*14*
Darien stood gazing out the window of her sitting room, quietly observing the winter wonderland down below. Though footprints and other obvious distortions marred the blanket of snow, the merry group of snow-people that had been constructed in various locations offset it, making it seem far more real than a perfect and pristine blanket of solid white would. He knew he was doing nothing more than stalling, but seemed unable to do anything about it ... yet.
He tried to settle the nervousness that had suddenly and unexpectedly invaded his stomach, making the old cliche involving butterflies a reality. Alyx moved quietly about in the next room, shedding the winter clothes she'd worn while outside burning off some excess emotions through physical activity, and changing into something more comfortable for the well heated interior of her home. Though the day was sunny, it was still cold, the temperature not expected to get out of the upper 20s. Winter's last hurrah before giving in to the warmth of spring.
He felt her step behind him, mere inches away, her body giving off a hint of chill and the scent of cold still lingering about her. He found himself silent, unable to utter the words he had decided upon when he saw her sleeping in the chair next to her son, guarding and caring for him all in the same simple-seeming action.
"You wanted to talk?" Alyx asked softly. "Darien?"
"Yeah, I did." He turned to face her, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks, and smiling as her eyes closed and she sighed in reaction. Her simple action helped him to find the courage he needed, for the stubborn blockage in his throat to loosen and for those fluttering insects to find perches from which to observe the goings on. "Michele, would you marry me?" he blurted out the words so quickly he wasn't sure if she understood him or not. Though it took him less than a second to realize that she indeed had.
"Ah, Dare, you did not just say what I think you said, did you?" she questioned with a sigh, which was definitely not the response he was hoping for. Darien felt dread curl into a cold, hard lump, replacing the former fluttering occupants in his stomach at her unexpected non-answer and found he was only able to nod.
Alyx was quick to reassure him. "I'm not saying no, just a bit surprised is all."
Darien did his best to not react and allow the cautious surge of joy to show on his face even though it was a fair bet she could still pick it up. There wasn't a whole lot he could do about that. Her next words worried him, however.
"I have something to tell you, and it might cause you to reconsider."
"'Chele, that's not gonna to happen," Darien insisted even as she moved his hands away and stepped back slightly.
"Hear me out first." She waved at the nearby sofa. "Sit, please." When he didn't move she took one of his hands and led him over, she made it plain that nothing would happen until he had settled into the cushions. "Darien, you will be more than welcome to ask me again, but only after I've said my piece. And I promise you there will be no hard feelings if you change your mind."
"Not likely," he muttered, making one last effort at disagreement before settling back in the seat to listen to her.
"What are your intentions? House with the white picket fence, a dog, two point five kids?" Alyx asked him in all seriousness.
"Kids? Yeah, eventually." Just the thought of kids with her was enough to make his heart pound with more happiness than any single human deserved to feel in a lifetime. And the accompanying mental image of her with belly rounded as she carried their child was almost too much for him to handle. Oh, he was aware of the complications, but for the chance... He'd do just about anything.
"Darien, I can't have any more children." When he found himself unable to anything more than blink at her in confusion she added, "Come on, did you ever once notice any feminine hygiene products' in any of my bathrooms? Did I ever once say no' without a very good reason, usually involving a major injury?" She suppressed a smile, poorly, as they both knew injuries didn't always slow them down, never mind stop them. "Did you ever once wear a, umm... protective suit?"
Darien groaned in consternation and embarrassment. Now that she had pointed it out, he did indeed realize all those little signs had been missing. Especially that last one. "I just figured..."
"That I had taken care of it. Sometimes you are such a male, Darien." She shook her head and smiled, making sure he knew she wasn't angry. She stood several feet away with her hands clasped behind her back and was, oddly enough, giving off an air of discomfort.
"How? What happened?" Darien asked once his mind had wrapped itself about her statements and had at least partially absorbed the meaning. With four kids running around, the last thing he had expected to hear from her was that she couldn't get pregnant.
"Jess happened." Alyx backed away and turned slightly to pace the breadth of the small room. Darien felt his blood boil at those words. He had this thing about abusers after several experiences friends of his had gone through. Since reuniting with Michele, he'd learned that her former husband had psychologically and physically abused her for years. If it wasn't for the fact the man was quite dead, he'd be tempted to return the favor.
"I... You know..." She seemed to stumble over the words and was unable to face him for the moment. He knew not to push; she would tell him in her own time. She sucked in a deep breath and after releasing it raggedly began, "About six months after Rose was born I pissed off Jess. It couldn't have been anything major since I don't even remember what it was over. Just another of his convenient excuses."
She managed a glance over at Darien, which he caught out of the corner of his eye, but he was slouched down on the sofa, staring off into the distance, his seemingly relaxed posture belying the emotions roiling just below the surface. "I hadn't been feeling all that well for several months, and Jess had been trying to isolate me even more than usual. Not wanting my family to see the kids at all, especially Mikey."
"You don't have to tell me this." Darien's voice was so soft that the average person would not have heard him, but he knew she would, and had.
She moved to stand in front of him. "Yes, I do. I need to, Darien, okay?"
He took her hands into his, but did nothing more. He was surprised at how calm she was. "Whatever you need," he told her in all seriousness. He had only the slightest inkling of how hard this was for her, but if this was what she felt needed to be done, then he would support her in it.
She gave his hands a squeeze and then continued. "He'd found out about a week before that I was working again, though he had apparently decided to wait to confront me about it. It wasn't much, just doing some programming for a few locals, but he was less than happy about it. Whatever set him off..." She paused, shaking her head. "I wouldn't back down and he made his point with his fists. When I began to hemorrhage, it actually scared him and he rushed me to the hospital." Alyx sank to the floor in front of Darien, the pain of the memories that surely had been called up showing on her face. "It turned out I was about four months pregnant. A gift from another night Jess had been angry with me."
"Oh, crap. Michele, I'm sorry." He shifted off the sofa, settling beside her, intending to pull her close and offer what little comfort he could at this late date, but she backed away from him.
"They knocked me out pretty quick once they realized exactly what the problem was, so I had all the blanks filled in later. Three days later, in fact." She gave him a wry smile. "The twins hadn't had a chance even though the docs tried."
"Twins?" Darien sounded about as heartbroken as he could get, considering he had been involved in no way at all.
But either Alyx missed it or just waved it off as unneeded emotions. At a guess she'd dealt with the loss a long time ago and had moved on. "Yeah, boys, and the early delivery combined with Jess' choice for target practice that time around led to all sorts of complications. In the end the doctors gave him a choice. Full hysterectomy or they could do reconstructive surgery and give me a good chance of having more children."
"So what did he do?" Darien found himself oddly curious and needing to know the somewhat macabre details of this episode in her life.
"His warped mind managed to come up with choice number three and he told them to do what was necessary to save my life and no more. It left me gifted with so much scar tissue that the chances of getting pregnant are less than zero." She looked down at the floor, almost as if embarrassed to tell him the truth. "He made sure that I knew it was another lesson, a reminder, his way of telling me he'd won. That time at least."
The silence stretched between them for long minutes, neither of them quite sure what to say next.
"'Chele, its been a few years, maybe... maybe they can do something for you." Not the best way to restart the conversation, perhaps, but it was better than the silence.
She patted him on the cheek and gave him a lopsided smile. "Sweet. So sweet. I have looked into it as recently as a year ago. So far even the experimental techniques stand little chance of helping me. Not much they can do about scar tissue." She was able to meet his eyes finally and he could see the old pain buried within their depths.
"Jacob?" he suggested, as he slowly let the reality of her words sink in.
"He keeps his eyes open for me, it's how I know about the experimental stuff," she explained. "Darien?"
He suddenly realized his silence had given her the wrong impression. She must be doing her best to not read him, to not let his feelings influence her. He reached out to her and she went to him with a sigh, curling up in his arms. "Would you even want to have more kids? You have four wonderful ones and with what... Jess put you through I'd understand if you'd rather not."
"Dare, I'd be... honored to have your children. It's just not in the cards right now. Possibly not ever." She buried her face into his chest as he wrapped his arms tighter about her. After a few minutes he released her and she got slowly to her feet and moved over to the window while he drew his legs in to sit cross-legged with his back against the sofa.
While not thrilled with the news or by how it had happened, he at least understood why she chose not to answer his question, hell, his proposal until after he knew. Why she had given him an out.
"Well, we could always adopt, I suppose," Darien suggested, with enough seriousness in his voice so that she'd know it was not a joke or him being facetious about this ever so delicate subject.
She spun about and stared at him. "Adoption," she mumbled. Then again louder, "Adoption. Oh, hell, that's it."
"Huh? What's it?" Darien looked at her in confusion, noting she'd gone in to full work mode.
"What Lee's after. Damn, it makes sense now." She was practically bouncing in place with... whatever it was her mind had come up with this time.
Darien got to his feet and went to her. "What did you figure out?"
"Okay, we're pretty sure Lee's alive. We've got the bruises to back that one up. He said he found what he needed, remember? In the adoption section." Alyx looked up at him as if she expected the tidbit of information would be enough for his jet lagged and sleep deprived brain.
"Yeah, but we found nothing, especially once those others torched the place," Darien reminded her.
She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. Assume the baby is alive." When he tried to argue she set a hand on his chest to silence him. "Keller had power even back then. He could have switched Angela's live daughter for another and paid off the doctors." She must have seen it in his eyes when he caught on. "Lee's not going after Keller to kill him. He just wants to find his daughter."
"That would explain why her parents were told to never mention the trio." Darien was indeed thinking now, and after everything that had happened so far, he would not be surprised to learn her postulation was true. "And he was... is looking for proof the same as us. So how do we prove it?"
"We find the girl." She started pacing, moving past him almost as if she had forgotten he was there. "We know Keller has a wife and two kids, but he's kept them out of the lime light and none of my or Gray's contacts has been able to find out where they are. We need to find the trail."
"The paper trail to the family. You can do that from here?" Darien didn't want to interrupt her train of thought.
"Not easily. My resources here are focused elsewhere. Can't ask anyone in D.C. without raising more cane there." She tapped one sock-clad foot on the floor as she mulled the problem. Almost as one they looked at each other and spoke one word.
"Eberts."
Alyx immediately headed for the door of the room, probably fully intending to go to her office and the use the secure phone line there, but was stopped by Darien slipping quickly in front of her and blocking her way.
"Where ya going?" he asked with a slight grin. He knew full well where she was off to in such a hurry. Sometimes she epitomized the term "one track mind." Well, on this occasion it was his place to derail it.
"To call Eberts, what else?" she very nearly snapped at him. It was quite plain she wanted to get moving on this, now.
"Silly, let the poor man sleep. It's not even dawn there, yet." He was hard pressed not to laugh when she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Setting a hand on her arm, he steered her back towards the window, wanting to return to their original conversation. "We'll turn his royal geekness loose on the problem after he gets to work. All right?"
"Of course. I wasn't thinking... again," she agreed.
Darien shook his head at her. She was thinking about getting the job done, like always, and that was never a bad thing. His mood turned serious again, he ran over what she had told him and came to the conclusion that it made little or no difference in the way he felt about her. They would face enough challenges on their own and, with the way the world spun about them the problem might very well sort itself out on its own given time. "Michele," he went down on one knee, taking her tiny hands in to his. "Would you marry me?"
Michele looked down at him, the use of her real name seeming to surprise her for this most startling of questions he could ever pose to her. "Who are you asking? Michele or Alyx?"
"I'm asking you, Michele Alexandra MacTierney, to be my wife," Darien told her without a seconds hesitation. He was picking up just enough from her to know she felt the answer to her question was of great import to her.
"Then, yes. I'd be honored to marry you, Darien Fawkes."
With a whoop of joy he got to his feet, lifted her up, and spun about for several turns, before stopping and planting a firm kiss on her lips. It quickly softened as her arms came up to wrap about his neck, her hands burying themselves in his hair. He shifted his hold so that she was far more secure in his arms, but she yelped and twisted away, nearly causing him to drop her.
She pressed her forehead to his shoulder, panting and trying not to wince. "Wrong spot there, bub. My back's still a mess, remember?"
"Ah hell," He gently lowered her to her feet and then had to support her as her knees tried to buckle in reaction to the pain. "Sorry, Alyx."
His sudden reversion to her middle name made her chuckle even as she groaned in pain. "You want to know a secret?"
As he helped her slowly walk into her bedroom, where she lay on her stomach on the bed he answered, "Let me guess, you've been married before."
Her chuckle became a full-blown laugh at that. He knew damn well that, technically, he'd be her third husband. Thinking about it for a moment, he realized he would also technically be her first. Jess had been living under a false identity, thus voiding the vows and her marriage to Piotr had been staged, her standing in for a dead woman. And if that didn't just epitomize how weird their lives were, nothing would.
Once she was settled, he slid up her shirt and began to examine her back to make certain he hadn't reopened her injury in his enthusiasm. "Go on. Tell me all your secrets."
"Remember last summer, before I had the memories back, how I'd get rather... irritated whenever anyone called me Alyx?" She turned her head so that she could watch him through slitted eyes.
"Hmm, oh, yeah. Pissed you off more than a bit." He was partially distracted as he peeled up the bandage to check her in more detail. There'd been no visible blood, but one could never be too careful. The bruise alone, now that it had had a couple of days to blossom to full color, was frightening enough, but the welts that been broken open looked horrible even though they appeared to be healing well. He was just thankful he'd done no serious damage... this time.
"Didn't you ever wonder why?" When he met her eyes it was obvious she could see the query in them, saving him from having to voice it aloud. "Twins, especially twins like me and Mikey, have a very unique connection, and for a time when we were young we considered ourselves one person. When mom called one of us, we both answered. We couldn't see the difference and refused to understand why there should be a one."
"Like... how you sometimes get lost? Uh, you get too deep into the other person and can't break away without help." He knew he sounded unsure, but she nodded.
"A good analogy. The solution my parents came up with was to call me by my middle name and Mikey by his first until we got it through our thick heads that we were two separate people and not two halves of one." Alyx twitched as he probed gently at the bruises, making sure they were still nothing but bruises. When he set the bandage back in place she continued, "It worked, and by the time we started school, we were... trained to the different names. But I hated it; hated being called Alyx. Mikey started calling me Chele one day a year or so later and it stuck; my parents allowed Alyx to fall out of use and the name Chele to stay."
Darien began massaging the tight muscles of her back, being cautious around the bruises, but hitting them as well. For an instant he wondered who she preferred doing this, Graywolf or himself, then shook off those thoughts as foolish. She'd just agreed to marry him; it would be rather idiotic to go and get jealous of the other man' now.
"So Mike rescued you from being called Alyx for the rest of your days. Doesn't quite explain your reaction," Darien commented as he continued to work on her back, doing his best to reduce the knots and kinks that had formed since she'd finished her stretches earlier.
"Be glad you didn't have three brothers growing up." she growled softly. "They used that name to tease me, even Mikey on occasion, though he knew exactly how much I hated it. It took me coming up with some very creative and catchy nicknames for all three to convince them to drop it. By then just the sound of the name - even for someone else - made my skin crawl."
Darien paused his ministrations and lay down next to her, propped up on his elbow. She rotated and matched his position. "Wait a minute... If you hated the name so much why'd you pick it for yourself at... at the Agency?"
"'Cause it fit. You remember how bad off I was at first." Her tone was soft, almost sad.
"Yeah, I remember. You hated it." Something clicked then. "You picked a name you hated cause you hated your situation."
"And myself," she added in a tiny voice.
While not surprised at her words, he realized he had forgotten exactly how very unhappy and out of place she'd felt the first few months. "It must have driven you nuts to have us calling you that."
She shook her head carefully, not wanting to tip herself over. "Not really. It was what I deserved, or so I reasoned. I wasn't exactly feeling like myself at the time."
"And now? You still get called Alyx more often than Michele these days." He shifted a bit closer to her, his free hand coming up to wander lightly across her face.
"Oh, I got used to it. Kinda liked hearing it from a few people." She gave him shy grin. "Though I have to admit I prefer having you call me Michele. Glad you finally got to meet her... me." She closed her eyes for a moment, looking exhausted to Darien. It had been a long couple of days for all of them and didn't look to be slowing down anytime in the near future. Best to take advantage of this quiet interlude and enjoy it as best they could. "You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you. How many times I tried, only to chicken out. I guess I was afraid you wouldn't like me once you'd had Alyx."
She had a point. There were subtle differences in her behavior depending on who she was being. On the surface Alyx was far harder, far more secretive than Michele. But then again, Alyx had a lot of secrets to keep, a family to protect, and a very dangerous job to do. And while some of those elements spilled over into Michele, they were far less obvious, became secondary or tertiary characteristics. It was similar to watching Bobby get deep into an undercover role, or into his off-time persona of a textile manufacturer. Bobby was still there, but so far under the surface it went unnoticed by all but those who really knew him.
"'Chele, please tell me you know different now? That I want to marry you, all of you, and not just some face you put on."
"I know, but it's not going to be easy. We go through with this and you will have to be just as careful as me. More so. With Arnaud and Chrysalis always knocking at your door, we don't dare risk them learning you're married. Bad enough if they learned you were married to Alyx Silver, but if they connect you to me, to Michele, they could find the kids." Alyx frowned, not about her acceptance of his proposal he knew, but at the numerous complications that were now coming to mind. "Damn. We can't tell anyone. We won't even be able to live together."
Darien flopped back on the bed with a groan. "Crap. It can never be easy for us, can it?"
"Easy? Where's the challenge in easy?" she snickered, then sobered. "Ugh, I have to tell Mikey... and the kids."
"Uh, the kids already know." When her eyebrows shot up, he forced himself to only smile instead of burst out laughing. "I kinda asked for permission from them. There was no way I was just gonna barge into this family."
Alyx laughed softly. "I should have known. What, if any, was the commentary?"
"Rose asked what took me so damn long. And that's a quote, by the way. She has got quite a mouth on her." Darien relaxed slightly, though was still not thrilled with how complex this was going to get. Just dating her had been complicated enough, this was looking to triple the potential problems. It would be worth it, though. Anything would be worth the knowledge that she was his. "Bobby already said he'd help. I'm sure he'd help keep it a secret. What about Gray?"
Alyx sighed deeply. "I don't know. He's angry and confused about... hell, about everything. Angry and jealous over you, pissed that I hadn't told him about you being able to Quicksilver, upset he didn't know about the kids, and that I lied about who I was." She trailed off, the hurt involving her partner quite plainly returning and showing on her face. "I've already given him his out when this mission is complete. It's up to him now."
"You really like him don't you." He knew it wasn't quite that simple, much like his relationship with Bobby wasn't that simple. With Alyx, because of what she was, the process that had taken Darien and Bobby nearly a year had taken far less time for her and Gray. He'd seen the way they worked together, listened to her talk about him and the rest of their unit, they were already to that point where the trust was natural and they could anticipate each other's moves and reactions. It bothered him that Graywolf was willing to throw it away.
"Yeah, I do." She rolled then, to rest her chin on his chest. "Jealous?"
"Not for a second." A hand found its way into her hair, twining with the bright coils. "I can see how you fit together. Do you trust him?"
"With my life." Complete honesty.
"Then trust him with all of you. He won't betray you or the kids. It's not in him," Darien assured her with amazing confidence in his voice.
"When did you become so damn observant?" Alyx asked, her eyes drifting shut as his touch worked its magic upon her and encouraged her to relax.
"Hey, I am a thief. If I'm not observant, I'm caught." He saw her sleepy smile even as her eyes closed and her head tipped over until his chest was doing double duty as a pillow.
She chuckled warmly. "Yeah, I'd say you're caught." Her words were slightly slurred as she slipped towards slumber. "Hope you can live with it."
Darien waited until he was sure she was out before replying. "Oh yeah, for a very long time."
