The Talk
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the Angel series except my own.
Cordelia stood in front of the doors leading to the garden peering through the glass at the young man who had fast become one of her best friends in this world; a part of her family really. As dysfunctional as it seemed, that's what they all were, a family. She couldn't just stand by and let two people who were very important in her life grow farther and farther apart just because of the beginning of "new feelings". They had been through way too much crap together to just let it all fall apart now. She sighed heavily and opened the doors, stepping out into the sunshine, coming to stand beside him. He was sitting on the stone bench of the fountain staring off into space, looking as if he had lost his best friend. And she guessed in a way he had. The way he was looking at Angel now seemed to be more than 'just a friend'.
He didn't look up to acknowledge her, but the stiffening in his body language told her that he knew he wasn't alone. "You mind if I chill out here next to you," she asked tentatively, forcing her tone to be soft and soothing. She could do this. She could be caring and sensitive to the feelings of others, especially if it was a member of her family, even though what they really needed was a swift kick in the ass. She put her hand out to place it on his thigh, jerking it back quickly, before saying to hell with it and letting her hand fall. As soon as her hand came in contact with his thigh, his head turned, his brown eyes staring at her hand but he still didn't say a word. She sighed again. "So…you mind explaining to be what that little outburst was about," she tried again, hoping this time she would get a verbal response.
"Not really," he answered shortly, his eyes staring now down at the ground. "Let's just chalk it up to I'm having a bad day." He turned to look at her then, his eyes looking so sad. The man before her was nothing like who he was just a mere week ago. All the joy and happiness was sucked out of him somehow and she…well….she knew what had happened. The joy had been replaced by doubt and confusion. Still, he had friends. There was no reason why he should keep it all inside.
"Gunn, you know no one would have ever thought you and I would have become friends," she stated honestly, her hand still on his thigh. He snorted at that and she pinched him playfully in the arm, which in turn caused him to wince. "Oh stop it you big baby. That didn't hurt."
He raised a brow defiantly. "Says who," he shot back. "Obviously you've never been on the receiving end of your own violence."
She was the one to snort then at his choice of words. Violence? Really…she had barely touched him and all he's doing is being a big…okay she digressed. Which was probably his plan...right? Distract Cordy so that she won't make you talk about all the fantasies you've been having about a certain dark-haired vampire. Well it wasn't going to work. She was tired of beating around the bush. "Like I was saying…you and I became friends, even though we didn't expect it," she continued on. She took his chin and forced him to look at her. "But we are friends aren't we?" He nodded. "Okay, so why won't you talk to me."
"Cordy I already told you guys that I'm---," and he didn't get to finish.
Her eyes narrowed at him. "If you tell me that you're fine one more time, I will slap you so hard upside that big ball head of yours," she told him angrily. Her patience with him had finally snapped. His eyes narrowed back at her, his jaw clenching, and he got that look on his face that meant he was going to try to be stubborn. She waited a minute to give him time to tell her the truth, to see if he would put the truth out there before she put it out there herself. When she saw him continuing to stare at her, she bit her lip before continuing, pulling her eyes away from him momentarily. "Well, I've been noticing some changes in both you and Angel," she said smoothly, not yet returning her eyes to meet his glance, choosing instead to stare at her nails. He inhaled audibly, a soft curse escaping his lips. "And you and I both know what those changes are, don't we Gunn," she said in a tone that dared him to challenge, her brown eyes finally meeting his once more. "So do you have the hots for Angel or what?"
Angel watched Cordelia slip outside into the garden, wishing that he could have gone himself. But of course he couldn't, it being daytime and all. Not to mention the fact that Gunn didn't want to be within ten feet of him. Angel turned and gripped the counter, much in the same way Gunn had earlier. A file was pushed towards him and his eyes Sflew upwards to look at Wesley, the man who he now worked for, one of the people in this world that was the closest to him. But would he understand? Could he talk to him about this? He shook his head slightly, answering his own question. He would deal with his issue how he always dealt with personal things…on his own. He opened the file and began scanning the contents, reading up on the latest case that they had accepted.
"So are you going to talk about what's bothering you," Wesley questioned him softly. Angel looked at Wesley briefly before returning his eyes back to the file. He hoped that his broadsword had been cleaned and polished since the last time they fought a powerful demon, because it appeared that this new case called for serious weaponry. Then he remembered who had used it and his jaw clenched. Now he couldn't even read up on cases without his thoughts returning back to him. He closed the file and came around the counter, slapping it down on the desk. He strode over to the fridge and pulled out a blood bag. He threw it in the microwave and set it to heat for a minute. When it was finished he poured the contents into one of the many mugs that littered the counter next to the sink and began sipping his meal quietly, trying his best to ignore the presence of his friend who he knew was waiting for an answer.
"Angel," Wesley began again sternly.
"I. Don't. Want. To talk about it," Angel replied coolly, his good mood now diminished. And that was just weird right there. When was the last time he had ever really been in a good mood? It had been forever. Sure he had been satisfied with his life. He had good friends, they were getting a lot of cases, and Darla was finally out of his life. And then the landscape decided to change. He started developing an attraction to one of his friends. Complicating the situation even more, that friend was a male, and unfortunately for Angel he was a very, very hot male. He closed his eyes tightly, groaning at where his thoughts were. It seemed that now 'said' friend had decided to take up residence in his head and…in his heart. That last one right there was the biggest problem.
"Angel we need to talk about this," Wesley said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest, his back leaning casually on the counter. "You can't just bottle things up. That's what got you into trouble the last time, pushing us away from you."
That statement got his attention immediately. "Wes I'm not doing this on purpose," he tried to reason, but the disbelieving look that was shot at him stopped him from continuing the lie. "Okay so maybe I am doing this on purpose, pulling away from you I mean. I thought I was doing a great job of hiding it."
Wesley chuckled lightly. "You mean you thought we wouldn't notice anything different from the normal doom and gloom you sport regularly," he said sarcastically, causing the corner of Angel's mouth to quirk upwards.
"Well…yeah…I thought you would just say hey he's only putting in his brood hours," Angel said, shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't think you'd notice." He peered down into his mug of blood. "I didn't think you would want to hear about…well…you know…my thing."
"Angel we're your friends," Wesley told him in exasperation. "Friends talk to each other about what's bothering them, while other friends listen. So talk. Tell me what the problem is. Maybe I can help."
Angel glanced up from his mug, placing the object down on his desk. "You wanna help me," he asked, repeating Wesley's sentiment. His eyes met his friend's gaze directly. "Help me stop," he pleaded.
"Angel I don't understand…what are you…help you stop what," Wesley prodded quietly, his arms falling to his side, finding himself taking steps closer to the vampire. "What do you need to stop?"
"Help me stop," he repeated painfully. "I need you to help me stop wanting him."
Blues eyes widened, mouth gaping, before it was snapped closed. "Umm…am I mistaken because I could have sworn you said him," he said gently. "Don't you mean her?"
"No, I meant him," Angel said with finality. "You wanted to talk…you wanted to help right. So help me stop wanting him. Help me stop thinking about him." He paused, his eyes taking on a far away appearance. "Help me stop feeling like I need him," he whispered harshly.
"Well…alright then…but who is him Angel," Wesley asked stupidly, his brows furrowing in confusion.
Angel didn't answer, letting the silence settle in. Wesley wasn't stupid. He would figure it out in a minute. And then he heard the gasp that he had been expecting and he forced his eyes to meet his. When he expected to see maybe disgust or even be on the end of one of Wesley's reproachful glances, he was surprised when all he saw was utter and complete shock.
Wesley ran his hand through his hair, his mind racing, not even able to come up with an audible response. How could he have been so blind? Angel's moods seemed to vary from sometimes almost giddy to brooding. And not just any brooding, the type that he took out on his punching bags in the basement. Come to think of it, he always became gloomier whenever Gunn was around, or correction whenever Gunn let his 'warm' personality show like he did today. He knew Gunn had been the only one who had seemed less than inclined to invite Angel back into the fold, but he had thought that Gunn had gotten over it, that he had forgiven Angel like him and Cordelia had. Then this past week, after the conflict with his old crew at Caritas, Gunn had become sullen and withdrawn whenever he was in Angel's presence again. He would have never thought it was because of…well…this. Did Gunn realize that Angel had feelings for him? Is that why he was acting like that?
The phone rang and Wesley jumped, his hand going to his heart, which was beating somewhat faster than usual. He picked up the receiver and provided their usual business greeting. He jotted down notes on the pad lying next to the telephone, nodding every so often. The call was over and he studied the pad, almost willing the case to go away for the moment, knowing that it wouldn't. He needed to talk with Angel about his…well…god this was uncomfortable.
"Who was on the phone," Angel asked calmly, even though his head was reeling as he tried to properly gage Wesley's reaction to his confession.
"It was Tyrone," Welsey answered just as calm, turning to look at Angel then. Apparently, his friend decided not to wait until the full moon to raise the demon. He just started the ritual actually. Angel, I'm sorry but we need to move now. Can we finish this conversation later?" He looked at he vampire hopefully, praying that he would say yes, even though he didn't actually relish continuing the uncomfortable topic. But he would do it, because that's what friends do.
"Sure no problem," Angel replied, shrugging his shoulders again, pretending as if nothing was wrong. He drained his mug of blood in a couple gulps, wiping his mouth with a napkin. He strode over to Wesley, taking the pad from him, quickly memorizing the address to where they needed to go. He then crossed the room to the weapon cabinet and opened it. "Do you know where my broadsword is?"
"Um…I think it's in the cabinet downstairs in the basement…at least that's where I think G---," he trailed off uneasily, but Angel didn't even flinch.
"Alright, I'll get Cordy and Gunn, while you get the ingredients for the counter spell," Angel responded easily, closing his thoughts off from the topic. He stepped as close as he could to the doorway without letting the sunlight hit him. He paused when he heard his name. He sucked in a breath that he didn't need to when he heard the rest of the Gunn's tirade.
Okay, he must be having one of those weird dreams, because Cordy did not just say that. She did not just ask him if he had the hots for Angel as if she had asked him if he liked cream in his coffee. A hysterical laugh was out of his mouth before he could stop it. He guessed that was what she was asking though…sort of. He was the coffee and Angel was obviously the cream. And it wasn't like he hadn't been having more than friendly thoughts about the guy, because he had, too many in fact. He just didn't want to talk about it. If he said it out loud, it would just make it more real. He didn't know if he was ready for that. He looked at Cordelia, sensing her irritation at him. She had assigned herself to be the mother hen of their group and he had broken an unspoken cardinal rule…don't keep stuff from your friends. But how could he not keep this to himself. It could not only destroy their team, it could destroy him and Angel's friendship. Whatever they had left after what he said back there.
"So not big with the patience here," she said impatiently, breaking into his thoughts.
He looked at her, his eyes narrowing once more. "What do you want me to say," he bit out.
"I want you tell me the truth," she shot back. "Stop lying to me. I'm not an idiot nor am I blind. I'm not sheltered either. We live in L.A. for god's sake. I think I know when a man has the hots for another man."
He licked his lips, his jaw clenching painfully. He couldn't do this. He could not have this conversation. "We're not going to do this," he told her.
"Wrong answer buster…what do you know…you get to take another spin of the wheel of truth," she said determinedly. She arched a brow at him. "I'm waiting Gunn."
"What do you want me to tell you, that I want Angel," he said angrily, jumping to his feet quickly. "Do you want me to tell you that he's all that I think about now? Do you want me to say that? Okay, you win I want him alright. I Charles Gunn am apparently more of a vamp lover than a vamp hater. Is that what you wanted to hear?S"
Cordelia rose slowly and closed the distance between them, holding his face in her hands. "It's a start," she said quietly. The cell phone clipped on her pocket rang and she rolled her eyes for the intrusion. "What Wesley," she barked into the line. She nodded silently and then hung up. "We got a case. We'll finish this later. Let's move." He nodded and they both walked towards the doors. He allowed her to walk inside first and then he followed right behind. They both pulled up short when they saw Angel standing there with his mouth agape.
Angel looked at Gunn; saw his embarrassment at his announcement being heard. "I-I'm sorry I was about to call out to you guys, but you were talking and the sunlight and then…you know," he stumbled awkwardly, his eyes going to a safe target, Cordelia. He mumbled an apology and he glanced at Gunn again, noting that he looked like he wanted to just sink into the floor. He couldn't take looking at his eyes any longer, those soft brown eyes that had a horrified look to them, as if it was that disgusting to realize that you wanted a vampire. He whispered sorry again and then walked away, heading straight for the basement, passing Wesley on the way. He ignored his questioning eyes, instead shouting behind his shoulder that he was taking the sewers and that he would meet them there. He would push the hurt down for now and focus on work! Later, when he was alone in his room, then he would allow himself to feel the hurt and disappointment.
Note: Thanks for the reviews for this story! I really appreciated them!
