Right, thanks to all reviewers once again, and contrary to tradition, I think I'll start with some replies.
Naz: Like I said when I said that everything to be said had been said, I think that everything to be said with regards to what was said has been said. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. P.S. This wasn't the idea I mentioned.
Tai Wilson: Alright. (Envision a long pause), sorry but that's all I can think of to say, again. This is what happens when you write short reviews. Oh well, thanks for reviewing.
Agent Josie: I can't remember what you said. One moment. Ah yes. 'Ahem', glad to hear that you are no longer retching. Be forewarned, if you start again I may have to shoot your left ear. Thanks for reviewing.
Donttredonme: I tried to review 'You're a mean one Mr. Smith' earlier, but the bastard college network filth flaunted me. In short, it was disturbingly funny. Thanks for reviewing.
Lupe-3.14: It is indeed a disturbing image. *Shudder*, it could be worse I guess, it could the Architect in a dress. *Falls to the floor and starts rocking back and forth*. Um, yes, well anyway, thanks for reviewing.
thereisnobrain: I don't care what the Microsoft spelling and grammar checker says, I'm not going to start your penname with a capital letter. To do so would be wrong. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.
Agent Brown: I was wondering when you were going to show up. This story probably isn't the dictionary definition of a parody, it is however, as I said in an authors note, more or less, a bunch of random funny stuff which is intended to amuse. Also, I doubt that anyone with the power to sue me will read the disclaimer, and the foolishness of it helps to add to the random humorousness. As for accepting constructive criticism, I would go into a lengthy speech about the difference between constructive criticism and your reviews, but I've done that enough for one lifetime. And, judging by 2 fan fics, you seem to be insulting people less as of late.
That's a long reply. Oh well.
Funkless: Whisks are cowards at heart. Except for the metal ones, they're alright. Oh lord; I'm reminded of cooking lessons at high school. Stupid whisks, they spite me once again. Um, thanks for reviewing.
Anyone else who I've forgotten: Sorry about that and thanks for reviewing.
Right, now on to the next tale of foolery.
Chapter 5: We do not need you! We will stop him!
This my friends, is the tale of the machines disastrous attempts to destroy Smith while Neo was very slowly advancing upon Zero one with singed eyelids.
Smith, at the time, had en-cloned the entire population of Canada, Luxembourg, three cities in Mexico and exactly 5/17ths of Australia. There seemed to be no end to his reckless cloning, until one of the Smith clones went nuts with excitement and tried to ram his fingers into a moving train. He never saw them again.
Smith the first decided that this was an omen. His wave of bad luck with trains had skyrocketed over the last six months, especially when Mr. Anderson was involved. After word reached his ear of the train incident, all the clones were called to wherever the hell it was that the final fight scene in Revolutions took place. This in turn led to hours of dawdling and arguments because all the Smiths wanted to get the best view of the fight scene. Nine hours later when it seemed that all was coming together in some sort of order, rain broke out and all the Smiths found themselves fighting over who got to go inside.
Elsewhere, Deus ex Machina had decided to use this moment of confusion to deal a deadly blow to the Smiths once and for all. Unfortunately, some pestiferous git had shoved a Weasel as a Christmas present to the beast. If anyone can't remember the effect that Weasels have on the large spiked machine then you should re-read chapter one.
Consequently, Deus ex Machina was reduced to a gibbering creature that rolled here and there across the floors or Zero-One and tried to sing 'This year's most open heartbreak' by Funeral for a Friend. He sounded more like an electric toothbrush that had been rammed into a toaster.
And so, the task of creating a program to defeat Smith was passed to B166ER's nephew, (that's right, his nephew!) Who was named Vincent.
Unfortunately, Vincent's only role in life was to remove graffiti from various walls. Consequently, his skills at creating all powerful programs were close to zilch.
Vincent's first creation was an unreasonably large human kidney, which was intended to distract the many Smiths whilst a second program, (a female with only one leg,) hopped up behind the Smiths and rendered them unconscious with a frying pan.
To Vincent's credit, this worked for five Smiths, then a passing seagull informed the others of what was happening, the kidney was then shot to pieces and the woman was promptly turned into a copy, this copy was then found a space at the back somewhere.
His second attempt involved creating a twenty foot tall Smith, armed with a ridiculously small croquet mallet. Unfortunately, the foolish machine forgot to program the colossal Smith to destroy his smaller brethren. Consequently, Vincent watched in horror as his second attempt to stop Smith casually strolled down the street. Unfortunately, due to shoddy road works in that area, the street weakened beneath the huge Smith and he soon fell into a large hole. So as to not let the hole inconvenience them in the future, the Smith's edged up the road roughly seventeen metres.
Fortunately for the machines, the weasel was soon un-plugged, thereby concluding his Christmas present, (he wanted to meet Don S. Davis.) This resulted in Deus ex Machina being restored to his usual creepy self. Fortunately, he sent Vincent back to his glorified shoebox on the far side of the city and patched up the hole in the road. Thereby causing the Smiths to edge 17 meters back the way they came.
He did contemplate the idea of creating thousands upon thousands of chestnuts which he could cast down upon the Smiths, however, it suddenly occurred to the writer that this chapter was becoming too similar to the last one for comfort. Hence he hastily decided to end it with the following paragraph.
A passing seagull whispered to Deus ex Machina that Neo was approaching. The spiked machine then decided t hide, so as to create a dramatic entrance.
Thus endeth the chapter.
The next chapter will be different, trust me.
Naz: Like I said when I said that everything to be said had been said, I think that everything to be said with regards to what was said has been said. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. P.S. This wasn't the idea I mentioned.
Tai Wilson: Alright. (Envision a long pause), sorry but that's all I can think of to say, again. This is what happens when you write short reviews. Oh well, thanks for reviewing.
Agent Josie: I can't remember what you said. One moment. Ah yes. 'Ahem', glad to hear that you are no longer retching. Be forewarned, if you start again I may have to shoot your left ear. Thanks for reviewing.
Donttredonme: I tried to review 'You're a mean one Mr. Smith' earlier, but the bastard college network filth flaunted me. In short, it was disturbingly funny. Thanks for reviewing.
Lupe-3.14: It is indeed a disturbing image. *Shudder*, it could be worse I guess, it could the Architect in a dress. *Falls to the floor and starts rocking back and forth*. Um, yes, well anyway, thanks for reviewing.
thereisnobrain: I don't care what the Microsoft spelling and grammar checker says, I'm not going to start your penname with a capital letter. To do so would be wrong. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.
Agent Brown: I was wondering when you were going to show up. This story probably isn't the dictionary definition of a parody, it is however, as I said in an authors note, more or less, a bunch of random funny stuff which is intended to amuse. Also, I doubt that anyone with the power to sue me will read the disclaimer, and the foolishness of it helps to add to the random humorousness. As for accepting constructive criticism, I would go into a lengthy speech about the difference between constructive criticism and your reviews, but I've done that enough for one lifetime. And, judging by 2 fan fics, you seem to be insulting people less as of late.
That's a long reply. Oh well.
Funkless: Whisks are cowards at heart. Except for the metal ones, they're alright. Oh lord; I'm reminded of cooking lessons at high school. Stupid whisks, they spite me once again. Um, thanks for reviewing.
Anyone else who I've forgotten: Sorry about that and thanks for reviewing.
Right, now on to the next tale of foolery.
Chapter 5: We do not need you! We will stop him!
This my friends, is the tale of the machines disastrous attempts to destroy Smith while Neo was very slowly advancing upon Zero one with singed eyelids.
Smith, at the time, had en-cloned the entire population of Canada, Luxembourg, three cities in Mexico and exactly 5/17ths of Australia. There seemed to be no end to his reckless cloning, until one of the Smith clones went nuts with excitement and tried to ram his fingers into a moving train. He never saw them again.
Smith the first decided that this was an omen. His wave of bad luck with trains had skyrocketed over the last six months, especially when Mr. Anderson was involved. After word reached his ear of the train incident, all the clones were called to wherever the hell it was that the final fight scene in Revolutions took place. This in turn led to hours of dawdling and arguments because all the Smiths wanted to get the best view of the fight scene. Nine hours later when it seemed that all was coming together in some sort of order, rain broke out and all the Smiths found themselves fighting over who got to go inside.
Elsewhere, Deus ex Machina had decided to use this moment of confusion to deal a deadly blow to the Smiths once and for all. Unfortunately, some pestiferous git had shoved a Weasel as a Christmas present to the beast. If anyone can't remember the effect that Weasels have on the large spiked machine then you should re-read chapter one.
Consequently, Deus ex Machina was reduced to a gibbering creature that rolled here and there across the floors or Zero-One and tried to sing 'This year's most open heartbreak' by Funeral for a Friend. He sounded more like an electric toothbrush that had been rammed into a toaster.
And so, the task of creating a program to defeat Smith was passed to B166ER's nephew, (that's right, his nephew!) Who was named Vincent.
Unfortunately, Vincent's only role in life was to remove graffiti from various walls. Consequently, his skills at creating all powerful programs were close to zilch.
Vincent's first creation was an unreasonably large human kidney, which was intended to distract the many Smiths whilst a second program, (a female with only one leg,) hopped up behind the Smiths and rendered them unconscious with a frying pan.
To Vincent's credit, this worked for five Smiths, then a passing seagull informed the others of what was happening, the kidney was then shot to pieces and the woman was promptly turned into a copy, this copy was then found a space at the back somewhere.
His second attempt involved creating a twenty foot tall Smith, armed with a ridiculously small croquet mallet. Unfortunately, the foolish machine forgot to program the colossal Smith to destroy his smaller brethren. Consequently, Vincent watched in horror as his second attempt to stop Smith casually strolled down the street. Unfortunately, due to shoddy road works in that area, the street weakened beneath the huge Smith and he soon fell into a large hole. So as to not let the hole inconvenience them in the future, the Smith's edged up the road roughly seventeen metres.
Fortunately for the machines, the weasel was soon un-plugged, thereby concluding his Christmas present, (he wanted to meet Don S. Davis.) This resulted in Deus ex Machina being restored to his usual creepy self. Fortunately, he sent Vincent back to his glorified shoebox on the far side of the city and patched up the hole in the road. Thereby causing the Smiths to edge 17 meters back the way they came.
He did contemplate the idea of creating thousands upon thousands of chestnuts which he could cast down upon the Smiths, however, it suddenly occurred to the writer that this chapter was becoming too similar to the last one for comfort. Hence he hastily decided to end it with the following paragraph.
A passing seagull whispered to Deus ex Machina that Neo was approaching. The spiked machine then decided t hide, so as to create a dramatic entrance.
Thus endeth the chapter.
The next chapter will be different, trust me.
