Rating: PG13
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Summary: Both of them contemplating their last moments together, wishing they could have been different. Song Lyrics at the end from Evanescence's "My Last Breath" Winner of the Wish challenge at "Oh fickle muse"
Wishful Thinking
Spike lay on the narrow cot, but he was not alone. Buffy was cradled in his arms, gently sleeping. Her breath warmed the cold flesh of his arm. He sighed softly to himself. Tomorrow they might die…he reflected. A self-derisive snort left his lips; he was in danger of becoming all broody like his grand sire He thought, in disgust.
He looked down at Buffy, six years of fighting and shagging this woman, who by rights should have dusted him long ago, had led him to this moment. She was vulnerable in the arms of a sworn enemy. He wondered how much pressure he would have to apply to that slender neck as it rested on the crook of his arm… how much before it would snap. He touched his fingers to it, feeling the beat of her heart and the rush of blood as it pumped through her veins.
The dark thoughts were still there, even though he was now souled. The demon would always be inside, in the background, as much a part of him as his newly returned soul.
As he watched her sleep, a heavy feeling of regret came over him yet again. Regret had been alien to him for over a hundred years. He wasn't so sure that he was glad to have it back…that was until he looked at her and he felt his love for her even deeper than when he was just flying solo without his inner conscience.
He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. Oh, how he wished he had had more opportunities to say just what she had come to mean to him. Apart from his "You're the one" speech, he'd had little time to get her alone since he'd become all soul having. In some ways, it had frightened her…his having a soul. It was much harder to hate something without a soul…that much he did understand.
He sighed again as exhaustion claimed him, just being with her drained him, but he would be there for her always no matter where that led him.
The hellmouth a few hours later
"I love you,"
"No you don't, but thanks for saying it…now go,"
Buffy sucked in a painful breath, pain from her injury and the realisation that this was it. Only now when she knew she was going to lose him did she have the courage to admit to her feelings. As she looked at him, she wished with all her heart that she had told him last night so that he might have believed her.
As another chunk of rubble crashed inches from her feet, she took one last look at Spike before running up the steps. As she saw him standing there, a champion, on that lonely path that only he could tread, she wished one more thing for him…that it would be quick.
"I want to see how it ends,"
As the white-hot flames consumed Spike, he died with a smile on his face. His biggest wish of all had come true…to save her.
Say goodnight, don't be afraid…calling me, calling me as you fade to black
THE END
