YuGiOh! Happy Super Fun time Vegas Adventure Extravaganza!! Characters: Yugi Moto- innocent, stupid, 14-year-old boy Yami- Yugi's Yami (dark side) Tea- Yugi's annoying friend Joey- Yugi's stupid best friend Tristan- Yugi's stupid friend Bakura- innocent, stupid, 14-year-old, British boy Yami Bakura- Bakura's not so innocent Yami Marik- slightly innocent, 14-year-old, Egyptian boy Yami-Marik- Marik's evil dark side (Yami), who is bent on world conquest and destruction Grandpa- Yugi's grandpa

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is a true story..... The names have not been changed...... SCREW THE INNOCENT.... Ok, I don't own Yugi-Oh! or the city of Las Vegas...yet. My disclaimer was also stolen from Crank Yankers..... sigh Why do I have no originality? (Chibi-Vicki-san sobs in corner for two hours) sob Okay! Let's go! (Chibi-Vicki-san is all-better!) J

It was a dark, stormy night in the suburbs of Domino City... The rain was an endless sheet of water. The biting cold and falling water looked more and more depressing as Grandpa gazed out the window, anxiously awaiting the return of his grandson, Yugi, his only means of companionship after the rest of the family "disappeared". "Damn it looks cold outside," Grandpa said. "I hope Yugi and his friends come home soon. Maybe then...then I wouldn't feel so bad." Grandpa glanced at the newspaper. There had been another wave of the kidnapping of elderly men by a previous offender, ex- millionaire, Maximillion Pegasus. These "grandpa grabbings" had gone unnoticed by most, but Grandpa still lived in fear that it might happen to him again. Plus, his grandson was so stupid (I know this sounds harsh, but it's true.) he was afraid that young Yugi would get snatched by a rare hunter, a member of a ruthless gang that jacks people up for Duel Monster cards...Though the thought of the disappearance of Yugi did seem to provide a little happiness, Grandpa realized he needed Yugi as much as Yugi needed mental help-I mean, um help from friends. After all, Yugi was the only one brave enough (and stupid enough) to go into the Dreaded Basement of the Game Shop Where They Live to turn on the heating. Grandpa shivered alone, awaiting his grandson's return.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Grandpa rushed to the door with his shotgun; he wasn't risking another grandpa grabbing. With the great speed of a not elderly person, he whipped open the door, and pointed the shotgun directly at the stranger. "Put your god-damn hands up, mother fucker!" Grandpa yelled. "Gramps, it's just us!" said a panicked Joey. "Yeah!" said Tristan and Bakura. "See Grandpa, it's only us!" scolded Tea, "And look at what you did to Yugi!" Grandpa looked ashamedly at his grandson, who was cowering in fear behind an "occupied" fire hydrant. "Grandpa!" yelled Tea, "We're your friends, and friends don't hurt friends because friendship is a-" Pain in the ass when you talk about it, thought Grandpa. Tea continued to preach while Grandpa observed a dark-skinned stranger in the shadows. "Umm...Joey, who's that?" asked Grandpa, ignoring every word Tea was saying. "Oh! That's Marik! He just got out of jail for trying to conquer some crappy nowhere town called Baltimore..." explained Joey. Just got out of jail, thought Grandpa, He could be a grandpa grabber. They were usually punks who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, kids who hung out with the wrong crowd and had fallen from grace, or drug addicts looking to make a couple of bucks on the Grandpa Black Market to fuel their drug habit. (Yes, there is a Grandpa Black Market.....a lot of people need a father figure in their lives and all the young men are either drug dealers, sex sellers, or Grandpa givers...Anyway..) And from the looks of his eyes... piercing purple eyes with tiny pupils. Not to mention the heavy mascara that seemed to be surrounding them. Grandpa moved closer to Joey. "Are you sure he's not a prostitute or a cross-dresser?" asked Grandpa hopefully. "No, but he is one of them Ra-hovah witnesses. He believes in an Egyptian deity called the Winged Dragon of Ra," explained Joey. "Right....well I think we should come in out of this rain, okay?" suggested Grandpa. A unanimous 'Okay!' sounded from everyone except Tea, who was still preaching about friendship. "Um...Tea?" asked the Young Yugi, trying to gain the attention of his annoying friend. "...And further more, the Bunny Empire of the Kitty-tron Universe, made of love and fuzz, do not point shotguns at friends!" she finished proudly. "...Yeah," said Tristan, who had successfully blocked out the whole sermon with the slightly less annoying Celery Song. "She preached about the kitties and poof puffs on fuzz ball mountain who love each other all the day long and frolic in Gum- Gum forest with the magical squirrels made of love and fuzz! proclaimed Bakura. "I found it quite inspiring, didn't you Marik?" "I will kill you if you ever say that again," said the pissed off stranger. "What?" asked Bakura innocently. "About the love and -" Marik pulled out his handy, dandy shotgun and aimed it at Bakura. "Uh... right, sorry," said Bakura, slightly disheartened. Marik smiled and put the gun away. Hmm, thought Marik, I think I like guns very much. "...Right," said Grandpa. "Why don't we go inside?" The children filed into the card shop as Grandpa cautiously followed behind. Meanwhile, in a labyrinthine soul room...
Three counterparts were engaged in deep conversations. "Wow, Yami Marik," began a deep voiced man who resembled Yugi, "Your good side is an asshole!" "Yes, I know, Yami," replied Yami Marik with pride. "I raised him well." "Well, at least he isn't a wussy," stated Yami Bakura, "like some people's hikari's." He threw an accusing glance in Yami direction. "He's not a wussy!" exclaimed the ex-pharaoh. "He's...um... just more...cautious than the other boys." "Cautious my ass!" exclaimed Yami Bakura. "He just ran from his Grandpa and cowered behind a fire hydrant for ten minutes...crying." "Umm... well... your hikari's gay!" yelled the frustrated Yami. "Prove it," said Yami Bakura coolly. "Uh...um...shut up.....bitch!" cried Yami. Yami Bakura gasped. "Did you hear that, Yami Marik!" he cried. "He called me a bitch!" "Well, what am I supposed to do about it?" said a pissed Yami Marik who was torn from his thoughts about the prices of weapons of mass destruction on eBay. ".....Make him stop," Yami Bakura whined, "because it's mean." "Look," started a super pissed Yami Marik. "Why don't you get your little faggy hikari to beat the shit out of his wussy hikari, AND BOTH OF YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"... I have business to attend to." Yami Marik turned to the laptop that Marik got him for Super Ra Present Happy Monkey-Fried Chicken Day. (Ra-hovah witness religious holiday) "Now," he asked himself, "how do I get porn..."
The rain continued to pour, keeping poor Grandpa trapped inside the game shop with Yugi's...unusual friends. The boredom got intense as Marik pulled out his laptop and accessed the internet for...important reasons. Bakura, for reasons unknown, insisted that Joey and Tristan play strip poker with him. Grandpa and Tea watched a boring cartoon about children collecting strange creatures called "pokemon." Hmm, Grandpa thought, battling monsters that use magic, people trying to steal them, and trying to master their power. What a stupid idea. Everyone was bored. However, Yugi was quite entertained with a piece of bologna that Grandpa gave him two minutes ago, in exchange for shutting up. Two seconds later, Yugi was bored. "I'm bored," sighed Yugi. "Wanna go to Vegas?" he questioned hopefully. "NO!" came a resounding reply from everyone with a trace of common sense. (Tea and Bakura just stared blankly into space) "How about now?" asked Yugi. "NO!" replied everyone. "Oh," sighed Yugi remorsefully. "....Now?" he asked again. Grandpa had enough. "Damn it, Yugi!" he began fiercely; "If you don't shut up, I'm a take my belt and shut you up!" A horrified Yugi ran over to the nearest person for comfort and began to cry in his arms. "Get off of me you sniveling coward," growled Marik. Yugi blinked at him innocently. "Why can't we go to Vegas?" he said between sobs. Everyone stared at him, feeling slightly guilty for crushing the young boy's spirit. "Well," began Grandpa, "it would cost too much. And besides, I'm saving up to send you to boarding school- I mean Disney Land!" "But couldn't you make up the money by working longer shifts at the game store?" said Yugi, failing to notice the blatant fact that the game store hadn't had a paying customer since Yugi was nine years old. "Poor Yugi," Tea sighed, "I remember when I was a boy, full of hopes and dreams." Everyone stared at Tea. Everyone except Marik, who after removing the little pest from his personal space, continued to surf the internet. He was getting bored...until a strange pop up ad caught his eye. "Want to conquer the world and see plenty of naked women?" read Marik to himself. "It's like they have a window into my soul!" exclaimed Marik with delight, ignoring Yugi's question 'doesn't a naked woman look like a naked man?' The tension mounted as Marik clicked on the ad and waited for the next page to upload. "Damn it!" exclaimed Marik "why didn't I go for the high speed internet when I had the chance? I knew I shouldn't have let my Yami send him to the shadow realm." Yugi and Bakura gasped. "You turned down high speed internet?" "Shut up, Yugi," said Bakura. "You said you have a Yami?" he asked Marik curiously. "Yeah," replied Marik. "He's evil like me!" "Right. Yugi and I have A Yami too," stated Bakura "Yup!" added Yugi. "Mine is cool because he lives in a puzzle!" "What's so cool about that?" asked Joey, followed by a 'yeah?' from one of our favorite losers. "The puzzle is over 5000 years old!" exclaimed Yugi with pride. Everyone stared at Yugi with blank expressions. "Gramps, are you sure Yugi wasn't dropped on his head as a child?" inquired Joey. "Yeah?" added Tristan. "Only five times," began Grandpa, "but I tried to knock some sense into him so that would make about 39." "Shut up," growled Marik, "It's finally showing up!" Everyone gathered around the laptop as Marik read the screen aloud. "If you want world conquest and to see-" Marik stopped abruptly. "Alright! Which one of you fags touched my butt!" he screamed as he turned around with his pocketknife. No one moved or spoke. Bakura just silently blushed. "Alright, stay quiet!" growled Marik. "Because when I find out who it was I'm gonna-" "Marik, the computer thing," said Grandpa, backing away several feet. "Oh, right. If you want world conquest and long to see naked women," Marik began. "Uh, I think you got click on the icon there," added Joey. "Yeah," added Tristan. "No shit, Sherlock," growled Marik as he followed the obvious directions. "...fulfill your dreams," began Marik, "by going to Vegas?" "Yay!" shouted Yugi. "Now can we go to Vegas?" "Hey, Tristan" began Joey slyly, "If we go to Vegas, we could score big time." "Yeah..." replied Tristan with a stealthy smile. "Oh..." started Yugi slyly. "But Tristan, you don't need to go to Vegas to score. You can always get good Duel Monster Cards right here!" Everyone stared at Yugi; everyone except Grandpa who was busy, hiding his face in shame because of his grandson's stupidity. "So how 'bout it, Grandpa," began Marik in a malicious tone. "Take us to Vegas." "I-I'm sorry Marik," stuttered Grandpa, "but I don't have-" The doorbell rang. "Quick kids! Get behind the counter!" yelled Grandpa as he reached for his shotgun. "Put your god-damn hands up, mother fucker!" he shouted again as he ripped open the door and took aim at the stranger. "Ahhhhh!!!" screamed a man with balloons. He wore a tacky suit and held a giant check, which was unfortunately broken in a brief moment of terror. "I'm sorry," Grandpa said sweetly as he lowered his weapon. "Can I help you?" "Sure can!" replied the stranger cheerfully. "Is Grandpa around?" "This is he." "Well, I am proud to inform you that you are the winner of the Editor's Clearing House Sweepstakes!" exclaimed the stranger. "Unfortunately, your giant check was broken in half and the cameramen ran down that dark alley, therefore this will not air on television and you don't win the one million dollar cash prize!" Grandpa felt like taking the shotgun to his own head, until the stranger continued. "In the event that a contestant's giant check is broken and cannot be cashed-" "Wait a minute," Grandpa interrupted. "You mean the giant check is not for show and it actually has value?" "In this story it does!" replied the stranger. "Anyway, we would like to present you with seven plane tickets to Las Vegas! Congratulations!" yelled the stranger as he ran off into the night. "Thank you!" Grandpa called after him. "Please don't press charges!" He re- entered the Card Shop and informed his guests it was safe to return. "Oh, thank goodness!" exclaimed Joey. "It was cramped back there and I could have sworn something touched my butt." No one said anything to this remark; Bakura just blushed silently. "Everyone," began Grandpa, "I have an announcement to make." "You're rich?" asked Tea. "You're dying?" wished Marik. "You've won seven tickets to fly to Vegas so we all can go and have a really fun time?" asked Yugi hopefully?" Grandpa quickly counted the occupants of the room. He left the room with his conveniently placed flamethrower and returned with six tickets and what appeared to be ashes on his clothes. "Actually, Yugi," began Grandpa, "I only uh, have six tickets which I'm afraid expire by midnight. Also, I need you to uh,...not go because I um, I have a...surprise for you in Vegas?" "Really?" asked Yugi, full of hope. "Is it a fluff bomb supreme magic pony X- series? I hope it is!" "Uh yeah, sure, whatever. Any who, I have to take your friends away from you- I mean to Vegas to get the thing!" lied Grandpa. "And if you come with us, the surprise will be ruined! So you stay here, Okay?" "Okay! Have fun!" said a very stupid grandson. "Well, let's go!" said Joey. "Yeah!" added Tristan. "By the way Bakura," began Joey, "We stopped playing strip poker a while ago. Can I have my pants back?" "Oh, um right," blushed Bakura as he relinquished the pants; however, he was not looking at Joey but at another person in the room... The strange group left the Card Shop, while Yugi sat alone in the dark, smiling.
"What are you so happy about, Yugi?" said a familiar voice his head. "Well, Yami," he replied, "Grandpa and my friends are all going to Vegas to bring me a surprise!" Yami was speechless: he knew his hikari was dense, but this was ridiculous. "I can't take it anymore!" exclaimed Yugi. "Yami, I have to know what the surprise is!" "I agree, but how are we going to get to Vegas? Your grandfather bur- I mean never had another plane ticket so we cannot go." "Hee hee hee," grinned Yugi. "There is more than one way to get to Vegas." "Really? How do you plan to do that?" "Oh, I have a plan..."
--Ten Minutes Later--
"Hello? Anyone?" whined Yugi hopefully. "Someone? Please, give me a ride!" whined Yugi hopefully. He was now standing on the side of a dark freeway with his thumb out and a cardboard sign. "Hitch hiking...." began Yami. "This was your master plan! NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP AN-" Yami stopped mid sentence as a black limousine pulled over to the side of the road where Yugi was standing. A black haired stranger exited the vehicle. He wore a sparkling black silk shirt, matching silk pants, and black shoes that were so shiny, if you looked at them on a sunny day, the glare would most likely blind you. "Hey, mister!" Yugi exclaimed, "Will you give me a ride?" "Sure," replied the stranger in a calming, almost feminine voice. "You're headed to Vegas, right?" "How did you know?" gasped Yugi, forgetting that the large sign he held read 'Vegas or Bust' in large red print. "I'm headed to Vegas too," began the stranger as he re-entered his limousine. "You can ride with me." "Sweet! My name is Yugi Moto, what's yours?" "You can call me Michael. Come on in; little boys like you are fun!" "OH DEAR GOD, YUGI, GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Yami screamed in terror, but it was too late, Yugi had already entered the limousine.
To be continued... Chibi Vicki-san: I hope you've enjoyed my...unique enlightened vision of Yu- Gi-Oh! Don't worry; they'll get to Vegas....soon. Anyway, send reviews- praise, constructive criticism, death threats, anything! Look for more stuff by me next year or so because I am lazy!!
Credits Writers and Creative Consultants: Angel, Chibi Vicki-san, Neko, and Psychotic 101 OBEY THE ANGELIC OVERLORD!!! Um I mean, good-bye!