CHAPTER NINE
So that's it then.
The conclusion.
The ending, the wonderful decision has been made. And she feels strangely numb.
It's for real this time; the scene in the restaurant was my delusional mind trying to cling to a comforting false reality.
It wasn't the truth. It never was the truth.
A day and a half later, she is in the same place—on her narrow bed. This time, she's not strapped down, but drifting off to sleep on her side.
Dr. Jacobsen is thrilled with her progress. "I knew that would appeal to you, Adele," he says. "You are obviously a very intelligent person. Can't hang on to that illusion for long, too hard to maintain---"
No, you're wrong, she realizes sleepily, letting herself finally think. It's harder this way. I have to correct myself all the time, Doctor. I start thinking about—oh, who knows, the texture of protein goop—and I have to rein it in, say, No, Adele, that was never real. It can't have been, remember to choose the most likely possibility. You're cheating yourself otherwise; you always want the truth, and well this IS the truth and nothing's going to change that.
And there are things I can't think about, Doctor. My future here. The fact that there is no rescue mission coming for me.
Neo.
You're not real, Neo. God, it hurts to say that. Like I'm betraying him or something—But how can I betray a made-up man?
You know what I just realized? I've never really been in love. I kissed Jeremy five times, but that was lust or something in between. It's so weird. I remember thinking that when I was unplug--- when I entered my dream world, too. 'Well. I've never been kissed, now.' So technically the time I kissed Neo was my first kiss.
And it was such a great thought, because I regretted those times with Jeremy afterwards. I was using him, you know. I was just bored, horny, sixteen. It seemed like it shouldn't count for a "magical first" of something.
But it's weird that kissing Neo with sparks raining around us felt more real then kissing Jeremy, which was actually---
Stop it. Stop it now, T---Adele. Do you want to go nuts again, or what? Go to sleep. Every time you do, you erase memories of your false life. Remember what the neurologist told you…
So she drifts off, carefully thinking of nothing. She hadn't dreamed last night, and doesn't intend to now---
They find her anyways.
IIIIIIII
For some reason, she is walking through a grocery store. She picks up a lettuce head and idly notices its brown leaves. Throws it in the cart she is pushing anyways. It lands next to a glass-based lamp and a toilet paper nine-pack.
In the way that dreams have, she looks utterly different yet knows it is her, the figure she sees. She is not actually in the body, but looking at it. Still, that's her--- with the light brown thinning hair in a limp ponytail, light blue track suit and expensive sneakers. Casually shoving her way through what she knows is a Target.
Weirdly, she picks up a Barbie doll off the shelf next to the lettuce and tosses it in.
A boring dream that she doesn't realize is a dream. And a boring store filled with the oddest assortment of items, ice cream next to commemorative plates in a section marked "Housewares". Still, it all seems completely normal to her. Until she gets to the cash register.
There, in that odd duality of dreams, she is again.
This time, the face she sees in the mirror every day stands behind the counter. Her hair is longer, pulled severely back so that you can see the gray at the temples. Wrinkles at the corner of her mouth and eyes. She is wearing a red smock with a "Hello, I'm Trinity badge pinned to it.
Her eyes are lifeless, spirit crushed. She moves to take the first item from the cart and scan it. In her sleep, Adele breathes shallowly.
The scene shifts. Adele is typing, a hundred words a minute, in the decaying front room of her father's company. Her parents are sitting, gazing adoringly at her. "Finally, I get my baby girl back in the real world," says her mother.
Her father nods and stands up, stretching. "When you're done with that, get to work on the Waldorf memo. I need it by this afternoon. I'm sure you can do twenty pages? Then go on home, we don't need you anymore tonight. If you wouldn't mind putting in those sausages for dinner…"
"Start the green beans, too," says Mom.
The dream changes, back in time, and she's driving a tiny white Oldsmobile to her second job. A small tendril of hair comes loose from the ponytail and shakes over one eye as she talks on a giant cell phone. "No, Jeremy, it's your turn to clean the apartment! I work all fucking day and you do nothing. You just sit there on the Internet while the dirty dishes sit in the sink. If you don't shape upsoon I'm leaving, do you hear me, asshole?"
She fumbles to hit the off button and swerves the junked car into the other lane.
Doesn't see the semi coming from behind.
The car flips end over end, too high to just result from being rear-ended. Panic runs through her, this feels real. The dream ends just before she hits the pavement.
IIIIIIII
She sits bolt upright in bed. It was only a dream, only a dream, only a dream…Adele eases back down, half-awake. That wasn't real. You're fine. She thinks of nothing again----
Then it hits her. But it will be, won't it?
Trinity finally lets herself run through the consequences of living in Adele's world. She realizes what her subconscious was trying to tell her with the dreams.
It appalls her.
I will work some shitty job, won't I?—I didn't even finish high school, after all. My parents, or what I think is my parents, will be happy, but I'll be depressed forever. Jeremy and I won't get back together, but still, I might meet someone... And I'll never love him, because he won't measure up to the relationship I thought I had once---
Oh, Neo!
She rushes out of bed. How could I give up like that? If there's even the slightest chance that the Real is there--- What gives me the right to decide this? How could I abandon him?
I can't live that life, God, never. Always I will doubt it, I will never be content, I will never be happy.
Then it strikes her.
There is a way to know for sure…
She rips away the blinds on the window. Carefully, she looks down to the city below her. Quite high enough, I think.
I always liked the Jump program.
Trinity walks back to her bed and picks up the end table.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
bant Well, good! At least one of us does, it's becoming quite the …female dog to post…But nevertheless, I did update.
kathysidle Oh, serious is OK, it's what I am most of the time in person. You like? Actually, the idea for it came from a hairstyle….my hair was pigtailed, I was looking at my Matrix poster, and suddenly I was like, Wait! What if Trinity woke up one day…. and you know where it went from there. Thanks for the review! PS--- The Smith part is my favorite too.
LiMiYaWell, at least ONE person read The Lady or the Tiger, I think I confused a generation of people with that stupid allusion. Oh well. Glad you got it, anyway….I knew it fit with this story, but didn't know how exactly! I'm glad you didn't think it was gimmicky to put Smith in. That or the "what is logical" part. Thanks for reviewing again! PS--- Mom came home from the store with like three huge watermelons. Apparently they were on sale. I nearly choked.
TrinityNeo6: I've written almost all of it…the eleventh chapter will be a kind of behind-the-scenes, explaining where the story is placed, why the protagonist is Trinity instead of her significant other, and the tenth chapter is halfway done. Rest assured they will be posted…glad you like it!
Destiny Chaser: That's okay, I'm gonna take a break from the Internet soon too, what with school (shudder) starting again and all….Plus your review was so coherent and long that I have complete amnesia of any lack of feedback on Chapter Seven! Excellently done. It's not easy to mess with my software like that…
Yes! Drops of doubt included, right on the nose. Those were half on accident and half deliberate. This story is so weird; it seems like it's writing itself, hence the ending's hitting me one evening as I stared into the bonfire. It's utterly perfect, I love it to death, and I am the captain of this ship so I believe if you do not like it you can go to hell. (Not you personally. "You" in general.)
And NO! I have actually followed a train of thought for once into its little eenie weenie Trainman-carrying station. Mabel could very well BE a program, really, if you think about it. Trinity/Adele could be trapped in a universe made entirely of programs, which might be easier for the machines than rewiring dozens' of people's memories to fit her being insane into it, which they'd have to do. Capisce? So, you're right; she's not a program per se like Merv and Smith, but just a sentient play put on for her "daughter". Tell me if you think I'm wrong…I may well just be deluded.
The fic will be concluded by the tenth chapter…I hate long unconcluding ones. But resolved? Hmmm….BUM BUM BUM…. Thanks again!
sleeping awake: It's okay if you don't get it; my summary of it is meandering at best. I suggest reading the story, (at ) , and don't worry, it's short if you suffer through the language! And yes, I would like to smack Smith, but I know a lot of fangirls who would jump me for it and pound me to a bloody mass. So no go there.
Misty7: I live for originality, man! I hope you're hooked enough to have read this next chapter, since it's one of my favorites.
SapphireNight Yep--- the story's a real one. I kind of gave away the ending to it, for which I feel remorse, but oh well…Glad you liked it, anyways; I'll give the long-dead author props. Yo! You rock, Frank R. Stockton! Here's another chapter, not quite as fast; hope you enjoy. It's funny that you said it--- I was kind of considering a sequel, since I like the idea, but it'd have to be very short, and it'd take place somewhere else entirely…
Meepie Well, Smith's could have him think he's a program, and run around sticking his hands in nurses' bellies…ew. Disgusting. But yeah, did you like this chapter too?
Next chapter: the conclusion…
