Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: That is ABSOLUTELY the last straw! I will NOT meekly sit by while you blacken my name with silly double entendres about pulling my Ring! Legolas: Shhh, Haldir...don't make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry... Haldir: I don't like her when she's NOT angry...what's the difference? Legolas: Oh, brother...now you've done it. Don't say I didn't warn you... Me: bwhaaaahaaa...

Chapter 10

Of Party Favors and Table Dancing

The four Walkers had been...well...walking for the better part of a week before they spied the spiraling white tower of Minas Tirith in the distance.

"Thank Eru...I thought we'd never get here!" Sam cried, still toiling under the weight of his bundles, and trailing behind the others.

"Sam...why don't ye ditch some of those supplies ye've been toting...we're nearly to Minas Tirith, now. Ye know Aragorn will not let us leave empty handed," Gimli said to the struggling Hobbit.

"Not a chance, Master Dwarf! With my luck, we'll fall in a big hole...or be abducted by slavers...or face some such peril before we reach the city, and then we'll be without food! I'll not risk leaving anything behind!" Sam replied from somewhere under the still huge pile of bundles he carried.

"Fool of a Took," Gimli said derisively.

"I'm not a Took...that would be Pippin," Sam retorted. "I'm a Gamgee."

"Fool of a Gamgee, then! A fool is a fool is a fool..." Gimli amended, chuckling.

"You'll not be thinking me so foolish when I'm passing out sausage and carrots while we're held captive by some scoundrels now, will you, Master Dwarf?" Sam replied, a little put off by Gimli's remarks.

"Do ye really think that slavers would allow ye to keep yer bundles?"

Sam thought a moment, then gasped, and gripped his packages even more tightly than before. His short little legs were suddenly doing double time toward Minas Tirith.

They entered the city through the Great Gate just as the sun began to set behind the Misty Mountains. Working their way up the seven spiraling levels to the White Tower, they eventually came to stand in front of the King's House.

The sentries at the door recognized Legolas, Gimli, and Sam at once, if not Haldir. They were granted immediate access to the King's House, and ushered reverently into a waiting room. It was but a few moments later that Arwen stepped into the door to greet them.

Soon enough, she was enveloping them all in fierce hugs, alternating weeping gallons of tears, and laughing like a loon. She was also visibly preggers, which explained the mood swings.

"What brings you all to Gondor? sob I didn't think we'd ever get to see you again! laugh I've missed you all so much! sob Wait until you see the nursery! laugh You don't happen to have any pickled turnips on you, do you? sob"

"Arwen, it is wonderful to see you, too - both of you!" Legolas smiled, putting his hand on Arwen's belly. "I sense that the baby is a fine, healthy, boy!"

"I know...I had a vision, remember? growl Are you trying to say I'm stupid and can't sense my own baby? sob," Arwen's mood swings were getting worse by the minute.

"Um...where's Estel?" Legolas asked, backing away from raging hormonal tornado that was currently inhabiting Arwen's body.

"He'll be here in a moment...he has something he wants to show you, sob," Arwen replied, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief.

No sooner had the words left her mouth, but the door opened and Aragorn walked in. Instantly, the Walkers and Aragorn were wrapped together in a tremendous group hug, much to Haldir's discomfort. Hugs were generally not his thing.

"Aragorn! We come at the bequest of Galadrial and Celeborn," Haldir said, starting to repeat, for the umpteenth time, the story of the Great Ring Ceeunsae. "I found this..."

Aragorn cut him off, too excited by his own discovery to allow Haldir to finish the story.

"That's great, Haldir...look at what I've got!" Aragorn held out a simple hoop, about 3 feet in diameter.

"Estel, that's a very nice...er...hoop," Legolas commented, thinking that Aragorn must be a bit overworked.

"It's not just a hoop, Legolas...look what I can do with it!" Aragorn slipped the hoop over his head and held it over his waist. He spun the hoop and began gyrating his hips, which kept the hoop spinning around his waist. "Isn't it great? It's so much fun!"

"Aragorn...Estel...STRIDER!" Haldir shouted, grabbing the hoop and stopping its spin. "I have an important question to ask you - could you stop this senseless jiggling for just a moment, please?"

"Oh, I am sorry, Haldir...of course," Aragorn said apologetically, stepping out of the hoop. "What is it?"

Arwen grabbed the hoop from Aragorn's hand and slipped it over her head. It lodged firmly around her huge stomach, while she looked down at it forlornly. "Sob"

"As I was saying...we are on a quest, sent by Galadrial and Celeborn to find the One who can speak the language of the animals. We need to ask the One to translate the message of this, the Great Ring Ceeunsae!" Haldir said as he held out the Whatzit. He pulled the ring and the Whatzit said, "the mouse says SQUEAK." "Eomer said that rumor had it such a One dwells somewhere in Gondor. Have you heard of such a person?" Haldir continued.

"Aye! The rumor is true! Shortly after the War, it was brought to my attention that there lived one in my realm who could speak to the animals. She lives right here in Minas Tirith. I have already ordered a celebration in honor of your visit, and I will send a guard at once to bring her! Come along and freshen up for the party!" He said, leading them out of the room and up the stairs to the guests' quarters.

Arwen followed slowly, alternately sniffling and giggling, the hoop still firmly wedged around her middle.

As soon as the Walkers were sufficiently bathed, combed, and dressed to be seen in decent company again (deodorant, soap, and a brush being three of the few things NOT in Sam's bag of supplies), they were escorted by guards down to the Merethrond - the Feast Hall. Candlelight blazed fiercely through the windows, and the Walkers could hear the happy sounds of the crowd from outside the hall.

Their arrival at the Feast Hall was heralded by trumpets, and a major domo formally announced each one as he walked down the aisle to the head table, where Aragorn and Arwen (presumably the hoop had been pried off previously) were already seated.

The partygoers bowed and curtsied to the Walkers as they passed. Aragorn stood and commanded the attention of the crowd once all the Walkers were at the head table.

"Friends, Citizens of Gondor! We are pleased to welcome to our lands some of the brave heroes of the Fellowship, and Haldir, March Warden of Lothlorien! Eat, drink, and be merry and celebrate their arrival in Minas Tirith!"

A great shout went up from the crowd, as food was brought and ale and wine flowed like water. Musicians took up their instruments, and a lively tune filled the hall.

The Walkers took their seats at the head table. Sam sat next to Gimli, Legolas, and Haldir on Aragorn's left, grateful that Aragorn separated them from his weepy/giggly wife, who sat on the other side of him.

Looking down at his place setting, Haldir picked up a huge, golden oversized Ring with Elven symbols engraved on it. He turned the Ring over in his hands to read it, "One Ring to bring them..." "Aragorn, what in the devil is this?" he asked, cocking his eyebrow.

"A party favor, Haldir...Arwen insisted on party favors."

"It looks like the One Ring..."

"It is supposed to look like the One Ring, We had had them ordered for our wedding, but they didn't arrive in time. Arwen thought this the perfect occasion to use them," Aragorn explained.

"They're chocolate!" Sam chimed in, his face already covered in the brown confection, the golden paper crumbled up in front of his plate.

"Aragorn," Haldir said impatiently, "Where is this girl whom you said speaks the language of the animals? I must speak with her immediately!"

"Relax, Haldir...she's here - somewhere," Aragorn said, "just try to enjoy the party for a while, will you? Here, Elrond sent this for our first year anniversary. You must have some." He handed Haldir a glass of dark red liquid.

Sipping the liquid, Haldir remarked, "It is very good, Aragorn...I hope you're not drinking this Elvenmead...you remember what happened the last time you did!" A rare smile graced Haldir's face as he remembered Aragorn becoming dead drunk and passing out for three days.

"I've learned my lesson, thank you very much," Aragorn replied, slightly embarrassed. "Elrond sent it for Arwen, actually, though she is not drinking right now because of her delicate condition."

"You don't love me any more because I'm fat! sob" Arwen cried from the other side of Aragorn. He turned to comfort her, leaving Haldir to his drink.

As the hours past, the revelers became more and more rowdy, with everyone in attendance, including the Walkers, eating huge amounts of food, and imbibing even larger amounts of alcohol.

Sunlight filtered in through the curtained windows of the Feast Hall. Haldir stirred, rubbing his eyes with his fists, as he tried to remember where he was.

'I'd not sit up too quickly...you're most likely to have a wicked headache this morning, March Warden," came a soft voice from somewhere to his right.

He slowly sat up, leaning against a wall. He quickly noted that he was indeed, still in the Feast Hall, on the floor, and covered with a tablecloth.

"How do you know who I am...I do not recall meeting you last night," Haldir said, squinting as the light from the window cut through his skull like a knife. He looked at the wisp of a girl seated near him, and noticed, even through his pain, that she was quite pretty - for a human.

"Oh, we met last night, all right...and it's completely understandable why you don't remember...you drank enough last night to float an armada."

"I was NOT drunk...Oww!" Haldir said, putting a hand to his head. "There must have been something wrong with the wine."

"The only thing wrong with the wine was how much of it you threw down your throat."

"Woman...who are you to dare speak to me this way?" Haldir said, not in the best of moods because of his tremendous headache.

"Don't you remember our introduction? I'm Caladria."

"No I do NOT remember our introduction, and that still gives you no right to speak to me the way you did. You hardly know me!"

"I hardly think that there's anything about you I don't know," Caladria said, giggling softly. "Considering that when we met, you were dancing on the top of the table I was seated at."

"Everyone was dancing on the table tops!" Haldir retorted.

"Yes, but no one else was dancing on the table top without a stitch of clothing on."

Haldir's eyebrows shot up toward the ceiling and an angry crimson blush began to creep up his neck. "Outrageous! How dare you insinuate that I, the March Warden and Guardian of the Golden Wood..."

"Take a peek under the tablecloth, if you don't believe me," Caladria interrupted.

Haldir picked up the edge of the tablecloth, and immediately paled. She was right - he was a naked as the day he was born. He slapped a hand over his face, wondering how he was EVER going to live this down.

"Since you don't remember our meeting, let me remind you...I am the One you've been seeking. I am the One who speaks with the animals."