Chapter 2: Feeling lonely
Disclaimer: This chapter contains some sexual content, that may not be suitable for some readers.
Mark checked the schedules for the next week to see when he could go and see Susan. He wanted to make sure Carter wouldn't be there when he went round. It took some doing but Mark managed to change his day off so that he was free on the same night as Susan.
Carter would be working until midnight, he knew that this was his chance, even if he did have to wait a couple more days.
Work was still hard for Susan and Mark. Very few words had been exchanged since that fateful day when they argued. No-one in the ER wanted to take sides but they knew it was Mark who had caused the argument.
He knew it too, that was his whole reason behind him going to see Susan. That and he wanted to tell her just how much he loved her.
"No, that can wait. I want her to know how sorry I am first." Mark thought
Susan and Carter appeared to be getting closer by the day. Everyone would watch as they came in together and left together, they're shift pattern had been the same for the past two weeks. It was only this week that it changed. This would be Mark's week. He was going to get his best friend back, no matter what he had to do.
The next day Mark was off, it was the day he was going to see Susan. Having some free time gave him chance to plan what he was going to say.
Mark knew what he wanted to say but somehow the words wouldn't appear on the paper he had sat in front of him.
"Maybe this is one of the times you go with instinct." Mark thought
It was now 3pm, just four and a half hours before Mark was going to see Susan. She finished at 6, if he got there at 7.30 that would give her an hour and a half to relax before he got there.
He was scared and nervous, but he knew this was something he had to do. He wasn't going to let Susan leave his life. She was too precious to let go and he was going to let her know.
Mark was restless for the rest of the day. He took two showers, and changed clothes three times. He didn't know why. Susan had seen him covered in bloody scrubs, with sweat pouring off him.
At 7 o'clock Mark set off for Susan's apartment. He decided the walk would do him some good. Help him regulate his nervous breathing and calm him down a little bit. He was like a child waiting to see if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.
When he arrived he could clearly hear music coming from Susan's apartment. She was definitely home.
Mark took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He hear Susan shout 'COMING!' "This is it." Mark thought
As Susan opened the door her face fell. The last person she expected to see tonight was Mark. But when she saw him standing there, she was kind of glad. Maybe he had come to say sorry.
"Susan, I understand if you shut the door in my face now, but I just want one chance to explain myself." Mark said sheepishly
"I'll give you a chance, but you're explanation better be damn good." Susan said
"I hope it is. I've been working on it for ages." Mark replied
As Susan shut the door behind them she gestured for Mark to take a seat on the couch. She could see he was nervous.
"Ok, let's hear it then." Susan snapped
"Susan, I know you're still angry at me, and you have every right to be. I acted like a complete jerk. I don't know why I did it. I could see the pain in your eyes and I still went and told Jerry about it. That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever done. Then when we argued, instead of saying sorry I hurt you even more. Then last week Carter told me that you would cry when he mentioned it, I knew I had to come and say sorry." Mark finished speaking and looked at Susan.
"You hurt me so much Mark. I never imagined that you of all people could do that to me. If I could have put money on one person never hurting me or making me cry, it would be you. But since that past few weeks I just don't know anymore. Why has it taken you so long to say sorry?" Susan asked
"I don't know. Guess my jerk like behaviour just kinda rolled on. I was miserable without you Susan, I missed you, but I had so many things going round in my head that I wanted to say I just got confused." Mark answered
"What kind of things?" Susan asked
"You don't want to know." Mark said
"Mark if we're going to be friends again, we've got to try and make it like it used to be. You know, being honest with each other, talking, laughing. I missed that too." Susan answered
"Ok." Mark said as he took another deep breath.
"It took me so long to come and see you because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to hide my jealousy. I didn't want you to see it and get angry at me again. I just couldn't bear that." Mark replied
"Jealous? Why?" Susan asked
"Because I love you. I have done for so long, but there was never a right time to tell you." Mark said as he raised his hand to Susan's face and went to kiss her.
She quickly pulled away.
"Mark that's a lot to take in." Susan said
"I know. But Susan please I love you." Mark said as he went to kiss her again
"Mark please, no! I'm in love with Carter." Susan knew that wasn't true, she had said it out of spite, and now she could see that pain in Mark's eyes that she had, had when he had said those things.
Mark sat back in shock. He couldn't believe what she had said. He'd waited too long to apologise and tell her his true feelings. He'd screwed everything up.
"Guess it's just friends then." Mark said as he got up to leave
"Yeah guess so. But I do want us to be friends. I accept you're apology." Susan said, trying to comfort Mark with something
"That's something I suppose." Mark said as he opened the door to leave.
Susan slumped on the couch as Mark left. A single tear fell down her cheek. She did love Mark, and she wasn't in love with Carter. Now Susan was the one who had screwed up.
Mark walked the streets of Chicago feeling lonely whilst Susan was sat at home feeling lonely too. She could hardly call Carter and say "I've just turned the guy I love away." It just wouldn't sit very well.
Mark went home feeling extremely depressed. He couldn't take any more rejection. It was even happening at work. Kerry had kicked him out of a trauma room, claiming that she was taking over the case.
Mark felt completely unwanted. He couldn't cope any more. He opened the door to his apartment and looked around. Just another night coming back to an empty, dark place all by his self.
Mark went over to the table and picked up a pen and a bit of paper and began to write.
I tell you I love you and you say no, just another night I'm thrust out into the cold. I don't know why you're doing this, I thought you felt the same. I'm not sure how to handle life any more. Everything I ever loved has been taken from me. Maybe it's best if I just give up. Let you all get on with life.
Tell my daughter I love her, but she's been taken too. All I wanted was for her to stay close, but she's so far away. Now I just don't know what to do.
As Mark placed the two photos that meant the most to him, on the table in front of him, he opened a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of whisky. He knew this was the stupidest way to do it, but he didn't feel like throwing himself off of the apartment block onto the concrete below. And besides he might harm someone else by doing this.
Just as Mark took the first aspirin he heard a banging on the door.
"Great, just when I want to be alone, people come and see me." Mark thought
Mark got up slowly opened the door. Before he had time to see who it was, the person had embraced him and was kissing him.
Mark pulled back and looked at the person who had kissed him with such meaning. It was Susan.
"Mark I don't want you to say one word, just let this happen." Susan said as she kissed Mark again
"But Susan." Mark said
"Mark, I've waited so long for this moment. I've missed every opportunity I've ever had to kiss you and show you how I feel. I'm not going to miss this one too." Susan said as she stroked Mark's face again, hoping he'd relent.
He did. Mark allowed Susan to kiss him, with more passion this time. Neither of them never imagined a kiss could feel so right.
As Mark went over to the sofa,Susan followed him. Soon she was lying on top of him on the couch. He was taking her clothes off, she was virtually ripping at his. This was definitely the right time and place. Both Mark and Susan had waited so long for this, that they were going to make it worth the wait.
Susan could certainly feel that Mark wanted this, that made her forget all about Carter. They had only recently slept together but it wasn't this good.
Mark had picked Susan up, she had her legs wrapped around his naked body. They were heading for the bedroom but as they got to the kitchen counter they stopped and looked at each other with a glint in their eyes.
Mark thrust Susan up onto the counter and continued to make her scream with delight. She was certainly enjoying herself. She was making so much noise, he was surprised the neighbours weren't complaining.
Susan flung her arms around Mark's neck and began to kiss her way down his body until she could reach no further. He caressed her body as he once again lifted he up. This time they made it to the bedroom. Mark threw Susan onto the bed but she got up on her knees straight away. He was stood at the end of the bed, awaiting her next move and he wasn't disappointed.
Mark could feel his knees weaken as Susan performed the most fantastic oral sex he had ever had. He wanted to freeze time, but as he felt himself reaching orgasm he stopped Susan and climbed onto the bed.
Their lips met again, and Mark pushed Susan so that she was lying on the bed just staring up at him. She grabbed his arms and pulled him down on top of her where they continued to have sex.
Susan whispered to Mark that she was about to orgasm. Mark smiled and replied, 'Me too'
Afterwards, Susan and Mark laid on the bed trying to regain their breath. It wasn't long before the guilt crept in.
"Mark, what are we going to do?" Susan asked
"About what?" Mark replied
"Carter. I can't deny the fact that I do have feelings for him." Susan said
"I know that, and I understand. I don't expect you to break up with him. I just wanted you to know how much I love you." Mark answered
"I think you got your point across. Mark, I do love you but I've really been enjoying my relationship with John. I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I love him too." Susan said hoping Mark would not be too upset
"Then see us both. Of course I want to be with you, but you need time, and as long as I'm with you some of the time, enjoying what we've just had, I can handle that." Mark replied
Susan turned to smile at Mark. But she didn't see the torment in his eyes, just moments before she arrived he was planning to end it all. Now Susan had come over saying she loved him. Mark was still so confused, not really knowing what to do. He really wanted to be with Susan but he couldn't bear it if she chose Carter.
Disclaimer: This chapter contains some sexual content, that may not be suitable for some readers.
Mark checked the schedules for the next week to see when he could go and see Susan. He wanted to make sure Carter wouldn't be there when he went round. It took some doing but Mark managed to change his day off so that he was free on the same night as Susan.
Carter would be working until midnight, he knew that this was his chance, even if he did have to wait a couple more days.
Work was still hard for Susan and Mark. Very few words had been exchanged since that fateful day when they argued. No-one in the ER wanted to take sides but they knew it was Mark who had caused the argument.
He knew it too, that was his whole reason behind him going to see Susan. That and he wanted to tell her just how much he loved her.
"No, that can wait. I want her to know how sorry I am first." Mark thought
Susan and Carter appeared to be getting closer by the day. Everyone would watch as they came in together and left together, they're shift pattern had been the same for the past two weeks. It was only this week that it changed. This would be Mark's week. He was going to get his best friend back, no matter what he had to do.
The next day Mark was off, it was the day he was going to see Susan. Having some free time gave him chance to plan what he was going to say.
Mark knew what he wanted to say but somehow the words wouldn't appear on the paper he had sat in front of him.
"Maybe this is one of the times you go with instinct." Mark thought
It was now 3pm, just four and a half hours before Mark was going to see Susan. She finished at 6, if he got there at 7.30 that would give her an hour and a half to relax before he got there.
He was scared and nervous, but he knew this was something he had to do. He wasn't going to let Susan leave his life. She was too precious to let go and he was going to let her know.
Mark was restless for the rest of the day. He took two showers, and changed clothes three times. He didn't know why. Susan had seen him covered in bloody scrubs, with sweat pouring off him.
At 7 o'clock Mark set off for Susan's apartment. He decided the walk would do him some good. Help him regulate his nervous breathing and calm him down a little bit. He was like a child waiting to see if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.
When he arrived he could clearly hear music coming from Susan's apartment. She was definitely home.
Mark took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He hear Susan shout 'COMING!' "This is it." Mark thought
As Susan opened the door her face fell. The last person she expected to see tonight was Mark. But when she saw him standing there, she was kind of glad. Maybe he had come to say sorry.
"Susan, I understand if you shut the door in my face now, but I just want one chance to explain myself." Mark said sheepishly
"I'll give you a chance, but you're explanation better be damn good." Susan said
"I hope it is. I've been working on it for ages." Mark replied
As Susan shut the door behind them she gestured for Mark to take a seat on the couch. She could see he was nervous.
"Ok, let's hear it then." Susan snapped
"Susan, I know you're still angry at me, and you have every right to be. I acted like a complete jerk. I don't know why I did it. I could see the pain in your eyes and I still went and told Jerry about it. That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever done. Then when we argued, instead of saying sorry I hurt you even more. Then last week Carter told me that you would cry when he mentioned it, I knew I had to come and say sorry." Mark finished speaking and looked at Susan.
"You hurt me so much Mark. I never imagined that you of all people could do that to me. If I could have put money on one person never hurting me or making me cry, it would be you. But since that past few weeks I just don't know anymore. Why has it taken you so long to say sorry?" Susan asked
"I don't know. Guess my jerk like behaviour just kinda rolled on. I was miserable without you Susan, I missed you, but I had so many things going round in my head that I wanted to say I just got confused." Mark answered
"What kind of things?" Susan asked
"You don't want to know." Mark said
"Mark if we're going to be friends again, we've got to try and make it like it used to be. You know, being honest with each other, talking, laughing. I missed that too." Susan answered
"Ok." Mark said as he took another deep breath.
"It took me so long to come and see you because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to hide my jealousy. I didn't want you to see it and get angry at me again. I just couldn't bear that." Mark replied
"Jealous? Why?" Susan asked
"Because I love you. I have done for so long, but there was never a right time to tell you." Mark said as he raised his hand to Susan's face and went to kiss her.
She quickly pulled away.
"Mark that's a lot to take in." Susan said
"I know. But Susan please I love you." Mark said as he went to kiss her again
"Mark please, no! I'm in love with Carter." Susan knew that wasn't true, she had said it out of spite, and now she could see that pain in Mark's eyes that she had, had when he had said those things.
Mark sat back in shock. He couldn't believe what she had said. He'd waited too long to apologise and tell her his true feelings. He'd screwed everything up.
"Guess it's just friends then." Mark said as he got up to leave
"Yeah guess so. But I do want us to be friends. I accept you're apology." Susan said, trying to comfort Mark with something
"That's something I suppose." Mark said as he opened the door to leave.
Susan slumped on the couch as Mark left. A single tear fell down her cheek. She did love Mark, and she wasn't in love with Carter. Now Susan was the one who had screwed up.
Mark walked the streets of Chicago feeling lonely whilst Susan was sat at home feeling lonely too. She could hardly call Carter and say "I've just turned the guy I love away." It just wouldn't sit very well.
Mark went home feeling extremely depressed. He couldn't take any more rejection. It was even happening at work. Kerry had kicked him out of a trauma room, claiming that she was taking over the case.
Mark felt completely unwanted. He couldn't cope any more. He opened the door to his apartment and looked around. Just another night coming back to an empty, dark place all by his self.
Mark went over to the table and picked up a pen and a bit of paper and began to write.
I tell you I love you and you say no, just another night I'm thrust out into the cold. I don't know why you're doing this, I thought you felt the same. I'm not sure how to handle life any more. Everything I ever loved has been taken from me. Maybe it's best if I just give up. Let you all get on with life.
Tell my daughter I love her, but she's been taken too. All I wanted was for her to stay close, but she's so far away. Now I just don't know what to do.
As Mark placed the two photos that meant the most to him, on the table in front of him, he opened a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of whisky. He knew this was the stupidest way to do it, but he didn't feel like throwing himself off of the apartment block onto the concrete below. And besides he might harm someone else by doing this.
Just as Mark took the first aspirin he heard a banging on the door.
"Great, just when I want to be alone, people come and see me." Mark thought
Mark got up slowly opened the door. Before he had time to see who it was, the person had embraced him and was kissing him.
Mark pulled back and looked at the person who had kissed him with such meaning. It was Susan.
"Mark I don't want you to say one word, just let this happen." Susan said as she kissed Mark again
"But Susan." Mark said
"Mark, I've waited so long for this moment. I've missed every opportunity I've ever had to kiss you and show you how I feel. I'm not going to miss this one too." Susan said as she stroked Mark's face again, hoping he'd relent.
He did. Mark allowed Susan to kiss him, with more passion this time. Neither of them never imagined a kiss could feel so right.
As Mark went over to the sofa,Susan followed him. Soon she was lying on top of him on the couch. He was taking her clothes off, she was virtually ripping at his. This was definitely the right time and place. Both Mark and Susan had waited so long for this, that they were going to make it worth the wait.
Susan could certainly feel that Mark wanted this, that made her forget all about Carter. They had only recently slept together but it wasn't this good.
Mark had picked Susan up, she had her legs wrapped around his naked body. They were heading for the bedroom but as they got to the kitchen counter they stopped and looked at each other with a glint in their eyes.
Mark thrust Susan up onto the counter and continued to make her scream with delight. She was certainly enjoying herself. She was making so much noise, he was surprised the neighbours weren't complaining.
Susan flung her arms around Mark's neck and began to kiss her way down his body until she could reach no further. He caressed her body as he once again lifted he up. This time they made it to the bedroom. Mark threw Susan onto the bed but she got up on her knees straight away. He was stood at the end of the bed, awaiting her next move and he wasn't disappointed.
Mark could feel his knees weaken as Susan performed the most fantastic oral sex he had ever had. He wanted to freeze time, but as he felt himself reaching orgasm he stopped Susan and climbed onto the bed.
Their lips met again, and Mark pushed Susan so that she was lying on the bed just staring up at him. She grabbed his arms and pulled him down on top of her where they continued to have sex.
Susan whispered to Mark that she was about to orgasm. Mark smiled and replied, 'Me too'
Afterwards, Susan and Mark laid on the bed trying to regain their breath. It wasn't long before the guilt crept in.
"Mark, what are we going to do?" Susan asked
"About what?" Mark replied
"Carter. I can't deny the fact that I do have feelings for him." Susan said
"I know that, and I understand. I don't expect you to break up with him. I just wanted you to know how much I love you." Mark answered
"I think you got your point across. Mark, I do love you but I've really been enjoying my relationship with John. I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I love him too." Susan said hoping Mark would not be too upset
"Then see us both. Of course I want to be with you, but you need time, and as long as I'm with you some of the time, enjoying what we've just had, I can handle that." Mark replied
Susan turned to smile at Mark. But she didn't see the torment in his eyes, just moments before she arrived he was planning to end it all. Now Susan had come over saying she loved him. Mark was still so confused, not really knowing what to do. He really wanted to be with Susan but he couldn't bear it if she chose Carter.
