Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, but I do like to borrow them.
Rating: PG-13 for language and sexual content (will probably be R later)
Summary: Seth/Ryan. "Seth always said their first holiday picture together, "when you first experienced the miracle that is Chrismukkah," was his favorite, but Ryan had always secretly liked this picture better."
A/N: This story will be told mainly in flashbacks so watch for the dates provided in each chapter. Many thanks to Eskimo-Desi, whose input improved this story greatly; any mistakes are mine.
The Way We Were
Chapter 1: Thanksgiving
August 15, 2025
Ryan stood looking out the window, watching the boats far out on the horizon. He hadn't realized how much he would miss this view until he'd decided to take one last look at it. He sighed as he turned back to his desk, loosening his tie and watching the late afternoon sunlight dance through the windows, bright splashes everywhere. The light glinted off the glass on one of the many pictures covering the walls. He blinked and squinted at the sudden flash and then moved over to study the photo.
Seth always said their first holiday picture together, "when you first experienced the miracle that is Chrismukkah," was his favorite, but Ryan had always secretly liked this picture better.
He lifted the silver frame from the wall and smiled at the image, remembering...
November 21, 2007
This was not going well. Ryan sat at the kitchen counter next to Kirsten, while Sandy leaned up against the sink, all of them watching Seth pace around, gesturing wildly.
"The thing is, uh, I know this isn't probably the best time to tell you, what with the whole family coming over for dinner tomorrow; not that there's probably any good time to tell you this, but especially before you have to cook a turkey because you know this is my favorite holiday and I can't bear to think of it getting burnt again. The turkey, not the holiday. But anyway, I, uh, that is, Ryan and I..."
Kirsten decided to put him out of his misery. "Seth, we know." She saw Ryan sit up very straight and laid a hand on his arm, wondering when she'd stop worrying about him running away from them.
"You know what now exactly?" Seth stopped pacing, his arms flailing for a few more seconds before he lowered them.
"How you and Ryan feel about each other." Sandy said gently. "Why do you think we encouraged you to get the apartment, instead of living on campus?"
"And what about all the condoms I put in your bathroom?"
"God, Mom! Do NOT say condoms!" Seth shuddered for a moment. "I thought you were trying to protect us from skanky dorm sluts and beer. Which didn't work by the way – everyone just comes to our place because we don't have an RA. Besides, how could you know then? That was over two years ago. I didn't even know until last year!"
"Your Mom and I started to understand that summer when both you and Ryan went away. After Theresa lost the baby and you got over your tantrum." When Sandy paused to give Seth a look that clearly said, 'Now is so not the time to start shit about it not being a tantrum,' Kirsten stepped in.
"You were both different when you came home. We couldn't explain it, but you weren't treating each other the same way. Over time, we realized what we were seeing—even if you two didn't. We thought you'd feel safer exploring your feelings without having to worry about roommates." She felt Ryan pulling away and squeezed his arm, but removed her hand when she realized he wanted to go to Seth.
"I don't even believe this! Hello, I was with Summer for, like, a year after I got back! And Ryan and Marissa, with the on and the off and the on again?" He shot Ryan a look. "I'm sorry, dude, but really! And it's not like I never hooked up once we got to Berkeley. And...and... What makes you think...?" Seth spluttered.
"Seth!" Ryan finally interrupted, grabbing one of Seth's hands. "Are you trying to convince them you're straight? Or gay? You're missing the point here. Your parents seem to be okay with this." As Ryan talked, he held Seth's hand gently and rubbed his thumb over the inside of Seth's wrist. He was so focused on soothing Seth that he missed the soft look Kirsten gave Sandy, moved by Ryan's tenderness. He turned to Kirsten when he heard her chair scrape across the kitchen floor. "You are okay with this?" he asked, suddenly scared he'd misinterpreted her caring touch and Sandy's accepting nod. He watched her nod as she walked to Sandy's side.
"We've had time to get okay with it. There are books. Also, you boys are not as stealthy as you think," Sandy chuckled, waggling his eyebrows as he put his arm around Kirsten's waist.
Seth knew the stealth zinger was directed at him—since Ryan was too cool to ever resort to slinking around in a black tee and cargo pants, humming the theme to Mission Impossible—but it was impossible to work up any real ire with Ryan touching him, so he settled for petulance. "So, does everyone else know what we've only recently figured out for ourselves?"
"I don't know," Kirsten responded, "But you could ask them tomorrow at dinner."
"So The Nana and Grandpa and Julie can give thanks for having a gay grandson? Yeah, I don't think so. Maybe next year."
"Seth, that's not fair. My mother loves you; you know there's nothing she wouldn't do for you, including chemotherapy." Seeing the boys wince, Sandy gave a satisfied smirk. "Hey, I'm Jewish. Guilt is what my people do. And as much as it pains me to say this, Caleb is your grandfather and you know he loves you too."
"Anyway," Kirsten jumped in, elbowing Sandy for the dig at her father, "I don't think Julie and the girls will be joining us." She paused as she saw Ryan's shoulders ease slightly downward. "Dad and Julie are...taking a break."
"Ross-and-Rachel taking a break, or Buffy-and-Angel taking a break?"
"Who? Seth, what the hell are you talking about?" Kirsten asked, turning to Ryan with a bewildered look. He gave her an amused glance and shook his head, thinking 'Welcome to my world!'
"Sorry, Mom. Too much syndicated TV. Are they going to get back together after stringing us along for several years, or is this romance so dead that no one can bring it back to life?"
"Son, while I always appreciate vampire jokes at the expense of the Gruesome Twosome, what your mother and I are trying to tell you is that we love you boys. So does the rest of your family. We all want what's best for you both, and that seems to be you two being together." Sandy looked over at Ryan. "Hey kid, you've been awful quiet, not that I'm surprised, mind you, since you aren't really a fan of the verbal communication. Anything you want to add?"
"No." Then, with a sideways glance at Sandy, "Yes. Can I sleep in Seth's room now?"
"What?" Sandy asked jokingly. "And deprive me of trying to keep out of Seth's way while he goes on 'commando raids' to the pool house every night?"
Seth opened his mouth to retort but Sandy just laughed at his indignation. Kirsten reached over and brushed Ryan's hair out of his eyes before saying simply, "Yes."
"I'm thankful for my new Jimmy Choo's and that I don't have to spend Thanksgiving with my Dad and Step-monster." Summer smiled at the pretty pink sling-backs peeking out from under the table, and looked to her right. "Mr. Coop, uh, Jimmy?"
"Well, I'm thankful that The Lighthouse has been in the black all year," Jimmy lifted his glass in mock tribute to Sandy, "and that the baby is due soon."
"Hey!" Hailey smacked his arm. "Don't you think I should get to be thankful for that?" She shifted uncomfortably, pulling her top away from her swollen middle. "Okay, I'm thankful that I will not be wearing this tent on New Year's. Daddy?"
Caleb's response was typically dry. "I am most heartily thankful for prenuptial agreements. Sophie?"
"I am thankful that I got another clean bill of health at the doctor's last week. That makes almost three years..." She stopped, startled as Sandy flew out of his chair and wrapped his arms around her. "Sandy, sit! You can hug me later. It's your turn." Sophie scolded, allowing only the slightest flicker of a smile.
Sandy returned to his seat, pressing a hand to his heart. "Now I feel shallow, because I am thankful for partnership dividends, which mean less soul-sucking lawyering and more surfing." He picked up Kirsten's hand and kissed it. "Honey?"
"I'm thankful that I'm going to be an Auntie soon." Kirsten smiled at Hailey, hoping motherhood would settle her down, but knowing it probably wouldn't. "It's nice to see our family growing. Ryan?" Kirsten sipped her wine, contemplating, as always, what went on in Ryan's head at times like this.
Everyone waited. They were used to Ryan taking his time. He never let the silence go too long before he shrugged, and said he was thankful he wasn't in Chino, or something very similar.
Ryan wondered why he wasn't dreading his turn as much as usual. Maybe after five years, he was finally used to this Cohen tradition. Maybe he was still feeling the effects of the shots he and Sandy had shared earlier, both steeling themselves to spend a day with Caleb. Maybe his soul was feeling lighter after yesterday's revelations. Maybe it had something to do with waking up in Seth's bed that morning. Ryan leaned back slightly so he could see Kirsten and Sandy on his left and Seth to his right. "This year, I am most thankful for the love of my family." He returned Kirsten's delighted grin and nodded at Sandy before poking Seth genially in the arm. "Seth?"
Everyone smiled at Ryan, who ducked his head down, and then they settled in for another wait, although not the same kind of wait at all. Giving thanks had been moved to after dinner, but before dessert, the year after Seth turned twelve and spent thirty minutes giving thanks for "the joy that is COMICON." He didn't usually go on that long anymore, but it was easier to listen to rambling on a full stomach. Seth always gave thanks last.
"Well, where to start? I am thankful that I survived the hell that is 'Identity Politics and Gendered Subjectivity in Feminist Diasporic Fiction'. Don't laugh, Summer. The registrar's office screwed up and I couldn't get out of it. I am also thankful for the new Legion and, oh, I saw the coolest preview for X-Men 4!" Seth was about to go on when he realized Ryan hadn't raised his head and was staring down at his plate fixedly. Seth looked over at his parents; Sandy met his gaze with a quirked eyebrow, and Kirsten gave him an encouraging smile. Seth took a deep breath. "The most important thing though, the biggest thing, the most amazing thing that I am thankful for," and here Seth laid his hand gently on top of Ryan's, admiring for a moment how their fingers looked, laced together against The Nana's heirloom tablecloth, before continuing, "this year, and for many years to come, I hope, is the love of this good man."
The room got very quiet; so quiet that Seth imagined he actually heard jaws unhinging and eyes popping, and yes, that was definitely blinking. Before he could begin to wonder about his super-enhanced hearing, it went away. Or at least, the room got very loud; so loud, he couldn't hear words anymore, just voices—yelling, pleading, buzzing like bees. Ryan kept his head down until Seth tried to pull his hand away. Then Ryan squeezed his fingers and looked up at Seth with a smile so huge that Seth couldn't help returning it. They sat there, holding hands and grinning at each other like loons, while the voices swarmed around them. Finally, words began to penetrate their happy little bubble, and they remembered that they weren't, in fact, alone.
"Cohen! It's about time. I love you, but God, you're dense sometimes! Be good to Chino. I didn't put all that time into training you so you could screw this up." Summer moved between Seth and Ryan, and pulled them into a hug, kissing Seth's cheek loudly while giving Ryan's shoulder a squeeze.
"I knew it! He was totally NOT checking me out at that strip club!" Hailey exclaimed to Jimmy.
Jimmy saw the dumbfounded look on Kirsten's face and gave a nervous laugh. "Hailey, honey, I don't think you know what you're saying. It must be the excitement. Let's go get some fresh air." He dragged Hailey out of the dining room before Kirsten could stop him.
"What? Hailey? Strip club? Get back here, Jimmy!" Kirsten pushed her chair back and Sandy grabbed her hand.
"Kirsten, let her go. It's Hailey. She was probably having a flashback." Sandy stopped as Caleb stood up abruptly, his chair falling over and knocking a vase off the sideboard. The breaking glass brought all conversation to a screeching halt.
"Kiki. Sanford. Thanks for another fascinating Thanksgiving." Caleb strode out of the room without a backwards glance at Seth or Ryan, the front door slamming seconds later.
"Setheleh?" Sophie's questioning tone was almost as sharp as the remains of the shattered vase.
Seth swallowed hard. Chemotherapy and radiation had mellowed Sophie Cohen somewhat, but she could still be damn scary. "Yes, Nana?"
The Nana's voice turned gentle. "Does Rychik make you happy?"
Seth looked into Ryan's eyes as he answered, "Yes, Nana! Very."
"Good. You want pie, yes?"
Three weeks later they came home for winter break. "Parents? We're home!" Seth yelled, pulling Ryan through the front door and shoving it closed before he crowded Ryan back against it, using his shoulders to push Ryan where he wanted him. He nuzzled Ryan's neck, shivering when Ryan's fingers brushed against his stomach and hooked into his belt loops. Seth lowered his voice, "God, I hate that drive. Six hours without being able to do this is too long!" He nipped Ryan's lower lip before sinking into a brief but thorough kiss, stopping when he heard his mother's reply.
"I'm in the kitchen, Seth." Kirsten turned back to Caleb, who stood and put his coffee cup in the sink. "Dad, why don't you stay for dinner? We're trimming the tree tonight and taking our Chrismukkah picture since Sophie has to leave in a couple of days."
"No thank you, Kiki. I have an engagement. I just wanted to see Seth for a minute."
Seth loped into the kitchen, dragging Ryan along by the hand. "Hey Mom, guess what?" He stopped in his tracks. "Oh. Hello Grandpa." Seth made no attempt to sound polite as he sidestepped, putting himself between Ryan and Caleb.
"Hello Seth. I just wanted to let you know I'm not using my house in Mammoth for the next several weeks, so you and Ryan are welcome to stay there if you want. I thought it might be nice for you to...get away...together." He pressed the keys into Seth's free hand and looked over Seth's shoulder. "Ryan, I've been lining up projects for you to work on this summer. You do very fine work and I hope you plan to intern with us again. Happy Chrismukkah." Caleb nodded at them, kissed Kirsten on the cheek, and left.
"What the hell was that? Has Grandpa finally become a total pod-person?" Seth looked at his mother, who just shook her head. Kirsten had given up trying to understand her father when he'd married Julie.
"That," said Sandy, who had been lurking in the sunroom, "was as close to an apology as I have ever heard Caleb Nichol make. The question is: are you going to accept it?" Sandy couldn't help but smile at the stunned look on Seth' face.
Seth shifted his weight from foot to foot and looked at Ryan, whose blank expression gave him no help. He glanced down at the keys in his hand, clearly torn between holding a grudge and vacationing in the mountains. "Uh, I don't..."
Ryan was a practical man. He didn't like apologizing any more than Caleb did. What he did like, however, were the images flickering rapidly through his mind: Seth trying to teach him to snowboard, Seth drinking cocoa while wearing long johns slung so low that his pelvic bones showed, the hot tub on the private deck off the master suite, and the fireplaces in almost every room. And he did like his work with the Newport Group, even if Caleb was an asshole. He grabbed the keys from Seth and pocketed them, thinking he'd have a lot more to be thankful for next year. "Yes!"
Ryan brushed his fingers gently over the smiling faces. This wasn't the picture sent out with that year's holiday cards—Sophie refused to be in that one, saying she didn't want to start a precedent—but rather, one of the 'outtakes.' Seth had been making outrageous statements during the entire photo shoot, making them all laugh...and ruin take after take. Sophie stepped over to scold him and he playfully hid behind Ryan, which made everyone laugh harder. The photographer kept shooting and captured the moment: Sandy and Kirsten sitting together on the couch with Seth and Ryan huddled together at their feet, The Nana standing in front of the tree with her hands on her hips, and everyone smiling.
Ryan thought wistfully how much simpler everything had been then. He took a piece of newspaper off his desk, carefully wrapped the picture, and gently laid it inside the box resting on his chair. Satisfied that the picture was protected, he placed the lid on the box and carried it over to the others stacked neatly against the far wall. He stepped back, startled, when his office door swung open.
