A Really Funny Teacher
Chapter 3:
Spiders, Socks and Antidote X
The Joker sat there in the Townsville Hotel with Harley.
"I am now the absolute ruler of Townsville!" Joker declared, smiling. "Now give me my land deeds!"
"Uh...puddin'...it's just Townsville Monopoly," Harley said nervously.
"Well, I will be soon! All we need to do is take care of those girls, and BOOM! We're in charge,"
"Puddin'...Can we not talk about this?"
"We HAVE to! We're planning the assassination this Friday!" Joker yelled.
"Well...even if we DO plan to do this, how are we? I mean, it's not like we can hurt them with anything. Don't laugh about it just yet; we don't even know their weakness!"
"Wait...you're on to something there, Harley!"
"What?"
"Say that again!"
"What?"
"No, not that, say THAT!"
"Um...That?"
"ARRRGH!!!!!! FORGET IT! I have an idea!"
The bell rang as the children left the school. A white car drove up to it, and a man walked out: Professor Isaac Utonium. He was interested in the new substitutes, and had heard a lot from the girls about them:
BLOSSOM: They're...er...pretty weird. BUTTERCUP: What are YOU talking about? They're HILARIOUS! (Buttercup, by now, was wearing a purple suit that resembled Mr. Rekoj's considerably, topping it off with a flower.) BUBBLES: I think they're very nice. BLOSSOM: I don't know...they aren't really teaching us anything. BUTTERCUP: (Indignantly) Yes they are! BLOSSOM: What? BUTTERCUP: (Lost for words) Er..........THIS!!!!!!!!! (She presses the flower and milk squirts all over Blosson's face) EVERYBODY: (Laughs histerically)
The Professor walked into the door, and eyed the two teachers. One was wearing a strange purple suit with a flower on it, like Buttercup's costume, and had white hair and a beard. His hair almost looked a little...green?
"Mr. Rekoj...Pleased to meet you!" he announced. He shook hands. Surprisingly, there was no joy buzzer. The Joker was serious. And the Joker was never serious.
"Mr. Utonium, we need to talk about your girls' grades," said Ms. Yelrah/ Harley.
"Yes. Buttercup is the one we're worried about. She has a..." --the Joker couldn't resist—"2.343426783%, with barbeque sauce."
The Professor was about to ask "What the Hell did that mean" but he restrained himself. He cleared his throat: "Er...what IS that?"
"Very bad. She might have childhood trauma," Ms. Yelrah said. "In a classroom discussion, I learned about her most intimate fear: Spiders. Personally, I hate spiders. I'm totally with her. In fact, once I saw this one spider, and--"
The Joker put his head in his hands, looked up, and discovered that the Professor was thoroughly interested.
"—It was HUGE, too! Not only did it try to bite me and Mistah. R, but it also tried ta take over Gotham!"
The Professor was astounded. "Tell me, what was the approximate height of the spider?"
Ms. Yelrah thought for a moment. "I have no idea. So anyways, this spider is destroying everything, and then...it ate Batman! Yeah! And--"
"I thought Batman was still alive?" the Professor said.
"Nope. They found out that it was a woman too! And Robin, he—(Not literally, of cou'se) just laid an egg! He didn't do nothin', and the spider ate him too! That reminds me, once I lost one of my socks! I looked EVERYWHERE!"
"Was it in the closet?" asked the Professor.
"Nope."
"Outside?"
"Nadda."
"In the basement laboratory?"
Suddenly, Mr. Rekoj was interested.
"Nope. It was..." she lowered her voice. "...In the REFRIDGERATOR! Crazy, huh?"
The Professor nodded. "What an interesting story! I really like it!" he exclaimed. He was thinking this: "What an interesting person! Maybe she likes me..."
Harley smiled. "So you're enjoying these stories?" She was thinking this: "So, you're enjoying these stories? Because...I kind of enjoy you." She suddenly added, "Oh yeah, and also I've noticed that the best kind of toilet paper seems to be--"
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!" The Joker growled. 'Ms. Yelrah' and the Professor stared. "I mean," he began, "we REALLY need to get to the subject matter. Now, as we previously stated, we believe that Buttercup has a fear of spiders, and--"
"Oh yeah!" Harley exclaimed. "That reminds of me of this one thing that happened. Once I saw this spider, and it was HUGE too! Not only did it- -" Harley continued absentmindedly, not really thinking about the story she was repeating.
"COULD YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR A SINGLE SECOND, WOMAN!?!?!?!?!?" the Joker yelled at the top of his lungs. "I mean," he said, his voice boiling with rage, "Please, Professor, tell me about your basement lab."
"Well, it's a lab. And it's in the basement."
"Does it have spiders in it?" asked Harley.
Joker restrained himself from murdering Harley.
"Some, mostly it has chemicals in it. Like Promethium, Thorium Nitrate, various acids, Chemical X..."
"Chemical X? Tell me more about this 'Chemical X'..." the Joker said, smiling.
It took less than 60 seconds from there for them to find out about Chemical X.
The Joker grinned. "You may go."
"But what about Buttercup's fear?"
Harley piped up again, "You mean spiders? Once--"
"Don't." the Joker said quietly. He faced the Professor again. "I'm sorry, you probably need to get home and take care of your girls, and me and Ms. Yelrah are going to have a chat. Goodbye!"
"Bye, Ms. Yelrah! And...Mr. What's-your-name!" he called, walking out the door.
As he walked into the car, the Joker smirked. Hideous laughter filled the school.
The Joker pulled out a notepad he was writing on. "You know when the Professor was talking about the composition of Antidote X?"
"Er...yeah?"
"Did I mention that I'm an excellent chemist?"
The cold laughter filled the room, echoing across the school.
to be continued...
Chapter 3:
Spiders, Socks and Antidote X
The Joker sat there in the Townsville Hotel with Harley.
"I am now the absolute ruler of Townsville!" Joker declared, smiling. "Now give me my land deeds!"
"Uh...puddin'...it's just Townsville Monopoly," Harley said nervously.
"Well, I will be soon! All we need to do is take care of those girls, and BOOM! We're in charge,"
"Puddin'...Can we not talk about this?"
"We HAVE to! We're planning the assassination this Friday!" Joker yelled.
"Well...even if we DO plan to do this, how are we? I mean, it's not like we can hurt them with anything. Don't laugh about it just yet; we don't even know their weakness!"
"Wait...you're on to something there, Harley!"
"What?"
"Say that again!"
"What?"
"No, not that, say THAT!"
"Um...That?"
"ARRRGH!!!!!! FORGET IT! I have an idea!"
The bell rang as the children left the school. A white car drove up to it, and a man walked out: Professor Isaac Utonium. He was interested in the new substitutes, and had heard a lot from the girls about them:
BLOSSOM: They're...er...pretty weird. BUTTERCUP: What are YOU talking about? They're HILARIOUS! (Buttercup, by now, was wearing a purple suit that resembled Mr. Rekoj's considerably, topping it off with a flower.) BUBBLES: I think they're very nice. BLOSSOM: I don't know...they aren't really teaching us anything. BUTTERCUP: (Indignantly) Yes they are! BLOSSOM: What? BUTTERCUP: (Lost for words) Er..........THIS!!!!!!!!! (She presses the flower and milk squirts all over Blosson's face) EVERYBODY: (Laughs histerically)
The Professor walked into the door, and eyed the two teachers. One was wearing a strange purple suit with a flower on it, like Buttercup's costume, and had white hair and a beard. His hair almost looked a little...green?
"Mr. Rekoj...Pleased to meet you!" he announced. He shook hands. Surprisingly, there was no joy buzzer. The Joker was serious. And the Joker was never serious.
"Mr. Utonium, we need to talk about your girls' grades," said Ms. Yelrah/ Harley.
"Yes. Buttercup is the one we're worried about. She has a..." --the Joker couldn't resist—"2.343426783%, with barbeque sauce."
The Professor was about to ask "What the Hell did that mean" but he restrained himself. He cleared his throat: "Er...what IS that?"
"Very bad. She might have childhood trauma," Ms. Yelrah said. "In a classroom discussion, I learned about her most intimate fear: Spiders. Personally, I hate spiders. I'm totally with her. In fact, once I saw this one spider, and--"
The Joker put his head in his hands, looked up, and discovered that the Professor was thoroughly interested.
"—It was HUGE, too! Not only did it try to bite me and Mistah. R, but it also tried ta take over Gotham!"
The Professor was astounded. "Tell me, what was the approximate height of the spider?"
Ms. Yelrah thought for a moment. "I have no idea. So anyways, this spider is destroying everything, and then...it ate Batman! Yeah! And--"
"I thought Batman was still alive?" the Professor said.
"Nope. They found out that it was a woman too! And Robin, he—(Not literally, of cou'se) just laid an egg! He didn't do nothin', and the spider ate him too! That reminds me, once I lost one of my socks! I looked EVERYWHERE!"
"Was it in the closet?" asked the Professor.
"Nope."
"Outside?"
"Nadda."
"In the basement laboratory?"
Suddenly, Mr. Rekoj was interested.
"Nope. It was..." she lowered her voice. "...In the REFRIDGERATOR! Crazy, huh?"
The Professor nodded. "What an interesting story! I really like it!" he exclaimed. He was thinking this: "What an interesting person! Maybe she likes me..."
Harley smiled. "So you're enjoying these stories?" She was thinking this: "So, you're enjoying these stories? Because...I kind of enjoy you." She suddenly added, "Oh yeah, and also I've noticed that the best kind of toilet paper seems to be--"
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!" The Joker growled. 'Ms. Yelrah' and the Professor stared. "I mean," he began, "we REALLY need to get to the subject matter. Now, as we previously stated, we believe that Buttercup has a fear of spiders, and--"
"Oh yeah!" Harley exclaimed. "That reminds of me of this one thing that happened. Once I saw this spider, and it was HUGE too! Not only did it- -" Harley continued absentmindedly, not really thinking about the story she was repeating.
"COULD YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR A SINGLE SECOND, WOMAN!?!?!?!?!?" the Joker yelled at the top of his lungs. "I mean," he said, his voice boiling with rage, "Please, Professor, tell me about your basement lab."
"Well, it's a lab. And it's in the basement."
"Does it have spiders in it?" asked Harley.
Joker restrained himself from murdering Harley.
"Some, mostly it has chemicals in it. Like Promethium, Thorium Nitrate, various acids, Chemical X..."
"Chemical X? Tell me more about this 'Chemical X'..." the Joker said, smiling.
It took less than 60 seconds from there for them to find out about Chemical X.
The Joker grinned. "You may go."
"But what about Buttercup's fear?"
Harley piped up again, "You mean spiders? Once--"
"Don't." the Joker said quietly. He faced the Professor again. "I'm sorry, you probably need to get home and take care of your girls, and me and Ms. Yelrah are going to have a chat. Goodbye!"
"Bye, Ms. Yelrah! And...Mr. What's-your-name!" he called, walking out the door.
As he walked into the car, the Joker smirked. Hideous laughter filled the school.
The Joker pulled out a notepad he was writing on. "You know when the Professor was talking about the composition of Antidote X?"
"Er...yeah?"
"Did I mention that I'm an excellent chemist?"
The cold laughter filled the room, echoing across the school.
to be continued...
