I don't believe that anybody feels
the way I do about you now...

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding
there are many things that I would
like to say to you
but I don't know how...

Oasis, Wonderwall

The Makings of a Resolution

THROUGH OUT THE COURSE OF HER LIFE Brooke had learned to mold herself to fit certain people's expectations. It had become more of a survival instinct really.

Women in the Davis family were famous for being elegantly vicious, but with unique personality quirks. So she spoke fluent French and was nearing the tenth anniversary of her study of classical ballet, all the while still maintain a place atop the social ladder. Her mother, the bitch extraordinaire, was a former cheerleader and her father was never less than perfect in school. So she took gymnastics and joined the cheerleading squad, becoming captain in honor of her mother. In keeping with tradition she never missed the honor roll, but appealed to her mother's side and didn't do the grade bragging.

She had a new boyfriend every week and when sex became an addiction, it became a tireless routine. She knew what they said about her at school. There were the old, personal favorites like Brooke Davis the slut and Brooke Davis the relationship-wrecker.

But no one knew who Brook Davis was.

Not until Peyton.

Not until Lucas.

Peyton appealed to the much darker, self-destructive side of herself. Peyton has seen the very best of her worst from the drinking binges to the sex and seemed to literally thrive on it. She was the "bad" good girl to Brooke's vicious bad girl.

And it wasn't until that fateful night after the disastrous Duke Party that she began to really see things.

Lucas Scott had nearly been her absolution.

It scared her how willing she was to reveal things, secrets about herself that no one knew to him. From her love of Jane Austen to her obsession with strawberry ice cream and chocolate sauce, Lucas managed to unearth things about herself that not even she knew. He knew how desperately alone she felt every time she came home to an empty house. He knew about her disappearing affections for her parents and how ready and willing she was to start over.

He also knew that she could be broken.

Peyton knew how breakable she was.

There are no words that could do a description justice of the feelings and what happened between the three of them all those weeks ago. All Brooke knew is that she will never be the same girl again.

She probably will never be.

"Chiquita!"

Brooke's startled out of her musings by Maria, her housekeeper and nanny. The closest person to a parent she's ever had.

"Sorry," she muttered, frowning at the doodles she's made all over her French study guide. Thank god school's almost over... I think I'm going crazy.

Maria's gaze softens. "That nice boy that stopped her last week is on the telephone."

Lucas? Her eyes widen and she flashes back to a conversation that she had with Peyton earlier in the day.

He comes alive when he's around you. And you, god Brooke, I've never seen you so... vibrant. You literally light up the room when you see him.

She sighed. So Peyton had really been trying to form some sort of an apology mixed with permission to start seeing Lucas again...

Brooke smiled at Maria and took the cordless phone from her hand. "Can't find someone in Charleston good enough to have a heart to heart with you, handsome?"

Lucas laughed and she could have sworn her heart started beating several thousand seconds faster. "I can only take so much of Keith's manly bonding talks, gorgeous."

"Ah, the grunt and beer bonding," she teased, resuming her doodling on her study guide. "And I see I've graduated to a new nickname."

"Well it's the truth. You've never been less than gorgeous to me."

Brooke found herself unable to fight the blush rising to her cheeks. Only Lucas Scott had the talent of making her into a puddle of goo.

"Brooke?"

She jumped. "Sorry," she apologized. "I'm on a completely different planet today."

"Am I interrupting anything?"

She chuckled at his worry. A smile formed on her lips, the first genuine smile in what felt like decades. "Other than my sorry-assed attempts to study for my AP French exam? Not really."

"Ouch," Lucas replied. "I forgot they do AP testing after finals. You should worry though. French is supposed to second nature to you. At least that's what it seems like."

Her eyes narrow and she can't help but feel slightly suspicious of his phone call. It's not that she's not happy to hear from him, but between Peyton and even to a certain extent, Haley's civility increase... Brooke knew something was up.

"All right, handsome," she murmured. "I know we broke some metaphorical walls down and all, but what's really going on?"

He was silent for a moment and Brooke found herself worrying that this was just some plot of his to rid himself of his guilt in breaking her heart. What was left of it anyway.

"I want you to trust me," he spoke finally. "I want to start over and have a real relationship with you, but I want to do this the right way."

It was starting again, she realized. The pure, unadulterated fear of placing her trust, her heart, in someone with the potential to destroy her. The difference this time was she knew she would have to offer all of herself, the masks between Lucas and her were practically non-existent. He knew her. He knew the girl who had carefully spent years of building walls around her heart.

Brooke looked down and realized she was trembling violently, the ink of her pen bleeding deeply into her papers.

She was taking a huge risk.

For all she knew, they could just be fancy words coming out of his mouth.

"I talked to Peyton today," she spoke finally. She listened to Lucas sigh nervously and blurted out, "And it was good... Awkward, but good."

"I'm glad," he responded quietly.

She knows what he's implying even before he says it. "Peyton and I aren't the same kind of best friends you and Tutor-girl are."

"Brooke—"

"No Lucas," she interrupts. "I want to clear up any illusions you have of the relationship I share with Peyton. I'm going to trust you with the truth."

She lets the words settle between them and the shifts in her chair before continuing. "Pey and I met each other in some pretty dark times. She had grown up too fast and I was growing up to fast. We complimented each other's destructive natures and it was falling... too fast, too soon."

And didn't care in the slightest, she added silently.

"I always thought that you guys were close."

She shrugged. "We are in our own twisted way, I suppose. Just don't blame yourself too much for what happened between Peyton and I. It was going to happen eventually."

"That's what she said," he responded.

She wasn't surprised, but felt the familiar feelings that had haunted her in this scenario before. Jealousy was an ugly feeling.

"Did you? Is— Is that why she came up to me in the library today?"

"I just—"

"Wanted to help," she finished with a frustrated sigh. She closed her eyes. "There are three categories of friends, handsome. There are those that are the "in the moment" friends... the ones you'll never speak to after high school or have some awkward run in several years later. There are the friends that do nothing but make you miserable. And then there are the friends like you and Tutor-girl, genuine friends... Pey and I are the unconventional, we will never fit into any of those groups."

Brooke tried to control the whirlwind of emotions that were fighting to overwhelm her.

"I'm sorry."

"We keep apologizing to each other every time we talk, handsome," she paused. Maybe... "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Brooke," Lucas began to argue.

"I'm serious, Lucas," she cut him off. "We literally had a crash and burn relationship and we've— We've only shown each other glimpses of—"

"And I'm serious Brooke."

She couldn't tell whether or not he was fighting desperation or embracing frustration. She herself was struggling with both. An uneasy silence fell between them.

"I want you to come to Charleston," he blurted out.

Her eyes widened and she nearly fell out of her chair. What? "Charleston," she echoed dazedly.

"After your exams," Lucas finished, confidence in his voice ringing clearly. "For a couple days, a week even. Please Brooke... What do you have to lose?"

Her heart hammered in her chest.

Everything.

I could lose everything.

"All right," she relented calmly. She was surprised at the strength of her control. "I'll go."

Bur her hands couldn't stop trembling.

TBC

A/N: I didn't honestly expect to continue The Makings of a Resolution. I had originally intended it to be just a one part fic. But then I watched the rerun of To Wish Impossible Things this week and I knew I couldn't, especially with the positive feedback I was getting and the return of OTH in two weeks. So thanks guys for all the lovely reviews and do keep them coming!