CVS: Hello again! It's me Chibi Vicki-san, along with Angel, Neko, Psychotic 101! We're riding in this nice Cadillac that P101 and Neko found.

Neko: Yeah...we found it...so if anyone asks just tell them that.

Angel: looks at driver's seat Are you sure you want to keep driving, Neko? I'm not sure that big red stain there is safe.

P101: (flashback of her and Neko slicing up Tre with chainsaws) laughs maniacally Uh, don't worry, Angel, that's just...paint. CVS, would you like some...chili... I made?

CVS: Oh! Sure! I'm hungry. (Takes a large gulp) It's tangy! I like the way you used food coloring to make it look like flesh and blood!

P101: (flashback P101: You kill his ass...then we'll cook him!) Uh...yeah,

CVS: Right...(quickly spits out chili) Well, we're almost to Vegas, so why not continue the story? (For those actually wondering why it hasn't been updated regularly, it's a long drive from where we're coming from) We also have commercials to look forward to! Ready, let's go!

Chapter 3: Gambler's Paradise

Grandpa smiled. For the second time on his trip, he was completely at peace. Everyone had been split up into groups and he was finally alone. "Well, now that that's over with-" he began.

"What's over with?" screamed a painfully familiar voice.

"Yugi! I thought I told you to get!" screamed Grandpa.

"Well," began Yugi, "we don't know where to go. Marik wants to gamble, I want to eat ice cream, and when Marik asked Bakura where he wanted to go, Bakura said all the way. I don't know why, but after that, Marik's eye started twitching, and I got scared. Then we decided to ask you for help!"

"...Do what now?" asked Grandpa thoroughly confused. He looked up and saw Marik glaring behind Yugi. "So, Grandpa," started Marik, "what shall we do?"

In a soul room...

" I can think of a lot of things I want to do with you, Marik."

Yami Bakura screamed in frustration. He sat on top of a semi unconscious Yami Marik, ready to put an end to his life. He would have killed him if it weren't for that random thought of Bakura's. Suddenly the door of the soul room opened. "Eww, Yami Bakura!" exclaimed Yami as he entered the soul room. "I knew about your hikari's true feelings, but I never would have guessed you!"

Yami Bakura got off his prey and kicked him across the room. "If you don't take that back," threatened Yami Bakura, "you'll suffer the same fate!"

"No thanks," said Yami backing away. "I don't want to get raped. So, what'd I miss?"

"You missed me about to kick Yami Bakura's ass!" exclaimed Yami Marik as he rose to his feet.

"Uh...I don't think so," said Yami. "And from the looks of things, you were about to lick it, not kick it."

"You want some of this!" growled Yami Marik.

"No thanks, I don't roll that way."

"So," began Yami Bakura. "Exactly how did you get here?"

Yami regrettably told them how Yugi had traveled by limo with a stranger named Michael. "His last name began with a "J", but I don't remember it for legal reasons," said Yami. "Ahhhh..." replied the two Yamis. He told them the rest of the story. They rolled in uncontrollable laughter. "It's not funny!" screamed Yami.

"Well, well," began Yami Marik, "when it comes to little boys, that singer really likes to beat it!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" started Yami Bakura. "And he really likes to molest little boys!"

Yami Bakura roared in laughter as Yami and Yami Marik just stood there.

"No shit, Sherlock," growled Yami. "I found that out the hard way. Man, we're in Vegas, but we're prisoners in the bodies of pre-pubescent punks. We can't do anything!" The other two nodded in agreement. "If only, just for a little bit, we could escape..."

Back in Vegas...

"So, Grandpa," Marik growled. "What shall we do?"

God I love it when he gets forceful like that, thought Bakura to himself. Damn, he's sexy! (So not to confuse readers, Bakura is actually keeping these thoughts to himself and not transmitting them to his yami by accident. How, you ask? The Power of Friendship, now finish the damn story.)

Grandpa stared at him, then walked over to Marik and Yugi and placed his hands on their shoulders. "You know what," said Grandpa tiredly. "I really don't give a fuck what you do, kids" Out of nowhere, an American flag backdrop appeared and "America the Beautiful" began to play.

"You see, kids," began Grandpa. "Now that we are in Vegas, we are free. Free from the bonds of Standards and Practices, free from consequences. So remember. Remember how your great-grandparents toiled and slaved for your privileges...

Two minutes later...

"And the Easter Bunny didn't always have the right to lay eggs, but in Vegas...

Five minutes later...

"And Kentucky Fried Chicken got the right to become Kitchen Fresh Chicken because in Vegas...

Ten minutes later...

"And that is why you can have all the prostitutes you desire! Because in Vegas-"

The YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza will return after this commercial break.

(Seto Kaiba sits down at a press conference in his battle city clothes and has his usual facial expression. The YuGiOh! theme plays in the background.)

Yami voiceover: Have you ever had an uncomfortable feeling? (close up of Kaiba's face, then shot returns to normal) You know, the strange burning and itching feeling? (close up of Kaiba's normal face) You know, the feeling when it feels like you have a wedgie (close up of Kaiba's face) because you're pants are too tight (close up of Kaiba's face) so you always hide them with an oversized coat (close up of Kaiba's face), or when it feels like you're constipated but you're not because you drink soooooo much prune juice (close up of Kaiba's face) that...well to leave out the gory details, you ain't constipated?

(Scene changes to an oasis where Yami, surrounded by beautiful women, sits on a throne)

Yami: Then you should try Millennium Strength PREPARATION H- for creamy relief with the power of a pharaoh!

Yugi: And it tastes like cherries!

Yami: Oh SH- (screen blanks out)

Kaiba: I am seriously killing my agent.

And now back to the YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza.

"...So go now, my children, do whatever the hell you want," concluded Grandpa, "because I don't give a fuck." The music stopped on cue and the American flag backdrop "magically" faded away. Suddenly, fireworks exploded in mid air. Grandpa looked around. Unfortunately, Yugi, Marik, and Bakura somehow slipped away during his forty minute speech. "Oh well," said Grandpa, as he slipped the special effects guy a fifty. Grandpa looked over in the direction of a young woman sitting at the slot machines. "Well, now that they're gone," began Grandpa, grinning evilly in her direction, "it's time to have some real fun."

Two minutes later...

"Damn! Out of quarters!" screamed Grandpa, banging the slot machine with his fists. "And I was about to hit the jackpot too! All that money-" Grandpa stopped suddenly as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"All that money," began a blue-haired stranger, "is nowhere near what you are worth on the Grandpa Black Market, Mr. Moto." Grandpa recognized the stranger immediately; the blue hair, the shell colored trench coat, decorated with spikes and a skull, and those yellow piercing eyes were all descriptive features of gordita eating stranger from the airport Taco Bell: Vegas' most wanted grandpa grabber.

"Who are you?" said Grandpa, with a slight hint of fear in his voice.

The stranger smiled. "Usually, I don't tell my prey who I am.....but you, Mr. Moto....you are a unique quarry....such a rare catch that I can't deny you that simple request. My name...is Legato......Legato Bluesummers.

"No matter what you do, Mr. Moto.....you are coming with me."

Grandpa looked around for a moment. "You is one crazy mo-fucka to think I'm gonna let my old wrinkly ass be kidnapped again! Now step off, bitch!"

Legato smiled. His eyes narrowed and Grandpa found himself unable to move or speak.

"We could have done this the easy way, Mr. Moto," Legato told Grandpa telepathically. "But I fear I must make things difficult for you."

"What did you do to me?" thought Grandpa.

"I won't hurt you... a damaged grandpa doesn't sell well on the GBM. However, when my associate gets here.....I can't guarantee your safety. He is cunning, ruthless....neither compassionate nor forgiving. He will arrive soon. Prepare yourself.

"Damn," thought Grandpa. "I knew I should have played video poker."

In another section of Vegas...

"Left, right, up, down, right, right-"

"Yugi!" yelled Marik, slightly annoyed. "You don't have to say every step aloud!"

"I, left, can't, down, help, right left, it!" replied Yugi with great difficulty. They were both playing Dance Dance Revolution in the Vegas arcade. It was all Yugi's idea. Somehow, he had conned Bakura and Marik into going to the arcade by telling Marik he wouldn't sing the celery song and telling Bakura about the food.

"Left, right!"

"Ra damn it!" screamed Marik. "I thought I told you to stop!"

Bakura stood behind them, drinking a root beer float. For some reason unknown to Marik, every time he looked over, Bakura would begin licking the spoon and giggling. Marik thought it best to stay facing forward. Finally the song stopped and the dancers caught their breath.

"Do I get to dance with the winner?" asked Bakura hopefully, looking at Marik with a mischievous grin.

"Uh,......right," replied Marik uneasily. For some reason, his eye was twitching uncontrollably.

"Oooooooooooooohhhhh! Look!" squealed Yugi with delight. "It's counting up the score!" Yugi wailed in excitement as a big "F" appeared on his screen. "YEAH, MARIK!" he screamed. "Beat that!" Marik looked at Yugi, then at his own screen, which displayed a large "A."

Bakura smiled and took a sip of his root beer float. "It looks as if you lost, Yugi," he said, still looking at Marik. Marik slightly cringed.

"But I thought the "F" stood for fabulous!" whined Yugi in protest.

"Firstly," began Marik, thoroughly annoyed, "the word is fabulous. And the "F" represents my favorite phrase."

"Friendship?" asked Yugi hopefully.

"No. Fuck you."

Bakura brushed past Yugi, giving him his root beer float to hold. He gracefully stepped onto the dance platform and turned to Marik. "Your wit is simply intoxicating," he said to his opponent. He licked the foam from the root beer float away from his lips. "Well, then," he said with a grin. "Shall we dance?"

Marik shuddered.

In another, whole different part of Vegas....

Joey, Tristan, and Tea were quite content. In twenty minutes, they made $50,000 at a roulette wheel and planned to spend it at the nearby shopping mall.

"Wow, Joey!" exclaimed Tea. "I still don't understand how you managed to guess all those numbers correctly!"

"Ahhhh, it was easy!" he replied. "I just counted how many times you said friendship or friends in the last thirty seconds before the bet! "

"Yeah..." said Tristan, slightly confused. (To the perplexed reader: The only thing Tristan says in this entire fanfic is "yeah." Why? Because everything he says on the show can be literally summed up as "yeah." So, if you see the word "yeah" by itself, it is spoken by Tristan, unless otherwise noted. This message is also here to make the paragraph look bigger )

"Well," began Tea. "Do you know what I think?"

"Do we care what she thinks?" Joey whispered to Tristan.

Tristan smiled and shook his head.

"I think that friend-" began Tea, until she was grabbed from behind by a stranger.

"Tea!" Joey screamed as he whirled around to see the perpetrator. He was a black man who had to at least be in his forties, black clad in a tuxedo and cape, with a matching mask. He held a large knife to Tea's neck.

Joey and Tristan stared at him. "You know what? I think I'll go this way," said Joey, as he and Tristan turned to leave the other way. "Yeah...."

"I suggest you love slide yourselves back over here," began the stranger, "before your friend is no longer one of the happy people."

The YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza will return after this commercial break.

(Marik walks into a bath house and looks around menacingly)

Marik: I have this strange feeling, this urge...(smoke appears)......to.....HERBAL! (Marik rips off his usual attire and has a towel around his waist. Men dressed in tuxedos and women in silver evening gowns appear and begin to do a choreographed dance.)

Chorus: He's got the urge! (A waterfall appears and Marik washes his hair under it.)

Men: Natural Botanicals

Women: He's got the urge to herbal!

Odion: Master Marik!

(Marik sits up in his bed, no longer in the bath house. Odion stands in his doorway.)

Marik: What is it, Odion!

Odion: We have arrived in Battle City, Master Marik.

Marik: (Puts on bathrobe) Excellent! Soon, the power of the pharaoh! But first! (Picks up bottle of Herbal Essences) It's time to Herbal!

Chorus: He's got the urge to herbal!

And now back to the YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza.

Back at the slot machines...

Grandpa was still trapped in Legato's malevolent grasp, a prisoner in his own body. The only thing Grandpa could move was his head. He dare not scream, for if he did, Legato had promised him an excruciating punishment. "A torture so painful," taunted Legato, "any man would gladly welcome his death." Needless to say, Grandpa remained silent.

"After this is over," thought Grandpa, "your ass is so going to jail."

Legato simply laughed, which made Grandpa even more afraid.

"You may make as many threats as you desire to mask your fear," began Legato, smiling, "but such efforts are both childish and futile. I understand.....such stupidity is common here....after all...what are you....but a human? So worthless....insignificant....disgusting. Why the gods made you is still a puzzle to me. However, I can't keep musing about your imperfection.......My associate has just arrived."

Grandpa's heart stopped.

He looked around the room for Legato's accomplice. All he saw were old ladies playing slot machines. He relaxed and his heart slowly resumed its meter. Suddenly, Grandpa felt something on his leg. Looking down, he saw a small black cat with huge green eyes. It jumped on Grandpa's shoulder and purred.

"Aww!" said Grandpa aloud. "You're so cute! What's your name, little fella?"

The cat released its claws and scratched Grandpa's face

"My name," said the cat telepathically, "is Kuro-neko-sama. There is a bomb strapped to your leg, and I will blow your old mother fuckin' ass sky high if you call me cute one mo' again."

Grandpa was stunned. "Legato," he thought with tears streaming down his face. "Am I gonna die?"

Legato grinned at Kuro-neko-sama. "Anything is possible."

"Oh," sighed Grandpa. There was a long pause. "Shit."

In the arcade...

(DAN DAN....plays from the Dance Dance Revolution machine)

"Wow!" said Yugi, watching Bakura and Marik dance on the game. "Bakura and Marik, you two are really good dancers!

"Thank you, Yugi," said Bakura, still dancing. "But I'm only good because Marik is my partner. He really knows how to work it!" Suddenly Marik screamed, kicking the game and causing Yugi to spill Bakura's root beer float on the machine. The music stopped, the screen went blank, and the machine began to smoke.

"Oh shit," said Marik sarcastically. "I guess we can't play anymore."

"Maybe it's not broken!" exclaimed Yugi, examining the machine that was now emitting sparks. He walked over to the machine Bakura and Marik were still standing on. Yugi reached out his hand. "Maybe if I-"

In that other part of Vegas I was telling you about.....

"Hey, what was that explosion?" shouted Joey in shock. "Yeah?" Both were staring in the direction of the arcade; they had a good view of the giant mushroom cloud that now hovered over it.

"Uh, friends?" said Tea uneasily. "You may have forgotten, but I'm in trouble here!"

"Yeah, yeah." "Hey!" said Joey. "What was you're name anyway?"

The stranger who held Tea smiled. "Some call me the "R in R&B" or the "Pied Piper," he said coolly.

"More like the "R in rapist!"" shouted Tea. "Yeah!"

"Or the pied pervert!" yelled Joey. "Yeah!

"Shut up, fool!" said the stranger, pointing his sword at Tristan. "Unless you want to feel the wrath of the Vampire Lord K. Relly! Now," he said looking at Tea, "come with me to my chocolate factory."

Out of nowhere, cherry blossoms began to blow through the breeze and a flute began to play. A stranger with red hair and a cross shaped scar on his left cheek entered the now virtually empty hallway dressed in samurai clothes. "You should put the girl down, that you should," he said quietly.

"Damn!" exclaimed Joey. "Does this place have any security?"

Back where the arcade...um used to be?

"Damn," said Yami Marik to himself. "That's the last time I eat chili that Yami cooks." He stood up slowly, brushing off the rubble and debris from the explosion.

"Shut up, Yami Marik!" said Yami, getting up slowly. "It's not my fault you can't handle it when I kick it up a notch!"

"Will both of you shut up!" said Yami Bakura, removing glass from his hair.

"But he started it!" whined Yami.

"That's only because your chili gave me gas, causing me to destroy this establishment!" protested Yami Marik.

Yami Bakura stared at him blankly. "You dumbass," said Yami Bakura. "That wasn't Yami's fault! His stupid hikari blew up the dance machine! I wonder," said Yami Bakura to Yami. "Was he always this stupid, or did he have to work at it?"

"I wonder," said Yami to Yami Bakura mockingly. "Was your hikari always a fag, or did you turn him?"

"Will both of you shut the fuck up!" screamed Yami Marik. "Wait a minute," he said, pausing. "Where are our hikaris?"

"Do you think they're dead?" asked Yami and Yami Bakura hopefully.

"Not really," began Professor Oak.

CVS, Angel, P101, and Neko: Where did he come from?

Tre: (puts away Pokedex) I'm not sure?

Neko: What the fuck! We just killed you and turned you into chili! (CVS and Angel throw up continuously)

P101: Come on, Neko. (revs chainsaw) We've got a job to finish.

CVS and Angel: Kick his butt with the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!

Professor Oak calmly walked over to the disgruntled yamis. "You see," he began, "due to the time flux in the Anime Space System, or ASS for short-" Yami started snickering. "What's so funny, Yami?" asked Professor Oak.

"You, ha, you, ha, you said ass! That made me think of Yami Bakura!"

"You dirty little punk," started Yami Bakura, "We'll see how you like that word when my foot is shoved up yours!"

"Right....anyway," continued Professor Oak, "the explosion caused by the cheap electrical circuitry inside the DDR machine, combined with the sugary, creamy, refreshing, and robust flavor of a root beet float, created a super nova in the time flux portal of the space continuum, removing you from your hosts, allowing you to freely roam among the realm of the body, instead of the realm of the soul.

There was a long pause.

"Do what now?" said Yami Marik blankly. The other two were silently confused.

"You know what?" started the professor. "Fuck it." He magically disappeared.

CVS and Angel: How did that happen?

(P101 holds up a bloody chainsaw; Neko holds up a bloody pokedex and smiles)

Yami and Yami Bakura cheered "This means I have freedom!" screamed Yami.

"I can do as I please!" screamed Yami Bakura.

"You fools," said Yami Marik. "We have to find them and return inside of their bodies, or else the consequences could be dire! Since, by the power of friendship, we're kinda connected to our hikaris, if they die, we die!" Yami and Yami Bakura stopped skipping around.

"You know, he's got a point there," stated Yami

"Man! Our hikari's are so stupid, they're bound to get killed!" cried Yami Bakura.

"Ra, help us all," sighed Yami Marik.

In a whole 'nother part of Vegas....

Yugi lie in a dark alleyway. The street was damp and the ground was littered with trash. The smell of garbage and rotting flesh filled the area. It was very dark; Yugi could barely see. I don't sense Yami! What happened? Yugi quickly got to his feet, then tripped over a trash bag. He began to sob silently. Two sets of footsteps rang through the alley. They belonged to two young boys around Yugi's age. One had blue hair, grey eyes, and wore gray pants and a dark shirt. The second one had black hair, pulled back into a ponytail, brown eyes and wore traditional style Chinese clothes. Both of them carried flashlights.

"Kai," said the black haired one. "Are you sure that wasn't a dying cat you heard?"

"Trust me, Rei," Kai said, shining his light on Yugi. "I know fresh meat when I see it." Rei walked over to Yugi. "Say, little boy," he began, "How would you like to come with us?"

"Wow!" said Yugi, thinking he just found a girlfriend. "So," he said in a sad attempt to be smooth, "What do you two fine ladies want this evening?"

"Ladies?!" said Kai, doing his best to restrain himself.

"Uh...yeah...we'd like you to join us," said Rei, winking at Yugi.

"Ohhhhhh, So what do you wanna do?"

"Let it rip," said Kai blankly.

"You mean fart?" asked Yugi, very confused. "Because I didn't eat at the airport Taco Bell, so I-"

"NO! SHUT THE HELL UP!" screamed Kai.

"Uh...he means we'll show you when we get there, 'kay?" said Rei, trying to cover for Kai.

Yugi followed Kai and Rei with a mischievous smile. Aww snap! Yugi thought. This means I'm a mother fudging p-i-m-p!

TO BE CONTINUED

(CVS, P101, Angel, and Neko arrive at a club called the Bi-Shonen Bar)

CVS: And so, that's it for chapter three! If this one doesn't get death threats, I don't know what will.

Angel: You know, I guess you should have said you don't own, Trigun, Ruroni Kenshin, Pokemon, Beyblade, Preparation H, Herbal Essences, or America the Beautiful.

CVS: Heh heh, yeah. Just don't say anything, lawyers might be reading. (not that anyone reads this in the first place....)

P101: (sharpens chainsaw) I can't afford my fiftieth strike! How many judges do I have to kill before they get rid of that law! Right, Neko? Neko?

Neko: (inside Bi-shonen Bar) YEAH, LORD ILPALAZO! TAKE IT OFF!

CVS: And yet another show we don't own. Angel, you better go get her...

Angel: Will do! (enters the bar)

CVS: Look forward to chapter 4- LSD (love, sex, and drugs) because the wonderful pure hearted angel of love told you to!

P101: (revs chainsaw) And I'll cut your fucking head off if you don't!

CVS: And yet another good reason! (backs away from P101)

Neko and Angel: (Inside BSB beating up Rin from Inuyasha another show we don't own ) I thought I told you, bitch! Sesshomaru is mine!

P101: Rin better not be with my man!

CVS: I'm a kill that fool! But first: OBEY THE ANGELIC OVERLORD!

Rin: I knew him first! He only loves me!

CVS and P101: What'd she say? Aw, hell no! (Run into the Bi-shonen Bar)

if you love us....you'll send us reviews...right?