Next chapter! Thanks for the reviews, guys!
What You Don't Know Chapter 9
James was worried about Lily. At first, she had thought that she would be all right. After all, she had bid him a calm good-night, and then thanked him, after he had comforted her down at the lake. That night, James had tossed and turned all night, worrying about her. But by the time morning came, he had convinced himself that she would get through it. After all, she was an extremely capable witch.
But then she hadn't shown up for breakfast. Alice was eating with Frank, Hestia was sitting at the Slytherin table- James felt again a thrill of panic, but had pushed Hestia's case aside- and Lily was nowhere to be seen.
Exactly three minutes before breakfast was over, Lily had burst into the Great Hall, grabbed a piece of toast, and then ran back out. Alice had opened her mouth as her best friend reached past her, but before she could get words out, Lily was gone.
James wasn't sure what to make of this.
As time went on, however, he became worried.
Lily sat by herself in all of her classes. Sitting where he was with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, James had eventually felt an urge to go sit by her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Alice was sitting with Frank, but she shot Lily worried glances every one in a while.
Lily also stopped doing her homework in the Common Room, where she had almost always studied before. After falling her during lunch one day, James realized she was spending all her free time in the library, only stopping by the Great Hall occasionally to grab bites of food.
James noticed Alice trailing after her friend a few times, but after a week had passed, Alice seemed to grow frustrated. She spent more time with Frank, and in all appearances ignored Lily, but James also noticed the worried looks she sometimes tossed in Lily's direction.
James asked Remus if he had spoken with Lily recently, and when his best mate only frowned and then remarked that he hadn't, James really grew worried. Remus, sensing this, added that Lily was almost always late for prefect meetings now, and that she rarely spoke up during them.
And through it all, Hestia spent more and more time with Malfoy, and seemed to grow angrier and angrier.
After two weeks had passed, James noted with real concern that there were dark circles under Lily's eyes. He asked Alice, and she said that Lily was pouring herself into her school work- staying up late, getting up early, and skipping meals.
'But why?' James thundered. 'She was top of the class anyway!'
But Alice merely shrugged, a gesture that infuriated James. He stormed into the boys dormitory, muttering under his breath about bad friends and stupid girls.
'What, Prongs?' Remus asked, looking concerned.
'Oh, nothing. Only stupid Alice that doesn't pay attention to her best mate and won't tell me anything besides,'
Frank bristled. 'Alice is having a rough time with her two best friends ignoring her,'
'YOU'RE not ignoring her, though,' Sirius said with a snigger.
'Lily isn't either,'
'And why are you so keen on what's up with Lily, anyway?' Frank asked, eyeing him. Sirius raised his eyebrows, and Remus even looked up from his book.
James gave them an unintelligible response, and stormed from the dormitory. If her best friend wasn't going to do anything about it, then James would himself.
Lily was sitting in the back of the library, concentrating hard on her transfiguration essay. She paused in the middle of the sentence she had been working on, as all of her thoughts flew out of her head. It was rather difficult to turn yourself over to an essay on a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon in the middle of January.
She needed the book that she had been reading last night- that had dealt a lot with this topic. Lily stood up. Where had it been? Somewhere-- She narrowed her eyes, gazing at the books. Dang. It had been moved. She could just make out the title on one of the top shelves. That was the problem with libraries. One could never reach the highest shelves.
Straining her arms in vain, Lily resorted to jumping up and down, ignoring the voice in her head telling her that she looked pathetic and that she should just go ask for help.
Lily didn't want to ask for help. She was perfectly capable of doing things on her own- ranging from getting a stupid book down from the blasted top shelf, to managing to transfigure a teacup into a bird.
Finally giving up the jumping way, Lily fetched a stool and dragged it over to the shelves. Unfortunately, Lily's lack of height didn't help, and even with the stool she was unable to reach the book.
Getting down, Lily was about to sit back down and continue on her essay without the book- she would be just fine, she told herself, when, sensing someone watching her, she whirled around to see James Potter.
Taken by surprise, she recovered herself quickly, and sat hurriedly down.
James smiled.
Lily felt her stomach disappear. He had a very charming smile.
'Need help?' he asked, his smile broadening into a friendly grin.
'No,' Lily said shortly, opening up her transfiguration book again. James raised an eyebrow.
'Come on, Lily. I'm taller than you,'
She rolled her eyes, and said, despite her intentions, 'I was just looking for a book. It's fine,'
'Nonsense,' James told her cheerily. 'I can grab it for you,'
'Why are you being so nice?' Lily muttered.
'Why not?' James countered, still with a grin on his face. 'Besides, no one else is looking out for you. I might as well,'
Lily blinked. 'What do you mean, looking out for me?'
But James only shot her his trademark, Quidditch-star-that-is- charming-and-knows-it grin, and asked, 'what book were you looking for again?
Lily wasn't sure what to think. James had sat down beside her to do his own studying, and then had insisted on carrying her book bag back to the common room. When she had thanked him, she had received only a fleeting a grin, and then James had disappeared into the boys dormitory.
All she could think was that she had received an awful lot of grins from James that day.
And, to her annoyance, that made her happier than she had felt in weeks.
Like it or not, Lily still liked James.
James lay in bed that night for a long time. He wasn't entirely sure why he had helped Lily. Indeed, if the reaction of his friends was anything to judge by, everyone was going to think that he had finally cracked.
In the morning, however, he felt better about it. Maybe it was because he just couldn't help the happy feeling that seemed to grow from just thinking about Lily. Maybe it was because he was extremely arrogant- as Lily had always told him- but, thinking over the night of the ball, he couldn't imagine that she hated him.
Then, of course, there was his own reaction. James still felt the need to groan and whack himself in the head whenever he thought about what he had said on the train after vacation. He was such an idiot.
James rolled over, the bright sunlight streaming in from the windows making him shut his eyes in an attempt to block it out. James was not exactly a morning person.
There was a slight pressure at the end of his bed, and James opened his eyes. It was Remus.
His friend smiled at him. 'You were up late last night, huh?'
James had to fight the urge to smile, thinking of Lily. 'Yeah,'
'Where were you?'
James wondered where the interrogation was coming from. Usually Remus was the last person to ask questions. 'In the library,'
'Studying, Prongs?'
James felt a faint blush creep up the back of his neck. He despised blushing. 'No,' he admitted. One of the many reasons James liked the fact that Remus didn't normally make a habit of prying, was that his friend was impossible to lie to. Maybe it was his kind, gray eyes, or the way that you felt that no matter what you said, Remus would understand or have something positive to say. It was fairly frustrating, especially when one was in a situation such as James was- namely, one didn't know what one felt, or what one was doing, but was going ahead and doing it anyway, and didn't want questioning.
'What were you doing then?' Remus pressed, with the faintest of smiles in his eyes.
James rolled out of bed, and felt around for his glasses before finding them and sliding them onto his nose. 'Where did the interrogation come from, Moony?'
'Just interested,'
'That's an unusual thing, for you,'
'I talked to Lily, you know,'
'When? What's wrong?'
For a moment, Remus didn't answer, and only watched in amusement as James turned redder. 'it was before the holidays,'
'Yes, well, you and Lily talked a lot then,' James said, thinking of the day in Hogsmeade when he had seen them hugging.
'You know,' Remus said thoughtfully, 'she's a clever girl. And, granted, you and Sirius had figured out at least by third year, but I was never close to her. It makes me wonder when she figured out.'
'Your secret?' James asked with a frown, wondering why Remus was changing the subject.
'Oh, yes. She didn't tell me when she knew, or how she knew. Just that she knew. Which is really the important thing, don't you think?'
'And when, old fellow, did she tell you this?' James muttered irritably, searching about for his robes.
'The last Hogsmeade day,' Remus said, watching James carefully.
James fell over. 'When you two- I mean- when?'
'Oh, she asked if she could talk with me privately,'
James smirked. 'Thought she was going to ask you out, eh, Moony?'
'No,' Remus said calmly. James turned to look at him. 'I knew- and still know- who she likes. And it's not me. But she asked to speak with me privately, but being Lily, she threw a snowball at me, and then we had a snowball fight, and then she grew serious and told me. And... Well, you might object, but she's a sweet girl. And so she hugged me and asked me about it and then went back to meet her friends at the Three Broomsticks, or something.'
'That's a lovely story. I feel so much better knowing that more people have figured out your secret,'
'You know, Prongs, I like it when people know. Or at least, I've realized that I like it when people know and don't hate me for it. But I can never be sure that will happen, which is why I just can't tell anyone. But I guess-- it's hard to explain what it's like to be different.'
James thought about this for a moment. It was true. James had never known what it was to be different. He had grown up in a wizarding home, with no real problems. He had four best friends. He was a pureblood, and he had a good home. The only blight on his childhood had been his lack of playmates- except for Sirius- and the fact that his mother and father, as Aurors, had been in constant danger. But James had never been the odd one out. He had never known what it was like to be different then everyone else.
'Well,' he said, 'at least your can keep yours a secret from most people,'
Remus eyed him.
'Well, think about people like Evans,' James said in what he hoped was a casual voice. 'People hate her because she's Muggle born, and there's not a thing she can do to hide that,'
Now Remus looked thoughtful. 'Yes,' he said. 'Yes, I suppose that Lily knows what it's like to be different,'
Lily spent that afternoon in the library, as usual. She had a book open, but she wasn't doing homework. She had finished that all the night before. Now she was busy reading up for fun.
She had always liked reading. In truth, she didn't really mind spending time alone, with only a book for company. But she liked people. She couldn't help glance out the window and watch Alice and Frank engaged in a snowball fight and wondering where Hestia was, and how she was doing.
With some effort, she turned her eyes back to her book.
'Hey,'
She glanced up to see James, standing next to the table, as he had been last night. She couldn't help but smile at him. He returned it smoothly.
'Stalking me, Potter?'
'Of course, Lily,' he said, sitting down beside her. She noted the slight emphasis on her first name and smiled to herself. 'Homework?'
She shook her head. 'I finished it already,'
'So you read five inch books for fun then, eh?'
She couldn't help but laugh. 'It's quite interesting,'
He smiled, and took the book from her. 'Hogwarts: A History? Didn't you read this in first year?'
Lily blushed. 'I own it. I read it before coming to school so I wouldn't seem as though I didn't know anything. It really is interesting though.'
'I'm sure it is. Look, Lily. I, well. So I talked to Remus this morning,'
'That amazes me, James,'
To her surprise, he turned slightly red, but grinned charmingly at her all the same. 'I know it does. The point is, Remus and I were talking... And he told me... He told me what you said? And how you knew?'
Lily started to ask what she knew, but then she realized what he meant, and only nodded. 'I figured it out a while ago,' she admitted. 'But I never felt as though I had any reason to tell him,'
James smiled slightly at that. 'With his- condition- you know, Remus is different.'
'So? We love him anyway,'
'I know that. Remus knows that too. But he had a hard childhood. He was quite young when he was bitten. He was different from then on. He's had a lot of people shun him for that,'
'I didn't. You didn't.'
'I know. But he's never told anyone, because inside, he's terrified of being rejected,'
'James,' Lily hissed. 'I didn't reject Remus. I wouldn't do that.'
'I know, Lily. That's not why I'm talking about this.'
'Then why are you?'
'Why are you avoiding people?'
The question was so unexpected that Lily could only gape at him.
'That's- that's none- I mean, I'm- I'm not,' she replied, flustered. He smiled at her.
'You're different, too, Lily. Remus said that was hard for me to understand. I've never been different. I've always fit in.'
'Of course. You're a Marauder...'
'I meant that I was a pureblood.'
There was the slightest of pauses. Lily was frankly quite surprised. She had never really thought of it that way. 'So you think I'm avoiding my friends because I'm Muggle born?'
'Lily. That's not what I meant either,'
'I keep missing your point, then,'
'You're doing it on purpose,'
'Am I really?'
'You haven't talked to anyone in over three weeks, Lily. Ever since Christmas vacation,'
'Sure I have,' Lily said in a light tone.
'Who?'
'You,' she pointed out, smiling. James tried to glare at her, but lost, and smiled back.
'Really, Lily. You're avoiding your best friends,'
'Actually, Hestia is doing a great job of avoiding me.'
'I'm not talking about Hestia. You can deal with her later,'
'Aye aye,'
'I'm trying to be serious,'
'All righty then. Keep talking.'
'Well,' James swallowed. 'You feel different, don't you Lily?'
She looked at him for a moment.
'You don't understand,' she said flatly.
'That's what Remus said. And you're right. You both are. I don't understand- I can't understand. But I'm trying, Lily.'
'They think I'm a freak. Everybody does,'
'Everybody?'
'I get called a freak when I go home, because I'm a wizard. I get called a freak when I go here, because I'm muggle born. All muggles can see is that I'm a wizard- there's no distinction. All wizards can see is that I'm a mudblood,'
James didn't like to hear Lily referring to herself as that.
'Frankly, I'm insulted. I've never just seen you as a muggle born,'
'Yes, you have,'
'I said things I didn't mean. You have this wonderful talent for flustering me and making me do that,'
Lily felt herself smiling in spite of herself.
'Trust me, Lily. The people who don't think you're worthy because of your birth, they're losers. They don't count. Their opinion doesn't matter. It's never gotten to you before- why should it now?'
He had a point. But he was still missing something.
James continued, 'Even Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I- Marauders we may be, but we're not like that.'
'I've realized that, James,'
'And you other friends.... They could care less,'
'Hestia may be rethinking that opinion,
'I said, we'll deal with Hestia later,'
'Well, fine. I- sometimes I do feel like I don't fit in anywhere. But that's not why I'm spending more time in the library,'
'Then why?' James asked, a tint of exasperation edging into his voice for the first time. Lily hated when people got exasperated with her. It made her go on the defensive.
'Frankly, my dear, I fail to see how this relates to you...?'
'Because- because- because-' James sputter. Lily smiled sweetly. 'I don't like seeing you depressed and alone.'
'I'm not alone. You seem to have this thing for stalking me,' Lily said, and went back to her book.
James watched her, deep in thought. He replayed the past weeks in his mind, wondering what had triggered this bout of anti-socialism. He couldn't think of anything... There had been the ball. They had danced. James didn't like to think that that was the reason. Then the Christmas Holidays. Nothing there, right? Hadn't Frank mentioned a party at Alice's, with Lily there, being her usual peppy self? Then returning from holidays. Maybe his idiotic comment on the train.... No, James wasn't that arrogant. That wasn't enough to make her depressed.
And then--
Her parents died.
James let himself think about that. Lily's parents were killed by Voldemort. He remembered the day by the lake, and comforting her. She had blamed herself. Did she still blame herself?
And- perhaps- she wanted to prevent that. She didn't want other people dying just because she knew them. That was a stupid thing to think. But maybe she did anyway. People have been known to think stupid things.
James smiled to himself.
He had figured out why she was trying to distance herself from everybody. Now he just needed to convince her why that was wrong.
Review, please!
AROD
What You Don't Know Chapter 9
James was worried about Lily. At first, she had thought that she would be all right. After all, she had bid him a calm good-night, and then thanked him, after he had comforted her down at the lake. That night, James had tossed and turned all night, worrying about her. But by the time morning came, he had convinced himself that she would get through it. After all, she was an extremely capable witch.
But then she hadn't shown up for breakfast. Alice was eating with Frank, Hestia was sitting at the Slytherin table- James felt again a thrill of panic, but had pushed Hestia's case aside- and Lily was nowhere to be seen.
Exactly three minutes before breakfast was over, Lily had burst into the Great Hall, grabbed a piece of toast, and then ran back out. Alice had opened her mouth as her best friend reached past her, but before she could get words out, Lily was gone.
James wasn't sure what to make of this.
As time went on, however, he became worried.
Lily sat by herself in all of her classes. Sitting where he was with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, James had eventually felt an urge to go sit by her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Alice was sitting with Frank, but she shot Lily worried glances every one in a while.
Lily also stopped doing her homework in the Common Room, where she had almost always studied before. After falling her during lunch one day, James realized she was spending all her free time in the library, only stopping by the Great Hall occasionally to grab bites of food.
James noticed Alice trailing after her friend a few times, but after a week had passed, Alice seemed to grow frustrated. She spent more time with Frank, and in all appearances ignored Lily, but James also noticed the worried looks she sometimes tossed in Lily's direction.
James asked Remus if he had spoken with Lily recently, and when his best mate only frowned and then remarked that he hadn't, James really grew worried. Remus, sensing this, added that Lily was almost always late for prefect meetings now, and that she rarely spoke up during them.
And through it all, Hestia spent more and more time with Malfoy, and seemed to grow angrier and angrier.
After two weeks had passed, James noted with real concern that there were dark circles under Lily's eyes. He asked Alice, and she said that Lily was pouring herself into her school work- staying up late, getting up early, and skipping meals.
'But why?' James thundered. 'She was top of the class anyway!'
But Alice merely shrugged, a gesture that infuriated James. He stormed into the boys dormitory, muttering under his breath about bad friends and stupid girls.
'What, Prongs?' Remus asked, looking concerned.
'Oh, nothing. Only stupid Alice that doesn't pay attention to her best mate and won't tell me anything besides,'
Frank bristled. 'Alice is having a rough time with her two best friends ignoring her,'
'YOU'RE not ignoring her, though,' Sirius said with a snigger.
'Lily isn't either,'
'And why are you so keen on what's up with Lily, anyway?' Frank asked, eyeing him. Sirius raised his eyebrows, and Remus even looked up from his book.
James gave them an unintelligible response, and stormed from the dormitory. If her best friend wasn't going to do anything about it, then James would himself.
Lily was sitting in the back of the library, concentrating hard on her transfiguration essay. She paused in the middle of the sentence she had been working on, as all of her thoughts flew out of her head. It was rather difficult to turn yourself over to an essay on a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon in the middle of January.
She needed the book that she had been reading last night- that had dealt a lot with this topic. Lily stood up. Where had it been? Somewhere-- She narrowed her eyes, gazing at the books. Dang. It had been moved. She could just make out the title on one of the top shelves. That was the problem with libraries. One could never reach the highest shelves.
Straining her arms in vain, Lily resorted to jumping up and down, ignoring the voice in her head telling her that she looked pathetic and that she should just go ask for help.
Lily didn't want to ask for help. She was perfectly capable of doing things on her own- ranging from getting a stupid book down from the blasted top shelf, to managing to transfigure a teacup into a bird.
Finally giving up the jumping way, Lily fetched a stool and dragged it over to the shelves. Unfortunately, Lily's lack of height didn't help, and even with the stool she was unable to reach the book.
Getting down, Lily was about to sit back down and continue on her essay without the book- she would be just fine, she told herself, when, sensing someone watching her, she whirled around to see James Potter.
Taken by surprise, she recovered herself quickly, and sat hurriedly down.
James smiled.
Lily felt her stomach disappear. He had a very charming smile.
'Need help?' he asked, his smile broadening into a friendly grin.
'No,' Lily said shortly, opening up her transfiguration book again. James raised an eyebrow.
'Come on, Lily. I'm taller than you,'
She rolled her eyes, and said, despite her intentions, 'I was just looking for a book. It's fine,'
'Nonsense,' James told her cheerily. 'I can grab it for you,'
'Why are you being so nice?' Lily muttered.
'Why not?' James countered, still with a grin on his face. 'Besides, no one else is looking out for you. I might as well,'
Lily blinked. 'What do you mean, looking out for me?'
But James only shot her his trademark, Quidditch-star-that-is- charming-and-knows-it grin, and asked, 'what book were you looking for again?
Lily wasn't sure what to think. James had sat down beside her to do his own studying, and then had insisted on carrying her book bag back to the common room. When she had thanked him, she had received only a fleeting a grin, and then James had disappeared into the boys dormitory.
All she could think was that she had received an awful lot of grins from James that day.
And, to her annoyance, that made her happier than she had felt in weeks.
Like it or not, Lily still liked James.
James lay in bed that night for a long time. He wasn't entirely sure why he had helped Lily. Indeed, if the reaction of his friends was anything to judge by, everyone was going to think that he had finally cracked.
In the morning, however, he felt better about it. Maybe it was because he just couldn't help the happy feeling that seemed to grow from just thinking about Lily. Maybe it was because he was extremely arrogant- as Lily had always told him- but, thinking over the night of the ball, he couldn't imagine that she hated him.
Then, of course, there was his own reaction. James still felt the need to groan and whack himself in the head whenever he thought about what he had said on the train after vacation. He was such an idiot.
James rolled over, the bright sunlight streaming in from the windows making him shut his eyes in an attempt to block it out. James was not exactly a morning person.
There was a slight pressure at the end of his bed, and James opened his eyes. It was Remus.
His friend smiled at him. 'You were up late last night, huh?'
James had to fight the urge to smile, thinking of Lily. 'Yeah,'
'Where were you?'
James wondered where the interrogation was coming from. Usually Remus was the last person to ask questions. 'In the library,'
'Studying, Prongs?'
James felt a faint blush creep up the back of his neck. He despised blushing. 'No,' he admitted. One of the many reasons James liked the fact that Remus didn't normally make a habit of prying, was that his friend was impossible to lie to. Maybe it was his kind, gray eyes, or the way that you felt that no matter what you said, Remus would understand or have something positive to say. It was fairly frustrating, especially when one was in a situation such as James was- namely, one didn't know what one felt, or what one was doing, but was going ahead and doing it anyway, and didn't want questioning.
'What were you doing then?' Remus pressed, with the faintest of smiles in his eyes.
James rolled out of bed, and felt around for his glasses before finding them and sliding them onto his nose. 'Where did the interrogation come from, Moony?'
'Just interested,'
'That's an unusual thing, for you,'
'I talked to Lily, you know,'
'When? What's wrong?'
For a moment, Remus didn't answer, and only watched in amusement as James turned redder. 'it was before the holidays,'
'Yes, well, you and Lily talked a lot then,' James said, thinking of the day in Hogsmeade when he had seen them hugging.
'You know,' Remus said thoughtfully, 'she's a clever girl. And, granted, you and Sirius had figured out at least by third year, but I was never close to her. It makes me wonder when she figured out.'
'Your secret?' James asked with a frown, wondering why Remus was changing the subject.
'Oh, yes. She didn't tell me when she knew, or how she knew. Just that she knew. Which is really the important thing, don't you think?'
'And when, old fellow, did she tell you this?' James muttered irritably, searching about for his robes.
'The last Hogsmeade day,' Remus said, watching James carefully.
James fell over. 'When you two- I mean- when?'
'Oh, she asked if she could talk with me privately,'
James smirked. 'Thought she was going to ask you out, eh, Moony?'
'No,' Remus said calmly. James turned to look at him. 'I knew- and still know- who she likes. And it's not me. But she asked to speak with me privately, but being Lily, she threw a snowball at me, and then we had a snowball fight, and then she grew serious and told me. And... Well, you might object, but she's a sweet girl. And so she hugged me and asked me about it and then went back to meet her friends at the Three Broomsticks, or something.'
'That's a lovely story. I feel so much better knowing that more people have figured out your secret,'
'You know, Prongs, I like it when people know. Or at least, I've realized that I like it when people know and don't hate me for it. But I can never be sure that will happen, which is why I just can't tell anyone. But I guess-- it's hard to explain what it's like to be different.'
James thought about this for a moment. It was true. James had never known what it was to be different. He had grown up in a wizarding home, with no real problems. He had four best friends. He was a pureblood, and he had a good home. The only blight on his childhood had been his lack of playmates- except for Sirius- and the fact that his mother and father, as Aurors, had been in constant danger. But James had never been the odd one out. He had never known what it was like to be different then everyone else.
'Well,' he said, 'at least your can keep yours a secret from most people,'
Remus eyed him.
'Well, think about people like Evans,' James said in what he hoped was a casual voice. 'People hate her because she's Muggle born, and there's not a thing she can do to hide that,'
Now Remus looked thoughtful. 'Yes,' he said. 'Yes, I suppose that Lily knows what it's like to be different,'
Lily spent that afternoon in the library, as usual. She had a book open, but she wasn't doing homework. She had finished that all the night before. Now she was busy reading up for fun.
She had always liked reading. In truth, she didn't really mind spending time alone, with only a book for company. But she liked people. She couldn't help glance out the window and watch Alice and Frank engaged in a snowball fight and wondering where Hestia was, and how she was doing.
With some effort, she turned her eyes back to her book.
'Hey,'
She glanced up to see James, standing next to the table, as he had been last night. She couldn't help but smile at him. He returned it smoothly.
'Stalking me, Potter?'
'Of course, Lily,' he said, sitting down beside her. She noted the slight emphasis on her first name and smiled to herself. 'Homework?'
She shook her head. 'I finished it already,'
'So you read five inch books for fun then, eh?'
She couldn't help but laugh. 'It's quite interesting,'
He smiled, and took the book from her. 'Hogwarts: A History? Didn't you read this in first year?'
Lily blushed. 'I own it. I read it before coming to school so I wouldn't seem as though I didn't know anything. It really is interesting though.'
'I'm sure it is. Look, Lily. I, well. So I talked to Remus this morning,'
'That amazes me, James,'
To her surprise, he turned slightly red, but grinned charmingly at her all the same. 'I know it does. The point is, Remus and I were talking... And he told me... He told me what you said? And how you knew?'
Lily started to ask what she knew, but then she realized what he meant, and only nodded. 'I figured it out a while ago,' she admitted. 'But I never felt as though I had any reason to tell him,'
James smiled slightly at that. 'With his- condition- you know, Remus is different.'
'So? We love him anyway,'
'I know that. Remus knows that too. But he had a hard childhood. He was quite young when he was bitten. He was different from then on. He's had a lot of people shun him for that,'
'I didn't. You didn't.'
'I know. But he's never told anyone, because inside, he's terrified of being rejected,'
'James,' Lily hissed. 'I didn't reject Remus. I wouldn't do that.'
'I know, Lily. That's not why I'm talking about this.'
'Then why are you?'
'Why are you avoiding people?'
The question was so unexpected that Lily could only gape at him.
'That's- that's none- I mean, I'm- I'm not,' she replied, flustered. He smiled at her.
'You're different, too, Lily. Remus said that was hard for me to understand. I've never been different. I've always fit in.'
'Of course. You're a Marauder...'
'I meant that I was a pureblood.'
There was the slightest of pauses. Lily was frankly quite surprised. She had never really thought of it that way. 'So you think I'm avoiding my friends because I'm Muggle born?'
'Lily. That's not what I meant either,'
'I keep missing your point, then,'
'You're doing it on purpose,'
'Am I really?'
'You haven't talked to anyone in over three weeks, Lily. Ever since Christmas vacation,'
'Sure I have,' Lily said in a light tone.
'Who?'
'You,' she pointed out, smiling. James tried to glare at her, but lost, and smiled back.
'Really, Lily. You're avoiding your best friends,'
'Actually, Hestia is doing a great job of avoiding me.'
'I'm not talking about Hestia. You can deal with her later,'
'Aye aye,'
'I'm trying to be serious,'
'All righty then. Keep talking.'
'Well,' James swallowed. 'You feel different, don't you Lily?'
She looked at him for a moment.
'You don't understand,' she said flatly.
'That's what Remus said. And you're right. You both are. I don't understand- I can't understand. But I'm trying, Lily.'
'They think I'm a freak. Everybody does,'
'Everybody?'
'I get called a freak when I go home, because I'm a wizard. I get called a freak when I go here, because I'm muggle born. All muggles can see is that I'm a wizard- there's no distinction. All wizards can see is that I'm a mudblood,'
James didn't like to hear Lily referring to herself as that.
'Frankly, I'm insulted. I've never just seen you as a muggle born,'
'Yes, you have,'
'I said things I didn't mean. You have this wonderful talent for flustering me and making me do that,'
Lily felt herself smiling in spite of herself.
'Trust me, Lily. The people who don't think you're worthy because of your birth, they're losers. They don't count. Their opinion doesn't matter. It's never gotten to you before- why should it now?'
He had a point. But he was still missing something.
James continued, 'Even Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I- Marauders we may be, but we're not like that.'
'I've realized that, James,'
'And you other friends.... They could care less,'
'Hestia may be rethinking that opinion,
'I said, we'll deal with Hestia later,'
'Well, fine. I- sometimes I do feel like I don't fit in anywhere. But that's not why I'm spending more time in the library,'
'Then why?' James asked, a tint of exasperation edging into his voice for the first time. Lily hated when people got exasperated with her. It made her go on the defensive.
'Frankly, my dear, I fail to see how this relates to you...?'
'Because- because- because-' James sputter. Lily smiled sweetly. 'I don't like seeing you depressed and alone.'
'I'm not alone. You seem to have this thing for stalking me,' Lily said, and went back to her book.
James watched her, deep in thought. He replayed the past weeks in his mind, wondering what had triggered this bout of anti-socialism. He couldn't think of anything... There had been the ball. They had danced. James didn't like to think that that was the reason. Then the Christmas Holidays. Nothing there, right? Hadn't Frank mentioned a party at Alice's, with Lily there, being her usual peppy self? Then returning from holidays. Maybe his idiotic comment on the train.... No, James wasn't that arrogant. That wasn't enough to make her depressed.
And then--
Her parents died.
James let himself think about that. Lily's parents were killed by Voldemort. He remembered the day by the lake, and comforting her. She had blamed herself. Did she still blame herself?
And- perhaps- she wanted to prevent that. She didn't want other people dying just because she knew them. That was a stupid thing to think. But maybe she did anyway. People have been known to think stupid things.
James smiled to himself.
He had figured out why she was trying to distance herself from everybody. Now he just needed to convince her why that was wrong.
Review, please!
AROD
