Author's Note – Wow, I've actually updated. A year later too, huh!? Anyways this chapter started out as something much larger initially, and then I decided that I needed something short, concise and yet something that really appeals to the fear we have of losing what's dear to us. Not meant to be showy but a slow transition back to the poignant sentences that started this story off.
Silence
Ch. 5
I think that I can believe that I am lost.
I have my happiness, I found it not so long ago... but to reach it was the most hurtful journey. Now I have him. So please take away my dark thoughts, I pray over and over again. I want my dreams to be taken away.
The water pouring from the faucet is like a spell. Not a drip but also not a waterfall. Collecting in the basin of the sink. The sound is so soothing. Resting my hand on the porcelain edge watching the tiny ripples and waves dancing until they die away and are replaced.
My heart beats at a steady tempo, I have nothing to be afraid of. I dip my hand up to my wrist in the water, and the back of my hand stings from the pain of the hot water. It fades away quickly and feels almost cold. I look at the illusion which water plays, making my hand look bigger as well as distorted. Bright waves of light through the water reflect into my face, blinding me for a moment.
Is it normal to wake up each morning to hear yourself crying? Silent cries that can only be heard in dreams. That echoes on even after I've awakened. I awoke yesterday and I couldn't breathe! Before I opened my eyes there was a pressure sitting on my chest and I felt so scared. Then when I opened them the horror left me. I could breathe again. It happened again today and I don't know why...
I'm nervous and Setsuna, strange things have happened. Awakening to finding the room bathed in white feathers. Is this punishment? For what? From who?
"I'm happy but I'm scared... isn't that stupid?" I say in a small voice to myself. And I cup both of my hands in the water and bring them to my face. Eyes open to that last moment, watching the water escape from the sides, and then closing them as I pour the water on my face. The water runs down my face in rivulets, tickling slightly.
"Sara, please stop crying," Setsuna said to me last night, "I don't want you to cry again now that we're together!" I haven't told him about my dreams. How they hurt me. I try not to cry anymore, I honestly do, but each day that passes this thing of fear gnaws more and more at my insides.
Perhaps I'm just paranoid, that thought flashes across my mind as I watch a droplet roll down my fingers into the basin.
I went back to the bedroom and crawled into the bed pulling the thin, white blankets over me. It's only 15 past 10 ... I think I can sleep a bit more.
Without those dreams. Please... It comes out almost like a prayer.
An offering of kisses...
