Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: You're kidding, right? Me: Why, whatever you do you mean, Haldir? Haldir: You know damn well what I mean. This whatzit...are you serious? Me: I'm always serious. Haldir: I will NOT prance around the forest with that...that...whatzit! Me: I didn't make you prance...but now that you mention it... Haldir: Just a little self-respect...that's all I ask. Just a little self-respect. Me: Prance, elf, prance.

Chapter 3

Rings and Things

Haldir, Rumil, and Orophin approached the royal residence of Celeborn and Galadrial. Haldir proudly carried his discovery cradled in the crook of his elbow.

"Haldir...what news do you bring? The message you sent us was very mysterious. You said only that you had something of the gravest import to tell," Celeborn asked, standing at the base of the stairs that led the private royal chamber. Galadrial, looking as beautiful as ever, stood next to him, her slim hand on his arm.

"Your Majesty, I bring a discovery unlike any other found in Middle Earth in recorded memory!" he stated loftily, carefully holding out the whatzit in his arms, as he knelt on one knee before the royal couple. His brothers stood shoulder to shoulder behind him.

"What have you discovered of this thing, Haldir?" Galadrial asked, looking at the whatzit with her wide blue eyes, but keeping her distance."

"It speaks, Your Majesty! You need only pull on this ring. Listen..." Haldir pulled the ring, and the whatzit said, "The sheep goes BAAA."

"Amazing!" Celeborn cried, taking a half step backwards, pulling Galadrial with him. "What else does it do?"

"Well...er, nothing that I have been able to discern, as of yet, Your Majesty."

"Galadrial..." Celeborn turned to his wife, "Can you see anything of this whatzit's past or future? What import is it to Lothlorien and Arda?"

Galadrial stepped over to her scrying mirror. She stared intently at the waters, biting her lower lip. The mirror didn't show a blessed thing...only her own dazzling reflection. It actually never showed anything...she just liked people to believe that she could foretell the future. Usually she was able to make statements that were so vague that anyone could apply it to whatever question they had. Everyone truly believed her, and so, when they looked in the mirror their own minds usually played tricks on their eyes. Or, they just didn't want to seem out of the loop, so they made something up. It had worked very nicely, until now.

She thought a moment longer, then said in her most conspiratorial voice, "This is truly a wondrous thing you have found, Haldir...wondrous and dangerous. It has a purpose, but the Valar choose to shield that purpose from my eyes. However, the whatzit has a name...it is the Great Ring Ceeunsae, and you, dear Haldir, are the Ring Bearer."

Haldir looked in awe at the whatzit he still held cradled in his arms. "Where shall I bear this Great Ring Ceeunsae?" he asked.

"One Ring to teach them all, One Ring to remind them,

One Ring to repeat them all and in the repeating bind them."

Everyone looked at Galadrial slightly cockeyed.

"What the hell does that mean?" Celeborn asked his wife, as everyone stared at her with confused expressions on their faces.

"Poetry has never been my forte...The Ring obviously is a message for us in animal tongue...it means that Haldir need bear this Ring all across Arda, looking for the One that can understand the animals' message." Galadrial replied, thinking that they were more stupid than she had given them credit for if they fell for the idiotic nonsense she was spouting.

"I thought it was just telling us what sound each animal made," Haldir said, pointing at the tiny pictures on the whatzit.

"Poor, poor Haldir...so innocent in the ways of the Valar! Things are never as simple as they appear...you should have learned that by now," Galadrial said, annoyed that she had not thought of it herself.

"As you say, Milady, so it shall be done. I shall bear the Ring Ceeunsae across Arda, and I shall not return until I have found the One who can interpret the message for us."

"Shall we accompany Haldir on his journey?" Rumil and Orophin asked, thinking that they could get out of months, perhaps years, of Elf Scout Days.

Galadrial thought a moment, and realized why they wanted to go so badly. "No," she said, thinking that if they all left, she and Celeborn would have to take over as denmothers...no way did she want to spend her weekends teaching the rugrats. "Haldir must undertake this journey alone. But he will find others to join him on his quest. Um...three others will join him on his journey," she continued, pulling a number out of thin air. "This is all I can see...the Valar will show me no more."

Rumil and Orophin looked very disappointed. Haldir, however, had a smile on his face.

"I shall not fail on this quest, Milady. I will find the One and bring the message back to you! My lady, one last question...in which direction should I go first?"

"Head first to Rivendell...you will meet the first to join your Fellowship there," Galadrial answered, thinking that Elrond was going to flip his braids over this. She would have loved to see his face when the whatzit spoke.

He rose, bowed to Galadrial and Celeborn, and walked off toward his dwelling, thinking of what he needed to prepare for the journey ahead. He planned to start off first thing in the morning.

He also thought that, sore butt or not, this day had not turned out too badly after all.