Title: Declaration
Chapter 4
Author's Notes: This takes place after "Take it Like a Man."
*****
When the door to Clay's apartment opens, I'm greeted by someone other than the man I expected.
"Gunny," I say, smiling. I haven't seen him since Clay was in the hospital, but I know he and Clay have been working together. To tell the truth, knowing Gunny is with Clay when he's out saving the world makes me sleep a little better at night.
"Hello, Ma'am," he says cheerfully. He steps to one side, opening the door wider so I can enter the apartment.
"Where's your partner in crime?" I ask.
Gunny laughs. "He's…packing, Ma'am."
Great. He's leaving me again.
"Can you tell me where you're heading, Gunny?"
I know he can't.
"Not specifically, Ma'am."
I glance at the side table next to Clay's favorite chair. There's an almost-empty bottle of wine and an empty glass littering the surface. Either Clay never cleaned up from the other night, or he's been hitting the bottle again.
I wasn't aware he was drinking until he got back from the last mission. I don't think he's an alcoholic. I really don't. But he's trying to use the alcohol to cover up his pain. And if he keeps doing that, I think he could wind up with a drinking problem.
I should confront him about it, but I just can't.
"How has he been?" I ask quietly.
"Ma'am?"
"Clay. How has he been?"
Gunny's averts his eyes. "He's your boyfriend, Ma'am. And I haven't seen him in several days."
"Gunnery Sergeant," I say authoritatively. "You're probably with him more than I am."
He looks at the bottle on the table. "He has his ups and downs, Ma'am."
"More downs than ups?"
Gunny frowns. "I would think he has the right to have some problems, Ma'am. Considering what he's been through."
Clay does have a right to have problems. But to hear Clay tell it, he's doing wonderfully.
I soften my voice. "I'm just concerned about him, Gunny. That's all."
"Well, it's good to know you're concerned, Ma'am."
I narrow my eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Exhaling, Gunny crosses his arms. He licks his lips and opens his mouth to answer. But before he can, the spy in question walks into the room.
"Sarah," he says evenly. "It's good to see you." He walks over and kisses me on the cheek. He looks guiltily at the suitcase in his hand. "I was going to call, Sarah."
"It's your job, Clay." I kiss him softly on the lips. "Don't feel guilty."
"This isn't the best time for me to leave," he says.
No, it really isn't. Clay was tortured almost to death in Paraguay
eight months ago. I recently shot the
man who did it. I guess I had problems
dealing with it, because both Clay and the Admiral wanted me to go to a shrink. I did, and it was pretty much a waste of my
time.
The thing that bothers me is that I'm not supposed to feel ashamed if I need time to get over what
happened. But Clay…I'm supposed to just
accept that he bounced back like nothing ever went down in Paraguay.
"Go save the world," I say.
Clay glances hesitantly from me to Gunny. "If you need anything," he says. "Go see my mother. Okay? She wants to spend some time with you, anyway."
Oh perfect.
"Be safe," I whisper. Then I turn to Gunny. "Take care of him, Marine."
"I will, Ma'am," he says.
I follow the two men out the door and into the parking lot. I hate seeing Clay go. I hate it. I need him right now, and he needs me. But we're both too damn stubborn to admit it most of the time.
We're both terrible with the emotional aspects of a relationship. I know he loves me, and wonder of wonders, I love him. I never intended it to happen, but it did. But as much as we're in love, I'm afraid we're going to completely destroy each other.
As Gunny loads their things into his car, Clay wraps his arms around me and kisses me passionately. Then he pulls back and gazes into my eyes. After a few seconds, he lets me go and climbs into the passenger side of Gunny's SUV.
I wave as they drive away. Then I wrap my arms around myself and start to wait for Clay's return.
