O.K, so I'm not hearing a lot of support for the farting Kazoo guys, oh well, can't have everything. Thanks to all who reviewed for reviewing. Replies are at the end of the chapter.

Chapter 4: THE ARCHITECT'S DRUNK! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

The Architect, being the somewhat pompous git that he is, frequently found himself pissing about with the Matrix so as to make it as perfect as was possible. The result of this usually involved people who littered callously getting their heads removed and replaced with the heads of seagulls. Such people later went on to help improve the tourism industry of Staiths.

Anyway, during one new years party, the Architect got unspeakably pissed, vomited in Agent Johnson's lunchbox, urinated on a tray full of Yorkshire puddings and did a surprisingly good re-enactment of the subway scene from the first film. Seraph had to play the part of Smith seeing as the real Smith was, at the time, giving an inspirational speech at the headquarters of the European Communists society.

A few hours later, the Architect stumbled back into his home, (if you can call a round room with thousands of TVs in it a home,) and clumsily sat down. Unfortunately, he missed the chair by three meters and fell flat on his back. He spent the next few minutes laying on the floor and grinning inanely.

Then it began.

The infamous, Matrix editing remote came in to view, the Architect, realising once again that he had nothing better to do, stumbled over to the contraption and started pressing random buttons with his nose.

The first to suffer because of this was the democratic order of Matrix based weasels. These digital beasts were set upon by a series of demonic, carnivorous, formerly electric whisks that had recently become solar powered.

Many a weasel ran for their lives, some however, who cared about loosing their supply of nuts, raisins and gooseberries, stayed to fight the advancing army of appliances. It soon occurred to them however that they had no idea of how to fight them off, and standing perfectly still with clenched paws and bared teeth was likely to be as effective as a cocktail umbrella would be at keeping you dry in a hurricane.

Or so they thought.

The whisks were terrified by the weasel's threatening stances and ran back the way they came, which was from a small village in Germany, I'm not sure of any German village names however so you'll have to add one in yourself to get the most out of this chapter.

Things weren't as good everywhere however. The Architect had summoned a massive flesh-eating pitchfork somewhere in Greenland, which was, rather conveniently, the same place where Neo and Trinity, (who had been risen from the dead shortly after Morpheus took up Necromancy,) were perched in a tree, staring at the passers by and wondering which ones to mug.

There attention soon switched to the pitchfork, which swooped in with well-practiced grace and snatched a seemingly random person from the street before swallowing them in three gulps.

Neo and Trinity donned their sunglasses and leapt to the floor so as to do battle with the beastly beast. Unfortunately for them however, it had decided to fly onwards towards more urban areas where more people would most likely be lurking.

Since Neo had been forbidden from flying after he caused a pilot to think he was hallucinating one time and consequently cause a crash in which three people lost their front teeth, the two were forced to steal pogo sticks from a local toy shop, thus equipped, they set off pitchfork hunting,

Had they simply walked they would have arrived three hours sooner, Neo kept falling off and Trinity insisted on stopping every seven odd meters so as to make sure the springy bit was still properly oiled.

Eventually however, they fell upon the pitchfork that had taken a break from his carnivorous ways and was instead sitting outside Jarrolds, humming to himself.

Deciding that killing the beast was now unnecessary, Neo and Trinity instead set off towards the Architect's secluded layer of doom so as to stop his drunken evil once and for all.

This too proved to be unnecessary however, as Smith, who thanks to the Architect had found himself wearing a red dress that was two sizes too small for him, had promptly drove to the Architect's lair and put a bullet through his chin.

Thus endeth the chapter.

Right, now for replies:

Nicole5: Even if you don't see it, you can still be disturbed by grotesque mental imagery, maybe. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.

Naz: I moved the rubix cube from the bookshelf to the desk. That was several days ago however and now I haven't a clue where it is. What does 'rubix' mean anyway. To the dictionary with me. One moment, ah screw it I can't be bothered. Thanks for reviewing. By the way, is fwllbart the welsh word for polecats?

Agent Josey: Sorry to hear about your recent vomiting. Get better with the greatest of speeds or I shall be forced to cut off my nose and throw it into a duck pond. Cutting off noses is a lot harder then most people think. Um, (looks around shiftily), or so I've heard. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.

Alocin: I hope this weasel filled chapter satisfies thee. Thanks for reviewing, damn it, where's that French snoopy book when I need it. Damn Flegg, how I hated it. Sorry, I'm drifting from the subject, again. Thanks for reviewing.

Tai Wilson: Laziness eh? That happened to me yesterday. I would expand on that but there's nothing really to say. Oh well, avoid headaches if possible and remember as always the word sturgeon. It may save your life one day, or it may not. In either case, thanks for reviewing.

Chinchilla-in-a-bowl: The last real maze I was in led to a huge wooden squirrel, I then fell down the stairs. It wasn't a fun experience, but now I can see perfectly out of my spine. Thanks for reviewing.

Chi Muffins: No one seems to like Locke. Oh well, glad you enjoyed the majority of the story. I can't think of anything else to say so I shall re-write three random words of this reply.

One

Say

Words

Thanks for reviewing.