Chapter 14
Legal Disclaimer-To put it ever so simply-This is a work of fanfiction, no money is being made from this work, all rights except those belonging to Kari Spiritwalker (she's mine) belong to Marvel Entertainment and whomever else these characters belong to.
Authors Note-Animiga! Nice to see you! And I love what you're writing as well. I warn all of you that some serious angst is about to unfold, thanks to the chance to rewatch X-Men the movie. The mere thought of Jesse and Logan at an overlook is a nice one. No slash involved, just two superheroes just having a meaningful conversation. The line at the end (and don't you dare skip ahead) is paraphrased from a deleted scene talked about but not found in X-Men 1.5.
Gelf, Aniki, thank you for sticking with me for so long!
Here's Chapter 14
Jesse opened his eyes to the faces of his friends. Shalimar stared back at him. Brennan squeezed his shoulder and Lexa touched his left hand. He jumped, realization of what had just happened sinking in. He was back in a world that he knew, and he found himself looking across at Logan, who was also just waking up.
Logan was quiet, nodded to him to let him know he was glad to see him, but the reality of what just happened was hitting him and it hurt. Badly. The look he gave him was of pain to his very soul. Jesse knew that they would talk later.
In turn, they both looked at Kari. Jesse gently traced the side of her face, silently praying that her eyes would open. She reacted to his touch, slowly turning her head and opening her eyes. They were focused and clear. She sat up slowly, taking Jesse's hand in hers.
"Hey there," she said softly, her voice cracking, "Nice to see you in the land of the living."
"Isn't that my line?" Logan said, his smile the first emotion that Jesse had seen in the last few minutes.
Kari met Logan's look. She instantly knew that he was in pain, but he was relieved to see her awake.
She looked at the rest of her friends, who looked back at her with relief and happiness in their eyes. It was good to see them, but she was exhausted.
"Guys, thank you," she said, "I'm okay, but I need to sleep."
"Dreamlessly, I hope," Shalimar said, as she, Brennan and Lexa stepped forward, "You've earned it."
"Yeah, I guess I have," she said, yawning, "Give me a few hours and I'll be back to normal."
It was hours later and Jesse Kilmartin knew the one thing he really didn't want to do was sleep. He needed to walk, get away from this underground area and see the world above. Maybe it was claustrophobia, or a divine need to breathe clean air, but Jesse walked outside of the mountain cabin that played entrance to the Underground. He quickly found the mountain path that led to the lake. Walking it slowly and carefully, he knew that some time alone would help. He came to the break in the tree line, finding himself staring at the beauty of the lake. He also discovered that he wasn't alone.
"Sorry, Logan, didn't mean to disturb you," Jesse instantly apologized, sensing the older man's need for solitude.
"You didn't, I smelled you coming," Logan didn't turn around, "She awake yet?"
"No, I think she'll be out for a few more hours," Jesse's reply was followed by a short smile, "She needs the recharge."
"She earned it. How are you doing?" Logan asked, "That was pretty intense in there."
"Same question I was going to ask you," Jesse said, leaning against a tree.
"Sit down Kilmartin," Logan continued, "You can."
Jesse acknowledged the offer and sat down next to Logan, who he now noticed was smoking a cigar. The thin smoke weaved it's way into the air and hung there. Jesse found himself staring at the wisps of smoke and enjoying the silence.
"It's beautiful here," Logan said, his voice quiet and low, "I can see why Kari likes it here. I feel at home."
Jesse smiled. He always felt at peace near mountains, even though he was more of a city boy. He breathed in the fresh air, letting it clear his mind.
"She really cares about you," Logan continued, not looking at Jesse, but looking at the lake, "I know you know that. She told me that at Xavier's."
"I know," Jesse replied, "It's complicated."
"Life is complicated, kid," Logan laughed, "And I am not one to be giving out relationship advice. Just don't hurt either one of them"
'The triangle is that obvious,' Jesse thought to himself.
"Never," Jesse sighed, turning to study the body language of the older man, "You okay?"
"No," Logan's reply was short and curt, full of pain, "I don't know if I ever will be."
Jesse didn't reply. Logan would talk if he wanted to, and this place was more for regrouping that talking. He sat in the silence with the man, thinking about his own situation. He had killed a spirit. He knew that taking a life was something that he hoped never to have to do, and this was equivalent to it. He respected life even more since he joined Mutant X and had done more to protect it in the short years that he had been with his surrogate family. Killing Ashlocke had never been part of the equation for him, and the idea of killing him with his worst nightmare was unimaginable. His skin still crawled with the idea of being trapped inside a wall of rock. Logan broke the silence.
"You okay kid?"
"I should be," Jesse didn't meet his gaze, intent as he was on staring at the water, "Just don't like killing spirits or people."
"No one does," Logan replied, "This guy needed to be stopped though. Kari saw that, you saw that, and Jean saw that."
The amount of pain in Logan's voice was enough to remind Jesse of his love for Emma. Love unrealized was the worst pain because if you let it linger, it will eat you alive. To lose that person who you loved from afar was worse, because it would never be realized.
"Jean Gray was an amazing woman," Jesse said after a moment, "I wish I could have known her."
"You would have liked her," Logan's sorrow was replaced by a slight smile, "Kari reminds me an awful lot of her."
Jesse glanced at Logan. Kari would love to hear that, but he knew that Logan would never tell her. Logan kept his emotions so in check that he was an impossible read. He had a soft spot for Kari, the main reason he would never know, but, he treated her more like a protective uncle than an older brother. Jesse knew she adored him.
"Whatever you decide, respect and appreciate her," Logan turned and met Jesse's eyes, "She deserves that."
Jesse nodded. Logan was correct. He had to make the decision this time. Last time, the time she spent with them at the old Sanctuary was interrupted with the chance to study and be studied at Xavier's institute. Kari had jumped at the offer, but, missed Jesse and the team terribly and went back to safe house management after some control over her powers had been established with Xavier's help. She had kept in touch with Jesse the whole time, but, distance had not allowed a relationship. He had grown closer to Lexa during that time, but, he had to admit that he really loved Kari. Just how he loved her was a problem. He didn't know if she was a friend, a potential lover, or a soul mate. He couldn't figure it out.
"You guys have it lucky, you have three great friends in there to help you with all this," Logan put his cigar out in his hand, "I was alone for a long time before I wound up with the X-Men."
Jesse nodded again. Through the past few weeks, he had grown even closer to his surrogate family, through the second loss of Adam, the destruction of Sanctuary, his own nightmares coming to life in front of him, and Kari's return had strengthened them, not destroyed them. They didn't know what had happened in the dreamscape, they just knew he needed their help and they gave it freely. They banded together to help him. He hoped they would understand what he had to do and why he did it. He stared at the water.
"Jesse, you had to do what you did," Logan put a hand on his shoulder, "He would have killed us all in there. We would all be vegetables in the medlab if we lost Kari, and he knew it. Spirit or not he wanted our lives. He was alone and wanted company and was willing to get it by killing Kari."
Jesse nodded. He didn't feel like speaking, but he knew that Logan was right. He killed because he had to. It was survive or die, it was that simple.
"She's alive, you're alive and I'm alive," Logan continued, "You just have to remember it. It's worth it. There's so many times I have wanted to end all this because of who I am that well..."
Jesse met Logan's glance.
"I would show you the scars but they tend to fade away."
Jesse and Logan turned out to stare at the water. They shared a common burden, but the relief was that they could now share. Shalimar's voice broke the silence.
"Jesse, she's awake," came Shalimar's voice from his comm ring.
Jesse didn't need to ask Logan, they went back down to the medlab together, in an appreciated silence.
