Sakura Mochi
By Afrokane
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Chapter 2 – I, being rejected
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"If you only have one last breathe in your life, who will you want to talk to, and what are you going to tell?"
On the first day I became a Jounin, Lee asked me this question.
I heard that it was the tradition of Jounin. If we died during a mission, then our last word will be passed to the one that we have authorized.
Watching Lee's serious face, I chuckled.
"I don't know you want me to die so desperately, Lee."
"I am serious, Sakura." Lee told me with a stern expression that I didn't see it very often.
Raising my head to see the clear blue sky, I started to think about my last word seriously.
"If I died, "my gaze turned to Lee, "Please help me to ask that stubborn ass a question."
"Please help me to ask him, is Sakura Mochi really that bad?"
Yes—it was that simple.
Because, I just wanted to know why.
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It was the year when I was 14—the year that I decided to bury him in my heart.
It was a beautiful day that waves of Sakura showered everywhere. I was running to your training place, ready to give Lee and Ten-ten some Sakura Mochis that I made.
When I thought of that day, I always wondered if anyone has noticed that—that I used some exaggerated expressions to tell Lee excitedly that it took me one whole day to make these mochis.
Let me tell you something. That day, I was indeed very sad. Because, that was the day that I painfully declared to myself that my love towards him was dead.
Those over-exaggerated expressions were indeed a mask to hide my pain.
And those Sakura Mochis was indeed something that I used to mourn my first love.
Therefore, I did not intend to, or willing to ask you to try those mochis in the first place.
Because, you reminded me too much of him.
However, being a person with two distinctive mindsets, I could be as mincing as possible when there was a need. After my careful calculation, I came to a conclusion that if I did not ask you to try one, people might probably misjudged that I was an ungrateful person. After all, you were one of those who teamed up with Naruto, trying hard to bring him back from those Sound ninjas years back then.
Therefore, even I was not willing to do it, I have to force myself to ask you if you would like to try one.
Out of courtesy, of course.
"No." You answered coldly.
That moment, I was frozen.
Because, your pair of cold eyes and that scorn expression made me thought of that one person.
The one who chose to deceive his team members.
The one who chose to betray Konoha Village.
The one who chose to abandon me.
All those memories of him, painful or happy ones, suddenly came back to me all at once.
You know what? I tried so hard to forget him. I tried so hard to pretend that I was determined to forget him. Yet, it only took one word from you to break my mask.
So, I chose to flee. I uttered an almost inaudible goodbye, then turned around and left as fast as I could. Because, I could not pretend anymore. I must be looking sick and terrible at that moment.
That was the first year that I knew you.
And that was also the first year that my Sakura Mochi was rejected by you.
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Since then, I reborn.I made a promise to myself that I would become a strong shinobi.
I wanted that weak and vulnerable Sakura to disappear forever.
Therefore, I started to train myself vigorously. Besides having Tsunade sama trained me everyday, I also got Lee promised to teach me how to improve stamina and physical strength.
And it was during that time, I started to see you more often.
Whenever I saw you, you were either training far away, or just sitting in a quiet corner and meditating. Even I came to you to say hi, you would just nod your head to acknowledge me, never saying an extra word.
Lee told me that you were a person who needed time to heat up. He said, although you looked cold and heartless, deep down you were a kind man who understood the importance of teammates.
He said, you were like this just because you had a tragic past.
He said, I would understand later.
Well, I thought Lee had probably forgotten that I was once a member of Team 7.
He might have forgotten that during that time, I also had a team member who was exactly the same as you. The only difference between you two was, in the end, he could not resist the power offered by Orochimaru and left us.
Yet, just liked Lee, I believed that he was also a person who had a kind heart. I often thought that if I could cared about him as a friend and helped him out when he was emotionally weak, maybe he would not had chosen the wrong path.
And maybe you two looked too much the same to me. I started to develop a sense of responsibility to prevent the same thing happened again. I was so sure that if you were too drowned in the history of Hyuuga clan, you would be just like him—ending up in the wrong path and hurting those who cared about you.
That was the reason why I started to talk to you whenever I got the chance. I would talk about how Tsunade sama drove me crazy by giving me some impossible training programs, or how Naruto was doing stupid things like eating ramen 5 times a day.
I was trying my best to care about you, to support you.
Even though I was scared about you.
Especially your pair of piercing white eyes.
--yes. I was scared about you. I thought you wouldn't believe that the girl who always annoyed you was actually very scared of you, eh? And sometimes the fear would reach to an extend that she would rather give up the training with Lee and escaped.
Because, you reminded me too much of him.
Every time I saw your powerful silverfish white eyes, I would think of another pair of unique Sharingan. Then, his frame, his face, his everything would start to appear.
You two were overlapping. No matter how hard I tried to forget him, he would automatically step in front of me.
It just drove me crazy.
However, as time went by, he appeared less and less. Whenever I saw you, I only saw a pair of white eyes. The Sharigans started to fade. Your figure, your face, your everything started to become clear—so clear that it made him blur.
And you two were no longer overlapped. No matter how hard I tried to think of him, he did not come out through your eyes.
Ironic, eh? See how I wanted to forget him at the beginning, and how I wanted to catch him when he really started to fade away. It was all because of you—your pair of alluring white eyes.
Then, I panicked.
Because, I realized that some core principles were starting to change.
For example, Sharingan was no longer the one that I longed to see everyday. In stead, I found myself addicted to a pair of silver eyes.
For example, training with Lee was no longer the only reason that I came here everyday. In stead, I found it was much more enjoyable to start a one- sided chat with you then to spar with Lee.
For example, the reason that I made Sakura Mochis has been changed.
My mochis no longer represented death. In stead, they symbolized a beginning.
A beginning of hide and seek.
I seek, you hide.
The more I wanted to chase you, the more you wanted to avoid me. Those mochis, you never intended to, or had touched them.
Even I asked you timidly, blushing like a love-sick girl.
Even I became a Chunnin.
Even I hinted you that I would not make Sakura Mochis after I became a Jounin.
"No, thanks." It was the same answer that you gave me every year. Suddenly, I felt like I have gone back to the time when I was twelve. I was hopelessly chasing an unreachable man again.
How many times was it already? --one, two, three, four, five—five times. I realized that it was unhealthy for me—or for us—if I continued to be this stubborn.
Maybe, having a hope that you would accept me—accept my Sakura Mochi—was only a unattainable fascination. A beautiful delusion over these years.
I need another reborn. Therefore, I made a decision. I would not made Sakura Mochis for anyone again. Not him, not you.
Next time, would be the last time.
"Neji, this is the last time I make these Mochi." Wearing my brand new Jounin uniform, I gazed my mochis wistfully. "You sure don't want to give it a try?"
I could see that you hesitated for about two seconds. Then—
"No thanks, Sakura"
That moment, different emotions flooded my mind.
Disappointed. Heartrending. Bewildered. Anger. Relieved.
In the end, I—my Sakura Mochi—was being rejected.
I started to understand that there were things that would not change no matter what.
For example, I liked to play hide and seek. And I was always the one who liked to seek.
Or for example, I was always the one who was being rejected.
I just could not learn from the past. And it has resulted in losses again and again.
Therefore, just like a loser, I chose to flee. I said goodbye, turned around and left. Because, I knew I must be looking very sick and terrible.
"No thanks, Sakura"
Since then, this sentence continued to haunt my mind.
Because, this marked the end of our little game. Maybe you realized it too, that's why you addressed my name at the end—in the end. Just want to make a difference from all those rejections eh?
Then, I am twenty this year.
I no longer made Sakura Mochis.
And no longer asked you if you wanted to try too.
Because, I was being rejected.
That love-sick Haruno Sakura was being rejected by you.
--End—
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Author's Note:First, I would like to thank those who have read and review this fic. You guys don't know how the reviews meant to me! You give me the encouragement and mentality to continue this little fic!
Okay, for this fic, I originally planned 3 chapters. Chapter 3 was planned to be a little bit different from these two as it will be the finale. However, I am not sure whether I should continue or just leave it as it is, since I feel like I am lacking the skill to write and also lacking the time to do so....
Anyway, thanks again. Hope you enjoy this chapter too. :D
