Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: It's only the first chapter and you've already managed to embarrass the hell out of me. An arrow in my butt? How gauche. Me: Aww, poor Haldir. Let me kiss it and make it better. Haldir: You can kiss it all right - kiss my big, hairy, Elven ass! Me: Elven asses are NOT hairy. Haldir: How would you know? Me: I have a history of making Elves drop their drawers.
Chapter 2The Fantabulous Whatzit
The object Haldir held in his hands was round, about the size and shape of a dinner plate, with a triangular handle attached. About 2" thick, it was made from some type of shiny red material, but Haldir couldn't place it...it felt smooth and cool to the touch, but was not marble, metal, or clay. It had practically no heft to it, sounding hollow when he rapped on its surface, so Haldir immediately dismissed the possibility of it being weapon.
There were many small drawings of strange creatures on the front of the object. He recognized a couple of them, like the drawing of a tiny horse, a tiny dog, and something that looked a little like a tiny Oliphaunt, but most were unfamiliar to him. A large arrow shaped wedge was stuck fast to the front center of the object.
He noticed a white ring sticking out of the side of the object. He cocked an eyebrow, hesitating to touch it - rings had never brought much luck in Middle Earth. Curiosity got the better of him though, and he tugged slightly at the ring.
He was surprised when the ring pulled smoothly out of the object, attached to a white string. It pulled out just about a foot, then stopped. He tugged a little more, but the ring wouldn't budge any further. Letting go of the string to scratch his head, he flinched as the string began to suck itself back into the object, taking the ring with it.
"The cow says 'MOOOO."
Haldir jumped about six feet straight up into the air, dropping the object on the ground when the it spoke to him. He had his bow ready, arrow notched and aimed at the object before his feet hit the ground.
Laying still on the ground where it dropped, the object fell silent.
"Who are you, and what are you doing in the Golden Wood of Lothlorien?" he demanded of the object.
The object stayed silent.
"Speak, witch! Else feel my arrow through your heart!"
The object stayed silent.
He nudged it with his foot, but it didn't move or speak. Perhaps he had killed it when he dropped it.
Staring at the object for a few more moments, he waited, and nudged it with his foot a few more times, but, when it didn't move or speak again he gingerly picked it back up. His gaze fell on the ring once more...his inner voice argued with itself. "Pull it, ...don't pull it...pull it...don't pull it." He shook his head to dispel the inner argument. Tentatively, he touched the arrow in the center of the object with his finger. It moved slightly to the right, now pointing to the drawing of horse, but nothing else happened.
Again the ring caught his attention. It was just sitting there, begging to be pulled. Placing the object on the ground, He slipped his long slender finger into the ring and pulled it back again. Steeling himself, he let the ring go, jumping back and watching it wind itself back into the object.
"The horse says NEIGH."
Haldir didn't jump as high this time. The object had certainly made no threatening advances, and he recognized the sound of the horse, if not the speech. Staring at the object at his feet, a light went off over his head.
"The sound of a horse...the arrow points to a drawing of a horse..." He murmured out loud. "This thing seeks to instruct me on the sounds of the creatures it has pictured on it! Interesting...I wonder if the disc itself is alive, or if, by some magic, there is a very tiny person in there?" He held the object up, looking at it from all angles. He shook it, listening for the sound of a very tiny person rattling about within it. Hearing nothing, he again pushed the arrow and pulled the ring.
"The pig says, "OINK."
"Oink," Haldir repeated.
"The duck says, "QUACK."
"Quack." Haldir smiled - a very rare occurrence for the taciturn Elf. "I need to show this to my brothers...perhaps we can think of some use for this whatzit. Cereborn and Galadrial will certainly be interested in its magical properties..."
The prospect of something new and exciting to do completely distracted Haldir as he made his way to the dwelling he shared with his brothers, high in the mallorn trees.
He actually forgot all about the pain in his ass.
