She turned the TV off and crossed the room to the door. Slowly she opened it, peeking outside. And after a moment where she didn't move she pulled the door open in rush.
He was back. Standing right there in front of her door. She looked him up and down. He looked good. Casual jeans, a blue sweater and his brown leather jacket. His hair was slightly longer than when he left. He obviously hadn't it cut on board. A small smile laid on his lips. A smile she had missed for three weeks and had feared never to see again.
Without thinking Mac just rushed forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Kissed him fully onto the lips. Harm was shocked for a few seconds before he settled into the situation, draped his arms around her waist and slightly opened his mouth. They shared a passionate kiss, similar to the one on the Admiral's porch, but totally different. This time it wasn't goodbye. It was welcome.
When they parted, both out of breath, Mac said. "Glad you're back."
"I see." A flyboy grin was now playing round his lips.
Finally Mac focused back into present and recognized they were still standing outside her apartment.
"Want to come on in?"
"Thought you never ask."
Mac turned in his arms before she freed herself to lead him inside.
The soft sound of the door closing made her turn around. She needed to see if he was really there or if it had been a dream. But he still was. Now that the tension of the first moment had vanished neither of them knew what to do. They just stood in a somewhat awkward silence.
"Does Mattie know?"
"Yeah, I've been home first."
"You should have called her."
"I know. I tried." He looked down at the floor. He'd gone through this with Mattie already. He'd tried to explain. She'd tried to understand. And he knew that it had only been one step in the right direction. He needed to change a few things. He wanted to.
Some more minutes of silence followed.
"Mac do you happen to have something to eat. I'm starving."
"Pizza?" she asked and got a nod.
Mac went to the kitchen for some drinks and to order a pizza while Harm settled down onto the couch his jacket lying over the armchair.
Coming back into the room she found him sitting in one of the corners of her sofa. She placed the glasses on the small table and turned to get herself seated. She chose a place somewhere in the middle. Not so near she could easily lean in to another kiss, but not so far off that she couldn't touch him.
"Harm why did you come here?" she needed to know. Yes she was glad that he was back. But he could have waited until tomorrow at the office, or he could have called.
"I thought we had some talking to do. And I want you to know I'm not running." His eyes were totally sincere when we said that.
"Why did you stay on the Patrick Henry then?" It had bothered her all the time.
"Mac, they needed some pilots down there. And I happened to be one. So I stayed."
"Harm, you're a lawyer. You're no longer on active flight duty."
"I've got my flight status and I've got some experience. That had been all they needed. I thought you would understand."
"I would have, wouldn't it be for Mattie. You promised to be there for her, you can't just..." she shook her head thinking of what to say. "You can't just leave everything behind for flying."
"I didn't. I thought about it. But I'm a pilot and I'm in the Navy to serve my country. Wherever they need me. You know Tuna got a wife and two small children at home, and Skates has a waiting husband here in Washington. They've all got something to lose, but they stayed. Stayed for keeping those they loved save."
Mac nodded. She did understand his point but it had reminded her so much of the day he had told her about going back into active flight duty.
"You've said so once before, said flying was more important to me than everything else. The day I told you about having requested a transfer." he also remembered. "Do you really think that?"
She softly nodded again, but feared to look into his eyes.
Carefully he cupped her chin and moved it up so she had to look him right into the eyes.
"Never do so again, please. There are things more important in my life. Mattie for instance. I don't take the responsibility of a child lighthearted. And there..." he feared to speak the next words, than changed them completely. "And other things."
"I know." She did for having felt the same way back when he'd first returned to flying, not able to spill the words.
"But Mac I want to know if there is a chance we can rebuild our friendship."
"Starting all over again?"
"Yes, so is there?"
"Yes there is. Now that you're back here with me." She hoped so, and she would try with all her might.
"You worried about me?"
"Sure. You're always getting into trouble."
"No, only when I'm on some CIA mission, preferably Webb ones."
"Don't blame it on him. I even made him check on you two weeks ago."
"You did? And he did? He must really love you then." He felt pain rising in his heart, but with the time passing he had learned to accepted things he couldn't change and had decided on trying to get their old friendship back.
There was no response to that.
"But you shouldn't have worried in the first place. I'm a good pilot."
"Than it must be due to me that each time we went flying together something went wrong."
Images of a plane landing on some clearing, Mac being shot, both of them ejecting from a Russian MiG, Mac crashing a plane in Paraguay started rising in both their minds. They've gone through a lot.
"You know, I've been dreaming about you dying." She had only whispered this, maybe hoping he wouldn't catch the words. But she had to tell someone.
He just sat there too shocked for any words to get out.
"I've seen your mum and Frank. They were sitting next to me with Mattie and Chloe on my other side. This really freaked me out. I thought it might be some kind of vision. You know like the ones where I found you and Chloe."
"But it hadn't been. You've only seen into the present so far, not in the future." He spoke the words softly, his voice caressing her troubled soul while his arms wrapped around her comforted her in a more physical way. During her story he had moved towards her, only inches, but now he was near her.
"You're never going to lose me. Never. And like I said on the Admiral's porch, 'You have someone who will always love you.'"
"And you have somebody that loves you."
"May I ask you something?" They had released each other and settled back into the cushions.
Harm motioned her to go ahead.
"Why did you let me go back in, that night?"
He thought a moment. "I wanted you to be happy. And I thought you were, probably hoped so. I would have done everything for you to be happy. Even be there at this wedding, although I couldn't stand the thought of Bugme being your husband."
"That's why you started during the storm, you wanted to be there for me."
Eyes cast down he slowly nodded his head.
"That's why you never said a word. I thought you didn't care. That you were too soaked up with your video princess."
"Don't blame it on Renee. You've been the one who turned up with a ring on her finger just after I told you I wasn't ready yet."
"You pushed me away that night in Sydney. I poured my heart out and you just said no. Do you know how that felt?"
"Actually, yes I do. And I only told you 'not yet', you've said 'never'."
"You never said anything. The only thing you did was resign your commission and come after me. That had been the stupidest thing you've ever done. I didn't understand why you did that."
"I thought this was pretty clear. But it had always been your problem to relay more on words said than on actions taken. You've always listened to those who told you all the right things. Ragle, Dalton, Bugme and the not to be forgotten Clayton Webb. They've told you they loved you and you went with it. I don't understand why you did." He rose, grabbed the empty pizza box lying on the table and moved to the kitchen.
Mac followed him instantly. But she stopped at the door, her glance resting on his back. He was leaning against a counter and tried to calm himself.
"I don't know why words are so important to me. With my childhood one should think I would despise words. But each time a man says he loves me I fall for it. Probably I had fallen for the world they were offering. Chris brought me away from my father, though things didn't change much, they only got another face attached. Dalton offered me the prospect of a world outside of military service. And Mic, he offered me all you weren't but what I thought I longed for. He offered me a home, unquestioned love."
Mac had moved into the kitchen while speaking.
"Harm I'm sorry for saying 'never'. But back then it seemed to be for the best."
He slowly turned, hands still firmly positioned on the counter. She was standing in front of him only arm-length away. But still miles apart.
"I'd just spend a few weeks with Clay. And in this short time he already knew he loved me. And he told me so. You didn't. Not after seven years. You just came down there like some kind of savior. And you never said so much as a word. I just thought a final cut would be the best."
She had slowly closed the gap. She could already smell his aftershave. But still she didn't reach out for him.
"When we came back and you were with the CIA I suddenly knew why you had resigned your commission, why you had come after me. Most surely I did know back in Paraguay but was way too stupid to admit it. But when you were gone..." Now she had her hands lightly positioned on his hips feeling the soft cotton of his sweatshirt. "I saw all the things clearly. Saw how wrong I had been." With that she leaned in to kiss him. Only softly her lips were touching his, and only for a second before she backed away.
"I've had my share of bad mistakes and wrong decisions, too." he whispered. "One day we need to work all this out."
His hands were now moving up her side. Slowly he pulled her closer, close enough for their lips to touch.
"Sarah, I love you." He'd spoken the words loud and clearly, no mistaking them.
Mac stared at him wide-eyed. Everything she'd ever dreamt of had come true in a mere second.
"I love you too." She laid her head against his chest, wanting to feel his heartbeat, soaking in his warmth and scent.
After minutes of comfortable silence where they had just held each other Harm asked a question.
"Mac, what about Clay?"
"What about him?"
"What will he say?"
"Nothing. He knows already, probably had all the time. And it's need to know."
"Need to know?"
"I thought you've been with the CIA, not me. He doesn't need to know. Not right now anyway."
"But you're involved, aren't you?"
"No we're not. We split a month ago."
"You did? And you didn't tell me."
"I thought I just did."
Harm covered her grin with his mouth, both of them sharing another of their passionate kisses.
"I'd like to tell you about some other dream I had."
"You've been dreaming a lot lately." He softly tucked a lock behind her ear.
"You remember the day when you left JAG for flying after your eye-surgery?"
He did. "You were cursing me for being the only one crying. But you were wrong."
"I was?" This was new to her. She still recalled that day, could still see his eyes. A thing that still made her wonder. How could he manage to look up at her from underneath although he was taller than her?
"Yeah. So what was it I should remember?"
"The moment on the stairs in the parking lot."
"I do, I never did forget. So you've been dreaming about our deal?"
"Maybe." She loved having him back to tease him.
Suddenly Harm grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up. He sat her on the counter pushing himself between her knees.
Mac told him about the dream of the baby she had had before the nightmares had begun.
"So I see the Dress Whites and Gold Wings did their share at least." he said when she had ended her little dream story.
"No they didn't, though they didn't harm you either."
"Yeah I knew back in Columbia you loved them."
"Trusted on what evidence?"
"Trusted on the fact that you nearly kissed me when seeing me for the first time."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"I'll show you." He positioned his hands on both her cheeks and started to pull her face near his, just the way she had done all those years ago.
"Okay, yes I did." And with that her lips met those of Harm.
Mac was sitting in the rocking chair, smiling down at a sleeping baby. Gently she rocked back and forth not to wake it.
A girl rounded the corner of the room.
"Mac, could you help me with my math homework?" Mattie whispered not to wake the sleeping infant.
"We'll see about it when Harm comes home, alright?" She was glad that Mattie spent this week with them while her father was out of town doing business.
Mattie nodded and returned to her room next door, but not without softly touching one of the small feet. Mac rocked the baby gently in her arms.
She heard a door click someway off. And only moments later there he was. She looked at Summer Whites, Gold Wings, black hair and those deep blue eyes she'd always lost herself in.
He stepped closer to her and the child. Bending down to kiss her he softly took the baby out of his mother's arms. Carefully holding the little head he positioned the infant on his left arm, protected against his chest. Mac watched him touch the small face tenderly. Saw his finger circle the outline of the baby's ear. Watched him run it down over its cheeks, only touching the baby softly. His finger trailed down a tiny arm slowly caressing a hand so small one could hardly believe it. Automatically the baby's hand opened and tried to encircle Harm's index finger.
Harm smiled down at his daughter, she was now two months old. He loved holding her, just watching her sleep. She had already grown a great share of soft brown hair and her eyes had turned into a chocolate brown a few days back. She was all her mother's girl.
He lifted his eyes to watch her mother. Mac was now standing next to the crib softly smiling at him.
"Dreams don't always come true. Your looks, my brain."
The moment Mattie came back into the nursery Mac settled down into the rocking chair.
"But sometimes they do."
She smiled down at the little boy now lying in her arms. He was wide awake, showing his eyes still blue. A blue like that of a brilliant summer sky. But a blue she knew would darken in time. Darken to the color of his father's eyes.
Mac raised her eyes and let them wander over the two girls, as Mattie had now taken care of the baby, and her husband.
'Yes, some do. And hopefully others don't.'
THE END
That was that. Thanks to those who reviewed and those who just read. Hope you like it. If not, blame my friend, she encouraged me to post it ;-)
