm not over it or anything, but I just find it a little funny." He continued to laugh.
"Seth, about a minute ago, you said you didn't hate me," I reminded him
"And?"
"So don't act like you do by taking shots, okay? Can you let me finish what I have to say?"
"Sure, because frankly speaking, I'm a little intrigued. Why did Anna Stern call me at 11 am on a clear Sunday morning?"
He had begun to piss me off. "Listen, I'm only doing this because I care about Summer and I see what it's doing to her."
"What?" he asked in a bored tone.
"Will you let me finish?"
"Go ahead."
"Do you mean it this time?"
"What?"
"'Go ahead.' 'Cos you've said it at least three times and yet, you keep interrupting me. So I'm just wondering --"
He sighed. "Anna, just say it."
"As I was saying, I'm only telling you this because I care about you both. And, I do care about you, even if you refuse to believe me. And I wish you all the happiness and if there's something I think I can do to help you attain it, even if I know how mad Summer is going to be with me, I'm going to do it. Okay?"
"Well, that's a great way of saying a whole bunch of words without actually saying anything. Can you get to it?"
I cleared my throat then told him exactly why Summer didn't want to be with him.
