Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….

Disclaimer: Ownership details on the back of the packet

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN
(I CAN TEACH YOU DEFENSE)

(Hermione)

A teaching by that ugly old hag

Will get you killed rather quick, your corpse- in a bag

And it's all a big sham, you won't pass your exam

Without practical defense it's all a pretence…

You'll all fail or get caught

Cause the Death Eaters kill without thought

You'll be killed for some sport

You'll be defenseless

Oh honeys! (In a real mess)

(Harry)
I'll teach you stunning and Patronus, follow my lead

Try to teach you all the things that you'll all sorely need

Such an effort

If you only knew what it meant

In so many ways, I can teach you defense

We'll do blocking, and sheilding

Do curses, and jinx

It'll be more worth it, then all of you think

Just a warning, it might be at your expense

But in so many ways, I can teach you defense!