Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: I could have climbed that wall. Why do you always feel the need to make me seem foolish? Me: Arrogant Elf! Turn around. Haldir: What? Why? Me: Just do it. I want to show you something. Haldir: For Eru's sake...HEY! You just pinched my butt! Me: Well, I wanted to show you how easy it is to make you look foolish...that's why I do it so much. Legolas: I warned you, Haldir... Me: Legolas, turn around...

A/N: A special thanks to everyone who caught the typos in the last couple of chapters...thanks for pointing them out, I appreciate the help! Also, if you get the time, check out my first co-authored fic with Southerngirl4615. Our collective pen name is The Furious Fates, and the fic is called "'Ro and 'Dan's Incredible Roadside Freakshow." We each take turns posting a chapter where the other left off - so even WE aren't sure where the story's going! Chapter 5 is currently up. Feel free to review!

Chapter 8

Putty In My Hands

The Four Walkers made their way eastward through the city of Edoras, searching for the house that was home to Eowyn and Faramir. It would have been a pleasant enough walk if Haldir hadn't insisted on them doing double time, so that they might reach the house faster. Gimli and Sam's little legs were practically a blur as they strove to keep up with the longer strides of the Elves. Sam was sweating profusely under his jumble of bundles, and Gimli was swearing up a blue streak as he struggled to keep up.

"Haldir!" Gimli called, "Slow down! It won't do us any good to get to Eowyn and Faramir's faster if I be dead of a heart attack!" He stopped in his tracks, bent over, gulping for air.

"Haldir," Legolas said, looking back over his shoulder at the gasping Dwarf and Hobbit, "Perhaps we should slow our pace a bit...Sam looks as though he's going to throw up, and Gimli may soon be dead."

Haldir stopped, and turned to look at the smallest members of the Walkers. "You two have let yourselves go soft since the War! Look at you - panting and gasping like fish out of water! You should be ashamed - how will you keep up during this Quest?"

"We'd keep up just fine if ye'd set a normal pace, ye overblown Elf Scout! Slow DOWN!" Gimli shouted, using the last of his air, and sat firmly down in the dirt, panting.

"Argh! You'd do well to mind your tongue, Dwarf! I am the Ringbearer, remember? I deserve a little respect!"

"If ye don't slow down, ye'll find that precious Ring shoved up yer precious Elven arse!" Gimli retorted, finding his wind. "I'll not put up with any Elf who thinks he be more important that the rest simply because he has a whatzit tied to his belt! "

Haldir's face registered shock at Gimli's temerity to address him in such a manner.

"Haldir...just ignore him. He gets like this once in a while...he'll calm down," Legolas cautioned, putting his hand on Haldir's arm.

Haldir fingered the whatzit tied to his belt, growling at the Dwarf still sitting in the dirt of the road. "If the Lady hadn't predicted that I would meet three others to join my quest, I would gladly wrap that axe of yours around your fat head!"

"Bah! You and what Elf army?"

The argument was interrupted by a voice calling to them from a nearby shop. "Haldir? Legolas? Whatever are you doing in Rohan?"

The Elves turned in the direction of the voice to see Eowyn standing in the doorway of a dress shop, holding a few bundles in her arms and a wide smile on her face.

"Eowyn! You are just the person we were looking for!" Haldir exclaimed, stepping forward to greet her. Legolas gave her a broad smile, lifting his hand in greeting.

"It has been far too long since Elves have graced Edoras! How good it is to see you again! Is that Sam the Hobbit I see peeking out from all those bundles? And Gimli! My favorite Dwarf!" Eowyn exclaimed, setting her purchases down so that she could hug them all. "What brings you to Edoras?" she asked picking up her bundles again.

"We are on a quest, Lady Eowyn, sent by Galadrial and Celeborn. Is Faramir at home? We should like to explain to both of you the great purpose of our visit!" Haldir asked, taking Eowyn's packages from her hands.

"Aye, he is at home...he is always at home," she answered, a frown flitting across her face. "It is but a few more steps to our door. Come!" Eowyn began walking, leading them further down the road. They came to a lovely thatched cottage set apart from the others on the street, surrounded by a small, well tended lawn and a white picket fence.

Eowyn led them into the house, calling out for Faramir as they entered.

"I'm in the back room!" Faramir called back.

Eowyn sighed, rolling her eyes at Haldir. "He hasn't left that back room in weeks, except for meals. He even sleeps back there, when he sleeps at all! I barely even see him anymore!"

"What keeps him back there, when he has such a beautiful wife to attend?" Haldir asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Eowyn blushed at the Elf's compliment. "He has made a discovery, and seeks to find a use for it."

"Amazing! I, too, have made a discovery - that is the reason for our Quest!" Haldir answered. Calling out loudly, he said, "Faramir! It is Haldir - I must speak with you!"

"Haldir? One moment...I will be right out!" Faramir called back.

Eowyn motioned for them all to take seats at the table, and set about serving them food and drink while they waited for Faramir to make his appearance.

Faramir stepped out the back room, looking as though he may not have slept in weeks. His clothes were rumpled and soiled; his hair stood up every which way on top of his head. He carried something small in the cup of his hand.

"Haldir! Legolas! Gimli! Sam! To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?" Faramir asked, smiling at the group. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "I have made a discovery! Let me show you..." He held out his hand to Haldir. In the cup of his palm lay a small, egg shaped ball of dough.

"What is it, Faramir?" Haldir asked, not very impressed, but not wanting to be rude. "What is its purpose?"

"Ahhh...I have spent weeks trying to determine just that! It was only this morning that I discovered its purpose! Watch!" he exclaimed, his eyes fanatically wide.

Faramir pulled a scroll out from the pocket of his jerkin, and unrolled it on the table. He took the egg shaped ball of dough and pressed it down over the symbols on the scroll. Slowly peeling it off the scroll he held the flattened ball up so that the Walkers could see it. The symbols from the scroll were now also written on the flattened piece of dough.

"You see? It mimics the writings on the scroll!" Faramir said proudly.

"What purpose does mimicking the symbols serve, Faramir? You've spent weeks on this, and this is the best you can come up with?" Eowyn asked, her brows knitted in frustration.

"Don't start in on me, woman! This is a great discovery!" Faramir shot back, giving Eowyn a stern look.

"Great discovery? Great discovery my butt! You haven't touched me in weeks and why? Because you were too busy playing with your putty in the back room, that's why!"

The Walkers winced at the argument between husband and wife.

'I'm telling you that this is a great discovery...I have just begun to delve into its mysteries!" Faramir shouted, waving the flat piece of dough in Eowyn's face.

"If you don't start spending some time with me instead of that stupid ball of dough, I'm going to tell my brother that you've completely lost your mind!"

"Don't drag your brother into this! Every time we have an argument you threaten to run to your brother! This discovery is important. It may very well change the course of history!"

"Seems a little silly to me..." Gimli whispered to Sam as they watched the newlyweds' battle.

"Excuse me...I hate to interrupt, but perhaps you might allow me to show you MY discovery?" Haldir said, privately thinking that Eowyn was right - Faramir had lost it.

Eowyn and Faramir paused in their bickering as Haldir held up the Whatzit for them to see. He pulled the ring, and smiled as the Whatzit said, "The chicken goes CLUCK."

"Now THIS is a discovery..." Eowyn said, diving right back into the argument. "THIS is amazing! THIS is worth spending time on - not that idiotic lump of dough! THIS..."

"SHUT UP, you nagging hag! Do you want to know the real reason I spend all my time in the back room? You think it's because of this stupid bit of dough? NO! It's because I am sick and tired of you nagging at me all the time! 'Faramir...'" he continued, imitating Eowyn's higher pitched voice, "'Why can't you be like my brother, the King? Faramir, when are you going to make your mark in history? Faramir, why are you wearing my nightgown?'"

The Walker's eyes popped out at these last words and they stared at Faramir with open mouths. Faramir realized what he had said, turned crimson, and stalked away into the back room, slamming the door behind him.

Haldir cleared his throat, then addressed Eowyn, who was staring daggers at the closed door of the back room, "Um...Eowyn...the reason we were looking for you was to ask if you could possibly get us an audience with your brother..."

"Certainly, Haldir...It seems I've a need to speak with Eomer, anyway! We'll see just how long Faramir wants to remain in that back room when my brother's guards are beating him senseless!"

She turned and stormed out of the house, the Walkers scurrying to keep up with her.