Just a warning, this chapter contains more lovey-dovey than killings.
Reviews:
Swimmerkitti: Ah well, that did sound quite freaky, but v. v. flattering at the same time! Happy to know I am appreciated! I've never been called genius before... maybe that's because genius is a term more applied to people with more brainpower.
LJFan: Hope you didn't wet yourself on the computer chair waiting for this chapter. Well, here it is, and there's a bit here just for you! Oh, I was wondering, what does the LJ in your name stand for? At first I thought it meant Live Journal, but then I realised that it also stood for Lily James, one of my least favourite ships. Or maybe it's just your initials. HAHA maybe!
JuicyJuice: No! Don't stop writing long reviews! I love long reviews! I HATE the people that write one-lined reviews! I HOPE YOU DIE! I HOPE YOU GET BOWEL CANCER! HAHA JUST KIDDING THAT WAS A LINE FROM DOUBLE THE FIST. A VERY COOL SHOW. CAPS LOCK IS STARTING TO ANNOY ME. That's better.
On with the show!
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After the hot cocoa, Angel was scared about who she might kill next. She didn't want any of her close friends dying...
"Ella, I want to talk to you." Harry said, staring at her strangely.
"Actually, It's Angel, Dumbledore got a name change for me."
"I though you needed to sign that?"
"He's senile, he forged it."
"Ah. Oh, here's the perfect place."
It was a broom closet.
"Now, don't get any ideas..." Angel said as he shut the door behind them. To her surprise, Harry started doing the Cha Cha Slide. (A tribute to LJ Fan... luv ya! Dearly not queerly.)
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Ron scampered along the corridor, dragging his new love, Luna Lovegood. Hermione was old news. Yeah, sure, he still loved her for a little bit after her death, even resorting to necrophilia a couple of times, but he was over it now.
Luna was a pretty girl, gnawing dazedly at her dirty blonde hair (containing three strains of a deadly virus) as Ron grasped her hand to make her move faster. They only had another few minutes until first period. They finally reached their destination, and Ron wrenched open the door, only to find another couple in his broom closet.
"Harry, really..." He groaned.
"Isn't that painful to be pierced there?" Luna said, Harry and Angel both replying "A bit."
"That's a sight I never thought I'd see," Ron said. "To both of you!"
"Well, take a picture, cos you're never gonna see it again!" Angel said, but then Ron took it at face value and whipped out his camera. "NO!" She shrieked, throwing her arms up and flinging the camera out of Ron's hands.
"Hey!" Ron said, pushing both Angel and Harry out of the closet. "It's time for you two to come out of the closet!" Angel retched, while Harry looked on disgustedly.
"That was a horrible pun, Ron," He said. "I am severely disappointed in you."
Ron simply shrugged and slammed the closet door, grinning. The pair both had the same idea at the same time... and whipped out their piercings.
"Wanna try that thing they were doing?" Ron said.
"Sure. Wanna skive off first period?"
"Do I have a choice?"
And they embarked on a mission of strange and frankly grotesque positions, but they obviously worked wonders, for, in the break between first and second periods, many people banged on the door, shouting "We can hear you in there!"
And yes, Luna did get the deadly virus. And yes, with their wild and passionate shagging, it was transferred to Ron. Yes, they will die.
But this isn't about Ron and Luna. This is about Angel and Harry, who were, at that time, walking around the corridors, with nothing to do. They paced about for quite some time, going in circles around the school. They passed a tapestry of some ogres for... well; it must have been around about the third time...
A door opened opposite the tapestry. "What were you thinking?" Angel said.
"Depends... what were you thinking?"
It turns out they were both thinking the same thing, opening the door to find a large, circular bed covered in red silk sheets. Red rose petals littered the floor, floating gently on the surface of a pool the size of the bed, but just in front of it. Harry led Angel towards the bed, a clear, magical wall turning their old robes to a short, red dress for Angel, and a red shirt with black pants for Harry.
"I take it this means we're not fighting anymore." She murmured, but Harry put a finger to her lips and made a shhhing sound.
What followed was like SBS at midnight on Saturday night. For all the Australians out there, you know this means foreign porno's central. Never turn on your TV at midnight on a Saturday.
In the middle of the action, Angel's wings popped out of her back, and she worried that she might blow her top at Harry again... but she didn't. If anything, the wings simply added to the experience. Ew.
They stayed in the Room of Requirement, actually, for the next few days. No one really cared where they were. They just assumed they were on a wild shagging mission, which they were. Angel kept her wings out for the entire time, though, and found that now she had broken them in, they didn't bother her at all anymore.
After a passionate night, Angel rolled onto her back to look at the glittering ceiling above her. She reached out towards the glitter, but it was too far away to reach. It pulled her in, though, dragging her eyes into its depths. She blacked out.
She was exiting the Room of Requirement in her dream, pacing the hallways. The doorway disappeared then reappeared, so, curious, Angel entered. Harry wasn't there. Actually, neither was the bed, the roses, or the pool. It looked like a magazine type cupboard, with shelves stocked with guns and ammo. Her dream self grinned, and clicked the ammo into place in the smallest gun there. It reminded Angel of the guns they used on CSI, a muggle show she quite liked. She had bewitched all her muggle appliances to work inside Hogwarts grounds, something which she was glad of, as otherwise she would have missed her favourite shows, like Alias, CSI, CSI Miami, John Doe, MADtv, Without a Trace, Merrick and Rosso, Friends, Malcolm in the middle, Two and a half men, Home and Away, Big Brother, Australian Idol, Popstars, Angel, Buffy, Charmed, Law and Order SVU, The Glass house, Gimme Gimme Gimme, We are History, Double the Fist, Birds of a Feather, Off Centre, and generally all the shows the author loves.
She stalked through the corridors, and the author thought this was the appropriate time for a song.
(I got that) Boom Boom (By Britney Spears)
She flipped her hair, retying the knot on her sheet. She didn't want her victims to see her butt-nekkid.
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
she think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
she think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
She rounded the corner and pointed the gun at thin air. She needed to find someone to kill, her bullets wanted to taste blood, she could feel it.
Yeah, this is for all the southern boys out there
Check this out
She saw a guy wandering the corridors, alone. He hadn't seen the gun. He took one look at Angel and advanced forwards, sending extremely suggestive body language her way. Perhaps what most alerted her to his keenness was the fact that he stripped down nekkid, lay on the floor, and said "Take me baby, I'm yours."
I see you looking my way
And I know that
You have something to say
Watching every inch of my body
Like you wanted to play
She fired three shots into his... ahem... manhood, causing him to screech out in pain. "You look sexier now," She said, which, needless to say, was slightly uncalled for in the moment. She then shot him another three times, in the head.
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
"Boom boom." She said, reloading.
I begin to dance just a little bit
To turn you on
She danced near the corpse. Hey, everyone knows that songfic writers make up shit just to fit it in with the song.
I got that boom boom
That you want
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone
I got that boom boom
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late
She raced along the corridors, not watching where she was going. She actually ran smack bang into Professor Snape.
"I didn't know you like me that way, Miss Herpes." Snape said, dragging her into his private bedchamber, tearing off his robes to reveal a tanned 6 pack, and nothing on but black silk boxers. (Any Romance with Snape... he'll be tanned, muscular and DEFINITELY be wearing silk boxers at some point in time.) He did look quite strange, a pale face turning into a tanned body. He must have been lying in the sun with a paper bag over his head.
You had caught my eye and
I wanted to get to know you
Don't be shy
I want you to come closer
So what you gonna do?
(So here we go)
WOW! She pulled the gun from her pocket (on a bedsheet?) and SHOT HIM!
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(So damn sexy)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Tonight)
I got that boom boom
That you want
(That you want)
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone
I got that boom boom
(I got that boom boom)
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
she think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
she think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
she think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
I got that boom boom
That you want
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone
I got that boom boom
(I got that boom boom)
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late
I got that boom boom (Yeah)
That you want
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone
I got that boom boom (Yeah)
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Damn you look so sexy)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Adoring me)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Damn you turning me on)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
Yeah
She then pulled out of the dream, landing back in the bed. She rolled over and put her arm around Harry.
