Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha - it belongs to Takahashi Rumiko. Nor do I own the song, I Can Still Feel You; said song is by Collin Raye, and very beautiful, I might add.
I Can Still Feel You
Inuyasha stood oblivious to the rain as he watched the dirt fall in clumps onto the pale coffin. Surrounded by his children, his step-children, his brother and his sister in law, he still felt alone. One white dog ear twitched in a preoccupied motion to get the water out of it, but while he was aware of it, he wasn't aware of it. His world had narrowed down to himself, the falling dirt, and the memories of the black haired, blue eyed woman resting, unmoving, inside that pale coffin. Two times he'd been married. The first time, he'd thought it had been love, but that had been shattered when she'd walked out on him. The second time, it had been love -- and now the beautiful woman that had meant everything to him was dead.
Why? was all he could think, one hand buried in his son's unruly red mop of hair, the other clenched in a fist at his side, the delicate silver chain that had been her favorite necklace trailing from the gaps between his fingers.
"Daddy?"
He looked down to see his daughter, the only child he and Kagome had had together, clinging to his legs, her blue and gold eyes wide and wet as she looked up at him. He crouched down next to her, and wrapped his arms around her. "What is it, baby?" he asked softly.
"Where's Mommy? I scared." Her small fingers were tangled in his silver hair, and his eyes slid shut in pain.
"Oh, baby.. Mommy had to leave," he answered gently.
"When will Mommy be back?" He could hear the tears threatening to fall, and he scooped her up and got back to his feet, cradling her gently.
"She won't be coming back, sweetie. I'm sorry." He stroked her hair as she started to cry, small silver ears on top of her head drooping sadly. She might've been young, but she knew what death was. "Daddy's so sorry, baby. So sorry."
Shippo wrapped his arms around his dad's waist, watching him and his little sister cry. Out of all the people that could've died, why'd it have to be his Mom? His green eyes filled with tears, and he buried his face against Inuyasha's side, hiding his tears. Behind them were Kagome's teenage daughters, clinging to each other and watching with big eyes as the last of the dirt was tamped into place. Long after the other mourners had left, the small family remained, crying for their beloved mother, stepmother, wife, daughter. Finally, as the last bit of sunlight illuminated the cemetery, Sesshomaru nudged his brother, who looked up and nodded, and quietly caught the kids' attention.
"Come on, let's go... home." No one said it, but they could all hear it. It wouldn't seem like home much anymore; not without Kagome.
- - - - - - -
A week.. It's been a week.. God, why am I counting the days? he asked himself, sadly resting his forehead against the glass store window, eyes closed as he tried not to cry again. Better question would be, why did you have to die?
Suddenly he turned around, ears twitching as he could have sworn he'd smelled her sweet scent, a mixture of the fresh spring breeze and lilacs. His ears drooped in disappointment when he realized no one was there, and his shoulders slumped.
It's that feeling that someone is standing behind me
Then I turn around, and there's no one there
He stuck his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, and sadly began walking. He knew, his mind told him, that he should be working, but he couldn't. Nothing made sense anymore, and Inuyasha just couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do. He'd been shattered when Kikyo had walked out on him, leaving him to raise their half-kitsune, quarter inu and quarter human pup by himself, but that feeling was nothing compared to the depths are heartbreak and pain he was feeling now. Nothing he'd ever felt before compared to knowing that Kagome's laughing blue gaze and tantalizing, seductively sweet scent wouldn't be there to greet him when he walked in the door.
"My poor Inuyasha.." He closed his eyes, a tear trekking down his face, as he imagined her slim fingered hands gently tweaking his ears, hearing that almost teasing tone in her voice.
And it's the sensation that someone just whispered
Yeah, I still hear your voice, but you're not really here
He let his eyes open again, and began to walk once more, eyes downcast, and glad that the weather matched his mood perfectly. All week, since the day they'd buried her, it had been cloudy, with intermittent rain showers. He didn't care. The only reason he was still making an effort to live was because of the kids. Sango, Kirara, Shippo, Kaede -- they needed their father, needed him to at least pretend that he could go on without Kagome. Even if they all knew that what he really wanted to do was curl up and die, just so he could see her again.
Your memory is like a ghost
And my heart is it's host
He walked across a street - he didn't know the name, and didn't really care, either - and into a park, where he sat down on a bench and pulled his jacket tighter around himself. He wished that she wasn't dead, wished that she'd come back, hold him close, wipe away his tears, tell him what to do. He buried his face in his hands, uncaring of the looks the few other people in the park were giving him, and cried.
I can still feel you just as close as skin, every now and then
All by myself in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched, with your love, no one gets close to
I can still feel you
I can still feel you
I can still feel you
I can still feel you!
It was late when he walked inside, and tossed his jacket onto the back of a chair. He walked into the living room, and saw Sango and Kirara trying to comfort Shippo and Kaede, all four curled up on the couch. Quietly, they made room for him, and he found himself with the younger two on his lap, and the older girls curled up against him like cats, seeking warmth and comfort from him. An ironic thought crossed his mind, about them being half cats and him being half dog, and yet here they were, seeking comfort from him.
"Dad.." He looked down to see Shippo looking up at him, his green eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Why'd Mom die, why'd she leave? She told me she'd never leave!"
You said you'd love me, forever, then you said, "It's over"
And left me without the missing link
Inuyasha sighed, and hugged the boy. "Sometimes, Shippo, things happen," he answered quietly, his voice filled with pain. "And there isn't anything anyone can do to stop it. Kagome didn't want to leave us, you know. Hell, she.. she was pregnant again."
"She was?" This from Sango, her crimson eyes filled with surprise.
"Yeah. But, Shippo, all of you, neither of us could see the future. We don't know why the doctors didn't catch it sooner, we..don't know why she died." Inuyasha's eyes scrunched closed, and his arms around Shippo and Kaede tightened. "I miss her," he whispered, voice breaking as tears began to fall again.
Well, I thought I'd forget you, but I guess I forgot to
And lately I've been too confused to think
After a while, Shippo whispered, "Hey, Dad? D'you remember when you first met Mom?"
"Shippo, you little brat! Get back here!"
Inuyasha raised a quizzical brow at the sound of a decidedly female, and teenage, voice yelling his son's name. He rounded the corner, and watched as Shippo ran from a black haired girl who happened to look extremely pissed off, all the while carrying a picture and caroling, "Sango's got a boyfriend!" at the top of his lungs.
"Sango, Shippo, stop that," a woman with bright blue eyes called, stepping out of the house.
"Aww," he whined. "But we were just playing, 'Gome!"
"I don't care," she replied, hands on hips. "Sango, quit threatening him with death glares, and Shippo, give her back the photograph. Oh, and Sango? You and I are going to discuss your 'boyfriend' later."
"Yes, Mom," Sango sighed, and snatched the picture from Shippo. She hissed at him, "Stupid brat, you just got me in trouble!"
"Nyah," he answered, sticking his tongue out. "Like I care."
"Brat."
"Stuck up prep."
"Why you!"
"Uh... Am I interrupting anything?" Inuyasha asked cautiously. All three turned towards him, and Shippo let out a whoop and launched himself at Inuyasha.
"Dad!" he cried, clinging like a leech.
"Nice to see you, too, brat," Inuyasha responded wryly, trying to disengage himself without falling on his butt. He managed it after a moment, and then looked up to find the blue eyed lady watching them, a smile dancing on her lips.
"So, are you going to introduce us, Shippo?" she teased.
"Oh yeah! Dad, this nice lady is Higurashi Kagome. 'Gome, this is my dad, Tetsuji Inuyasha."
Inuyasha offered his hand. "Hi."
Kagome shook it, smiling. "Hi. My mom is right, by the way."
"Huh?" was his brilliant reply, and she laughed.
"You are hot."
Inuyasha blushed, but before he could think of something to say in reply, a loud shriek came from the upstairs portion of the house, causing all three to wince. Sango's head appeared in a window, and she looked fit to kill.
"Tetsuji Shippo! You are so goddamn dead!" she screamed.
Kagome blinked, then looked down at the boy. "Shippo, what did you do?"
"Uh.. Eheh," he replied, nervously. "I, uh, sorta accidentally trashed her room, but I didn't mean to and I'm really sorry?" He tried to look innocent, and Kagome smacked herself on the forehead.
"I think, Shippo," she sighed, "I should let her kill you."
Inuyasha laughed softly. "Yeah."
"Me, too," Sango whispered. "You know, brat, I never got you back for that."
"Hey, I apologized! A long time ago, too!" the eleven year old protested. Sango just sighed, and ruffled his hair.
"I know, I know," she replied.
When I reach for someone new
It's like I'm touching you
They brought up memories for a while, and eventually the family fell asleep like that, curled together to give mutual support. As he fell asleep, Inuyasha could have sworn he saw Kagome, and heard her say, "Oh my God, how cute!"
I can still feel you just as close as skin, every now and then
All by myself in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched, with your love, no one gets close to
I can still feel you
I can still feel you
I can still feel you
I can still feel you!
- - - - - -
Inuyasha sighed as he rubbed his left arm, golden eyes undimmed even though he was a little over seventy. Not a day had gone by, in the thirty-six years since his beloved had died, that he hadn't thought of her. His youngest, Kaede, had long since left home, and he was a grandfather several times over. Speaking of which, he thought, I believe it's Ayasha's birthday. But it's sort of odd.. Haven't had a single call "reminding" me of that fact. Wonder why. Inuyasha walked over to the phone, and saw the light flash. He pressed the 'play message' button, and loosened his tie as he listened to it.
"Hey, Dad, I bet you're wondering why no one has called you reminding you of Ayasha's birthday. Well, there's a very good reason. Seems my daughter went into labor around three AM this morning, and she only thought to inform Miroku and I of the fact about two hours ago. So by the time you're listening to this, you'll probably be a great-granddaddy. You know how it is." Inuyasha chuckled. He could just see Sango rolling her eyes while saying that. Then he jotted down the name of the hospital, and went to change into normal clothes.
As he headed back towards the front door, and thence his car, he paused in the hall, looking at a picture. He reached up and traced Kagome's face with on long and still ungnarled finger. "Hey," he whispered. "You still watching out over this old baka?"
He
imagined he could hear her answer: "Of
course. Why shouldn't I?"
"Nevermind. Looks like
you're a great-grandma, love. How's that for a wild thought? You
know, I still miss you. We all do. I wish you were here."
"Oh, Inuyasha," he
heard her giggle, and could almost feel her arms embracing him. "I
am there, in your hearts."
"Yeah.. I love you. I
better go before Sango decides to hunt down my lazy old ass." As
he walked out the door, he could've sworn he heard her laughing at
him.
In everything that moves
In everything I do
He walked into the hospital room the nurses had directed him to, and he smiled, seeing his family gathered in the room.Sango was the first to notice him, and immediately grabbed him by the arm and dragged him over to the bedside.
"Hey, be careful!" he protested. "You shouldn't drag an old man around like that."
"Old man my ass," she snorted. "You're only seventeen years older than me, so shaddup and meet your great-granddaughter."
"I'm also half human, unlike you," he responded, but let the subject drop as Ayasha handed him her daughter. He cradled the little girl with a mop of black hair, and smiled. Then he let out a small gasp as her eyes opened and stared straight at him. Instead of the normal baby blue, the girl had bright, sapphire blue eyes - the exact same shade Kagome's had been.
"What's wrong, Dad?" Kaede asked from her spot over by her cousin, Rin.
"She's got Kagome's eyes," he whispered, pain undimmed by the years filling his voice. The room was silent for a minute, until Ayasha spoke up.
"Grandpa, do you think Grandma would mind if we named her Kagome?"
Inuyasha bit his lip, then glanced up and smiled at his granddaughter. "She wouldn't mind. She'd probably bounce around happily at the thought, if she was still here," he answered softly, and handed the newly named Kagome back to her mother. He stroked her cheek, and whispered, "You look a lot like your great-Grandma, little Kagome. I hope you end up with her fiery temper."
Kagura laughed, hearing that. "Kagome's temper was more like blustering wind, Inuyasha," she chided, crimson orbs dancing.
"Which was your influence, Kagura," he shot back.
"Well, you know the saying. Like mother, like daughter." Kagura shrugged.
"Keh," was all he said, but he smiled. Yeah.. Funny how Sess and I fell for mother and daughter like that, too.
I can still feel you just as close as skin, every now and then
All by myself in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched, with your love, no one gets close to
I can still feel you
I can still feel you
I can still feel you
I can still feel you!
He wandered over to the window, rubbing his left arm again as everyone else decided to coo over the baby. As he stared out the window at the softly falling snow, he clearly saw Kagome, turning to face him with her eyes dancing merrily. She walked closer, seemingly over thin air, and extended her hand to him. "Come on, koiishi," she said. "There's a whole new world waiting for us, you know."
"But what about--"
Her ethereal hand placed itself over his mouth, gently shushing him. "Your time here is done, Inuyasha. It's time for you and I to move on and watch them from a higher plain. Do you really want to stay any longer, anyway?"
She'd always had the talent to cut right to the core of it, he remembered. And when it came down to it.. "Let's go, then," he said, and took her hand and allowed her to pull him with her. The two spiraled up and out into the snow, laughing like two youngsters again. And indeed, all signs of Inuyasha's age had disappeared, and he was young again. They came to a stop, snow whirling around and through their ethereal bodies as his long fingers curled in her black hair. She stroked his ears, and both wore happy smiles as their faces drew closer and closer together.
"I love you," they said at the same time, then laughed softly before their lips met, and the world seemed to disappear from around them.
Back in the hospital room, Sesshomaru gently closed his younger half brother's eyes. He had been the first to notice Inuyasha's body falling to the floor, and had been the first at his brother's side. He stood up, and looked around the room. "He's gone," he said quietly. "But he was happy to leave. He's got a smile on his face."
All around the room, tears shimmered on everyone's faces, but they all wore smiles, because they all knew how much Inuyasha had missed Kagome. Shippo was the first to speak. "Well, that makes sense, 'cause now Mom and Dad are together. I bet they're kissing, or something mushy like that."
As they all laughed, none of them knew just how true Shippo's words were. Because the two were, indeed, "Kissing, or something mushy like that," as church bells all over the city began to ring, celebrating Christmas.
Yeah, I can still feel you!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Fear the fluff! ::runs around in circles for a minute, then stops:: Ahem, sorry. But yeah. Seems like I really like killing off my fave characters these days.. I mean, I wrote that Ranma fic uh.. last month? where I killed Ranma and Akane.. And now I killed Inuyasha and Kagome.. What's next, killing Kaoru and Kenshin? Meh.. Anyway, if you're curious, I also have a Naruto fic in the works. Dunno when it'll be done. (Tehcnically, two, but one is still on paper and I'm not sure how to edit the beginning to make it better, so I'm leaving it there for now.)
Read and Review, please! Flames will be used to make ramen for Inuyasha, Ranma and Naruto.
--Myuu
