A/N: I'm not a doctor, so bare with me on the medical stuff.

Blindsided

Chapter Five

Desert Palms Hospital…

"What in the hell happened, Gil?" Catherine started for the third time and Grissom still didn't have an answer.

"I told you. Sara woke up and started having a panic attack."

"Did she say at anything?" Warrick pressed gently as if he was lecturing a small child.

"She asked me what I was doing there and why was she here."

"So, she didn't remember the accident?" Nick joined the inquisition.

"I don't think so. She seemed fine, then she was like…it was like she snapped or something. She was screaming for me and kept saying that she had to go, ripped out her IV."

"And, she's in surgery now?" Catherine was still trying to put it all together.

"Yes. She tore her incision, blood was everywhere." Grissom said looking down; Sara's blood had long dried on his hands.

His distress over the situation was obvious, so they silently agreed to let it go for now.

Several hours later, Sara's surgeon came out to join the sullen group. Everyone stood except Grissom who was still wheelchair bound.

"How is she, Doc?" Nick asked.

"Our Miss Sidle did a number on herself. Sara managed to pop her staples, I had to go back in and stitch them by hand. Took a look around while I was in there, no further damage done to the internal repairs. Didn't bother with another central line since she's obviously feeling better."

"She'll be okay now." Warrick stated optimistically.

"She'll be fine if we can keep her blood pressure down and keep her still."

"What about her hearing? I'm sure that's why she panicked." Grissom leaned forward concerned.

"We won't be able to test until she's conscious."

"She's still unconscious?" Grissom questioned in disbelief. That couldn't be good.

"She's still out from the surgery but I have her on a mild sedative. Wouldn't want a repeat of earlier."

"Can I see her?" Grissom refused to accept that Sara was okay until he could see for himself.

"In a couple of hours-."

"It's already been a couple of hours!" Grissom was loosing patience.

"In a few hours, I'll send a nurse for you all."

"Thanks Doc." Catherine replied quickly to cut off Grissom's argument.

"Maybe you should lie down for a while." Warrick suggested to Grissom when the doctor retreated.

"I'm not moving until I see Sara!"

Warrick held up his hands in surrender. "No problem."

They were finally permitted to see Sara, but for only a few minutes, two at a time. Grissom went in first and never left, so the remaining each took a turn leaving Grissom is.

The nurse began to complain shortly, but Catherine convinced her that Grissom was better off where he was, holding vigil at Sara's side. Everyone was better off. He was allowed to stay until his doctor ordered him to bed.

The next morning…

This time when Sara woke, Grissom was ready. He'd been dosing when he felt a slight tug on his hand that held hers captive.

Sitting up, he met her intense gaze with a smile.

"Sara." He started verbally, then held up a dry erase board he'd borrowed from the Pediatric Ward. Sara read his prepared statement.

[Sara, don't be afraid. Your hearing loss is temporary. This sometimes happens when you are too close to an explosion.] Sara sucked her teeth, irritated with his obvious explanation, but she read on. [The doctor will be in to check you over, then run some tests. As for your other injuries, they should heal fine. It will take awhile but you are expected to make a full recovery.]

Sara finished then nodded her head.

Grissom produced an eraser, then wiped away his written words.

[Otherwise, how are you?] He wrote, then turned the board around for her to see.

She shrugged her shoulders.

[Are you hungry?]

Sara shook her head no.

[Are you going to speak?]

She shook her head again. No.

[Why not?]

Sara held out her hand for the utensils.

[Why are you dressed that way?]

Grissom read Sara's question with a frown then looked down at his hospital shirt and pants. It then dawned on him that Sara didn't know that he had been injured.

[My leg was broken during the explosion.]

She leaned over to confirm that his leg was indeed encased in plaster, then began writing.

[I thought you died.]

[No, I'm here. Hid in the meat locker.]

[Very smart. The other officers?]

[They didn't make it. Ecklie and the day crew took over so I'm not on top of the details.]

The dry erase board rested in her hand as she took a minute to process the information. She didn't remember much about the accident except the pain and thinking that Grissom had died. Now, Sara felt guilty for not remembering about the officers inside until after the fact. She looked Grissom over. He appeared to be okay, save for the leg.

[When will you be released?]

[Why won't you speak? There's nothing wrong with your vocal chords.]

[When do you leave?] Sara wrote again.

[Probably tomorrow.]

She did not respond, but leaned back against the pillow and closed her eyes. It wasn't until Grissom noticed her clinched hand did he realize that she was in pain.

Leaning was a no-no. Sara figured that out quickly. She closed her eyes in an attempt to block out the pain but that did little to help the burning in her side. Her eyes flew open when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Her gaze went from the nurse who had suddenly appeared to Grissom.

[Something for the pain.] He wrote simply.

As promised, later that afternoon the doctor assigned to Sara - Dr. Paulo, examined her wounds and arranged for a hearing test.

Sara was diagnosed with an acoustical trauma, a noise induced hearing loss. The doctor warned it could take several weeks for her ears to heal. During the healing process, she could expect Tinnitus symptoms, the whooshing and ringing noise along with occasional dizziness she was already experiencing, to persist.

The patient, along with the nightshift was relieved that she was healing nicely and Sara's hearing loss would not be permanent. Only Grissom seemed subdued. Catherine picked up on this right away.

While the rest of the gang played games on Sara's board, Catherine cornered Grissom.

"What's up, Grissom? You feeling okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine."

"Okay, then why aren't you happy about Sara's news?"

"I am happy, Catherine."

"But?" She prompted impatiently.

"I guess I'm concerned that Sara's hearing loss may be permanent."

"The doctor said it would only be temporary. Don't borrow trouble, Gil."

"It's ironic isn't it? How I allowed my hearing to deteriorate but still was able to have the damage corrected. And now, Sara." He paused watching Sara closely on her bed. "She must be terrified."

"Did you ever tell Sara about your surgery?"

"No."

"It might help."

"I will, eventually." He turned to Catherine. "Why doesn't she speak?"

"That's an excellent question."

The next day…

Sara woke and immediately felt alone. Where was Grissom? Right. He was discharged today. He's probably at home. Sara reasoned trying to calm herself.

Though she would never admit it out loud, Grissom's constant presence was a comfort. The loss of her hearing seemed to have strengthened her sense of smell. She could smell Grissom's signature soap and toothpaste scent as well as feel his presence long before she ever opened her eyes. She loved the feeling of waking to his warm hand holding her own and his handsome face. She missed him already.

Of course, Nick, Catherine, Warrick, Greg and Brass where regular visitors. Even Ecklie, Atwater and Carvello had been by to see her, but Sara knew that had more to do with the investigation in the accident and media control.

Now, Grissom was gone and it would be impractical for him to travel to the hospital everyday to see her. Soon, he would return to work, the others already had, and she would be left in the hospital. A hospital full of germs with sick and dying people.

She sighed heavily and inched onto her side. Her other constant companion -pain, made itself known. When would it go away? And when was she going to be able to go to the bathroom on her own? Bedpans were disgusting.

Tears of frustration filled Sara's eyes as she pressed the pain medication button reluctantly. She had waited out her pain for another hour but the intensity was too great. She hated being on drugs. The doctor had told her, or wrote rather, that she needed to take the medication as needed or enduring the pain for long periods would keep her blood pressure up. The last thing she needed was to get hooked on painkillers. As the medication began to take the edge off of her pain, Sara leaned back and pondered her life as a drug addict.

Weight loss was a certainty, though she really did not have much to spare. Her face would probably look pinched and hollow. Sara imagined angry red track marks against her vein less, saggy and frail arms. No, scratch that. That would mean that she used needles and she didn't care how drug infested her brain became, she would never use needles. So, forget the collapsed veins.

There were plenty of other was to freeze and kill brain cells, weaken her heart muscles and damage her lungs. She would have to quit work and deplete her savings and eventually end up homeless in the street.

People would take advantage of her because she would be deaf. All because she couldn't take the pain. God! Hospitals were depressing!

Sara was still feeling sorry for herself when Catherine walked into the room. She immediately snatched up the board and scribbled quickly.

[What's wrong?]

Sara shrugged her shoulders.

Catherine cocked her head to one side then motioned to her written words.

Sara huffed, then extended her handout for the board.

Catherine shook her head no.

[Tell me what's wrong. Tell me!] The last two words underlined for emphasis.

Sara had been reluctant to speak again after the first time she woke. She wasn't sure what she sounded like but Grissom looked horrified at her words. She'd been embarrassed to try again.

The women stared one another down until Sara finally gave in.

"Grissom-." Her voice cracked from non use. Catherine immediately placed a straw to her parched lips. "Grissom left me." This time it was tears that halted her speech.

[What are you talking about? Nicky took Grissom home for a nap. He'll be back - promise.] Catherine wrote.

Sara wasn't surprised he left. She knew deep down inside that Grissom only stayed because he thought she was going to die. Leave it to Grissom to feel some sort of weird obligation. He was probably relieved to find that she would live and that his responsibility as supervisor was over.

She had hoped that the accident would force him to come to terms with his feelings. Lord knows nothing else had worked. Even their near deaths hadn't worked. Why did she always allow herself to read more into Grissom's actions than was really there? When would she ever learn?

[Sara, the man hasn't left you side since the explosion. He needs to rest and elevate his leg. Doctor's orders.]

"He feels sorry for me because I got hurt and now I'm deaf."

Sara knew it wasn't true but her feeling had been hurt. Again. Serve her right.

[That's insane, Sara. Grissom cares for you. You know that.]

"Since when?." Sara turned onto her side slowly. "I don't want him here anyway." She was done talking. She may never have his love but the last thing she need was Grissom's guilt or pity.

"Open your eyes Sara."

"You do know that she can't hear you?" Brass questioned, startling Catherine.

"I hate it when she does this."

"Does what?"

"Closes her eyes and shuts us out."

"What happened?"

"She thinks that Grissom isn't coming back."

"That's ridiculous. We practically had to remove him by force."

"I know. I tried to tell her but she won't hear it -uh, sorry. Anyway, Sara thinks Grissom only wants to be around her is because he feels sorry for her."

"Oh Lord. When are these two going to get it right?"

Grissom's Home…

"I'm warning you, Catherine. Get out of my way!"

"Or what, Grissom? You gonna beat me with your crutch? Let her be, Grissom. She'll see you when she's ready."

"It's been two days! I need to see her. Why is she doing this?" He demanded, sinking onto his couch, already exhausted. He felt a migraine coming.

The first day Sara turned him away, he humored her. After all, he knew that she was in a lot of pain and felt powerless. Not to mention that he could use the rest anyway. The second day, Grissom was furious. Since the accident, he had been open with Sara emotionally and now Sara was shutting him out.

"You're overdoing it, Gil." Catherine chastised, seeing his grimace. "Take these." She returned with two small tablets and a bottle of water.

He hadn't even heard her leave his side.

"Nick will be here soon."

He didn't need a babysitter, but his argument died on his lips as sleep took over.

Desert Palms Hospital…

[Grissom wants to see you.] Catherine wrote.

"I don't care. I want to go home!" Sara knew she sounded like a petulant child but she didn't care. She wanted out.

[Speak louder. You can't avoid him forever.] She erased and began to write again when Sara didn't respond. [Grissom was devastated when he learned that you were hurt.]

"I appreciate all of your concerns."

[No, Sara. Grissom was beyond worried. He was terrified. I've never seen him that way.] Catherine knew that Grissom would kill her if he knew what she was telling Sara, but she had to pull out the big guns. [He loves you.]

Sara stared at the words, making sure she read them correctly. "How do you know? When I'm released, everything will go back o the way it was."

[I don't think so, Sara.] She continued writing when Sara sent her a challenging look. [The only reason he's not here now is because you won't let him. Grissom needs you as much as you need him. Let him prove you wrong.]

Sara closed her eyes, dismissing Catherine, to mull over their conversation.

CSI Lab…

"The criminals of Vegas are on our side tonight. Only one new case." Catherine paused to hand Nick the folder. "B & E, take Greg with you. Warrick, you have court tomorrow, so take time to review the evidence then clock out early. You need to get some rest. I'll page you if we need you."

"Thanks. How was Sara this afternoon?"

"She's finally agreed to see Grissom tonight. Thank God! Cause seriously? One more day of his tantrums and I swear I was going to break his other leg."

The CSIs laughed but acknowledged the seriousness of the situation. They understood Sara's frustration with her medical condition, especially for someone as strong willed and furiously independent as she. What they didn't understand was what that had to do with Grissom and why she was refusing his visits?

Grissom, in turn, was making everyone's life a living hell. Nick, Warrick, Catherine, Brass and even Greg took turns checking on Grissom at his home. Calling him clumsy would not do his balancing act justice. Grissom's overall pain, discomfort and Sara's rebuffs left them all contemplating accidentally over medicating their supervisor.

"What made Sara change her mind about seeing Grissom?" Nick questioned, though immensely relieved with the news.

"I don't know but he better not screw it up or I'm having him committed. Brass took him over there an hour ago."

"Then it's been enough time." Catherine and Nick turned to Warrick with a frown. "There hasn't been a DB called in. If Sara was going to kill Grissom, she would be done and we would have received the call by now."

Two weeks later…

Sara's visits with Grissom were the highlight of her day. They became closer and shared more of their history with one another. Grissom even told Sara about his Mother's hearing loss as well as his own and eventual corrective surgery. That information helped Sara understand Grissom more and feel more optimistic about her own hearing problems. Somewhat. At night, when she was alone, depression set in.

None of the temporary problems had gone away as promised. The pain had only lessened from unbearable to excruciating. The tinnitus she'd been diagnosed with, came and went. On one or two occasions, she thought she'd heard something but it never happened often enough for her to be certain. The lack of sound threw her off balance, so she had to use a cane for support. She also required assistance to bathe. Over all, Sara couldn't see any significant improvement.

Now, Sara dosed while she waited impatiently for the doctor to arrive with Grissom.

"Ms. Sidle, hello." Dr. Paulo entered the room cheerily, close behind him was an older gentleman. Grissom tapped on Sara's shoulder lightly to get her attention. When she looked up, he pointed to the doctor.

"Dr. Paulo, what's the verdict?" She asked eyeing the second man suspiciously.

[This is Dr. Riley.] Dr. Paulo began scribbling his words onto the dry erase board. [He's an Otologist.]

"Nice to meet you Dr. Riley. Otologist?" Sara asked, glancing to Grissom to check her volume. Grissom gave her a thumbs up sign.

[May I call you Sara?] She nodded in affirmation and he continued speaking and writing. [I'm an ENT Surgeon. I specialize in the treatment of ear problems. I've reviewed the results of your test and confirmed that you have sustained a baro trauma or what we call an inner ear concussion.]

"Okay." Sara shifted nervously.

[I wouldn't advise any medical procedures just now. We'll wait a little longer, see if it doesn't correct itself.]

"And if it doesn't?" Sara questioned.

[Let's not speculate any further. These things could take years to heal completely.]

"Damn it, if it doesn't?"

[Then we'll deal with that when the time comes.]

Sara sighed impatiently.

[Fine. At this point, there should have been a considerable amount of improvement. Since progress has been minimal, I think we're looking at permanent loss. I still think it's too early to call it, so we should give it another few weeks. If there is no improvement at that point, we'll discuss alternative means of communication.]

Sara was stunned. That was it? No medical miracle? She could be deaf for the rest of her life? She closed her eyes, effectively shutting the doctors and Grissom out. She wanted to cry or scream.

Sara felt a tap on her shoulder but refused to open her eyes. She didn't want to see the doctor's bony fingers writing more bad news on the board.

She refused to open her eyes the remainder of the day and eventually fell asleep.

She woke sometime later to a familiar scent. Catherine.

[I spoke with your doctor.] Sara raised an eyebrow to this. [Says he'll let you go in two days if you have help.]

"Okay."

[Not okay, Sara. You live alone. You're coming home with me and Lindsey.]

"No way. Uh - I mean, I wouldn't want to impose."

[No imposition. It's settled! You're coming home with me and Lindsey.]