Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: Legolas...did she really make you drop your breeches? Legolas: In just about every fic she's ever written...it's starting to get stale. Haldir: Author? Are you there? Are you listening? If you even think about making me drop my breeches, I'll reach right out through this computer and wring your neck! Hey...Hey...HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!
A/N: Sorry about the typos in the last chapter...of course it is "Ent" not "Enk" - that's what I get for trying to type at 2:00 in the morning after being up all night in a hurricane while on medication from a car accident! Sorry, guys - please forgive! Also a quick shout out to everyone who was kind enough to review who I couldn't email - Tarilenea, Kelsey, Beastess, and anyone else I may have missed - a great big thank you for your reviews!
Chapter 7The Numbers Game
It was nearly noon before the Four Walkers entered the Rohan city of Edoras. They had been walking since dawn, and at least two of them were ready for a pit stop.
"Mister Haldir, I could really use a stop for some food," Sam said, pulling on the big elf's sleeve. "I don't want to use up our supplies when food is readily available here in the city."
"Sam, you couldn't use up all those supplies if we invited the entire city and half the countryside to lunch!" Haldir replied, motioning to the jumble of packages that Sam carried. Haldir walked on ahead, eager to reach Meduseld which held the Golden Hall, where he hoped to speak with Eomer, King of Rohan, about the fantabulous whatzit.
Sighing, Sam said to himself, "You would think I'd be used to it by now...breakfast, lunch, and dinner perhaps - when I can convince them to stop - but definitely no second breakfast, no elevenses, no afternoon tea, no supper...I believe these Elves seek to starve me to death! Where Frodo failed, Haldir seeks to succeed!" He struggled under the weight of his packages as he glumly followed after Haldir.
"Laddie! Me stomach is growling like a cornered warg!" Gimli contributed, pushing his way in front of Haldir and blocking the pathway. "We'll take nary another step without food!"
Haldir looked at Legolas with raised eyebrows. "We might as well stop for a few minutes, Haldir," Legolas said, jerking his thumb at Gimli and Sam, "they'll only whine for the rest of the afternoon if we don't."
"Fine! We'll stop at the first pub we find...but you'll eat faster than you've ever eaten before - no lollygaging - because I fully intend to speak with Eomer today," Haldir replied, looking pointedly at Sam and Gimli.
"Yes, daddy," Sam muttered under his breath.
"Did you say something, Sam?" Haldir asked, narrowing his eyes at the Hobbit.
"No, no...not at all, Mister Haldir...must have been Gimli's stomach you heard," Sam replied innocently, receiving a sour look from Gimli.
They stopped for lunch in a pub called the "Double Trouble Tavern" - not the most reputable place in the city, but it was the first one they had come to. The Elves could not believe how much the Hobbit and the Dwarf could pack away - plate upon plate of food was eaten, pint upon pint of ale was drunk, with no indication that either was reaching his limit. Haldir and Legolas had to finally drag Sam and Gimli out of the place by the scruffs of their necks, both still gnawing on turkey legs and clutching pints of ale in their hands.
Making their way to Meduseld, they entered the Golden Hall, seeking an audience with Eomer. A pair of guards stood just within the entrance, stopping them from going any further.
"Please take a number," the first guard said, pointing to a stack of numbered papers piled near the entrance. "You may have a seat here," he continued, pointing to an area packed with people holding little slips of paper. "Your audience with His Majesty will begin when your number is called."
"A number? Do you know who I am?" Haldir asked, pulling himself up haughtily to his full height. "I am Haldir of Lothlorien!" Seeing the unimpressed look on the guard's face, he continued, "The one who brought the Elf archers to help defend Helm's Deep?" Still no reaction from the guard. "The Elf archers who came just in the nick of time, honoring the alliance between Men and Elves?" Still no reaction. "We saved your sorry asses from the Uruk hai!" The guard's impassive expression never changed - he just continued pointing toward the stack of numbered papers.
Growling, Haldir swiped a piece of paper from the stack and looked at it. "984? What does this mean?" he asked the guard, waving the paper in the guard's face.
'It means that you have 983 people waiting ahead of you. I'd suggest that you go and get yourself some food and ale while you wait...it may be a couple of days before your number is called."
"We can't wait that long! We are on urgent business, sent by the Queen and King of the Golden Wood! We must see Eomer!"
"Not before your number is called. Either have a seat, or put your number back for someone else to use...you are blocking the doorway!"
Sputtering, Haldir led his party into the crowded waiting area. It was jammed with people waiting for an audience with Eomer - elbow to elbow, standing room only...and the smell was horrific.
"Whew!" Sam said, waving his hand in front of his nose, "someone's had a bit too much roughage in their diet..."
"Sorry," Gimli said, "Must have been those last twenty turkey legs."
"This is ridiculous!" Haldir said after a few moments. "There has to be another way..." He led the other three Walkers out of Meduseld, and began walking around the outside of the building, searching for some other way in.
Looking up the sheer wall of the building, Haldir said, pointing his finger up, "We could do it...we could scale this wall to that window."
The other three Walkers craned their necks to look up the slick, smooth surface to see the tiny window far above them.
Gimli bent further backwards to get a better view of the window, and promptly fell over on his bum. "Yer daft. Plain and simple, Haldir...ye've lost yer mind," Gimli said.
"Legolas...you think we can make it, don't you?" Haldir asked the other Elf.
Legolas cocked an eyebrow at Haldir. "Not a chance, mellon nin."
Haldir frowned at Legolas, then turned and got a finger and foothold on the wall. He heaved himself up, and began to work his way up the vertical wall. The tendons in his arms and neck stood out like ropes under his fair skin. His face reddened with exertion; the muscles in his thighs strained the fabric of his leggings, as he fought his way up.
"YOU SEE?" He shouted down at his companions, nearly twenty minutes later, "I TOLD YOU WE COULD DO IT!"
"Haldir, you've only climbed three feet up," Legolas said, tapping Haldir on the shoulder. Haldir turned his head to look into Legolas' blue eyes. Sighing, he released his hold on the wall and stepped back onto the ground.
"I have an idea..." Sam said from under the bundles he carried.
Everyone turned to stare at the Hobbit, eyebrows raised.
"It better not have anything to do with food, eating, drinking, or smoking," Haldir warned the Hobbit.
"Please...a little credit, Mister Haldir! I was thinking that perhaps we could find Eowyn and Faramir...Eowyn is Eomer's Sister, after all. One would think she could get us an audience!" Sam offered.
"I take it all back, Sam...that's an excellent idea! Anyone know where we might find them?" Haldir exclaimed, slapping the Hobbit on the back, causing him to fall face forward in the dirt.
"Aye," Sam replied, spitting out a mouthful of dirt, "last I heard they had taken up residence in a house on the east side of the city, after their marriage."
Without another word, Haldir turned and began walking east. Legolas helped Sam up, and they followed Haldir to search for the newlyweds.
