**author's note** Thank-you for coming to read this story! I hope you enjoy it, even though it is still a long way before it is finished!

Just to give you an idea, this story is told from what I would hope Sara's point of view. She is soon to leave for England and is reflecting back on her feelings for him, confusing trying to make sense of all that she is feeling so that she can make the right choice...

Silence

Ch.1

Standing by the window, I can hear the rain fall and watch it. I am held in the trance by the scent. The wind rushes in through the windowsill mingling my tears and rain together. Yes, I am crying and watching the leaves from trees being tossed back and forth in the wind against the dreary sky.

My heart... it hurts.

Ever since I've found this love, all my heart has felt is pain, for it should not be there. This love that can never bloom, though it has emerged from barren soil and is the most beautiful flower of all. Yet forbidden. But perhaps, this is what true love is. Ignoring all else but the feeling deep inside.

It's as though I can feel his breathe hot against my neck and I touch the very spot. It was just the wind. I embrace myself and imagine myself to be in his arms. Him whispering in my ear all the words I long to hear but can not.

I am the worst sinner of all, I know that. A faint light catches on the gem on my ring glistening in the pale lights of my room. It is sparkling, as the tears in my eyes must be now. The wind sounds as though it is trying to tell me a message and I am willing to hear but it dies away.

I watch in the rain fall from in my room, holding the ring he had given to me until the the night comes and lulls me to dreams, where we can be together even for just a moment and not be scared. Beautiful dreams come to me as I sleep...

~~~

The morning's light awakens me and I find that I am still clutching the ring. I feel strange and I see a shadow standing by the door.

"Sara, eat before we leave."says mother in a false cheerful expression and each word draws a tear from my eyes as well as my heart, which is already bleeding.

"It's for your own good, as well as for setsuna's," mother tries to reason and I let her think I too am convinced by her way of thinking,"you will see one day, you will thank me... the both of you..."

Somehow times seems to pass by all to quickly. I keep hoping that Setsuna will show up and say good-bye. But he doesn't. I walk out the door to a world that no longer seems simple and a fairy-tale land but a harsh condemning place where if you are not uniform to other's way of thinking or to society you are cast off as no good and labelled as bad.

A strange young girl that I have met is waiting for me outside. She is quite pretty and I hope that Setsuna will notice her if the both of us can not be together. A voice speaks to me telling me to let go of what I can not have. I place the ring in her hand and leave, feeling as though I am leaving a part of myself behind... I look at her once more and see her staring at the ring, saying something to herself, then looking at up at me. Something strange in her eyes...

Time passes by in moments unbearable to live through. Mother keeps talking to me, as if the silence will shatter my resolve. I also believe that. As if in a dream I am leaving the place of my childhood and the one person who matters the most. But, it is a reality and in this regard if I am being taken away from whom matters most I will no longer love.

See the birds fly in that air...

Sara, are you alright?

"No, I am not. My heart... it hurts more than before." I whisper softly answering to a ghostly memory of so long ago.

We arrive at the airport and I turn my head, hoping for a single glimpse.

"Sara, we must go!" says mother gently grabbing a hold of me by the elbow leading me inside. Breathing in deeply, trying to hold my composure together as I feel tearing emotions inside of me. Please, God, even though you haven't answered my prayers before, help me to not turn back. Please. A passing cloud hides the sun as if teasing me.

Yes, I will go with mother to a new life, erasing all my mistakes from my mind. Perhaps someone will even love me, even if I can not love them. I look at my hand, imagining my ring on my ringer. Tears that are not really there flow freely.

Mother looks at me strangely as though expecting me to show more resistance. She lets go of my arm and keeps looking at me. Mother takes my hand in her own and Her eyes are filled with tears and my eyes widen as I hear her whisper into my ear faintly,"I'm sorry."

Yes, I am too for I realize how I had ignored everyone else's feelings except for my own.

I really don't want... to hurt you.


Sara, it's time to leave.... Final words to help me accept what I have been struggling against. He hasn't come, so he spoke the truth when he said he didn't want me. I believe now.

"Ok..." We being to walk further away from the past and closer to a different future. See how the clouds clear from the sky.

Why can't you love me? Why do you only see...

"SARA!"

Oh god...no, are you so cruel? I can't turn around now, I promised I wouldn't. Not when I've finally accepted it! Setsuna...turn away from me. Take anyone who crosses your path except for me. I can't go back! I can't....Oh God...!