FATMAN & BLOBIN

STARRING RADIO ONE DJ Chris Moyles AS FATMAN, AND PAPA CASS-LIKE SINGER Rick Waller AS BLOBIN

Over-the-top tenor-style voiceover: #On the outskirts of Gotham City, in the oversized mansion of zillionairre Spruce Vane…#

A great big bright red phone started buzzing and flashing madly.

Albert Pennyless - overweight butler to the equally overweight Spruce Vane - stopped cooking the lard and tripe supper he was preparing and trundled awkwardly into the hall.

He picked up the hulking Dom Joly-type handset of the FATPHONE, which luckily had exaggerated size buttons for the clinically obese, and answered.

-

In the den, Spruce and his cabin-boy…. I meant adopted son… Dick Wart were munching a barrel of pork-rinds while watching Jerry Stinger.

Spruce burped.

Dick farted.

Spruce opened another barrel of pig-fat.

Dick dribbled in anticipation.

Moments later, Albert stepped in.

"Who was that on the FATPHONE, old man?" asked Spruce.

"That was commissioner GreaseSpoon, Sir. It would appear Gotham City is in need of your help. Again."

"But…" spluttered Dick, "We're watching TV."

"Yes." Said Spruce, "And I thought we told them never to call us here again. Why don't they use the FAT SIGNAL?"

"The signal is too heavy, Sir." Replied Albert, "It keeps falling out of the sky."

"You're right, manservant. We have a job to do. To the FATCAVE!"

Spruce tugged the penis on his Adonis statue and a secret door opened in the wall.

Spruce and Dick dived for the FAT POLES to slide down…

But remembered too late that the extra-strength poles wouldn't arrive till next week.

Spruce and Dick fell 30 feet and landed with a thump in the Fatcave - magically dressed in their Fatman and Blobin outfits.

Fatman rolled himself upright, "To the Fatmobile, Blobin!"

They leapt into the black robin reliant at the exact same time so that the 3-wheeler didn't tip over, and sped off to the rescue.

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#Will our heroes: The Fat Fright and the Boy Blubber - the Tubby Twosome - get to Gotham city in time to save the day?#

"Holy cellulite, Fatman!" Blobin said when they arrived, " 'FatCat' and Harvey 'Two-Tyres' Dent have joined forces!"

The evil, overweight duo where raiding the local fast food restaurant - BlubberKing.

The lardy foursome attacked each other:

POW

THWAK

KEPLUNK

SHEZAM

ALAKAZAM

BOINK

KASPLODGE

WHAM

BAM

THANKYOU MAM

SUPERCALIFRADGELISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS.

Two-Tyres grabbed Blobin from behind.

Fatman yelled, "Get your dirty hands off my Dick! … I mean Blobin."

Blobin broke free and the Tubby Twosome reached for their utility belts.

Each pulled a harpoon gun and fired the tubes into FatCat and Two-Tyres.

The tubes were connected to liposuction machines and our heroes watched as the evil pair were drained of bodily fat.

Then Fatman and Blobin sat on the puny baddies, crushing them, and picked up the bottles of fat.

"Just what we need after a hard nights work." Said Fatman.

"Yes." Agreed Blobin, "Two nice thick smoothies." He said.

Then they drank off the bottles and headed home.

#The end#

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA, FATMAAAAAAN.