Zell
Gawd I hate Balamb Garden. After we defeated Ultimecia, everything just got boring and really annoying. Not to mention how everyone totally ignores me now that they all got their 'one and only precious person' in their life. I knew it would turn out this way though. Rinoa and Squall, Seifer and Quistis...surprisingly, and lastly Selphie and Irvine. Damnit I hate them all with a passion! They would always go out and have fun in double or triple couple dates but what about me? Oh no, I get to stay in this frickin' Garden and do absolutely nothing. Pshht...whatever I don't care anymore. Why should I? I'm better off alone anyways. After all that's how my whole life was.
I would always be loud and annoying because that's just how I got attention. But really, I never had any true friends to begin with. I'd pretend that others were my friend even if they treated me like shit, Squall for example. I guess I was afraid of being alone at the time. But right now I could care less. Man life is boring...I wonder what would happen if I ended it? Nah, that would be stupid and boringer.
(Grumble, grumble)...I guess I'll think about that stuff later...I wonder if they have any hotdogs left?
I walk in the cafeteria only to see that everyone is sitting at their 'groupie' table. I turn around to walk out before they get to see me that is, until Selphie yells out...
"ZELL!!!"
'Shit...what now?' I close my eyes and put on my fake plastic smile that makes me seem all enthusiastic to see them. I turn with my painfully flashy smile.
"Hey guys what's up?" I say as I put on my act of happiness.
"Ah nothing much really, just planning what to do next to celebrate our 4th anniversary of defeating Ultimecia." Said Irvine as he gave one of his annoyingly toothy grins.
"Oh really? What are you guys planning to do?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.
"Oh we were probably gonna go out and ya know, just have fun and party." Said Rinoa as she leaned on Squall. Squall wrapped is arms around her and playfully kissed her a few times on her face. I bit my tongue with disgust and tried not to throw up.
"Great, well have fun you guys." I said as I tried to get away from the group.
"Aren't you going to come too? I mean it was basically you who did the most damage to Ultimecia." Said Seifer. I was surprised to get praise from Mr. Ego.
"Nah I wouldn't want to ruin your 'couples' date." I said a bit too harshly than I intended. I quickly turn around and walk away, leaving confused faces behind me.
I walk out and put my head sets on and blast Linkin Park in my ears. Sighing I start walking to my dorm. I pass by a few people who smile and wave at me but I just ignore them. I close my eyes and put my hands in my pockets. When I open my eyes I find myself in front of my dorm. I walk in, close the door, kick my shoes off, and sit on my bed leaning back on the wall. I lean my head back looking at the poster of guitar chords.
Thinking back, I sort of realize why it turned out like this. It's because I was annoying and loud. I probably would've hated someone if they acted just like me. After I thought about it, I didn't even know why I was annoying in the first place, so I stopped. What's the point of trying to be too friendly when no one returns it? I lean my chin on my knee and stare at my unruly room.
I look up around and chuckle at the mess. I also have some dents from being so angry with myself. Let's see...1...2...3...4...5...About ten dents in the walls. Maybe I should start hitting my punching bag instead of something else that's not meant for hitting. I must've been so mad to recklessly hit my walls that much. Either that or I was hurting so much that I didn't know what to do with the pain. Just thinking about the pain I was feeling was bringing it all back to me...
I don't get it...why does it hurt so much? Why does my heart hurt so much? Why can't I just brush it off? Why is it bothering my so much?! Why is it happening to me?!
Frustrated I slam my fist into the wall beside me. Leaving an inch indent of my fist along with a few cracks, falling pieces of the wall, blood, a screaming person on the other side of the wall, and my anger.
Selphie
Zell's been acting different lately. He doesn't talk much anymore and he seems to be ignoring us. Every time I see him, it's either with his headphones on and not paying attention to where he's going. Or he's just by himself doing some heavy duty training.
Today when he walked in the Cafeteria, he quickly turned around at the sight of us but then I called his name. He seemed happy...almost too happy. And that last remark he made...sounded too harsh and truthful to just be saying it jokingly.
ARGH!!! Why can't I stop thinking about Zell? Maybe I'm just too worried about him. I guess I could go and spend some time with him. Try to clear things up a bit I guess.
"I'll be back later ok? See ya!" I say as I jump off my chair, but before I could take another step Irvine pulls me onto his lap.
"And where do you think you're going?" He whispered playfully in my ear. I giggled and replied.
"Oh I'm just going to pay Zell a visit that's all. I'll right back, Irvine."
"You better be." I stuck my tongue out at him and waved. He gave me one of his cute smiles that I love. I walk out and look all around me.
"Now where could Zelly have gone? Maybe I'll go check his dorm first." I say to myself as I happily skip to the dorms. People give me weird glances but I just brush it off and give them a big smile.
As I walk down the hallway to his dorm, I hear an extremely loud bang. As if something heavy fell. Curious I walk closer to where I had thought the sound had come from. Shortly after I hear someone screaming insults to the person in the room next to them. As I got closer, I realized that the screaming was coming from the room right next to Zell's.
Weird, shouldn't they be concerned instead of yelling? What if he had hurt himself or something? I knock on Zell's door...no answer. I turn the knob to find it unlocked. So I let myself in, I haven't been Zell's room before, well not since last year when I need to just stick my head in to wake him up. But that was it, I never took the chance to look around.
It was pretty decent and cleaner than most dorms. But as I stepped in his dorm, his walls had several marks of things that have been hit against. His room still had clothes lying all over the place but not too bad. I saw some new posters hanging up on the wall. Next to his bed I see two guitar cases, one for an acoustic, and another for the electric. The acoustic wasn't in it's case thought, it was out in front of it. Cool, I didn't know Zell could play the guitar.
Then I finally looked at Zell, who was sitting on his bed, licking his...bloody hand?!
"OMG Zell! What happened?!" I ask as I ran to his side. He just gave me a small side glance, his tongue still licking the blood off his fist. His eyes...were so much different. They were no longer sparkling with happiness and excitement. They somehow were sad, cold, and distant. It's as if this wasn't even the Zell I knew before. He's really changed.
"Nothing," He tells me, "I just slipped on some clothes and hit my fist really hard on the wall." He indicated to the inch deep indent in the wall next to him. His voice was so plain and emotionless, it's as if he didn't care that he hurt himself. Whatever happened to the happy toned friend I knew four years ago? I could tell that he was lying, no one could hit their fist into the wall that hard just by accident.
"Nothing my ass! Come on we gotta get that cleaned up!" I pull him off his bed and drag him to his bathroom. I got his hand under the sink and washed all the blood off.
"I'm fine, really, it's nothing. It's doesn't even hurt all that much." Said Zell as he pulled his hand from mine. He dried it off and went to his cabinet and pulled open the door and took out some bandage strips. He wrapped it around his hand a few times then bit off the rest that he didn't need and put it back.
"See? All better now." He said unenthusiastically. He showed me his hand and gave me a smile. But that smile caused me to frown. His smile was so fake; it was as if he was forced to accept something he really hated.
"Zell what's wrong? You've been acting a lot different lately. Is something bothering you?" I ask. He seemed a bit disturbed by my question. There was a long silence before he answered.
Zell
"Zell what's wrong? You've been acting a lot different lately. Is something bothering you?" Selphie asks.
I turn away from her. Thousands of thoughts rush through my head.
Yea, something's bothering me. It's all of you guys! You guys disgust me! Sometimes I would actually throw up just thinking about you all. I hate how you guys totally forget about me. I hate how I'm always alone. I hate how you all are having fun while I'm just there. Gawd for crying out loud I'm the one who fucking saved all of you're asses when we had to fight Ultimecia...Damnit man I sound so selfish right now.
Ok calm down Zell, calm down, Just because everyone but you found happiness doesn't give you the right to bring their life down. Even if it was because of you that they're even alive.
I looked over at Selphie, and she's looking like she's all concerned about me. Heh, that's just fucking bullshit. She doesn't care about me, she's to busy with Irvine.
"Aren't you supposed to be with Irvine?" I asked coldly. I slip on my shoes and walk out. But I hear Selphie closing the door behind her and she follows me.
"That has nothing to do with what's bothering you, Zell...doesn't it?" She asks me. "Come on, you can tell me."
"Whatever." Is all I reply.
"Gawd, now you're starting to sound just like Squall! And that's bad! Come on Zell, you weren't this anti-social before! In fact you weren't even close to being anti-social." She said happily. She's being way too cheerful for my own good.
"You should be happy. Come on, we defeated Ultimecia and All the Gardens have calmed down. You know," she says, "Everything's been so great lately. I love getting to be able to be with Irvine. And it's always makes me happier to see how Rinoa and Squall came together, same with Seifer and Quistis too though..."
Gawd, somebody make her stop! ... I roll my eyes but she doesn't see because I'm in front of her.
"Everyone, well almost everyone, seems to be happy in Balamb Garden. And I'm always looking forward to tomorrow! Don't you feel that way too?!" she asks. I give her a plain dull look.
"Not really..." she frowns at the look I give her.
"You're really starting to get depressing you know that? Why can't you just work to solve you're problems so you can be happy? It's not that hard if you put in the effort." She's trying to reason with me...pointless. I give her another uninterested look with no emotion in sight. Why does she make it sound so easy to 'solve' my problems? She doesn't even know what they are...
"I just want everyone to be happy! So If there's anything that I can do to help, just say so!" she says. I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Anything?"
"Of course!"
"Then kill me..."
