A/N: Thanks so much to all my reviewers! I would like to respond to some of you...
Village-Mystic: Binns pretty much just said "I'm sick of teaching" and stopped. I was just trying to add in a random "funny" thing. As you can tell, I'm not the most humorous person.
WaterNaiad13: Everyone's probably going to be OOC in this fic, it's a sort of parody/humor thing, although not so much parody. Anyway, I rarely make fics where people are in character :P
Amanda and Velara: I totally thought I wrote Madame Pince instead of Madame Pomfrey! Thanks for pointing out that mistake, I really didn't mean to :D
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Joss Whedon. Harry Potter & friends (and enemies, and acquaintances... etc): J. K. Rowling.
Oh, if anyone knows how old Spike is, could you please tell me? Thanks! Now, to the story!
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Chapter TwoThe second dinner was over, Buffy rushed over to Spike to talk to him.
"Spike," she said sternly, briskly walking up to him as he descended the stairs to the dungeon.
"Buffy!" he said happily. "I knew you had to be the Professor Summers from the US they were talking about."
Buffy smirked. "I thought you were dead, Spike. What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here? It's just as weird for you to be here as it is for me to be here," Spike said matter-of-factly.
"Spike, you're a vampire, incase you forgot. Normally, vampire's don't teach history," Buffy said.
Spike shrugged. "I needed a job, and I heard about this opening, so I figured: I know a thing or two about history, seeing as that I have been alive for quite some time. So I took it," he explained.
Buffy laughed.
"What's so funny?" Spike asked, offended.
"Sorry, I just never pictured you as the teaching type," she said, still laughing.
"Well every time I think of you in the classroom, I see you trying to teach kids karate slayer moves that they won't be able to do," Spike responded.
Buffy regained her composure and tried to keep a straight face as she apologized. Spike just rolled his eyes and tried to walk away.
"Wait!" she said. "How are you going to teach if you start sizzling in sunlight?"
"I'm teaching down here where there is no sunlight," Spike said from down the hall. With that said, he turned and walked off.
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"So you've never had a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that's stayed for longer than one year?" Dawn said, responding to Draco's statement. Good, she thought, that means that Buffy won't be returning next year and I'll get to go back to Sunnydale.
"Nope," Draco replied, stretching out on a leather couch in the Slytherin common room.
Dawn looked around. Everything was all snobby looking. She wondered if all the common rooms were like this. All the furniture was black leather, and the walls were an obnoxious shade of green. Everything was so fancy and all the people were such snobs. She glanced at Draco, sprawled out on the couch, and she couldn't help but admire his sexiness. He had taken his cloak of and was lying there just in his shirt and pants, and she could see his muscles through the white shirt.
Stop it, Dawn, stop it! She scolded herself.
"Hey, Draco!" an unattractive girl with big boobs suddenly said, sitting on the edge of the couch near Draco's head.
His face turned pink and he sat up quickly, pushing the girl away from him. "Shove off, Pansy," he mumbled.
The girl- Pansy?- pouted.
"But Drakie... I thought you liked me," she said, sliding along the couch until he was next to him, despite his attempts to slide away from her. He was now trapped between the arm of the sofa and the girl.
"No, I like your boobs, not you," he said. "There's a difference."
"Well, you can have them if you want," she said, starting to unbutton her shirt.
Dawn gasped and got ready to avert her eyes away from the soon-to-be nude Pansy. Draco seemed to have the same reaction. He looked in the opposite direction.
"Why don't you get ready in your room and I'll be up there in a minute," he said.
"Okay," she responded, hopping up and skipping off down a corridor.
"Thank God," Draco said, relaxing.
"Ex girlfriend?" Dawn inquired.
He nodded. "So, what's your love life like?" he asked, sitting next to Dawn on the couch opposite his.
"Um, well, I'm single... I guess," she mumbled.
He raised his eyebrows up and down.
Oh God.
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The next day, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were excited to discover that they had Defense Against the Dark Arts first period that morning.
"Maybe we'll find out more about this weird Professor Summers woman," Ron said as they ate their breakfast.
Hermione nodded and swallowed a piece of toast. "I wonder how much she actually knows about Defense Against the Dark Arts," she said, staring at the teacher. "She seems like she wouldn't know that much. She sort of looks like a bimbo." She squinted, as though examining her more thoroughly.
"Well, we'll find out soon enough," Harry said, watching her exit the Dining Hall.
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About ten minutes later, the trio made their way up several flights of stairs to their classroom on the third floor. They sat at a table toward the back and waited for class to begin. As the other students settled in, Professor Summers started the lesson.
"Hello, everyone," she began. "I'm Professor Summers, as you all probably already know. Before I start teaching, I should probably tell you all a little bit about myself. I am the Slayer. Or, one of the Slayers. The Slayer is one girl who is chosen to kill vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness. There was only one Slayer, until I... well, until I died, and then there was another one. But then I came back to life and so then there were two Slayers," she explained, noticing the confused glances the students were giving her. Good job, Buffy, she scolded herself. "Anyway, I'm confusing you all greatly, so I'll just say that we defeated the "big bad" and every girl who could potentially be a Slayer became one. So that's how I got here. Any questions?"
No one raised their hand. They were all a bit confused from Buffy's story, and were trying to take all the information in.
"Good," Buffy said nervously. "So, open your textbooks to Chapter Six: Basic Creatures. I've heard that you've already learned a bit about werewolves, so I decided since you know about those creatures, why not learn about vampires since they're all kind of similar. They're all the kinds of things you get scared of when you're little; vampires, werewolves, ghosts, mummies, et cetera. I think you get the point. So, vampires. Vampires are dead people who suck blood to stay... undead. The way you become a vampire is if a vampire sucks your blood and then you suck theirs. That term is called "siring" or "to be sired". Are you all taking notes on this? There will eventually be a test.
"Okay," she continued, still really nervous. The students were practically falling asleep already. How do people manage this job?! she thought angrily. "There are several ways to fend off vampires without even having to use magic. First of all, there's your basic cross. You shove a cross in a vampire's face and they'll cringe and back away- unless, of course, they're a big bad fancy vampire that can endure that, such as the Master. But we'll get to him later. Anyway, you can kill a vampire in a few ways. You can stab one a million times with a knife, and nothing will happen. You need..." Buffy took a stake out of a drawer in her desk, "a stake. Stabbing a vampire in the heart with a wooden stake is one way to kill it," she explained. "I'll pass this around..." she handed the stake to Justin Finch-Fletchley to have a look. "You can also kill a vampire by chopping its head off or burning it. As you can tell there is a lot to learn about vampires, so why don't you read the chapter- or at least the section in it about vampires- and take notes. If you have any questions feel free to come up here and ask me."
Good job, Buffy thought sarcastically to herself. It's only your first day and already the students think you're boring and endless. You just talked incessantly about how to kill vampires... Whoop-dee-doo. They're all used to learning about magical creatures and how to fend them off, not about things that kill normal people. God, why do I have to suck at this job?! I'm only good at Slaying...
"Does she seem nervous or what?" Harry whispered to Ron who was sitting next to him.
"Totally," Ron responded. "Makes you kind of feel bad for her."
Harry shrugged. "She's kind of weird. This whole "Slayer" business has totally screwed her up in the head. I mean, what is a Slayer anyway?"
"It's a girl that fights demons and vampires, did you not hear her explanation?" Hermione butted in. "She's probably under a lot of pressure and is not used to teaching. Cut her some slack, why don't you?"
Harry and Ron just rolled their eyes.
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A/N: Wow, what a boring chapter. Sorry, everyone. I know that stuff about vampires just went on and on forever, but I was trying to make a point about how Buffy was giving a boring lesson and about how she was really nervous. Whatever, the next chapter'll have Spike's lesson in it, which should hopefully be more entertaining...
Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (please)
