"Sacrifice"
It was the chirping of birds that woke me up that morning.
It was barely past sunrise, the sky still fairly dark, the morning haze not yet lifted from the land. It seemed like the whole village still slept peacefully, contently, happily.
How I envied them...
Despite that, I rose quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping child by my head. But Shippo hardly budged, just turned over when I placed a small kiss on his cheek. I slipped out of my sleeping bag, and stood, giving a stretch, and trying to hold in the long yawn begging to come out. I swept my gaze over the other inhabitants of Kaede's hut, the still sleeping forms of my makeshift family on this side of the well. I took my time, committing each peaceful face to memory-after all, this would be my last time seeing this...
I blinked furiously, convincing myself that there would be time for tears later. That now, I had other things to attend to. So I gathered my things and set out for the nearby lake for my last bath in the Sengoku Jidai.
The ice cold water was nearly unbearable, especially at this hour, when the sun hadn't warmed it in the slightest bit. But I braced myself for each dive underwater, reminding myself to try and enjoy this while I could. This was the same place I'd taken my first bath in this time, and I wanted it to be my last.
So I ducked down again, preparing to wash my hair. It always came out best when it was washed in pure, clean river water. It was something I was going to miss dearly. Although not as much as other things...
When I came back up, breaking the surface, my eyes came to rest upon one of those.
"Inuyasha?"
I lowered myself to the water, a slight blush rising to my cheeks from modesty. I'd shown a bit, but I soon realized, he hadn't really seemed to notice. He was just intently staring into my eyes from the river bank.
He smiled, just a faint curl of his lips, and he glanced up at the cliff behind him, then at the ground, then back at me. I caught on, and returned the smile, with a small giggle.
"That really hurt you know."
"I can imagine. But you deserved it, you pervert."
"Keh, stupid girl. You still hung up about that? I was after the damn jewel, not a peek."
"Still..." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest. I shivered, and he frowned as he noticed my teeth chattering.
"You're going to get sick in that cold water. What the hell's wrong with you?"
"I wanted a bath. And I wanted to get a chance to do it before... I like the water, it's so clean. Not like back there." I replied sadly, trying to dance around the subject.
He just nodded vaguely, and continued to gaze at me, his eyes soft with some strange emotion.
"Well, are you gonna just stand there and watch me again?"
"I wasn't watching you that time! Vain little wench..." He muttered, kicking at a rock on the shore. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again.
"Turn around for a minute."
"Why?"
"Because I'm coming in," he said rather matter-of-factly, his hands already at work untying the knots of his haori.
"What?!"
"Did I stutter?" He rolled his eyes, and shed his inner kimono, letting it fall the ground beside him. He reached to undo the tie of this hakama, but seeing that I was still watching rather stunned, quirked an eyebrow playfully.
"Now who's the pervert?"
I blushed, and quickly spun around, my mind racing as I waited to hear the sounds of him entering the water. But it never came.
Suddenly, two strong hands gently rested on my shoulders, and I jumped, startled at the warmth against my chilled skin.
"You're cold. We should make this fast." He lifted the hair from off my back with one hand, the other reaching for the near empty bottle of shampoo floating in the water next to me. I felt his body press against mine as he reached around me for it, and fought the urge to just lean back.
A moment later, he was lathering my hair, the tips of his claws cautiously massaging my scalp, and I lot my fight against that urge. I just melted back against him, utterly content under his ministrations, and the feel of him.
"Why?" I asked silently, happy, though thoroughly confused. I heard him sigh nostalgically, slowing his action, deliberately trying to make this last as long as he could.
"You know, back in the beginning, Shippo asked me why I never bathed with you. I have to tell you, I always wished I could of. I've never like doing it alone. Always made me feel vulnerable-you understand."
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"I remember, when I was young, and my mother was still alive, she'd never let me bathe alone. She loved the rivers and springs too. I always knew though, she only avoided the public baths because of me. Because of what I was, and what the others would say or do to me."
He stopped washing my hair, and instead, wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. He rested his chin on my shoulder, and I heard him inhale deeply.
"I just wanted to know what it was like...to be with you like this. To be vulnerable with you."
I fought the involuntary shiver that followed his whispered words to little avail. He gave a little chuckle, and moved to resume our bath.
I dunked my head underwater, careful to rinse my hair completely, looking forward to returning the favor. When I came back up, he already had his back turned, his own mane already wet.
I squeezed the last of the shampoo from the bottle into the palm of my hand, and almost trembling, reached out to his hair.
I smiled the moment I sunk my hands into his silver locks, I came to the conclusion that he must be my mysterious conditioner caper. It was so soft, there was no way it could be natural.
Then again, he wasn't just any normal person.
I pushed all other thoughts aside, and settled into the task at hand. I used my dull nails as best I could, and he made small grunting noises, voicing his approval. Then came the tricky part.
I regarded his ears carefully first. He seemed to notice my hesitance, as he ducked down a little more in the water, bringing them closer to my level, a silent sign for me to go ahead.
He'd always been sensitive about anyone touching his ears, with good reason. So of course my fascination with them had been a bit of annoyance for him. I never wasted an opportunity to get my hands on them, not since that first time, when he'd still been sealed to the Goshinboku, so long ago.
I steeled myself, and began at the base of each furry triangle, scratching lightly where they met his scalp. They twitched once or twice, flicking tiny droplets of water at me, making me giggle.
I moved up, my fingers massaging each appendage, lathering the soft fur, and he leaned into my touch. My face flushed a little when I realized my breasts were now pressed rather firmly against his back, but he seemed too dazed to realize anything except what I was doing.
"That feels good...," he said softly.
"I would have done this more often, if you'd told me."
"If I let you touch them, I'd have to let every one touch them."
"You let Mama do it."
"I'm letting you do it now."
I huffed, and tugged on his right ear playfully.
"You like them, don't you?"
"Your ears? Of course, they're so cute." He chuckled at my response, and shook his head faintly.
"Funny girl. You like the one thing about me that gives me away. The one thing most people find disgusting."
"I don't find anything about you disgusting, Inuyasha. You know that."
He hesitated, then nodded. A comfortable silence fell over the lake, and I continued to rub his ears, not caring that I wasn't being discreet about stalling.
But the sun began to peek over the tree line, and we both knew without saying that we didn't have much more time before the others woke up.
"In you go," I said, a short warning before I pushed his head underwater. He only got out a half a protest, before he went down gurgling. He sputtered as he came back up, still facing away from me.
"Dammit wench, give me more of a warning than that! You trying to kill me?"
"Not intentionally. Stop complaining, it's not like you would've drowned."
"Keh," was all he shot back with, before he dunked under again, rinsing out the remaining lather.
As he rose for the last time, his ears twitched, the water hitting my face again, and I giggled.
"What's so funny?"
"You're flicking water at me!"
"Oh. You mean like this?"
Before I could react, he'd sent a big splash in my direction, catching me totally off guard.
"Hey!" I growled, and retaliated. A splashing war ensued, the both of us completely forgetting our state of undress, focusing on drenching the hell out of each other.
Finally, I called a truce when I began to shiver again.
Clutching his forearms to stop him from sending yet another wave at me, I looked up laughing, and saw he was smiling just as wide.
"Alright, alright, I give! C'mon, I'm gonna catch a cold if I don't get warm soon."
He was about to answer, most likely some smart ass comment, but he merely opened his mouth and stood silent.
It was then that I followed his intent gaze down, towards my chest, and I realized we were standing in only waist high water. Quickly, I covered my chest, and he spun around in a blur.
After an uncomfortable pause, he spoke.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I just...," he trailed off abashedly. I got past my own ferocious embarrassment, and tried to play it off. I moved towards him, and wrapped my arms around his waist, my head resting against his back.
"It's okay...I mean...It's not like you haven't seen it all before."
We both laughed then, and the discomfort was forgotten.
He let me get out first, keeping his back turned as he waited for me to change. I granted him the same privacy, toweling off my hair as I heard the rustling of his clothes. I wondered if he'd had to fight that urge to just whip around while I had been dressing, the urge I felt now.
"Decent?" I asked, when I didn't hear anything else.
"Yes."
I jumped when his voice came from right over my shoulder, and turned.
"Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"I didn't!" He said defensively. "I can't help it if I don't stomp around like you humans."
"Always playing the race card, aren't you?" I muttered. He gave me a confused look, but quickly dismissed it as just another one of "Kagome's future things".
"Would you like me to do yours? This towel's still pretty dry," I offered, wanting nothing more than to stall our return to the village.
"Okay."
I smiled, and motioned for him to follow me to the fallen log a few feet away. I sat down on it, and he sat on the ground before it, my legs on either side of him.
I set to work towel drying his long hair, grateful for yet another chance to touch him. He leaned his back against my stomach as I dried his bangs, watching me through squinted eyes.
"Have I ever told you...how much I love your hair?" I asked softly, as I turned my attention to his ears.
"No...you do?"
"Maybe not as obsessively as Yura did," I said, drawing a small chuckle from him, "but yes. I do."
"Why?"
"It's so long, and it's so soft. And the color-it's so unique. It's not quite gray and it's not quite white. It's kind of in between. Just silver."
"It's not always like that."
"I know. But even when you're human, it's still so beautiful. Either color, it suits you."
"Thank you," he whispered softly. "I don't think anyone's ever told me that."
I nodded, and decided that it was definitely time for us to be going.
"We should get back," he said, as if reading my thoughts.
"I know."
He rose, and turned to me, and for a moment we just looked at each other. We both knew there were so many things unspoken, so much left undone. Just gazing at each other, in that moment, we bared what we'd both tried to hide for so long from each other.
It was right then, with those liquid pools of gold burning into mine, that he told me that he loved me.
I didn't need to hear it-it was all right there, plain as day, in his eyes. And I had no doubt that he saw no less in mine.
"Kagome-chan? Inuyasha?"
The faint voice of Sango broke our moment, and we both looked towards the path where a moment later, she emerged. Kirara was perched on her shoulder, his eyes melancholy."There you are! I couldn't find you in the village, and I got worried."
"I'm sorry, Sango-chan. I came to take a bath, I should have left a note..."
She shook her head dismissively.
"Don't be. I knew you were fine," she said with a sad smile, casting a meaningful glance at Inuyasha.
She, of course, then did a double take, no doubt noticing his wet hair. Still, she made no comment, merely turning to Kirara as they both shared a knowing look.
"Kaede and the villagers are starting to prepare the feast. We should get back and help."
I nodded, and she turned, leading the way back to the village.
Inuyasha and I trailed behind, my near empty pack slung over his shoulder, his stride deliberately short. Not too long after we reached the trail through the forest, he reached over, and gently grasped my hand.
I immediately laced my fingers with his, and for the remainder of our journey back, we held hands, casting shy glances at the other from time to time.
No matter that we'd just bathed together of course...
When we reached the village, I expected him to let go. But the second I started to pull my hand from his, he gripped it even tighter.
I looked at him questioningly, but he ignored me, instead keeping his eyes trained ahead. But I saw the smile he tried to hide. I squeezed his hand back.
It wasn't odd that he was touching me, or being affectionate. He'd actually been much more open with me for some time now.
It was so subtle, I almost didn't notice until that one night, almost a year ago. When I'd awoken from some random dream, my mind set on a drink of water, and I realized that I was not sleeping alone. Curled up on the futon behind me was a human Inuyasha, looking like he could have slept through another atom bomb.
I mean, sure I've seen him sleep before! But there were two things that made this night very, very different. First of all, he's never slept on the moonless night and second....well...
When I say he was "curled up behind me" I should be a little more specific. He was in fact, curled up around me, his arms around my body, my back firmly pressed against his chest. ..His face half buried in my hair...his breath warm against my neck...
When he woke up finally, he had blushed like a maniac tomato and started to pull away. But I'd stopped him. And I told him not to let go of me.
We never really talked about it, or made any kind of agreement on it, but every new moon since then, we'd slept much the same way. Sometimes in a tree if we were traveling. He'd wait until everyone else was asleep, then was gone again before they woke up.
No the only strange thing about him holding my hand now, was the fact that he refused to let go, even though we both knew no one would fail to notice. He didn't seem to care...
As we made our way through the bustling crowd, each villager would give me a small bow and then be on their way. Even the children, who'd come to grow so attached to me, paid their respects from a distance.
To be honest, it didn't suit me. If anything, I would have hugged each and every person in that damn village, the people who'd suffered so much for my mistakes. The people who put their lives on the line to protect me when some demon came sniffing around for the Shikon no Tama.
Then of course, I could understand why they were acting this way. I had healed these people with little more than aspirin or some cough syrup; and then add that to the fact that I was their once beloved miko's reincarnation, and I was from the future. I had reached an almost god-like status.
"Kagome-sama. You've returned."
I looked up to see Miroku, standing before Kaede's hut, leaning against the wall. I smiled and nodded.
"I went for a bath. I'm sorry to have worried you all."
"Not at all. I think we all know you're quite capable of taking care of yourself-," he cut off abruptly when he caught the sight of our linked hands. A wide grin and that gleam in his eye warned me he was about to make some kind of lewd comment. But out of nowhere, Inuyasha began to growl, softly but threateningly.
Miroku froze in the middle of forming his first word, and instead, pretended to yawn, and walked into the hut.
I looked up at him again, but Inuyasha still refused to meet my gaze.
Shippo had still been asleep, despite all the noise of the bustling villagers, so when he woke up, I was there.
"Kagome-chan? You're awake?" He stated, more than questioned. I nodded.
"Birds woke me up. Did you sleep well?"
He nodded, then turned away sharply towards the wall. After a few rapid blinks, he looked back to me, his eyes still glossy from the tears I knew he was fighting.
He then glanced over me curiously, his little eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
I guess I couldn't blame him.
I was leaned back against Inuyasha, who in turn had his back braced to the wall, and both his legs placed on either side of me. He was lazily running his hands through my still drying hair, seemingly ignoring everyone else.
Then his emerald eyes dropped to what my hands were doing-making sweet rice balls.
"Can I have one!?"
I smiled, and held out the one I'd just finished to him. He scrambled out of my sleeping bag, and perched himself on Inuyasha's knee.
He ate happily, savoring each bite, casually stealing glances at Inuyasha's face. I just continued with my duty for the feast, humming softly.
The village headman had been the one to call for the feast. I hadn't found out until just a few days ago. Of course I'd been a bit shocked, and flattered by the honor. They didn't hold village feasts for just anyone.
They'd started to plan for it the day after I told them I was leaving.
Breaking that news had been the hardest thing I'd ever done. But I knew that actually going through with it would damn near kill me.
I didn't have a choice though. I wasn't meant to be here, no matter how well I fit in. This wasn't my time, and my very presence could change the course of history. If any other youkai found out where I was from, they would exploit my knowledge of the future, using it to their own gain.
That would have been something I was willing to live with, to chance. But that wasn't the only reason I had to leave.
The Shikon no Tama demanded it.
Some days after we'd finally acquired the last shard, defeating Naraku and his two male spawn, we'd been approached by the last person we'd expected on the road home: Kikyo.
She simply appeared, almost out of thin air, and actually asked to speak with Inuyasha in private.
The whole time they were gone, I'd paced restlessly, biting my nails, then stopping and staring in the direction they'd left.
Almost an hour later, something hit me. Literally.
Before I knew what was happening, I was doubled over in shock, but not in pain. I felt myself floating, and vaguely realized I was glowing with a blue light.
Out of nowhere, Inuyasha appeared from the darkness of the forest, his face unreadable. He just watched me as I slowly descended back to the ground, completely ignoring our companions as they frantically asked what was going on.
My feet touched the ground, and a pained look flashed in his amber eyes. And I knew.
Kikyo was gone.
Without a word, he walked forward and picked me up bridal style, and we flew off into the night.
He ran for some distance, still refusing to look at me, his lips drawn in a tight line.
Finally, he stopped on the branch of a tall tree, and sat down with me securely wrapped in his arms.
"Inuyasha...I'm sorry," I said softly, trying to lead his eyes to mine. The second he did, he started to cry.
Shocked, I just as watched the first tear as it made its way down his cheek, then splashing silently onto his haori, a small dark circle forming where it hit the cloth.
Then another, and another. The damn broke, and he buried his face in my shoulder, sobbing as quietly as he could.
I started to follow suit by the time the second tear left his eye, and for a few minutes we just cried together. I shared his tears for Kikyo, letting any jealousy I'd held for her slowly wash away, leaving only the respect I'd held from the moment I'd learned of her power.
Finally, I pulled back, and looked at him, his eyes red-rimmed. It was a sight I'd never seen, but sorely hoped I'd never have to see again.
I did my best to calm him, cooing and shushing him, but he did not stop, and the tears did not cease to fall.
"Inuyasha...it's okay...she's at peace now...she's at peace. I'm sorry you had to lose her again...I'm so sorry..."
He blinked at me in a momentary confusion, then shook his head slowly.
"That's not why, Kagome...that's not why I'm crying," he whispered.
"But she's gone. I felt the rest of my soul return. She died again."
"Yes, she did."
"And I know how much you cared for her. It's okay, I understand, Inuya-"
"I'm not crying because I lost her." He said a little more firmly, then closing his eyes and letting out a shuddered breath. "I'm crying because I'm losing you."
He let out another few sobs, clinging to me tightly, as I just stared at the bark of the tree in pure confusion. What did he mean "losing me"? Was I dying?
Finally, when he regained his composure, he explained what had happened.
Kikyo had come to tell him a lot of things, and she had said from the beginning that it would be the last time they would see each other.
She'd thanked him then, for avenging her death, just like he had sworn. She'd subsequently released him from his promise, saying she would not be taking him to the afterlife with her. She said he was free.
And that she loved him.
He didn't hide the fact that she'd kissed him then, and not a moment later, she'd disappeared in flash of blue light. All that had remained of her false body were her miko robes, and dust that didn't even hold her scent anymore.
He'd pulled me into an even tighter embrace, burying his nose in my hair, and unabashedly taking a deep breath.
Then he'd told me the other reason she'd come. To warn him.
She'd come to learn, from sources which she could not name, that once reformed, the Shikon no Tama would no longer require my presence in this time. That the moment it was whole again, I would be transported back to my world, and the well sealed shut forever. I would never be able to return.
He'd asked her frantically if there was any way he could change that, if he could wish for the well to stay open even. Even she'd seemed sad telling him that was not possible. I couldn't stay, it wasn't my place here...
I'd been inconsolable for hours afterwards, my mind consumed of a life without my friends, my other family-without Inuyasha. He'd tried to be strong for me, but couldn't help but cry with me. Even through the circumstances, I still realized then that it was the closest we'd ever been to each other-I cried even harder after that.
We spent the rest of the night in that tree, wrapped in each other's embrace, trying to hold on to our last shreds of time together.
In the morning, we'd returned to our worried friends as they were packing up camp, set on looking for us.
We'd sat them down and explained right out that I would have to leave soon. And through all the tears Sango shed, and the dazed look on Miroku's face, Shippo was the only one who ventured to ask.
"Then why do we have to put it back together?"
I immediately come back with the obvious answer of Inuyasha having to make his wish, but he'd stopped me mid-sentence.
"We need you here-that's all that matters. Fuck the wish."
I realize now that not completing the jewel was perhaps the first selfish thing I'd done in my life. But there was no way I could leave, no way I could live without Inuyasha, without any of them. I just couldn't...
Inuyasha carried the last solitary piece, sealed in a protective ofuda courtesy of Miroku, while I wore the remainder around my neck.
When we'd arrived back at the village, we'd been met with much rejoicing. We settled into a life there, and time passed uneventfully.
I stayed with Kaede, but spent most of my time at home, making the last bit of school an all out cram session. I finally passed my high school entrance exams.
Life seemed almost perfect from there. Things were progressing well between Sango and Miroku-despite her promise to bear him children after the Kazanna had disappeared, they seemed to be awfully shy about actually going about it.
And then of course, there was my relationship with Inuyasha...
I have to admit, he's made a hell of a lot of progress. It's hard not to notice the ways he's changed-there are even times when I wonder if he's the same hanyou who tried to kill me upon our first meeting. Of course, he never failed to revert to his old, gruff attitude when he realized how nice he was being.
But it was comforting knowing I'd see just what lay beneath that façade. He was growing up in there...
Most things went unspoken between us. Whenever I went to bathe, he'd know to come along, and guard me and Sango and Shippo if they came along. Whenever I went home, he knew to leave me for a few days before coming, letting me spend more time with the family and friends I'd neglected all this time. He began to ask if I was coming back, instead of dragging me through the well each time. After all, he no longer had the same reasons for me being there. It was a silent truth that he wanted me there because he missed me. I never said no unless I had too much schoolwork or plans with the girls.
He started staying in my time on the night of the full moon, and that was the only time he'd share my bed. He claimed it was for safety, but I couldn't help but wonder what he needed to fear anymore. No demons had even come close to the village since hearing of our victory over Naraku. To them, we were near invincible. So why be afraid, even as a human?
One night, my friends insisted I come with them to a movie, even though I knew a grumpy, black-haired Inuyasha was due on this side at any minute. When I finally broke down and told them I was expecting company, they simply told me to bring him along.
I wondered right then, if maybe that would be a good idea. After all, he'd always liked exploring the city after dark. Would he like doing so in plain sight instead-to spend a night out in my time as a human?
When he finally appeared over the mouth of the well, I asked him. Reluctantly, he agreed to go, if only to make sure nothing happened to me. Under that guise, I could tell he was really just nervous, especially since he didn't know anyone but me.
But I reassured him that he would fit in fine. The hardest part was getting him to change into modern clothes. I've never seen someone fuss so much over wearing a pair of damn shoes.
But finally, after a few minutes of pleading and giving my best puppy dog eyes, he just gave a dismissive "Feh!", and let me dress him. I sent Souta in to help him do everything properly, but after about ten minutes of mumbled words, then silence, I got curious. I pressed my ear to the door to catch what was going on inside.
"Inu-no-niichan... you look kind of like Otou."
"That's cause I'm wearing his clothes, kid."
"Oh...I guess you're right. So you're gonna take Kagome on a date then?"
"What's that? Is it big?"
"No, a date. That's what boys and girls do when they like each other."
"Keh. Whatever kid-all I know is I gotta spend a couple hours with her damn nosy friends, and be normal or I'll get sat through the to other side of the world."
"It'll be fun! You're going to a movie!"
"What's that? Is that big too?"
"Well, yeah! It's a lot better than the TV."
Dumb silence. Then footsteps towards the door.
"Um. You know you can't take your sword, right?"
"What?! Fuck no, I'm not-"
"Inu-no-niichan, if someone sees you with a big sword, they'll probably call the police, and then you'll get in a lot of trouble! They'll arrest you and then Kagome's gonna get all worried!"
More silence.
"I'm trusting you with this sword, kid. If anything happens to it, you'll be sorry."
"REALLY?! Cool!"
I stepped back as I heard him approaching, feigning impatience as he opened the door. And then my jaw dropped, and I just stared in disbelief.
"What? What'd I do?"
I just kind of shook my head dumbly, and swallowed hard. I flashed a nervous smile, and walked towards him.
"Nothing. You just look different, that's all," I said, adjusting the collar of his shirt.
"Keh. Let's get this over with!"
We joined up with my friends, and went through the awkward task of introducing them to Inuyasha. Of course Eri had to ask if he was my boyfriend. Fortunately, he took in the most literal sense of being a "boy" and my "friend", and just gave a very curious "yes".
Things seemed to go well from there. He relaxed a little, mostly just listening to us chat, answering any questions they asked the way I'd briefed him to on the walk there.
I could tell by the end of the night, their opinions of my "rude, two-timing, arrogant badass boyfriend" had gone up a few notches. He was nothing like they'd imagined.
The movie itself was nothing short of hilarious. His eyes were wide the entire time, and occasionally he'd glance at me, those amber depths brimming with questions. I knew I would have a lot of explaining to do later on...
After that night, he would sometimes ask if we could do it again, promising to wear modern clothes and even suffer with that stupid cap to cover his ears if he had to. I never turned him down, and we continued to go out, avoiding my friends unless it was another new moon, for obvious reasons.
Despite our closeness, neither of us ever made any sort of move past a level of friendship. Though there were close calls, a few near kisses, and a lot of intense moments, nothing ever really happened. We just shared my bed on the new moon, and the rest of the time, he'd either sleep on the floor, or back in the Sengoku Jidai, guarding the village.
Like I said, life was almost perfect. Almost an entire year went by, my life finally equally divided between each time period, fair on both sides of the well. The only thing missing was a romantic relationship with Inuyasha, something I wanted more than anything else in the world. But also something that I believed I now had all the time in the world to develop.
I should have seen it coming. We all should have. That numbing lull before the storm, leading us into a false sense of security. We should have never let our guards down.
But we did.
It started with the crows. Just a few random attacks here and there, nothing Inuyasha or Sango couldn't handle on their own. I even purified my fair share of them. History was repeating itself, but we were blind to it. After all, it was almost three years ago...
But then, one night, the horde descended upon us, and we were drawn into battle once again.
Though we had all increased in skill, we were almost no match for the sheer number of youkai that came. We immediately knew what they were after-the Shikon no Tama.
No matter that we'd destroyed the demon they'd all once feared, they'd sniffed out the jewel, and would stop at nothing to attain it.
As I fired arrow after arrow, pouring all my strength behind each, I even found myself wishing Miroku was still cursed with his Kazanna. Although I was horrified at myself for thinking such a thing, one look at him struggling to fight with mere ofuda and his staff told me he was thinking the same thing.
Many died that night-innocent villagers, Rabid youkai...
That and Kaede had been injured terribly. For the first few days afterwards, I wasn't sure she was going to make it. But she managed to pull through, though the limp in her walk would be a sore reminder of her ordeal.
The attacks didn't stop after that. Though they never nearly reached the size of that night, they were dangerous nonetheless. Villagers still lost their lives joining the fight, still dying to protect the only thing that drew the youkai in the first place.
After the anniversary of our defeat over Naraku, I came to a decision. I knew it had to end.
The jewel had to be completed, and a wish made to purify it once and for all.
I had to leave...
Inuyasha hadn't spoken to me for almost a week after I made my decision known. He'd simply left without a single word or glance, and disappeared. I'd gone home in order to talk with my family about what was going to happen, needing moral support more than anything. Everyone understood that I was doing this for their own good.
Everyone understood that this was a sacrifice I had to make.
Everyone except him...
He finally came to me, in my time. I'd been worried sick, and I hadn't heard from him yet. I was afraid he wasn't going to come. But sometime after midnight, my window slid open, and he soundlessly entered my room. He seemed surprised to see I was awake.
"Why are you still up? It's late."
I'd simply stared at him, fighting the urge to just sit him through the floor for making me worry so damn much. But I could also tell, he was just as much a wreck as I was. Finally, unable to take my silence, he came and sat next to me.
"Kagome?"
"I was worried. You've been gone for a long time."
"I'm sorry. I had to leave."
"Because of what I chose? Because I'm leaving you?"
He'd opened his mouth to retort when he realized I'd just said what he was going to say. Instead, he smiled sadly, and wrapped me in his embrace before I could even blink.
"You know me too well...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...I never wanted to hurt you."
"I don't want to hurt you either...," I sniffled, struggling to hold back my tears. "But you have to understand-if I stay there, with you, people will die."
"What if we just leave the jewel here? Then you can come back when you want, and no one will get hurt!"
"But what happens when the demons of this time come hunting for it. Inuyasha...we both know they exist. What happens when they come for the jewel, and my family...," I trailed off, not wanting to voice my fears, sobbing into his shoulder.
He pulled me closer, laying his cheek against my hair, whispering soft comforts. When I regained my composure, he pulled back to look in my eyes.
"I need you there. How am I supposed to just let you walk away? How? Why? Why does everyone I care about have to leave me?"
Just like the night with Kikyo, he cried unabashedly.
"How can I just let you go? Please don't-don't do this! I'll work harder, I'll protect everyone...I-I can do it, you know that! I promise-"
I cut him off there.
"Don't. Don't promise me anything. You can't do that, Inuyasha."
"But...I need you...I don't know...how I can live without you."
"You have to. I can't-Inuyasha...I'm so sorry I have to do this..."
The night wore on, with more tears, and more pleading for me to reconsider. I still don't know where I found the strength to hold my ground against him. But he began to realize right before sunrise, that I wasn't going to give in this time. That I really had to do this.
It was the first night he slept with me as a hanyou. It was such a bittersweet sight, waking up to his amber eyes, almost like a fantasy come true for me. How often had I wished I could awake to find him holding me like he'd never see me again?
Not a moment later, I realized that soon, that would be exactly the case.
Eventually, we managed to talk without tears, and set a date for me to leave. I would stay for a few more months, mostly to help Kaede train a new girl to take my place and someday, hers, as village miko. I decided to spend most of my time in the Feudal Era, to spend as much time with every one as I could.
The attacks never ceased, and almost up until the last week, we were constantly engaged in battle. It was hard, exhausting, but the times between made up for it. Despite my refusal of his promise, Inuyasha did work harder to protect every one. But even the villagers could see the strain it took on him. It seemed like I was constantly bandaging him, taking care of his wounds, physical and emotional.
He clung to me like a lost puppy, for lack of a better analogy. He hardly ever left my side, almost my shadow, and would occasionally snatch me in the middle of the night to sleep with me. I often found myself falling asleep in Kaede's hut, only to wake up in tree, wrapped in Inuyasha's haori.
Kaede broke the news to the villagers the week I was to depart, and now, we were preparing for the feast to be held in my honor.
It was an odd feeling. It was almost surreal, the entire day. Everyone knew what would come later, they knew this would be the last night I would spend with them. Behind each smile and laugh, there was sadness, pain. It was almost too hard to make eye contact with any of my friends for too long. This was so hard...
"Kagome-chan? Are you done?"
I glanced up from my work to see Sango standing in the doorway.
"In another minute or two. How are things coming along?"
"Just fine. You know, you really don't have to-"
"Yeah, I know, I don't have to help," I rolled my eyes. "You really think I'm gonna just sit here and let you guys do all the work?"
"Having known you all these years, I should know the answer to that, ne?" She smiled, a wistful look in her brown eyes. I glanced away quickly, set on finishing the last few rice balls.
"Well, I'll be out in a minute," I replied quickly. She nodded, and left.
"Kagome-chan? Can I have another one?"
"Go wash your face, and I'll think about it."
"Okay! That means yes!" He scampered out of the hut before I could protest, and couldn't help but laugh.
Now alone, I could feel the tension grow between us. Inuyasha remained silent, still stroking my hair gently.
"You would have made a good mother." He said quietly.
"You think so?"
"At least with the brat."
"I thought you promised to stop calling him that!"
"You didn't say when I had to start."
I turned to shoot him a glare, and instead stopped, my face mere inches from his. For a moment, we just stared at each other, each heavy breath brushing each other's lips.
"You would have made a good wife, too."
I held my breath as he ever so slightly leaned forward, his bangs brushing against mine. Closing my eyes, I waited for the touch of his lips...
But it never came. Instead Miroku came in, breaking the trance that had held us.
"Honestly, I don't see what she wants from- oh...," he openly grimaced when he saw our proximity, the guilty looks on our faces. He knew he'd just interrupted something.
"I'm sorry...I should have-"
"Keh. Perverted Monk. What'd you do this time?"
As Inuyasha dismissed his apology, Miroku's eyes held a questioning look. But at my smile, he answered Inuyasha's question. He returned to running his fingers through my hair.
As they spoke-or shot off insults at each other, rather-I tried to still my racing heart. That had been such a close call...
And though it hadn't been the first, I was positive that he would've done it this time. His words had said more than enough.
"You would've made a good wife, too."
I could only wonder now, what would happen before I left. After our bath this morning, and the silent declaration he'd made, and now this-how was it going to end?
Would he kiss me goodbye?
Would he at least, in our final moments together, tell me aloud what I'd always wanted to hear?....
The day passed too quickly.
Before I knew it, the entire village had assembled at the outdoor feast. It was widely known that I loved picnics, and therefore, they'd decided to take advantage of the warm spring whether, and indulge that.
Kaede helped me perform a blessing of the villagers, my final gift before I left for good, and the headman led them in the toast. I then went to each person, and personally thanked them for their kindness over the years. I offered my prayers to their loved ones gone, those who had given their lives for me and the Sacred jewel.
Everything went well, and not even a single demon made any sort of advance. The only surprise had been the appearance of Kouga and his tribe. How they'd heard I was leaving, I couldn't guess, but he was there nonetheless.
He didn't even come near me. He and his wolves kept their distance, simply waving from a hill in the distance. That certainly made Inuyasha very happy...
Night fell, and the cloud over my head grew darker and darker. It seemed that with each second that ticked by, my body would feel heavier and heavier. I wanted to burst out crying every few minutes, but simply held my tears for the very end.
I took a walk with each of my friends, beginning with Kaede. She thanked me for my deeds, my help, and my mere presence. She admitted she'd always seen me as a daughter, and that she loved me just as such. Then I'd gone with Miroku, and he'd done his best to keep the conversation jovial and happy. I finally made him promise to formally propose to Sango the moment I was out of sight.
Then came my time with Sango herself. That's where the tears came in. We hardly spoke, both intent to just embrace while we still had the chance to. She promised to name her first daughter after me, the girl she'd come to love like her sister. It was hard knowing I couldn't be there for her for her wedding, her pregnancies (I was positive there'd be more than one)-Sango was the best friend I'd ever had.
My time with Shippo was equally as hard. I'd been with him almost as long as Inuyasha. He was like a son to me in so many ways, something that was plain for everyone to see. I hated to leave him behind-he'd already lost his parents, and was so young. But I knew he would do well in Sango and Miroku's care. And of course, Inuyasha would watch over him, protect him...
After I thought I could shed no more tears, it was time to go. I left my friends at the village, inside Kaede's hut. Though I would've liked them to come to the well to see me off, they had already decided that my last moments in the Sengoku Jidai should be with Inuyasha alone.
After my last glance at my makeshift family, he took my hand in his and we left.
We left the boundary of the village, and suddenly he stopped me before we entered the forest. He knelt down in front of me, and I smiled, and wordlessly accepted.
The moment I climbed on his back, he took off at top speed.
He ran through the forest that bore his name, leaping from branch to branch, on the ground, and then high back into the air. I held on tight, desperately trying to hang onto this last precious ride. I would miss this dearly-the wind rushing past my face, his wild, masculine scent constant in my senses, his hair soft against my cheek.
It ended too soon, just like everything else-but if he hadn't landed in front of the well, we would've gone all night.
He carried me all the way to the well, his steps deliberately slow, then reluctantly let me down. And then we stood, the soft breeze blowing past us.
"Kagome." He said simply. He reached down and took my hands in his, stepping closer to me. I felt the all too familiar sting of tears, and I began to blink furiously.
"Inuyasha."
"I...I've been thinking...for the past few months about what to say to you. But...I've tried, and I just...can't think of a way to say goodbye. I don't want to."
"I know. I don't either. But-"
"You have to. I know," He sighed. "I wanted to give you something to remember me by, but I realize...I don't have anything. All I own is my sword and my name...I'm sorry I can't..."
"I don't need anything to remember you by...How could I ever forget you?"
"Kagome. I need to tell you something..."
I froze, wondering if maybe this was it. What was he going to tell me?
"I don't know if I should though."
"Why?"
"Because if I do...I don't know if I can let you go. I don't know if it'll just make this harder on you."
"I'll live with that. You can't expect me to go my whole life not knowing what you really wanted to say..."
"And you can't expect me to go my whole life without having you with me."
"Inuyasha...even...even if I did stay-I'm only human. I won't live like you do, I won't age like you. You'll lose me either way. Maybe it's better like this. We'll always remember each other as young, strong. I wouldn't want you to see me old and gray."
"I want you to know. If you could stay here... I would change for you. I would become human for you."
"I could never ask that of you-"
"You wouldn't have to. It's my choice. But...I can't even do that, can I? I still couldn't keep you with me as a human. No matter what...you have to leave me."
Sadly, I nodded in acknowledgment.
"You have a responsibility here Inuyasha. You have to make your wish. You need to rid the world of this jewel-that's always been your place in this story. I wish...I wish things could have been different, but that's something that even the jewel could grant me. I promise, I will never forget you. I'll never forget any of this. No matter what, you'll always be with me, right here." I lifted my hand, resting it over my heart. His expression turned painful, but he nodded.
We embraced, for the last time. This was it. This was the end.
Silently, he reached into his haori, and withdrew the ofuda that held the last Shikon shard. Shakily, I took it from his hand, and unfolded the paper charm slowly.
"Such a small thing...to think this is what we've been fighting for all these years. All of this pain, the death...all for a jewel."
"That's not all we've been fighting for, Inuyasha."
"It's not fair, Kagome. It's not fucking fair. Why can't you stay with me? Why..." He trailed off, and I felt the first tear fall. I braced myself, trying to stay strong for his sake.
"I know. I hate this as much as you do, you know that. But we can't change fate. This is what was meant to happen, and we'll have to accept that."
"Do you think...will I live to see you again?"
"I don't know. But at least that's something we can hope for. If anything, let's just hold onto that."
"Then maybe this isn't goodbye. I...I think I can live with that."
I nodded, and fought the coming tears. They continued to escape no matter how tightly I shut my eyes.
"Do you remember...when I made you leave?"
"Yes. I was so mad at you. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye before you pushed me down the well. I was so worried."
"All I ever wanted to do was protect you. I missed you so much that time. I thought it was something that I had to do, but you came back anyway. Somehow, you came back to me. You don't know how much that meant to me."
"I do."
"It felt so right, having you by my side all this time. No matter how many times we argued, or you left, you always came back. Even when you didn't have to. You've always been the one person who made me strong, gave me a reason to fight for more than just myself. You changed everything about me, Kagome. I can't ever thank you enough for just being here."
"I wouldn't have had it any other way."
I felt my knees weakening by the second, and I was sure if he wasn't holding me so tightly, I would've fallen already.
But that was how things had always been with us. He was my strength, my support just as I was his. He'd always been the one to catch me when I fell, to carry me when I was weak. How I was going to live without him...it was unbearable to think about.
"I have to let you go now. If I don't, I'll never let you leave. But before you go, I want to tell you."
I pulled back and for a moment, we gazed at each other, as if memorizing every inch of the other's face.
"There were so many times that I should have told you. But I was so afraid that you would leave, that I would lose you. I thought it would kill me. But I have no choice now. So I have to say it now. Kagome...that day in Kaguya's castle...when you stopped me from transforming...when you kissed me."
I felt a small blush come over my cheeks at the memory, but I nodded for him to continue. He leaned in close to me, his face so close to mine, just like earlier.
"After you kissed me, I didn't say what I wanted to really say. Back then...I wanted to tell you...that I love you."
Before I could reply, his lips were pressed to mine, so softly, delicately...lovingly.
The world seemed to stop right then. There was no sound, no light, no movement-just Inuyasha, and his kiss.
Suddenly all the things I'd kept silent all these years rushed to the surface, all the emotions I'd had to hide.
I pressed back, my hand coming to caress his cheek. He deepened our kiss, pouring every ounce of his own feelings into it, holding me so tight I could hardly breathe.
It was heaven...
At that moment, I could have died, and had not a single regret in my life.
Finally, reluctantly, he pulled away, and I opened my mouth to reply, to declare my love in return. But instead, he pressed a finger against my lips.
"Shh...don't say it. I want you to tell me when I see you again. I will, I promise that."
I smiled, sad and tearful, but nodded.
"Put it together, Kagome."
I raised my hands between us, the shard in one hand, and the almost complete jewel in the other.
"Inuyasha...what are you going to wish for?"
He didn't answer me at first, and I could see the confusion in his eyes. I was almost positive he didn't even know yet, when a strange gleam came into his eyes. He smirked arrogantly, a look I'd come to love so much. What it meant, I couldn't tell, but could only hope he would tell me. I had to know...
"You'll see."
He closed my hands together suddenly, pressing his lips to mine once more as a pink light burst from the reforming jewel.
My body began to tingle, and I felt as though I'd separated into a million tiny pieces. A strong wind whipped around me, scattering me little by little, until I could no longer feel Inuyasha's last kiss.
Everything went black...
Almost an eternity later, I opened my eyes, and with much sorrow, found myself at the bottom of the well. I looked up, and began to sob uncontrollably as I realized there was a roof over me, a sure sign I was indeed back home.
But it no longer felt like home-not without him.
I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the dirt below me, but I didn't much care for time anymore. After all, it had taken something precious from me, something that could never be replaced.
"I never got to say it...I love you too, Inuyasha...I love you too."
....
A week had passed.
I'd all but forgotten about school, or my friends, or even my family for that matter. Instead, I spent my days in either the well house, or sitting beneath the Goshinboku. My nights were given to tears, bemoaning the loss of the only person I'd loved more than life itself. I felt like I was going to die, and in all honesty, I wasn't sure if living was worth much of anything anymore. Not without him
I finally understood just what my mother had felt when Dad had passed away. The feeling like you've been torn in two, unable to stand on your own, barely able to breath without the other by your side.
The sun had set some time ago, and I continued to stare down the ancient well the solid ground below. I'd tried dozens of times to return, each time feeling only the hard jolt of solid earth. I'd begged the Gods, pledging everything if I could just get back to tell him I loved him. Why hadn't he let me say it? Why?
What had he meant about his wish?
"You'll see"
"What does that mean? Inuyasha, you baka! How am I supposed to live on 'you'll see'?! How?"
I felt the dull ache of my fingers, digging hard into the wood as I spoke to no one.
Finally I managed to turn away, tearing my eyes from the thing that had once connected my two lives. It was useless to me now...
I took each step slowly, feeling like another lifetime passed every time I raised my feet. I reached the shoji door, and leaned against it for support, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. A silent tear made its way down my cheek, and I didn't even raise my hand to wipe it away. 'What's was the use? Another tear will take its place anyway...'
Suddenly, there was a noise behind me. I raised my head, and looked around, half wondering if Buyo had followed me inside. But I saw no sign of the cat, only darkness at the bottom of the stairs.
Sighing, I turned again, and began to move the door aside...but there was that noise again...
Something inside of me told me to turn around. My body felt strange, like it was pulsing, and my heart began to race wildly. I followed the urge, and slowly turned.
Once again there, was nothing to see, but the soft shuffling sounds continued. It was coming from the well.
I was frozen to the spot, unable to even blink as I stared at the wooden structure.
Then out of nowhere, a hand appeared over the side. Then another.
Two human hands gripped the wood, and for a moment, I thought I would faint. I held my breath as I waited to see what...who would follow.
'Oh gods...please...let it be him...let it be him.'
I gasped sharply when I saw a figure rise from the well. I hadn't expected anyone to hear my pleas, but...
My prayers had been answered...in a way I'd never expected.
A moment later, he was over the well, standing tall at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight that filtered through the parted door. The light from the full moon...
"Kagome," Was the only word he whispered, as he took his first step towards me. I felt my body begin to tremble, and I struggled to find my voice to reply to the vision before me.
He smiled and took another step forward, my heart leaping in my chest. He took the stairs quietly never once even blinking as bright violet eyes stared hard into mine. Almost an eternity later, he stood only a few inches from me.
Shakily, I reached up, and touched his cheek, my fingers brushing a few wisps of ebony from his face.
"Inuyasha?"
