Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: I just knew I was going to get dragged into this. You can't leave me alone for a minute! Me: Nope. I don't even try, Legoboy. Legolas: Please, for the love of all that's holy...I don't care if you make me go on this idiotic quest; I don't care if you make jokes at my expense; I don't even care if you play with my love life - but PLEASE do not make me drop my drawers in this one! Me: Sorry, Legolas...no promises.

Chapter 6

The Enk and His Potato"

Morning dawned clear and crisp, and the Walkers woke, anxious to be on their way. Making short work of breakfast, they attended to their personal morning constitutionals, packed up, and were ready to go in nearly record time.

Gimli had been properly impressed by the mysterious words of the whatzit, nodding his head at Galadrial's wisdom of sending Haldir on this quest. "'Tis the thing to do, Laddies...find the One to translate these words. The Lady is always right!" No said aloud that if The Lady had decreed toenails to be for breakfast for a month, Gimli would not only have praised her decision, but would have eaten more toenails than anyone else - he was truly obsessed with her.

Passing through the meadow where the Riders of Rohan had decimated a band of Orcs, nearly killing Pippin and Merry in the process (the Riders were pretty, but not very smart - couldn't tell a Hobbit from an Orc, for crying out loud), the Walkers approached the dark and ominous edge of Fangorn Forest.

Haldir stared up at the tangled black branches of the trees, swallowed hard, suppressed a shudder, and stepped through into the forest.

Legolas followed, thinking that, if Haldir thought Fangorn was scary now, he should have been here when there were actually Orcs running about.

Gimli followed closely at Legolas' heels, being very careful to keep his axe down - he remembered how little the trees in this forest cared for axes.

Sam took the longest getting into the forest proper, since he was still carrying a wide assortment of boxes, bags, and bundles. Nothing anyone said could sway him to leave anything behind. Hence, in the forest, he kept getting stuck on branches as tried to bully his way through.

Legolas paused, listening to the trees. "This forest is very old...it is full of..."

"What, Laddie? Wisdom? Anger? What?" asked Gimli, always a little annoyed with the Elf did his 'talk to the trees' thing.

"Gossiping old busybodies!" Legolas cried, his face reddening. "They are all talking about Haldir and me - debating which one of us is the female! We're both MALES, you withered old prunes!" he shouted to the trees.

They had made it nearly to the center of the forest, when a deep, grating voice called down to them from the treetops.

"Little Orcs! Welcome back to Fangorn! Where are the two little Hobbitorcs?"

"Treebeard!" Legolas cried with a smile, looking up the tall trunk legs of the Enk. "It's good to see you! Merry and Pippin remain in the Shire, doing well. How fare you since Insengard?"

"Well, thank you...I have found a friend to keep me company. His name is Spud," the Enk answered, bending down to the Walkers' eye level. "I found him when he was just a tuber...he has been with me ever since. Say 'hello' Spud."

Spud stayed silent. Not unusual, since Spud was a potato. Treebeard had stuck little branches in the potato to represent arms and legs. Spud also boasted acorn eyes, and a pine needle nose.

"Oh...well...nice to meet you, er...Spud," Legolas said, eyeing Treebeard. "Um, I do not believe you have met Haldir, Treebeard."

"How do you do, Haldir-friend-of-Legolasorc," Treebeard said.

"Very well, Master Enk. It is an honor to meet you," Haldir answered.

Treebeard held out the potato, waiting.

"Um...hello, Spud," Haldir said, feeling foolish talking to a potato.

"We are on a quest, Treebeard...to find the One who can interpret the Great Ring Ceeunsae's message for us. The Ring speaks in the tongue of animals! Know you of anyone in Fangorn or elsewhere who can speak their language?" Legolas asked the Enk.

Treebeard had pulled up to his full height, and was busily dressing Spud in a tiny leaf jerkin, talking softly to it about some kind of tea party they were to attend.

"Treebeard?" Legolas called again.

"Methinks the Enk has flipped his leaves, Laddie. Best we be getting on our way before he forgets that we're his friends," Gimli said, pulling on Legolas' sleeve. "This is what comes from living in a damn forest by yerself fer so long," he continued, shaking his head. "Talking to yerself and playing with yer potato."

The Walkers slowly backed away from Treebeard, and made their way out of Fangorn. They all breathed easier when they were clear of the dark, forbidding forest with its psychotic, potato-loving shepherd.

"Our next stop is Rohan," Haldir said to the others as they walked across the rocky plains. 'Surely someone there will know of the One we seek! If not, then at least we can enjoy some of the finer activities the city can offer!"

"As long as no one there wants us to play with their potato," Gimli added.