Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Cohler. Don't sue. Author's Note: Don't you DARE flame me for bad writing!! Flame me for anything else but bad writing, understand? I can't help it if it's awful. If you do flame me for bad writing anyway, I will HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU LIKE THE ANIMAL YOU ARE!!! –normal voice- Enjoy the story now! Bye-bye!!!

(ILEI) But BEWARE!!! She will kill he who criticizes Arethea's work!!!

(ARETHEA) facepalms

Reunions and Remembrances- Chapter One- A Dwarf Named Mulch

"Butler!! Come here please!"

I know Master Artemis is concerned about security, Butler thought as he ran up the stairs to the security room, but isn't sitting glued to many monitors all day a bit much? Oh well; I hope it's something SERIOUS like Libyan terrorists instead of just an unruly Girl Scout like last time. "All right Master Artemis," he said out loud. "What is it this time?

"Well, I don't exactly know, it doesn't conform to all of the characteristics of any animal but it looks rather like a very short, wrinkled, dirty human in trousers..." Artemis mused.

Butler was definitely surprised. Master Artemis was actually telling him that he, the genius of the century, couldn't tell what it was that was standing there on the monitor of the surveillance screen waving at him like a maniac? This was definitely a first.

Artemis continuing his speech interrupted his thoughts, "...yet I think I've seen it before somewhere before, but where?" he trailed off with a look of extreme concentration on his face, as he tried vainly to remember exactly where he had seen this strange life form. He looked up just as the creature on the front doorstep raised a large sign that said: LET ME IN ARTEMIS FOWL! I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING AND CAN'T HEAR ME, AND THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING CONCERNING HAVEN, BUT YOU BETTER LET ME IN ANYWAY OR I'LL THROW A HISSY FIT!!!!!

Artemis was, to say the least, startled. His trademark calm, icy composure dropped a notch. How does this...this,. THING know my name? How did he know I'd be watching? What, or rather, where is Haven? And for that matter, what is a hissy fit? As the last thought quickly registered in his fertile mind, Artemis made a decision. "Butler! Let it in but keep a close eye on it!"

Butler nodded once and set off down the stairs, seemingly unperturbed. But inside, his mind and heart were in a boiling pot full of worry. Much as his bodyguard training didn't allow it, he was very attached to Master Artemis and wasn't sure this was a wise choice. And shouldn't he know? Hadn't he guarded Artemis for the last thirteen years? And wasn't he closer to Artemis than bodyguards usually were? After all, he was rather like the father figure Artemis had needed when his father, Artemis Senior, had disappeared in Russia a while ago. Fortunately, Master Fowl's father had returned just last year. And what did Artemis mean to Butler? Well, I suppose he's rather like the only friend I've ever had, Butler thought.

Finally he reached the front door and opened it to find the hideous thing standing there impatiently. The creature, Mulch Diggums, walked up to Butler and said insolently, "Remember me?" Butler replied, "No. Come with me and don't you DARE try any funny stuff, okay?" The dwarf told him, "I'm Mulch, remember me now? And by the way, it's all really thanks to you and Artemis that I'm not in jail with some dumb B'wa Kell goblin anymore." Butler was shaken. Here, standing before him, was a 'Mulch' that claimed that Master Artemis helped him escape from prison. Butler knew that it was possible that there had been some misunderstanding in sending 'Mulch' to prison, but he highly doubted it. He had seen enough of criminals and the like to know the look of one, and this Mulch had the look of an experienced thief, which, as it happened to be, he was. Wait a second; Mulch-thief-small, hairy, rude. This called a vague, almost-completely-forgotten hint of a memory of taking down a platoon of ugly, stupid reptilian creatures. Suddenly, all effects of the memory wipe he had suffered disappeared and he recognized the dwarf in front of him with a start. "Mulch Diggums!! What in the world are you doing here? Aren't you still supposed to be in jail? Wait until Master Arty finds out you're here!" Mulch grinned. He couldn't wait until Artemis found out he was there and remembered it all either.