Disclaimer: The characters and places used in this story do not, nor ever have nor will belong to me in any way, shape or form. The story and ideas contained herein to belong to me, and if plagerized millions of hairy demons will move into your sock drawer.
AN: This took forever, and I'm sorry. As soon as I got up to montreal my hard drive decided that what it REALLY wanted to do was stop spinning. So I've got a new hard drive and new boot disks and I reinstalled everything (but I lost all my pictures and stuff, rar), so here it goes, the last chapter.
Agnes and the Elves
Chapter 15 – Home Again
"Been enjoying yourself?" Granny asked, as if Agnes' disappearance through the stones was as normal as a rain shower.
Agnes blinked. "How did you get through the stones? How did you know I was here?"
"Oh," Granny waved a hand dismissively, "every witch in the Ramtops knew something had happened at the stones. We thought it was Elves at first of course, everyone rushed up there as quick as we could. All we found were your boot nails stickin' to the Piper."
"My boot nails?" Agnes asked, then looked at her feet. "I hadn't even noticed they were gone."
Granny nodded approvingly, "That's how you can tell they're good boots."
Agnes had to agree. You knew where you stood with good Lancre boots. Sometimes it was with a toe under a cart or a barrel, and you didn't know that, but that's because they were good boots.
"It took us awhile to figure out it was you who had gone through the circle. Nanny asked around and Shawn Ogg had seen you flying up there that mornin'."
"I didn't do it on purpose!" Agnes said hurriedly. "I was just there to check it, you know, to make sure it was still holding before circle time started, and the circle sort of flashed and…" she wilted slightly under Granny's stare and stopped talking.
"I never thought you had gone through on purpose." Granny said evenly.
"Oh."
"I had a look inside-"
The thunderbolt iron with the needle in it. Agnes thought
"-and saw you coming under the influence of occult jewelry and other such nonsense, so I figured I had to come and fetch you."
"Er… thank you." Agnes said.
"So? Let's go then." Granny said, motioning at the stones behind her.
"I… um… can't yet." said Agnes slowly. "I need to fetch my broom, and I should thank the people here who were nice enough not to kill me on sight and tell them that I'm going."
Granny thought a moment, then nodded. "All right, it doesn't hurt to me nice I suppose."
Agnes led the way out of the clearing and back towards the Last Homely House. "Granny, there's something I need to tell you about the people here…"
Less than a minute later, the quiet of the forest was broken by a shouting match between Agnes and Granny, followed almost immediately by the sound of the noon bell striking not too far away.
Agnes' and Granny's argument lasted almost their entire walk back to the house of Elrond. They were observed with some curiosity (and amusement) by elvish patrols, who recognized Agnes and designated the two of them as not a threat. The patrols went unnoticed by Agnes and Granny, who were too involved in their bickering to care.
"You just have to meet them, then you'll know the difference!" Agnes said heatedly.
"If you say so." said Granny skeptically.
They emerged from the woods and in sight of the magnificent house. Granny gave an almost imperceptible start, unless you had been watching her, and Agnes nodded in satisfaction. The house almost proved Agnes' point for her. Normal elves couldn't build anything more complex than a tent, and they certainly couldn't create anything beautiful. They preferred to break beautiful things to hear the noise they would make.
"So, where can I meet the people in charge and get your broom back?" asked Granny.
"I think… that they're in a meeting, Granny." said Agnes slowly. But she was contradicted almost immediately by the sight of Gandalf and Elrond walking out of the gate, deeply immersed in a discussion that looked remarkably similar to the one Granny and Agnes had just finished.
They stopped short when they noticed Granny and Agnes standing before the gate, eyebrows raised in unison.
"Hello Gandalf, Lord Elrond." Agnes said carefully in dwarvish, nodding to each of them in turn. "This is Granny Weatherwax." She pointed at Granny, then switched back to Morporkian. "Granny, they don't speak Morporkian, but the wizard speaks dwarvish. He's the one on the right. The other one is Lord Elrond, he's a…" Agnes hesitated.
"An elf, I can see that. And you were right." Granny, who had never bothered to learn dwarvish, stared at Gandalf and Elrond in turn and then inclined her head to each of them. They returned the courtesy, not inclining their heads a millimeter more than she had.
Gandalf spoke to Agnes, "She is the presence we sensed yesterday?"
Agnes nodded. "She's come here to take me home, but I need to get my broom, and to say goodbye."
Gandalf spoke to Elrond, and they engaged in a quick conversation while Granny and Agnes watched.
"Must be confusing, all this translating." Granny commented.
"It's not too bad, there are a couple dwarves here too. I baked one some dwarf bread this morning."
"Integratin' with the population, eh? You're as bad as Gytha." Said Granny, but with a slight smile.
Agnes opened her mouth to deny it, but changed her mind. She had wanted Gimli to like her, after all.
Gandalf and Elrond finished their conversation, and turned back to Agnes. "It has been… interesting to have you with us, Agnes Nitt." said Gandalf.
Agnes smiled. "It has been interesting for me too." She paused. "I would like to say goodbye to Gimli too, if he isn't busy."
"He shouldn't be. Lord Elrond shall send some to get him and your broom." Lord Elrond had already turned to a convenient passer-by and sent them trotting off back through the gate.
They stood staring at each other for several minutes, letting the silence stretch out. Finally, Granny said to Agnes "I want to ask mister Gandalf a question."
"Er, all right."
"What would he take out of a burning house?"
Agnes stared at Granny for a moment. "Why-?"
"Just ask."
Agnes turned to Gandalf and asked him.
He looked at her oddly. "Why is the house on fire?"
"I don't know." said Agnes. She turned back to Granny and told her what Gandalf had said.
"Hah, typical wizard." Was all Granny would say. Agnes shrugged at Gandalf to convey that it didn't really matter.
Gimli came into view hurrying towards them, Agnes' broom held gingerly in one had in case it went off suddenly. He immediately gave the broom to Agnes, relived to not have to touch it anymore.
"You're leaving?" He asked Agnes gruffly.
She nodded.
"Well, I'm sorry to see you go lass."
"The dwarf bread should be finished in an hour or so."
"I'll see to it." Gimli nodded to her, turned, and walked away.
Agnes faced Gandalf and Elrond, a bemused expression on her face. "I want to thank you both, and Glóin, for being so kind to me."
"It is our duty, and in this case our pleasure, to take in those in need and give them aid." said Gandalf. "I will accompany you to the stones, too make sure you get home safely."
And to make sure we go home. added Perdita.
Shut up. thought Agnes.
Back at the stones, Agnes said good bye to Gandalf, who nodded and then stepped back away from the Stones.
"As wizards go, I suppose he isn't all that bad." Said Granny. She grabbed Agnes' wrist and stepped forward with her into the circle. There was a flash of light and-
-They were falling off a cliff and tripping over a stone at the same time, thousands of miles scrunched up into a few feet of space…-
-and they landed with a soft thump outside the Dancers, on the spring bracken of Lancre.
Agnes stood up and brushed herself off. "Well, I'm back." She said.
"Whatever, don't do something foolish like that again." Snapped Granny, and stalked off.
Fin
Final ANs: not my best finish, but I didn't want to detract from the climax. Anyway, I am planning on writing a sort of sequel (with Death as the star), but I have another project I want to do first in Terry Pratchett land, and I have lots of stuff to do now that the semester's started, so don't expect it for awhile.
I was reading through the story again recently, and damn, there are quite a few typos. At some point I may attempt to go back and clean it up.
I want to thank all of the people who reviewed (even the idiot flamer), you guys gave me all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings, thank you.
