Author's Note:
Well, this is the last chapter. I'd originally decided to leave the ending ambiguous but I got tempted / harassed into a sequel. That will be posted next.
Anyway, thanks for all your kind comments! Swordy.
Warnings: More angst, 1x2, 3x4.
A Night to Remember
Part 3 – Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.
It had been almost two years since Heero had seen Duo last and there had been little in the way of physical change, other than he seemed a couple of inches taller and his braid, if possible, seemed a little longer. In short, and as much as Heero tried to deny it, Duo was still as heart-stoppingly beautiful as he ever had been; indeed, his beauty was not going unnoticed by others in the drinking establishment that night. The slender American was currently serving a large group of girls who were almost salivating over their attractive barman, who merely smiled politely at their requests for his phone number. So engrossed in this spectacle was he, Heero remained oblivious to the young man behind the bar who was now trying to get his attention in order to serve him.
"Hellooooooo," the blond young man said loudly as he waved a hand in front of Heero's face, "Earth to drooling guy! Do you want a drink or what?"
Heero looked over sharply. "Huh? What?" he said before the barman's comments hit home. "I was not drooling! I know him that's all."
The man merely rolled his eyes in response. "Of course you do, now what would you like to drink?"
Incensed by the barman's assumption that he was lying and just wanted to hit on his colleague, Heero glared at him furiously. "Could you please tell Duo that I'd like to speak to him? Thank you."
Caught off guard by the Japanese stranger referring to his colleague by name, the blond man studied Heero curiously for a moment before shouting, "Duo, there's someone here who says he knows you."
The brunet turned and almost dropped the pint he was holding. "Heero?" he said quietly, his violet eyes wide with surprise.
Sensing there was more to this than a meeting of old acquaintances, the blond barman walked over to Duo and took over from his serving duties. The group of girls at the bar looked angry as the handsome young barman walked away, shooting furious glances at Heero before they turned their attentions to finding a new object d'amour.
"Hello, Heero," Duo said quietly, his eyes both suspicious and defensive. "What are you doing here?"
Still unable to avert his gaze from the heart-shaped face he hadn't seen for so long, Heero began to explain, somewhat reluctantly, that he was here purely by chance for a bachelor party, namely his own.
"Relena?" Duo said simply, looking away as he said it.
Heero nodded, certain that that one word was breaking Duo's heart as he uttered it.
"So what d'you want?" Duo asked suddenly, breaking the awkward silence that had descended.
Heero opened his mouth to speak, amazed that Duo would be so direct before the long-haired young man clarified, "to drink, I mean."
Embarrassed somewhat by his own interpretation, Heero quickly placed his order for drinks. "So…" he said awkwardly as Duo went to work, "How've you been?"
"Fine," came the reply, the brunet never looking up from the glass he was filling. "London's good. I like it here."
Heero nodded. "That's good," was the only thing he could think of to say and he knew how lame it sounded as the words passed his lips. Desperate to prevent the situation from becoming any more tense, Heero said, "Trowa, Wufei and Quatre are here too. Why don't you come over and say hello? I know they'd love to see you."
"I don't think so," Duo replied stiffly, placing two of the completed drinks on the bar. "I'm too busy, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention you'd seen me."
"Sure," Heero replied despondently, sad that after all the time that had elapsed, Duo still wanted to keep his old friends and his new life as separate entities.
It had all happened after the second war when the five young men had tried to regain a sense of normality in their short, yet troubled lives. Duo had settled in Los Angeles, preferring life on earth to what he had grown up with on the colonies. Wufei had joined the Preventers with Sally, and Quatre had gone home to L3 to take over his father's business with Trowa as his partner in every sense of the word. Only Heero had not adjusted well to life without war. With nowhere to call home and a poorly developed sense of what it was like to be a young adult, he had caused the others great worry, particularly to Duo who had often indicated his feelings for the perfect soldier ran deeper than he would ever have ever have admitted whilst war was the first thing on their minds.
Since Duo had settled quickly into life and work, he had invited Heero to stay with him whilst the redundant fighter decided what to do with the rest of his life. Slowly, and with Duo's unwavering support, Heero had started to adjust to a normal life and, to prove that he was coping, a college course was decided on; education they had agreed would help Heero familiarise himself with what it was like to be seventeen years old. And as life had moved on, and the nightmares of war had started to fade, something deeper than friendship had started to grow between the two young men. Unlike Quatre and Trowa who had turned to each other at a time when comfort and companionship were in short supply, Duo and Heero had no sense of urgency in their love; it had grown and it felt right.
That had been the way it had stayed for six blissful months until the Fall had rolled around and Heero had started college. To Duo's great chagrin, Relena had chosen to attend that very school in order to spend a couple of years away from Sanque before she fully took over her duties. Delighted to find her old crush in attendance, she immediately began to make a play for him, although subtly this time. Genuinely thinking she had changed, Heero allowed himself to be drawn into her group of friends, but as shallow as popularity might seem, Heero found himself starting enjoy the sense of camaraderie Relena and her friends could offer. Until she had arrived, he had found himself like a fish out of water amongst other people his own age, but Relena knew what he had been through, and although his role in the wars was never mentioned, he felt reassured that there was someone who understood that there was a genuine reason behind his social inexperience. Despite Duo's misgivings when he had found out the identity of the rumoured 'VIP' at Heero's college, Heero genuinely and somewhat naively believed that Relena was happy for them just to be friends. However Heero's new found popularity was soon threatened when he found out that he didn't fit in with his friends as well as he'd first thought.
It had started when he had been seen out with Duo one day, on a seemingly innocent shopping trip. Never overly affectionate in public, Relena's friends had not realised Heero's relationship to the long-haired young man and assumed him just to be an acquaintance. Struck by the teen's alternative appearance, they had ridiculed him so much in front of Heero when he had joined them in the refectory at college the day after that the Japanese young man had been too embarrassed to admit exactly what Duo was to him. They'd called Duo names like 'queer' and 'freak', leading the socially inexperienced Heero to deduce that what he and Duo had was wrong. When they told him that he shouldn't hang around Duo so much or people would think he was a queer too then he knew he couldn't tell them that he and Duo were a couple. Relena didn't know about their relationship either; she just presumed that he and Duo had just decided to stay in touch after the war.
So with that seed of doubt planted, Heero started to distance himself from Duo, taking every opportunity to pick fights and arguments, which Duo couldn't begin to understand. Heero's bizarre sense of logic told him that he would feel better if it were Duo that ended their union and so he set about engineering situations that would test Duo's patience to the limit. Under this constant pressure, the relationship eventually broke down, leaving one young man convinced that he had acted for the best and the other hurt, confused and angry. Their final encounter had been a bitter experience; words had been spoken, feelings laid bare. Duo had opened his heart to the perfect soldier who had stood and listened impassively. Deep down, Heero knew what he was doing was wrong but he had decided to stand by his decision. Even when Duo announced that he was leaving, unable to be around Heero any longer, he had said nothing, leading Duo to the conclusion that the Japanese man cared neither whether he stayed or left.
Several days after their fight, Duo had caught a flight to Europe. He left no word of where he had gone to and, in his shame at driving him away, Heero initially made no attempt to find him. But concern crept in and he started a search, calling up on Duo's old friends to see if he had stopped by but none of them had heard from him since he had walked out. Eventually, when his worry had not dissipated any, he was forced to enlist Quatre's help, who used his contacts through the Winner Corporation to do a more detailed search. The Winner heir then succeeded in locating Duo, who was working in a beach bar in the south of France. Thinking Duo would not want to see him, Heero had allowed Quatre to make the first contact but, in his shame, had neglected to give the blond the entire story as to why Duo had upped and left and so Quatre only succeeded in angering Duo by reprimanding him for leaving after what he assumed must have been a petty row.
Since then, Duo had moved again, only this time he was more careful to cover his tracks and so future searches all drew a blank as to his latest whereabouts. Quatre had initially been angry with Heero for allowing him to unwittingly upset Duo but, ever the forgiver, the Arabian had become a source of support for Heero as he lamented his loss. Over a year had passed and it became clear that Duo wasn't going to return. He had sent word once or twice to say he was well and happy but more so to prevent them from looking for him too hard. Duo, it seemed, was still angry with his friends as well for apparently siding with Heero when it was he that had been wronged.
After the first year anniversary of Duo's leaving, and a whole twelve months of self-enforced misery at his mistake, Heero finally relented to Relena's endless pursuit and the two began a courtship, which culminated in the marriage proposal; the reason for his being in Leicester Square, London on a night out with his closest friends. Two years ago Heero would naturally have assumed that should he be undertaking something as serious as a lifetime commitment, it would be Duo that he would be making those vows to but here he was, staring at a virtual stranger. The thought made his heart ache.
"Duo, can we talk?" he said quietly before his brain could argue otherwise.
"What about? I think we said everything we needed to last time we met." The expression in those violet orbs was hard but not unfriendly. Evidently the hurt had not dissipated after two years apart.
"I just… want to apologise for what I said… the way I reacted," Heero said meekly, forced to look away from Duo's penetrating stare. "I would have done it two years ago if you'd stayed."
"I would have stayed," Duo said sharply, almost slamming the drink down in front of his former lover. "But you let me walk away."
Heero met his gaze briefly before shame forced him to turn away once again. "I know," he said regretfully, "And I'd give anything to go back and change things."
The emotion in his words caught Duo off guard for a moment before he regained his composure, his face creasing back into a frown. "Anyway," he said, as if he was trying to convince himself as well as Heero, "what does it matter? You've got Relena now."
"Yeah," Heero replied vaguely, sweeping a hand through his unruly dark hair; something he did unconsciously when he became uncomfortable with a particular topic of conversation. Duo didn't miss the gesture and instantly his own emotions were plummeted into confusion by the look of uncertainty on Heero's face.
After a brief silence, Heero glanced up at Duo to be greeted by a hard stare. "You do love her don't you?" the smaller man asked.
"Yes!" Heero snapped, realising instantly that his response had sounded more desperate than convincing. "I mean, I care for her… a lot."
Duo shook his head in disbelief as he finished preparing the last drink. "Jeez, Heero, marriage is a pretty big step to take with someone you 'care about'," he said, his tone lacking the venom of his previous utterances.
"I know," Heero said quietly.
Duo studied his former lover for a moment, taking in the general air of uncertainty that surrounded the once confident and assured pilot. His heart begged him to reach out and comfort the other man, the feelings he'd had for Heero still swimming not far beneath his steely exterior, but his head, hardened by the other's rejection held him back.
"That'll be ten twenty please," Duo said, gesturing for some money, which Heero duly deposited in his hand. The brief meeting of skin on skin seemed to affect both of them as they snatched their hands away, quick to quell whatever feelings the touch appeared to rekindle.
Duo keyed the amount in the till before returning to give Heero his change. Notably this time, he put the money straight onto the bar. "Well, good luck with the wedding," he said, forcing a thin smile onto his lips, which stopped at his eyes.
Heero was about to beg the other man to be present at his forthcoming nuptials before his brain engaged and he said instead, "Well thanks."
Duo acknowledged Heero with a nod before he turned and walked away, never glancing back to where Heero was standing watching him, an anguished expression trampling across his handsome Asian features. Seeing Duo wasn't going to return, Heero picked up the drinks and navigated his way through the throngs of people until he found the others occupying a table at the back of the club.
"Heero!" Wufei said, pulling Heero's seat out for him as the other set down their drinks on the table in front of them. "We all thought you'd got lost or something. Or done a runner so you didn't have to finish the rest of your tasks."
With all the willpower he could muster, Heero managed a convincing smile as the others laughed. "Sorry, it was crazy at the bar and it took me ages to get served."
He sat down and took a long drink from his own glass, feeling hugely guilty that he was keeping something as important as Duo's whereabouts from his friends; particularly Quatre who had helped in his search for Duo in the past. He was glad therefore when the others forced him into their conversation, which was definitely more light hearted than his current thoughts. As he re-focussed on his friends, he became aware that the topic for discussion was Quatre's new tattoo.
"We've been waiting for you to get back," Wufei explained, his dark eyes sparkling with amusement. "Quatre wanted to show us all at the same time."
Pushing Duo to the back of his mind, although he knew it was only a temporary solution, Heero smiled broadly at the blond. "Go on then, let's see it."
Quatre duly obliged, grimacing slightly as the gauze clung stubbornly to his skin. When the bandage was off, he turned the limb so that the others could clearly see the inside of his left forearm, where the word 'Trowa' was written in flowing Arabic script. To the uneducated, the tattoo appeared to be nothing more than a neat black pattern but for Quatre, it was a permanent reminder of his one true love. Wufei nodded approvingly as Heero's smile faltered slightly as his mind wandered back to Duo. Memories surfaced of watching the long-haired teen, grinning broadly as he presented yet another piece of body art that he had got because he was 'bored'.
What d'you think, d'you like it?
Yeah. It looks… great.
You should get one, I think you'd look really sexy with a tattoo.
What, like you?
You don't think I'm sexy?
I don't think it, I know it.
Then show me. I'm waiting…
Heero shook himself from his reverie, knowing how that particular encounter had ended. Reaffirming his outwardly happy appearance, Heero studied his three friends as they discussed Quatre's tattooing experience. Despite his complaints about the pain he had had to endure during the design's completion, Quatre seemed fairly enamoured of what he called 'his bit of daring', despite the fact that he had done considerably more daring things during the war. "I wonder what my father would make of this," he chuckled, eying the body art proudly, before his expression clouded with sadness. Sensitive to Quatre's emotions Trowa put his arm around the blond and pulled him into a protective embrace. Seeing it, Heero couldn't help but feel a surge of jealousy. Why had he ever thought that what he and Duo had was so wrong?
In response to Quatre's sudden attack of melancholy, Wufei raised his glass, his face solemn. "Here's to family that's no longer with us."
The others all mimicked his gesture before Quatre added, "And to absent friends who should be here." There was a look of sadness on the blond's features as his mind turned to thoughts of the jovial American who had been such an integral part of their group. For a split second, Heero almost blurted out that, in an extraordinary coincidence, Duo was only several feet away but he before could do so, he remembered his ex-lover's request and remained silent, feeling he owed Duo at least that much.
The four companions clinked glasses in the toast as Heero struggled to maintain his cheerful façade. He was relieved when the others felt it was time to move on; Wufei had booked them tickets for a comedy club and the show time was rapidly approaching. From behind the bar, Duo caught a glimpse of the quartet of men as they were leaving. He watched Heero scanning the room anxiously for him before he followed the other three out into the London night, dejection written across his handsome features.
"So what's the deal with you and the Japanese guy?" his serving companion Greg asked, seeing the direction of Duo's gaze.
Duo shook himself from his thoughts as he picked up a glass and wiped it with a towel. "Nothing," he replied, unable to shake off the hope that Heero would suddenly return and… "Nothing any more."
Greg nodded, sensing the unspoken anguish within his smaller friend. Duo had been in London for almost twelve months and although he had made many friends, there was still no one special in his life. He had grudgingly agreed to go on blind dates with both men and women but all had ended with the prospect of nothing more than friendship and always at Duo's say so. Though he had never spoken about it, his friends sensed this was because he was either pining for someone back home in the US or mourning the breakdown of a significant relationship. Seeing how Duo reacted to seeing the Japanese man, Greg presumed that it was the latter.
"D'you not want to go after him? I'll cover for you if you do," he asked, watching Duo as he continued to wipe the same glass despite it being dry several minutes ago.
"No," came the definite reply. "Heero knew exactly how I felt and he chose to walk away. All seeing him tonight has done has reaffirmed my belief that he never loved me in the first place."
"Are you sure?" Greg persisted, noting the lack of conviction in Duo's voice. "He looked pretty lovesick to me when he saw you. What if he comes back? Are you going to tell him to go? That you don't love him and want him back?"
"But he isn't going to come back," Duo stated, avoiding the question entirely as he depositing the glass on the side with a bang, threw down his towel and stalked away from the bar and into the back room.
"Damn you, Heero," he muttered angrily, brushing aside a stray tear as he leant against some barrels and glared at a random spot on the wall. He stayed that way for several long moments before his anger faded and he whispered almost inaudibly, "I love you, Heero, please come back."
Heero was quiet as they walked to the comedy club just off Leicester Square. His friends noticed, but presumed either alcohol or pre-wedding nerves were contributing to his sudden attack of reticence. None even came close to the truth; that the man Heero had loved and lost had just made an unexpected re-entry into the Japanese man's life. In response to Heero's forlorn expression, none of the other men mentioned his remaining tasks as they walked along. The night was still relatively young and there was still plenty of time for Heero to succeed in the 'mission' they had set him. The rain had eased once again but the dark clouds loomed ominously in the sky overhead. The pavements shone with rainwater as the first street lights flickered into life. The flow of people to and fro showed no signs of easing as the hour grew later. All around, lives were being played out; friends laughed together, homeless people called out for money, lovers argued and traded insults as others turned at the sound of raised voices.
Heero could see why Duo loved London. He had always thrived off being around others; finding happiness in friends and an active lifestyle. Heero could easily recall the times when Duo had driven the four of them demented when they had been forced to seek refuge in a more isolated safe house. He was forever thinking up ways to pass the time, as if any second left unused was a second wasted in his eyes. Heero didn't doubt that Duo knew the value of life; he had often talked of the hardships he had endured on L2 and how he felt humbled by the fact that he had survived when better people, in his eyes, had perished. Seeing what a good person Duo was and how he always put himself down had always driven Heero mad, but now the recollection of Duo's self-depreciation only brought with it guilt, knowing that he had contributed to Duo's feelings of worthlessness with the shameful way he had pushed the young man aside.
No wonder Duo had looked so unhappy to see me, Heero thought glumly, despite the fact that a one in a million chance had meant that they were both in the same city, in the same building at the same time. Coincidences like that should be treated with surprise and delight at the favourable fortunes against such insurmountable odds of the people involved, but Heero knew that Duo would react with no such emotion. He had been hurt badly and even two years and several thousand miles couldn't undo the damage he had done.
As they reached the comedy club, Heero couldn't help but glance back down the rain-slicked street in the hope that he would see Duo running towards him, arms and heart open. When there was no long-haired young man to be seen, Heero consoled himself with the fact that he could have done little about it anyway, had Duo been ready to forgive and forget and more importantly, try again. He was engaged to be married; it was too late for regrets at what could have been had he not made that foolish mistake two years previously.
Wufei handed in the tickets at the door as Trowa and Quatre exchanged puzzled glances after watching Heero for some time. Hands dug into his pockets, he wore the armour of uncertainty which weighed heavily upon his demeanour. His face was a mask; reminiscent of the Heero of old who had hidden his emotions away to prevent them from ever showing on his features. Indeed, if eyes were the windows of the soul then Heero's were made out of something other than glass as their opacity made his emotions completely unreadable, even to the three men who knew him so well.
"Heero, are you okay?" Quatre asked, deeply concerned by his friend's shift in moods.
Turning to the sound of the voice, Heero smiled; a trick he had learnt a long time ago to reassure people that he was okay when really he wasn't. The fact that he had learnt it from Duo told Heero a lot about how his ex-lover really felt, despite the mask of happiness he wore so much of the time. Again he felt guilty that he hadn't recognised Duo's form of subterfuge until it was too late.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, offering his gesture of reassurance to all three of his friends who were now looking at him wearing similar expressions of concern. "I'm just not used to drinking like this I guess. Relena only likes me to have a couple when we go out." He cringed at the truth within the lie as soon as he'd said it, feeling small and emasculate in giving his friends such an insight into his relationship with Relena. As if sensing his embarrassment, Wufei replied that Sally was much the same, lecturing him over and over about the perils of alcohol if he looked like he was having too much to drink. The queue then moved again, and the four friends found themselves descending the stairs into the basement comedy club. The club was rapidly filling up as ten pm and the start of the show drew near. The four men first went to the bar before finding their seats on a row not far from the small raised stage.
Heero had never seen stand up comedians before, other than on the television. Immediately then he thought of Duo, clutching his sides and wiping tears away from his large violet eyes as he lay on the couch in front of the old second-hand set they had bought together, watching the live late-night stand up shows. At first Heero had been angered that these people could use the war, Oz and the colonies as material for their routines, but Duo had taught him how to appreciate humour and soon, like Duo had said, he found that laughter eased some of the nightmares associated with his old existence; yet another debt he owed the ex-gundam pilot that had helped rebuild and reshape his life.
When the first act came on, Heero found it difficult to concentrate. He didn't doubt that the man was good at his art; all around him people were roaring with laughter, his three companions included, but he couldn't stop thinking about Duo long enough to take in any of the jokes. The second comedian was female and Heero found himself able to settle a little more. That was until she got onto the subject of marriage, bemoaning husbands and so on, bringing Heero's current predicament flooding back into his consciousness. Did he want to be Relena's husband 'til death do them part? In all honesty, he didn't know. It wasn't that Relena was a bad person; she obviously cared for him a great deal, but there was just something that niggled at the back of his mind, reminding him that he just didn't feel the same.
At the interval, Trowa and Quatre went to join the queue at the bar, leaving Wufei and Heero alone in their seats. Keen to draw Heero from his brooding, Wufei engaged him in small talk about the comedians that they had just watched. Seeing the Chinese man's delight at the evening's entertainment, Heero couldn't help but think how much Wufei had changed since the wars. He had always been so rigid in his beliefs and serious in nature that it was hard to believe he had been a teenager back then. Without a doubt, much of it was Sally's doing, her carefree influence changing him for the better, just as Quatre had done for Trowa. Maybe Relena could do that for him, Heero hoped although he couldn't prevent his mind from suggesting another name that seemed more than qualified for that job…
"That comedienne's not given you any doubts has she?" Wufei asked, grinning at Heero, once again scarily perceptive about the other man's thoughts.
Heero shook his head but didn't smile. "You don't ever regret getting married do you, Wufei?" he asked quietly, desperate to know that he was doing the right thing.
Wufei's own smile faded, realising that Heero needed to talk serious. "No, never," he said, shaking his head emphatically. "I couldn't imagine being without Sally." Heero still looked doubtful so he continued. "I know it might seem that we're too young for marriage in this day and age, but age just doesn't come into it when you know that every day when you wake up, you wake up next to the one person that you'd give your life for, the one person that makes the sun shine and the birds sing." He rested a comforting hand on Heero's shoulder and smiled at the other man supportively. "During the wars, we lived our lives as if each day was our last. Although we don't have to do that anymore, there's no reason why that ideal should stop because the world is at peace."
Heero looked up and frowned. "What are you saying, Wufei?"
Wufei smiled. "I'm saying you should follow your heart instead of worrying about the whys and wherefores. Life's too short."
There was a pause before Heero nodded firmly and stood up, Wufei's advice having a greater impact than the other man could have ever imagined. Like a lightning strike, Heero knew exactly what his heart wanted him to do and, being a man of action, he wasn't going to disappoint it. He needed to know whether Duo would take him back and try again and, even if the worst case scenario came true and Duo didn't want to know, Heero now knew for certain that there wasn't going to be a wedding.
Life's too short.
He couldn't live another day without Duo. "You're right, Wufei," Heero said, digging around in his pocket before pulling out his list of tasks, which he glanced at for several long moments.
1. Get someone to give you a condom.
2. Convince someone you have a risqué job.
3. Get an item of underwear.
4. Start a conga.
5. Kiss a bar person.
6. Get a tattoo.
7. Do something impulsive.
8. Get someone to buy you a drink.
9. Busk on the London underground.
10. Get the attention of a police officer.
11. Get a piece of advice from a married person.
12. Declare your undying love to someone (Relena doesn't count).
When he had finished reading he looked up at his friend. "Life is too short."
He made to leave but Wufei caught hold of his arm. "Heero? Where are you going?" he asked, noticing Heero gazing at the exit. Heero gave the piece of paper in his hand one last glance before handing it to the puzzled Chinese man. "I'm going to complete tasks numbers seven and twelve," he said with unmistakeable determination as Wufei checked the list. "And if all goes well, I may just be able to complete number five while I'm at it."
END?
