I know I said I'd finished this but about two hours ago I had a flash of inspiration. Actually, that's a lie. I've been sitting in this chair for an uncomfortably long period of time trying to think up an idea.
(About four seconds later)
O.K that was also a lie. I haven't been here that long at all. Oh well, I think I have something now.
Replies are at the end of the chapter.
Chapter 11: The cautionary tale of the Merovingian
As you undoubtedly remember, the Oracle version 5.0, or was it 6.0? Or 1.5? Ah who gives a toss? Anyway, she gave the following sentence during the Matrix Reloaded,
"What do all men with power want? More power."
These proved to be prophetic words. Cast your minds back to chapter 6 where I wrote of the Merovingian getting his own radio show, and for a time, it was good, sort of. For an hour every Wednesday he would listen to the problems of assorted people from Stuttgart and the surrounding area, and advise them about what they should do with the large spider that had taken over their basement, or why sending nude photographs of yourself to the local police station was a bad idea.
Unfortunately for the vast majority of the listeners, they knew only German and the Merovingian would always reply to their problems in French and promptly hang up before they could complain. For the odd caller who could speak French, he would alternate into Sanskrit. Whatever he did, he would usually laugh for a few seconds before continuing with the show.
This soon came to an end however when an angry listener with the unlikely name of Siegfried Cummings attacked the Merovingian with an umbrella. Cummings had not taken into account the thunderstorm overhead however and was burned like kindling when lightning stuck the umbrella that was raised over his head in a menacing fashion.
The Merovingian refused to be scared away from what he enjoyed by one umbrella-wielding malcontent however. It didn't much matter in the long run however, as the democratic order of matrix-based weasels had torched the radio station in just one of fifteen different terrorist attacks in Europe.
Excuse me a moment, I have to repeat the following phrase five times a day or I shall be marked as a traitor.
'Ahem'
LONG LIVE THE DIGITAL WEASELS AND THEIR RIGHTEOUS CAMPAIGN OF ANARCHY!
Right, where was I?
Ah yes, the Merovingian decided to extend his lanky arm of influence into the music industry. He summoned the twins from the library roof that they had landed on top off after Morpheus rudely incinerated their car; and set them to work fashioning Portable CD players made out of fingers and cardboard cut outs of um. Well, I'll let you decide. The choices are as follows.
1. George Takei
2. Amanda Tapping
3. Joanne Cheval, (Agent Josie)
4. Alexis Denisof
5. The crypt keeper
The next morning, the Merovingian's LSD trip wore off and he realised that the CD players that were being constructed probably weren't going to work. He also realised that it wasn't the twins he had sent to work, it was Stephen Fry and his brother's son's hairdresser's father's accountant. A woman named Valerie.
Both people were offered simply apologies and sent on their way.
The Merovingian soon decided to take a more practical approach to forcing his way into the music industry. (Sort of.) His idea was to take five hundred and nine of his trusty minions and march upon the local electrical good stores with flaming torch and pitchfork in hand.
Chaos ensued. Many of the minions simply detached from the main group and went on a binge of wanton destruction around wherever the hell they were, and for the most part ended up falling into a ditch and trying to dig their way out.
The twins, the real ones this time, decided to take advantage of the situation. Ever since the Merovingian had made fun of their decision to take evening classes in prosthetic limb maintenance, they had been looking for a way to exact revenge. Now at last, in the midst of the chaotic street scene, they had their chance.
They shot him.
Kind of disappointing really I guess. Oh well, the moral of this story is that you shouldn't ware bright colourful clothes during a riot. (The Merovingian was wearing a bright pink scarf.)
Thus endeth this tale
Something of a short one I know, don't worry, there's more to come.
Right, now for replies.
Aeyvi Allen Poe: Remind me to re-read the large number of emails you sent. I've forgotten most of what was there. Oh well, from what I remember there was talk of a website. Hence I shall say good luck website wise and thanks for reviewing.
Thereisnobrain: That also reminds me, I have to read your Cypher fic. I'll do that either tonight or tomorrow. Right now I have to catch a bus. Oh well, thanks for reviewing this and Causes come and go.
